A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts,Just wondering what you can say about couples living together in one house without being married. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such situations. Is this a bad thing or a good thing to do?Thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (16 April 2011):
 well my hubby and i are slightly different. We were housemates and friends before we started dating. When we had to move, it made much more sense to move together. Which we did. A few years later we got engaged then married and now have our first child on the way :) for us it worked perfectly. However, in the past i moved in with someone after dating then for about 6months and it was a bad bad idea. I am glad i didn't marry him first though as he was abusive and that only came out when i moved in. Which i had only done as had nowhere to go at the time. So i think its ok to live together first to make sure you'll work out before getting married, but i think only when its serious and finances are still split. When my hubby and i were just dating we split everything evenly as If we didn't live together or were just housemates, and had talked about the 'what ifs' before we decided it would be ok. Had we not been living together before we started dating i would of given it at least a year before moving in with him just to make sure
A
female
reader, lovehurtsbutitgetsbetter  +, writes (16 April 2011):
i tottally agree with it me and my fiancee have lived together for about 4 or 5 months we've had our up s and downs but overall we know eachother soooooo much better than if i wud have lived alone then married him and had no idea wat i was getting into!!
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (16 April 2011):
 I tend to disagree with living together for a couple of reasons:
1) Marriage becomes less and less of an objective. I've read about couples who complain that one of them wants to marry but the other doesn't. I think living together sort of says "we are good enough" and sometimes they never get around to getting married.
2) If you plan on having children, marriage is the way to go. When you marry someone, you are not only involved with the other person, but you are making a legal obligation to your state / country. You immediately have some rights, especially when it comes to property and children.
3) There have been studies that indicate that couples who live together prior to marriage are more likely to divorce. The reasons for this is that people get used to living with one another without 100% commitment through thick and thin. When things go sour in the marriage, they are likely to split more easily.
4) Morally, especially from a Christan point of view, living together is frowned upon. While society these days is more forgiving, there is a certain segment that will not look upon this kindly.
5) Living together, makes it MUCH more harder to leave someone if things aren't working out.
On the plus side is you really get to know someone. However, I think through a series of weekend sleep-overs and serious dates, you'll have a pretty good idea of what that person is like.
Personally, I think a lot of people move in too soon and you can usually read what happens by perusing this site...
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (15 April 2011):
I am definitely for it! I would not even consider getting engaged without living together with my partner first. It gives you the ability to sort of see what the future would be like. You have to share space: which involves cleaning together, organizing the house, buying groceries, paying bills, cooking food, etc etc. That will be what marriage will be like, and it's good experience to see if the couple can handle it. Plus, it gives you the ability to see if your personalities and values match. It's much easier to play nice when you have your own space to escape to and only spend a couple nights a week together. Living together lets you practice your conflict management and communication a lot more. You get to see someone at their worst and see if you still want to be together. The major negatives are that it can cause a lot of conflict! But better before marriage, than afterwards. Moving in too soon can cause conflict and break ups, and loss of fun/excitement from the dating phase. And the worst negative is if you become financially entangled with someone and then you breakup. At that point, the moving out and dividing of stuff and separating bank accounts can become very very stressful and difficult. So if you are not sure about the future, try to keep your financial lives balanced and separate.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 April 2011):
 If you are going to live together without the legal bond of marriage it is absolutely crucial that the finances are kept totally separate, equal, and documented. No sharing the cost of a sofa or bedroom furniture, etc... That is a very big problem should you decide to separate.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Advantages:-The most important, you see their true colors when you interact with them on a daily basis..both of you have to adjust your routine and comfort zone to let each other in.-Living expenses and rent are easier on your bank account. It's nice to split things down the middle. -You have someone to sleep with every night.-No going home to an empty house or just you and your pet.-You feel safe.-You have a live in handy man. (Hopefully he know what he's doing)-You can actually cook a meal instead of living off of fast food, frozen pizzas, or TV dinners.-The one night you actually cook dinner, and you forgot an ingredient..You don't have to turn everything off or knock on your neighbors door to borrow an egg, you make him go to the store for you. Disadvantages:-You don't get your "me" time as often as you would like.-Your significant other could be fine living in a pig sty but you're a neat freak. Therefore, you're constantly picking up after them when you've told them time and time again that you're not their mother. -There's a lot more laundry to do and no one is helping you with it. If they do, they mix the whites with colors. -You just bought groceries to feed an entire army, but the next day when you look in the cabinets it's all gone. Or they ate your whole box of breakfast bars and you haven't had a single one. -You have to wrestle him for the remote. -He happens to be a mama's boy and expects you to wait on him hand and foot. It may look like the disadvantages outweigh the advantages but it is a pretty rewarding experience. The only time it's not is when you find out your significant other isn't who you thought they were. If that's the case then it is better to know now, than after you walk down the aisle.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): Interesting question. Ive known couples who have gotten married and dont even know each other, let alone start living together and they do that as well soon after. Then, Ive known couples who live together first and then marry. Both scenarios in my experience have had equal success rates. Living together allows you to really get to know the person inside and out and also their habits and whatnot. Thats also a disadvantage lol... because knowing the person so well you could find the small things you dont like and pick on them for those. Ive seen that happen in younger couples tho and not so much older. To be honest, I have no preference for either scenario as long as I feel I know the person good enough before I live with them.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Living together is a good idea if you plan to get married (or stay together long-term). Some people do well as couples but struggle when living together, so it's a good thing to know about before you're legally bound. It is also nice to have someone around you can count on. Disadvantage there, they're always around so you don't get much private time.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (15 April 2011):
 I think it's good to know if you can live together before setting out on a life where you're tied together. I wouldn't consider marriage without first living with someone. You learn all their good and bad habits, and can see the REAL them.
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