A
female
age
30-35,
*sh
writes:I first met this guy in summer school...i didn't have any classes with him...but from the very beginning he started showing signs of interest...afterwards I think it was in September when he added me on face book...he kept on commenting on my posts and pictures... but i didn't really think it was a big deal..few weeks later he asked me out which again wasn't very surprising..But since i wasn't really interested in him i refused..he seemed more insisting though...he kept on asking and i kept on refusing...exactly 7 weeks ago i decided to give it a shot ...honestly it was way better than i thought it would be..and surprisingly i started liking him...from the very first he seemed to be a very decent guy and a gentleman...he also invited me to his house and introduced me to his parents...again he had such a decent family as well..we kept on going forward but everything changed in one night...after a party i was at his place and we were making out..then i realized that he wants to have sex and shockingly doesn't want to wear protection..for some reason i thought that i wasn't ready and it was kind of to early to do it too..and i also told him that u should wear a condom because anything might happen...i was just nervous and really wasn't aware of the words coming out of my mouth but i just said it anyways...so i told him that it is dangerous not to wear a condom because of STDs HIV and so many other crap..guess what?...he gets offended and accuses me of telling him that he is infected...further more he tells me that i dont love him and dont trust him enough....but seriously that was not the case...so he just blew me off,,,he called the cab and didnt talk to me till the next day...although i explained everything to him, in his last message he said that he is sry for whatever that happened and that he does not want to be in this relationship anymore...these are his words "u deserve much better than me...and i'm gonna miss u so much.. still shocked....any advice???...comment???
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condom, hiv , std Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): He was not understanding and showed signs of aggression, two key signs that he was only thinking about your body and nothing else. Excellent decision here and as a teen, you should definitely be proud of yourself. You need to block this guy completely from your life. Hes absolutely up to no good and will only hurt you, even as a friend, which that chance to be one was also ruined on the same nite.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): He just did you a big favor by ditching... When someone reacts that way to being asked to wear a condom, it's likely that they:
1)Don't know or are unsure of their STD status
2)Know they are infected with something and trying to pretend they're not.
Please don't waste your time being upset about it, you did the right thing.
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female
reader, Nime  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 "few weeks later he asked me out which again wasn't very surprising..But since i wasn't really interested in him i refused..he seemed more insisting though...he kept on asking and i kept on refusing...exactly 7 weeks ago i decided to give it a shot "This is a WARNING SIGN. When a guy doesn't listen to a woman saying no, he probably has ulterior motives (like getting you into bed). If a guy respects you as a person, he does not keep pestering you to say yes to his advances when you've already said no. The movies make persistance seem romantic (i.e., The Graduate), but in reality, this is how many cases of stalking, raping and embarrassing one-night stands start. By getting you to give in and finally say yes, the man now knows what it takes to get you to stop resisting him. It was a test. He does not respect you; he wants something from you. Congratulations on standing up for yourself and insisting on a condom. I'd say you dodged a bullet here. In the future, don't give in to guys who can't take no for an answer, you will likely be USED. Get rid of this guy, he's no good!!!
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reader, person12345 +, writes (9 April 2011):
 Good for you lady! You stood up for yourself and made the right choice. That's awesome! This guy isn't offended, he was upset that you caught him in his act. Anyone who tries to not wear a condom and gets angry when you ask him to doesn't care about your health and well-being. Think of all the other girls he's not worn a condom with. You could be saddled with something like herpes or HPV or worse HIV for the rest of your life. And for what, so some guy you don't know can have it feel a tiny bit better? Are you ready to be pregnant? No. This guy was a jerk, and you did the right thing.
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reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 I wish everybody was as smart as you. Seriously.
If he was willing to jump in a cab over being asked to wear a condom- then he would have jumped in a cab after sex even if you'd said nothing. Trust me on that.
You didn't ruin a chance at a relationship... he never wanted one from the start.
Forget this douche.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 He wanted sex without a condom, thereby showing no respect for you (or himself). You were the responsible one by thinking about sexual infections and pregnancy at the heat of the moment. Well done for having the self esteem to stand up for yourself! If he reacted badly then it just makes him an immature idiot. Lots of people have infections and don't know they are carrying them - it is why using condoms is important. Don't feel so bad, you found out what he is like right now rather than after years of wasted dating. His feeble excuse is just because he has moved on and probably found a girl who is willing to let him have unprotected sex. It just goes to show how wise you were not to risk your health with him! He is obviously a player who chased and chased you - he is a 'thrill of the chase' junkie. Recognise the behaviour pattern and avoid this sort of person in the future.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 April 2011):
That God you found out he was a loses who just wanted to get into your pants before anything happened. He's not a decent guy or a gentleman. He's just a guy who wants to sow his oats as he pleases. Oh, and his last message was emotional blackmail, so take no notice of it all. You do deserve someone a million time better, not someone who just wants his own way and will then try to blackmail you. Cut this loser out of your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): You didnt need to explain to him why unprotected sex is potentially harmful. I think he was just miffed that you stopped him from having sex, so hes sulking and being dramatic. With ANY new sexual partner, unless you have both been checked and have an all clear, using protection is a given these days and he knows it too. Hes just being precious because you denied him. And imagine. If he has pursued others as he did you, never wanted to use or used protection in the past...as it would seem. And instead been happy to trust others who might have told him they were infection and disease free. Then you were very, very wise indeed to stop and refuse to carry on with him. He childish reaction is his way of punishing you for denying him. With the plan that he teaches you 'a lesson' and you come around to his way of thinking. Dont! Folk like him ruin lives because they are too scared to get checked or prefer the sensation without condoms. People are paying with thier lives because of some like him. You are well rid of him and dont let him manipulate you into thinking otherwise. Saying you are too good for him is classic mind control. Hes not really gone just trying to mess with your head. Stay wise and healthy. And wait for the one who puts your health and safety way above personal selfish needs x
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reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 April 2011):
 Sorry but it seems this guy just wanted to get into your pants. It was just the sex that he wanted and when he didn't get it, he was "offended". This is a classic move. Offence is the best defense.
If anything, thank your stars you're out of this before any damage was done. Good riddance. Actually he IS right though. You do deserve much better than him!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): when i got with my girl friemd she actually made me get checked at the doctors befor anything happened and now we still use condoms. Tell him it's more of a baby risk. explain to him that you really like him and you want to be with him but the risk of getting pregnant is what you're worried about hope this helps...
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