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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 12 November 2010: Haven't looked back at this article for a while; glad to see there are still some responses. I'll try and address some of them.
@ Smiliek
I hope your marriage works. You're fighting an uphill battle, if I'm right, but I wouldn't wish th... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of coming out because of the conservative society
Q. Dear readers I’m a 26 years old male professional and successful and I’m virgin. I want to live my life as many people do, find a girl, get married and have kids. I love girls and they are sexy and attractive but when I think about sex I feel th...
A. 21 August 2010: Not everyone can handle finding out that their son is gay. It's tough on any parent; their worldview for you includes the future with wife and kids.
You can never guarantee that coming out to them will work out well. The best you can do is hold ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 20 August 2010: @ The Anon:
I can rephrase my question, if it will help (I've already agreed not to say "slut," for similar reasons). It appears that I touched a nerve, and if you have been hurt in the past by similar comparisons, I hope you possess enough s... (read in full...)
Anyone can answer this one..
Q. My queation is.. and anyone can answer this question, male or female.. i am an extremely attractive woman. i have 4 children with my husband and by looking at me you wouldnt think i even have any..i am very down to earth... i can talk to him abou...
A. 18 August 2010: Male cheating is essnetially independent of how attractive their wife is. There are many factors, but the two most important are how often you put out, and his own moral compass.
The more active your sex life together, the less likely he is to ch... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 17 August 2010: @ Miamine
I think we're just talking about two different groups of guys. Frat boy culture is one thing, I'm talking about more traditionally-minded family and church folks. The rest of society is debatable, and TV culture is a royal mess. N... (read in full...)
Will football get more girls to like me?
Q. Alright well I can get a girlfriend if I wanted one but I am not really looking to date anyone right now just wanna have fun. I am not the worst looking guy in the world cause I can get girls in college to hang out and party with me... I am a good ...
A. 17 August 2010: A lot of high schools have the players wear their jerseys to school on game days. Chicks dig it. Besides that, football is a lot of fun, and a good way to beef up.
Just two points to keep in mind
1) Passion for something, and mastery of it, i... (read in full...)
What are the qualities that attract and keep men?
Q. I want to know what a man looks for in a female. What are the qualities that attract and keep men. I have the physical side down, thanks to genetics and healthy eating. Although, I am disadvantaged due to the fact that I am not caucasian and have ...
A. 17 August 2010: Regarding your current man, he probably does not treat you like a princess because he believes that's why his last girlfriend broke up with him. Once a guy has been burned a few times for being the nice guy, he stop treating women like ... (read in full...)
How do I get out of this marriage? I'm sooooo bored now that the kids are up and away.
Q. i've been married for 28 years and now that the children are grown and gone i found myself to be living a sedentary and bored life with my wife. i'm tired of the monotony and routine and i want to get out of it because i no longer desire to continue ...
A. 17 August 2010: It's never too late to take charge and tell your wife that you won't put up with that sort of nonsense. You could try it, but only if you're willing to really stand up and be Ward Cleaver no matter how poorly she reacts for the first six months. ... (read in full...)
Do I just come straight out and say "it" or do I wait for HIM to say "it?"
Q. Hello :) my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months and I know that I am in love with him, I can't stop thinking it and how badly I want to tell him. A couple of weeks ago he came over to my house after going out one night and he w...
A. 17 August 2010: It's better to let him say it first, *especially* if he's a nice guy who actually cares about you. Guys like that will only say it if they really mean it and are ready to really commit to you. If you say it first, and he is not absolutely certain ... (read in full...)
Does "I don't know" , mean she doesn't want to be in a relationship?
Q. Okay, people of dearcupid, I have a question. I have been in a relationship with a girl for about 5 months now and all has been more than good in my eyes but I have a few questions on things that have came up to stress to you to possibly get your ...
A. 17 August 2010: You are setting yourself up for a gamble here. Three possible outcomes:
1) She decides in the near future that she loves you and wants to be with you, not "see what's out there." This is obviously what you want, but unlikely unless you push for... (read in full...)
Is it a one night stand or rape?
Q. I've been wondering for a long time whether what I experienced was just a one night stand or rape. A while ago I went to visit a friend of mine at school. We went out, and I drank way too much. I remember I was flirting with this friend of hers most ...
A. 17 August 2010: Legally speaking, Britain (along with most western nations) will support you if you press charges. Rape laws are written in gender-neutral language, but almost exclusively in cases where both parties were drunk, the guy is assumed to be the rapist. ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 15 August 2010: @ The Anon Below, Re: Sexist double standards
Since when is it "OK" for a man to be promiscuous? No one is saying man-sluts are good; quite the opposite. Fathers warn their daughters to stay away from cads, husbands search diligently for a wi... (read in full...)
I am willing to do anything to make him happy so that he can return the favor
Q. i recently posted the question: Why do men stop trying once the relationship is no longer brand new? i got a few replies and one of them stated that this works both ways meaning women can also stop putting in the effort after being in a relation...
A. 14 August 2010: Dress up nicely, do your hair and makeup even when you don't plan to go out, cook him something nice. Once he gets over the intial suspicion that you're just buttering him up for something, he should start reciprocating.
Be sure that the two of y... (read in full...)
He doesn't tell me he loves me anymore! What does this mean?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months now and two months ago he told me he loved me. I was so happy, especially because I am the only girlfriend he's ever told he loved. At first, the few days after he told me, whenever I would say "I ...
A. 14 August 2010: Men tend to think this way: "Alright, I've made it clear that I love her and that I wasn't just saying it to get into her pants. Now she knows, so I don't have to say anything again unless I stop loving her."
That, and many guys are (rightfu... (read in full...)
He's got sex on the brain and I'm wanting a more respectful kind of relationship
Q. I've started seeing someone I care hugely for. We have become almost best friends as well as lovers. The problem is he has sex on the brain. I'm not sure if I was equally sex obsessed at the beginning but have now changed into wanting more ...
A. 14 August 2010: You could try having sex in the mornings, or shortly before dates, in order to take his mind off getting any action during the rest of your time with him. If he's already gotten laid, he'll have an easier time focussing on the emotional part of the ... (read in full...)
My own happiness or Everyone else's?
Q. I met my husband about 2 years ago. There's no spark, no romance, and no heart pounding...but there is attraction. Very soon we started "dating", he moved in to my place and we lived like married couple, cooking together everyday and go to bed ...
A. 14 August 2010: Well, this is the problem that most women face when seeking to settle down. Most husband-material type guys are, sadly, boring. The good news is that as he becomes more assertive, adventurous, and self-confident, he will actually becmoe more attr... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you rather a girl was honest about her sexual past?
Q. Would guys prefer a girl who is honest about her past sexual life or is that a bad idea?...
A. 13 August 2010: Well, the majority of guys want a woman with as few previous sexual partners as possible. If that's the truth in your case then honesty can and will earn you points.
Many (not all) guys will get upset and eventually leave a girl who has a long l... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 12 August 2010: Several of you have mentioned intimacy and love, which are supposed to increase from marriage. I'll buy that. Problem is, I don't think anyone really believes there's no love or intimacy in this world. Love is a beautiful thing, and worth taking ... (read in full...)
He turned his back and went to sleep right after we had sex and I'm so upset about it!
Q. Hey, well im 19 and im married, i have 1 daughter and she's 9 months. My husband is 22 and doesn't go out clubbing by himself, he's always at home with me or if i go out we go together unless i get out of work than head to the store. He's a ...
A. 12 August 2010: Women always shift a large portion of their energy towards their kid once they have a child, leaving the husband in the dust. This is understandable, and normal, but you can and should try to have sex if you want to maintain your relationship.
... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 10 August 2010: @ OP: You're half right about the sex being something won or bestowed. However, I'm writing from the perspective of a man. Sex from me also has to be won or bestowed on the girl in question - I'm just writing from my own shoes. She may very well ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of being alone forever!
Q. I know im only 13, but im afraid of being alone forever. I havent had a father in my life since my parents got divorced when I was 6. I dont have any brothers, so I dont know whats it like to be around men. My mom says that all men are pigs and that ...
A. 10 August 2010: I'll tell you what I tell guys who feel they will always be alone: every single one of your ancestors throughout all of history has managed to reproduce. It's in your blood.
So, the instincts and potential are both there. What you need to do is... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 9 August 2010: I'll leave aside the usual explanations I give for this issue on the site about instincts, hormones, and evolution. Instead, I'd like to address a lingering rational/emotional concern. We'll also assume that there are no past STD's or pregnancies ... (read in full...)
The New Tough Love
Q. He was charming, sexy, funny, and all about me. From living in his brother's basement with his dog, I allowed him into my house with my three children. One by one the true colors were mind blowing. Each layer peeled back to show his verbal viole...
A. 9 August 2010: The question I have is this: why in God's holy name did you stay with him?
You allowed a cocaine-using, cheating, financially unsound, verbally (and physically?) abusive man to live in the home you provided for your children. And rather than res... (read in full...)
Did my husband touch my sister inappropriately?
Q. my younger sister age 13 stayed at my flat the other night wiv my 4yr old daughter. Our pc is in my daughters room so wen my hubby came home from he went on the pc after i went 2 bed. The next morning my sister went to her study class as usaul while ...
A. 9 August 2010: The reason she would do this is because social power is addictive. As I've said, false accusations are depressingly common, for the most trivial of reasons. Look at the responses here - nearly everyone here was suspicious of the husband, or even ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend saw my better-endowed roommate naked, now I'm insecure. Should I be?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 10 months. I was until recently the only guy she had seen naked. Recently my roommate came out of the bathroom nude when we were walking into the room. I'm nervous she has been thinking about him/wanting ...
A. 9 August 2010: A better body and package alone will not typically make a girlfriend stray, especially if you ar eher first. However, it will be a strong point in his favor if he ever starts hitting on her. I would advise you to carefully, discreetly, avoid ... (read in full...)
Depressed after night of drunken sex...
Q. I went to a party and got drunk. I ended up having sex with a girl I just met. I was a virgin and this is the biggest mistake of my life. I feel depressed and don't know what to do....
A. 8 August 2010: Get yourself checked for STD's and hope to God she didn't get pregnant.
Realize that it's not the end of your life, you're not ruined, and that maybe it's time to stop drinking until you're a bit older.
If it's a religious thing, God will ... (read in full...)
Did my husband touch my sister inappropriately?
Q. my younger sister age 13 stayed at my flat the other night wiv my 4yr old daughter. Our pc is in my daughters room so wen my hubby came home from he went on the pc after i went 2 bed. The next morning my sister went to her study class as usaul while ...
A. 7 August 2010: False accusations of this sort are depressingly common, as are misunderstandings. Slapping her lightly through the blankets and accidentally hitting her chest seems like a normal, accidental, completely not-scarring-for-life type of event, and I ... (read in full...)
Oral sex & Catholic church equals sin??
Q. Is oral sex between a married couple considered a sin in the Catholic Church?...
A. 7 August 2010: The Catholic position on sex is that, within the confines of marriage, sex serves the purpose of reproduction and fecundity.
Fr. Larry Richards, a Catholic preacher, has gone on record as saying that, so long as oral sex is part of sex leading ... (read in full...)
Is being pregnant a turn-off
Q. I need some advice, some advice from a man would really be helpful. I am 7 months pregnant, and my bf hasn't touched me in a long time. Is being pregnant a turn off for a man, is it because I am getting fat. We rarely make love anymore and when we ...
A. 7 August 2010: Depends. Putting on a little baby weight is fine, and some men even like it. Putting on a lot of weight during pregnancy is not only a massive turn-off, but dangerous to you and the baby. I'm not a doctor (so if anyone is, please correct me), but ... (read in full...)
Sex Responsibly
Q. I really want to have sex. I'm not dating anyone at the time, but if i do and she agrees, I want it to be special, and I don't want to get her pregnant. Questions: Will it hurt me? Will it hurt her? Are condoms 100% effective? Are th...
A. 7 August 2010: You are too young, dude. Sorry to say it. Emotionally, you are probably unprepared for sex. But, to answer your questions:
1) No, it won't hurt you physically. Emotionally is another matter. Pick the right girl and wait until your at least 17... (read in full...)
I do love her but I hate her past, her attitude towards dating, her tendency to rebound alot.
Q. Im dating a girl for over a year. Thinks are pretty good, she's ambitious, has a great job and things were going good. She moved into my apartment and it seems our relationship was pretty good. I'm in my early thirties and shes in mid twenties. ...
A. 7 August 2010: What you are feeling is completely natural, biologoically-justified apprehension at a woman whose past gives you no reason to believe she will be faithful in her future. This instinct evolved because cavemen who knowingly or unknowingly allo... (read in full...)
She's broke up with me, but says she'll date me later??!!!!??
Q. I was dating a 20 yr old for over a year and I'm 31 yrs old. We recently broke up but still talk. My question is she says she loves me as a person and says she would date me at a later time when I was ready. What does that mean? Also she says she ...
A. 7 August 2010: It means she's going to "have her fun" and keep her eyes out for a better option, with you as a safety in case it doesn't work out. Unfortunately, this will probably involve sleeping around a bit while she is still young. You'd be better off ... (read in full...)
Hair
Q. This is for all you guys out there what do you like a womans hair long or short? Witch is more of a turn on? Me personally I like my hair long. :) what do you guys think? Thanks for reading ~Lucy...
A. 6 August 2010: Hair should be long - between the bottom of one's scapula (shoulder blade)and the small of the back is the best. If she ever wants the benefits of shorter hair, like showing off her neck and shoulders, she can put it up.
Bonus: men are programm... (read in full...)
What can I wear that will make her think sex?
Q. Ladies, what can a guy do physically or wear to get his wife or girl/friend sexually excited. The reverse is so easy to figure out. A girl can wear longerie, nothing at all, or my fav: sexy panties and a tight wife beater. But what can a guy wear ...
A. 6 August 2010: Try smells instead. Some women really dig the scent of their man after he works out, or mows the lawn; others love the scent of sparingly-applied aftershave or cologne. I knew one girl who loved the way my breath smelled after a glass of whiskey. ... (read in full...)
Want to have sex, but don't want to tell him I'm a virgin!
Q. I am a 29 year old virgin. This is not something I planned on, it just sort of happened. I am not religious at all, I simply have not found the right guy for me. I dated a guy for awhile when I was a teenager and he really took away my ...
A. 6 August 2010: Many women look down on male virgins above a certain age, but rest assured, guys aren't like that. He will probably be thrilled, in which case he will try to hide it so you don't think he's a perv.
There's a smaller chance that he will not want... (read in full...)
Do u think my best guy friend might be falling for me???
Q. OP's own title. Do u think my best guy friend might be falling for me??? I've been in love with him for a while now and I want him to be mine forever. We have a odd relationship, like I can tell him anything. Things i have never shared with anyo...
A. 6 August 2010: 99% of all single straight guys are open to the possibility of dating female friends of even minimal attractiveness. I don't know if this also applies to bisexual guys, but how much lower can the odds really be?
Go ahead and ask him out. Make it... (read in full...)
Wife Inarticulate about her Desires
Q. MOD NOTE: OP's own title. My wife and I are trying to reconcile but there are problems. Among other problems we're having is this: I find it difficult to forgive her for not having communicated to me, for not having expressed herself. She kept many...
A. 6 August 2010: Unfortunately, if your wife has a problem, she is going to make it your problem. She is basically testing to see how much you will put up with, because she actually does expect you to magically know the answer. Like many women, she is more ... (read in full...)
I ache for my own baby.
Q. Hey guys, thanks for reading. Sorry for the long question too. My mother just gave birth to her fifth child, and i'm her eldest at 17. I went to see the baby today and it made me realize how much i want a child. When i was holding the baby and ...
A. 4 August 2010: Ideally, you should have your first child at 24 or 25 (biologically speaking), especially if you plan to have more than one. Either way, put it off for now. It's natural for your hormones to be demanding you reproduce now, at this age, but yo... (read in full...)
Why should I raise HIS children while he does time in prison???
Q. I'm in a bit of a squeeze. I've been married for 6 months to my boyfriend of 3 years. We have had continuous issues with his infidelity and disloyalty and I don't trust him. Recently he was sentenced to a minimum of 5 years in prison. When he ...
A. 4 August 2010: You should raise his kids because you married him!
You knew exactly what you were getting into when you married a guy who had cheated on you and had five kids. I'd be willing to bet he had a prior criminal record of which you were also aware. ... (read in full...)
Don't understand these feelings...
Q. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 4 years. I really love her, and we are both certain that we are going to get married someday in the near future (I've been planning to propose in the next few months). My dilemma is that ...
A. 4 August 2010: Your desires mean you are a normal, healthy male with a functioning reproductive system.
The fact that you have resisted them makes you an above-average, ethical adult with a functioning heart. Well done!
If possible, cut off all contact with... (read in full...)
Do you think men can change or do you think cheaters will always be cheaters?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 1/2 years and have been living together for 8 years. I moved out real young at the age of 17. Everything was going with well with he and I until and we talked about having kids and a couple of months later I was ...
A. 4 August 2010: Cheaters in general never change. This goes double for people who get caught, rather than confess after one mistake.
Seriously, he cheated on you for a year, including while you were carrying his child, and you think he will change? If you cut ... (read in full...)
I want to stop hurting and move on but I don't know how! Please help.
Q. I am being so silly and need some help on how to finally get over my ex, please. We broke up a year ago. We'd been together 9 years, lived together for 5 years until I found out he was cheating on me with a woman from work. So we split up, he ...
A. 4 August 2010: Your ex sounds like a naturally charismatic man. Extremely charismatic people get away with almost any sort of behavior because other people have a difficult time holding their flaws against them, the way you are struggling with.
You have to ... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 28 July 2010: @ Zayla80
Well, the Bible is pretty clear that it's better to be chaste than to marry - think it was Paul who said that one (Corinthians 7:7-10). Marriage is simply the second-best alternative to fornication. So, my soul can be saved without ... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 26 July 2010: @ CindyCare
I see what you're getting at, but having kids vs. getting married are two different things. Raising kids is a risk, but it's its own reward or punishment. Marriage offers no possibility of reward over simply making a private commitme... (read in full...)
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