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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 18 October 2010: My last reply appears to have been lost to the Ether of the Net. I'll try and replicate is as closely as I can recall.
@Person12345:
This thread is not about rape. It's not about abortion, it's not about the wage gap, it's not about object... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 12 October 2010: @ Person12345:
I can address the rape stats in a PM or another article if you like; my point was more intended to be that bringing up rape in this thread is off-topic and serves only to make people unnecessarily uncomfortable. For the record, ... (read in full...)
How do I start a conversation with boyfriend about unplanned pregnancy?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have started to have sex. Yes we use protection, but there is always a chance of pregnancy, and I believe it is the right thing if we talk about what we would do in that situation now then if it might happen. I want to know his ...
A. 11 October 2010: The anon below is seriously wrong. You need a plan for when something happens. You can only risk a 1% chance of failure so many times before your number comes up. Besides, if you have a plan to deal with a problem, for some reason (karma?) the ... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 11 October 2010: @ person12345:
While I agree with you that excessive porn use in a relationship is a bad thing, I take issue with a few of your statements. Note that this entire post is going to be from a guy's persepctive regarding porn use; I don't feel qua... (read in full...)
How do I start a conversation with boyfriend about unplanned pregnancy?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have started to have sex. Yes we use protection, but there is always a chance of pregnancy, and I believe it is the right thing if we talk about what we would do in that situation now then if it might happen. I want to know his ...
A. 10 October 2010: Ask him straight up, with no hinting or probing, in a time and place of low pressure. Not right after sex, or out in public, just a quiet moment when you two are alone.
Be completely honest with him. He'll be nervous at first, and probably... (read in full...)
My ex told me to never contact her again because I said I was falling for her
Q. Told my ex I regretted falling in love with her because it wasn't worth the heartbreak, she took it badly and told me never to contact her again. I know she still has feelings for me and I really upset her. How long should I wait before talking t...
A. 10 October 2010: This is probably something you should just let go. If she broke up with you, she just doesn't want to be with you or around you anymore.... (read in full...)
Subtle flirtation tips needed!
Q. Hi I need some subtle flirtation tips to use tonight on this guy I've fancied for about a month. There is a chance he likes me too but I'm not sure. I'm going out with a group of friends 2nite and he's one of them. Please help!...
A. 9 October 2010: When he says something funny, put your hand on his chest for just a second as you laugh. There is not a man alive who will miss that signal, and it doesn't make you look slutty by any reasonable definition. It will give him all the motivation he ... (read in full...)
How do I gain that trust in guys back?
Q. Ok, here's the deal... Back in the first half of this year, I was in a relationship with this really nice guy. Or at least.. he was nice at the beginning of the relationship. Anyways, long story short.. we crossed boundaries that I never wan...
A. 9 October 2010: As a Christian, I certainly respect your position on sex before marriage, but a lot of people choose that philosophy without considering the implications.
College is going to be rough on you. Most other girls are putting out - some even for the ... (read in full...)
I keep on dreaming that one day she will come back to me...
Q. I broke up with my girlfriend few months ago. I made many attemps at reconciliation, but non of them work. FINALLY I GAVE UP. She has cut all contacts with me. She has even changed her phone number. She never reflected on my emails which i recently ...
A. 9 October 2010: She will not seem special anymore once you find a girl who actually likes you back - or once you learn to be happy as a single man. Put her out of your mind and don't give her any more control over your feelings than she deserves.... (read in full...)
How can I stop being so mean to him?
Q. My ex just broke up with me 2 days ago... He says that I'm tooo mean... I love him dearly but what should I do??? I trip on him off of the smallest things... Help!!! I need it badd!!!:( what do I do... We live together still sooo I know that I ...
A. 9 October 2010: Most men do *not* want to be mothered unless they are sick. They want a girlfriend who inspires them to be better, not nags them to be better or does things for them. And sexes the hell out of them.
You know what you have to do - be nicer, d... (read in full...)
Ex is causing me wedding day blues... help!
Q. I had my son when I was 19 as I was finishing my freshman year of college. My baby daddy was 26 and a total dead beat. We had dated for only a year. It's been five years since I gave birth and I'm getting married to the man I should've had my...
A. 9 October 2010: Has the original man been active (or tried to be active) in raising his son? If so, he may feel threatened at seeing his son become involved in the new family, and want to maintain his connection to his kid.
If that's the case, you should t... (read in full...)
Is he serious when he says he wants a serious relationship?
Q. MEN! how would i know when a man is serious when he tells a woman he wants to start a serious relationship? And HOW would i know if he just saying this because he's vulnerable and despaerate to just have someone to be with at that moment and time? ...
A. 9 October 2010: Without knowing the context, it would be very difficult to say if he means it. Most guys will not outright lie about wanting anything serious, but a small number will.
As for the vulnerable and lonely guy - who cares if he is lonely? That is ... (read in full...)
Did my ex get my virginity?
Q. my boyfriend and I were discussing our pasts with each other and we can't seem to agree on whether or not I am still a true virgin. Right before my ex and me broke up we did try and have sex, however he is quite large and after getting just a little ...
A. 9 October 2010: Yeah, 99% of guys would say that counts, and consider it dishonest if you did not agree.
Women will tend to prevaricate and claim something doesn't count for one reason or another, i.e. he didn't finish, or get all the way in.
You could say... (read in full...)
Guys put off by a 24 year old virgin?
Q. Do guys feel put off if a girl is a virgin at 24? I'm pretty shy and lacking in confidence because of being mentally and physically (not sexually) abused when I was younger. I've never told anyone that I'm a virgin because I find it really embarr...
A. 9 October 2010: Viriginty is nothing to be ashamed of.
For women, virginity makes guys see you more as long-term relationship material, or even a potential wife. It will put off most decent guys for flings, but if they are looking for a girlfriend, it's points i... (read in full...)
How can I progress to having sex?
Q. My girlfriend takes most of the same college courses in my county local community college, we like each other and visit each other all they time. The farthest I've got is making out. How can I take it a step further and have sex with her? Please ...
A. 9 October 2010: I'll assume you entered your age wrong. 13-15 is too young for sex or college. Do you mean 16-18 and taking college courses? If that 13-15 age is correct, disregard this advice, and just wait until you're older.
Also disregard the posters ... (read in full...)
I have insanely strong feelings for my history teacher!
Q. I have insanely strong feelings for my history teacher. He's 28, im 16. Ever since the first day I saw him I've had this massive desire to be around him. I think a lot of it might be lust, but I dont know..some of the things I feel are deeper than ...
A. 8 October 2010: Your feelings are normal and natural. Women, particularly young teenage girls, are strongly attracted to men in authority. If he has a strong way of carrying himself, a deep voice, or even the slightest sign of being interested (ordinary polite ... (read in full...)
Should I get pregnant out of revenge?
Q. Hello my name is Haibine, i've dating my bf two years, but he had a girl while he was with me but i didn't know that. when find out he told me he leave the i didnt trust him, i was cleaning his room and i find a letter the girl sent him, she told ...
A. 8 October 2010: Tell me this: is inflicting a lifetime of emotional suffering (and, in all likelihood, poverty and abuse) on an innocent child an acceptable price to ruin one guy's day?
Do you really want to give him that much power over two people?
The bes... (read in full...)
First time my boyfriend has ever been violent, should I give him a chance if he goes to anger management?
Q. Two days ago, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about his behavior dealing with other girls, not the first time out of 4 years we'd talked about this. I had prepared myself to finally let him go (or at least I thought I had). I did it all in a very ...
A. 8 October 2010: Yeah, CaringGuy is right. This is beyond the thoughtless lashign out that can happen to anyone, which I would normally advocate forgiving (one time only). And 2 shots of alcohol should not have imparied his judgment even to that degree.
Put t... (read in full...)
I find it so difficult to achieve an orgasm?
Q. Hi :). I'll just get right to the point. It's difficult for me to have orgasms. I've only ever achieved orgasms through masturbation (with a vibrator), or oral. I've never been able to orgasm while having sex. I've only ever been with two people ...
A. 8 October 2010: "the only way I can orgasm is if I imagine him with other women"
This is the primitive part of your brain imaging him as a big stud with lots of options. All else being equal, women want the taken guys - this is just an extra-strength version ... (read in full...)
"Enjoy the moment!"
Q. What does it mean when a guy says to "enjoy the moment." we've been in a monogamous relationship about 6 months and have talked about how seriously committed we are to the relationship. But every time he says that line, I feel like he's saying he ...
A. 8 October 2010: Most guys who say "enjoy the moment" are just using you for sex. It appeals to women's love of mystery, and attraction to guys who might disappear at any moment.
Occasionally, though, relationship-type guys use this line because they think it... (read in full...)
Did she cheat when we were first starting out?
Q. My girlfriend has had a series of FWB relationships before me. Most of them overlapped considerably. When I started out with her, we were FWB, but it quickly evolved into a serious, committed relationship after a few months. I found out later on ...
A. 8 October 2010: She probably did not cheat - in her own mind. To her, it doesn't "count" if you weren't "official," so she'll be able to say with a straight face that she never cheated. She did, however, almost certinaly sleep with some other guy while sleeping ... (read in full...)
Seriously???
Q. I have been married to my wonderful wife for 10 years, been together 12. We have two kids, and are each other best friends. She is 6 years my senior (not that that matters, really- just sayin'...) Before we met, she worked with a guy 15 years older ...
A. 8 October 2010: As much as he deserves a solid fist to the teeth, that'll get you jail time. Don't do it. First step, just ask him to stop. It probably won't work, but do it anyway. See if transferring to another department or location is an option, too. ... (read in full...)
Prove you want me back!
Q. If a girl you loved dearly for 6 years breaks up with you for another man cause of "Grass is greener on the other side" and she comes back to you after realizing the guy was just after "attached girls" to use and abuse them. She asks for another ...
A. 8 October 2010: "I know for a fact that if another guy comes along and he has the rite word to say when your relationship is taking a dip he could easily convince her to quit everything knowing that WOMAN are Emotionally driven." By this logic, cheating is alri... (read in full...)
Prove you want me back!
Q. If a girl you loved dearly for 6 years breaks up with you for another man cause of "Grass is greener on the other side" and she comes back to you after realizing the guy was just after "attached girls" to use and abuse them. She asks for another ...
A. 6 October 2010: Don't give her the chance. Any test, no matter how harsh or strict, is going to (correctly) make you look like a pushover.
You may have loved her, but she betrayed you for a newer, more exciting guy. The only lesson in loyalty she can hope to ... (read in full...)
Guys: What are signs that he's only into it for sex?
Q. What are some signs a girl could look for in a guy to tell that he is only interested in sex and nothing more prior to actually going out or anything? Primarily interested in the guys' responses. Thanks....
A. 6 October 2010: Lazy-Guy is right. You can't really tell before dating for a while, although if a guy has a ton of options, odds are good he will only want sex.
You can tell after dating a short while though. If he's a player with a storied past, likely h... (read in full...)
He wants me to pay expenses for his house but I don't live there!
Q. My boyfriend and I both own houses. He rarely comes to mine but wants me to come to his. He has a child that he has custody of every other week and we get along great. I have suggested for the kid's stability that we do the week he has his kid at ...
A. 6 October 2010: I'd say that, given that he is divorced and sharing custody, he's probably paying for a house he doesn't get to live in at all, and considers this fair. Divorces will screw a guy up that way.
Ignore that last paragraph if it isn't true.
... (read in full...)
Why can I not get him out of my head?
Q. Hi i have known a guy i work with for about 6 years, we all use to go out a lot in a crowd etc now he has always cheated on his girlfriend for years but still stays with her, i have always just been mates he works with me and last year we got very ...
A. 5 October 2010: Partly, you are attracted because he is a cheater. Women tend to want guys who are already wanted by other women - it's sort of a herd mentality, but it's true. Additionally, you fooled around with him but did not consumate, so you're stuck ... (read in full...)
My husband wants me to dress up sexy for a halloween party...
Q. My husband wants me to dress up very sexy for a Halloween party this year. He wants me to be a german beer girl. He has the costume all picked out, even down to the lace panties he wants me to wear. The costume is very provocative: it shows a lot ...
A. 5 October 2010: I think you should be truly flattered that he wants to see you in that. The fact that you aren't means his presentation of the idea was probably not the best. Women respond very positively to almost any request, if given in the proper tone ... (read in full...)
I want to make the marriage work, but the spark is gone
Q. I'm writing as I have nowhere else to turn, and this is probably a really stupid question. The spark went out with my husband, and yes, I ended up cheating. After a month, I realised my husband deserves better and ended the affair. Howe...
A. 5 October 2010: Foreplay starts when you wake up. Encourage him to be more assertive, confident, and dominant during the entire day. You need to, psychologically, see him as a powerful leader and protector. Your brain is hardwired to be most attracted to that ... (read in full...)
Can someone help me to stop this streak of bad luck with guys?
Q. Lately, I've been really lonely. All of my bestfriends are in amazing relationships. They always tell me how amazing it is to have a boyfriend, and that feels amazing. I want to feel that. I'm 15 and never had a boyfriend. Every time I start to ...
A. 4 October 2010: "I'm 15 and never had a boyfriend."
Sounds normal. Guys your age are trolls anyway; I certainly was. Not that girls are much better.
"My friends say that its weird how I don't have one. They think I'm really pretty (even tho I don't see it) ... (read in full...)
Everyone can get a girlfriend except me
Q. dear cupid question i must be a fool to think women will go out with me. what have i got to offer women i'm got my own house and car but that all i've got to offer it not enough for them. i'm only storeman in furniture store i've doing that job for ...
A. 4 October 2010: I didn't see a question, but I'll assume you want girl-finding advice. First off, take an honest, not-depressed assessment of what you have to offer. Loyalty, companionship, affection, confidence, and other personal traits are not only far mor... (read in full...)
I want his attention but I don't want to appear like an idiot
Q. Hey!! So, i am a freshman, and i like a guy from my marching band who is a junior. the thing is, he plays snare, so we dont see each other very much. i dont want to ruin it with him by acting goony just so he looks at me, because that would make me ...
A. 4 October 2010: You can smile from across the room, or hold his eye contact for several seconds, or look at him and play with your hair, but be aware that while these sorts of hints will be blindingly obvious to guys as you get older... in high school, he may not ... (read in full...)
I have questions about condoms, masturbation and diseases--mature answers, please!
Q. loads of people in my school are NOT virgins, some of them are but i wouldnt say many people are, they all have big boobs and have nice legs, and know all about sex and masturbation, can someone answer these questions: Do condoms really protect y...
A. 3 October 2010: Edit to my post below:
Just realized I did not specify this, but those numbers I gave are supposed to be over the course of several months of regular sex, not for any one time. Obviously, taking a 98% chance of sucesses many times is eventual... (read in full...)
I have questions about condoms, masturbation and diseases--mature answers, please!
Q. loads of people in my school are NOT virgins, some of them are but i wouldnt say many people are, they all have big boobs and have nice legs, and know all about sex and masturbation, can someone answer these questions: Do condoms really protect y...
A. 3 October 2010: No one here is going to call you stupid or make fun of you. No worries. Closest thing we get to that is reprimanding people for cheating, which doesn't seem to apply here.
Condoms are not 100% in any way, even used properly. While they are the ... (read in full...)
My lack of experience affects my dating life, badly! Help!
Q. ok. so here is another friday night poster. i dont know where to start and i apologise for the length of the post. im approaching 30 and still a virgin. never date, dont approach girls when im out etc. i do go out plenty but always seem to g...
A. 2 October 2010: "i do go out plenty but always seem to go to the same bars..." Try a cafe, a bookstore, the workplace, a house party, the bus, church, grocery stores, and other places where women won't have their guard up, and where you won't be competing with a... (read in full...)
I'm embarassed by my wife's flirting!
Q. My wife and I separated for sexual reasons but recently got back together. I am satisfied and am happy about it because I love her. She loves me, too, even if sometimes she thinks she doesn't (calls me a "stick-in-the-mud." My wife is very ...
A. 1 October 2010: I could be wrong, but from what I'm reading it sounds like she is the type who will respond very poorly to sitting down for a respectful discussion of the problem - poorly, as in she will get worse, then blame you for it. Some people just act as ... (read in full...)
Help... I don't feel like I fit in because I don't drink or go out partying!
Q. I began college a month ago (I went early, I turn 18 in a few months' time) and I'm having trouble relating properly to people because almost everyone else here is going out drinking and partying till really late and I can't. It doesn't seem like ...
A. 1 October 2010: It can be fun to be sober at parties, depending on the company. If parties of any sort aren't your thing, then certainly there are other people like you, and you could try to find them. You have plenty of time to make friends this year.
I'm c... (read in full...)
Is it reasonable to ask her to break her friendship with the guy she slept with?
Q. My girlfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me stating she wasnt happy anymore, we were apart for 2 weeks and got back together again for a night and hooked up and she told me she was still in love with me. But then again less than a week later she ...
A. 1 October 2010: It's not going to work out anyway, as CaringGuy explains quite well below.
In the future, if you date a girl who is still close to an ex of hers, then I would consider it reasonable to insist she not associate with him anymore - obviously that mea... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a guys says he's "smitten"?
Q. Hey, I'd like some advice on interpreting a comment from a guy, please. I've been seeing a guy from work for a few weeks after chatting for a few months. He arranged some amazing dates for us, and we slept together this week :) Today he sent me a ...
A. 1 October 2010: "Smitten" is one of the strongest versions of the word "interested." Congrats!... (read in full...)
Do guys get surprised when the see what the breasts are shaped like without the bra?
Q. Are you ready for a nontraditional question? Do guys get pleasantly/nonpleasantly surprised (you decide) when the bras come off their girlfriends? Girls wear all sorts of push up bras, lifting bras etc. that I'm curious if guys get surprise...
A. 1 October 2010: Depends. I once dated a girl who only wore sports bras for comfort, so I was *very* pleasantly surprised to see that they were bigger than advertised.
On the other hand, I've also had the experience of seeing breasts go from "petite and perky" t... (read in full...)
How will I ever regain his trust?
Q. Ok, so I really messed up. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. Needless to say we have had many ups and downs over the years. Recently I began talking to an old friend who I used to have feelings for and have slept with. I know he has f...
A. 30 September 2010: "somehow we began kissing" "eventually that led to more kisses" Somehow, I think you were enjoying this more than you let on. Kissing doesn't "just happen," especially not twice in a row. For what it's worth, I believe that you're sorry, but h... (read in full...)
Can I say this ONE, LAST, SHORT thing to him?
Q. I posted awhile back about a guy not texting back (see background info below this post). Recently a friend told me about how shy this guy is and I should give it one more chance. I just wanted to say one last, short thing to him (to make it clea...
A. 30 September 2010: "I wanted to subtly ask if he could be the one texting me first the next time so I won't feel like I am going after him..."
I understand that women prefer to be chased, rather than do the chasing, but sometimes you have to put out some bait bef... (read in full...)
What do men hate?
Q. What is the main thing that makes a man hate or dislike a woman? Men only please!...
A. 30 September 2010: Top three, in no particular order:
1) Being boring. There are 3 billion women out there, and it seems that all but a handful don't want to talk about anything except TV, gossip, and telling me about that time they got drunk in Spain for the tent... (read in full...)
Will I ever get over being abused in a previous relationship?
Q. I dated this guy about a year ago.he kept saying that is I didn't date hime he would kill himself.so I dated him..it was ok @ first..he bought me nice things and treatd me great.then I told one of my darkest secrets then he told me one of his..then ...
A. 30 September 2010: Wait, you're dating a new guy, but the old abuser is still in your social circle?
*Get rid of him.* Leave and find new friends if you have to, but get the hell away from him.
Recovery is not impossible by any means, and the fact that you ar... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 22 September 2010: Another point here is that men liekly don't want their women to see exactly what they are masturbating to. What 40 year-old wife wants to see "barely legal" in the browser history? What A-cup wants to see "big naturals" there?
Simply put, guy... (read in full...)
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