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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 12 November 2010: Haven't looked back at this article for a while; glad to see there are still some responses. I'll try and address some of them.
@ Smiliek
I hope your marriage works. You're fighting an uphill battle, if I'm right, but I wouldn't wish th... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 12 August 2010: Several of you have mentioned intimacy and love, which are supposed to increase from marriage. I'll buy that. Problem is, I don't think anyone really believes there's no love or intimacy in this world. Love is a beautiful thing, and worth taking ... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 28 July 2010: @ Zayla80
Well, the Bible is pretty clear that it's better to be chaste than to marry - think it was Paul who said that one (Corinthians 7:7-10). Marriage is simply the second-best alternative to fornication. So, my soul can be saved without ... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 26 July 2010: @ CindyCare
I see what you're getting at, but having kids vs. getting married are two different things. Raising kids is a risk, but it's its own reward or punishment. Marriage offers no possibility of reward over simply making a private commitme... (read in full...)
I got fatter, he does not want sex now, what do I do??
Q. should i stay in my 10 year relationship? I am 47 years old and my partner 3 years older, we have been together for over 10 years with a break of 12 months ,partly due to my 14 year old daughter having some autistic tendancies where it caused ...
A. 23 July 2010: There is no such thing as unconditional love. Imagine the most deep, abiding love you have ever had for a man. Would you still love him if he beat your daughter? There are *always* conditions. Sorry for the rather nasty example, but it's an ... (read in full...)
I have a date in a week and need help with snogging!
Q. hi im 14 year old lad and im going on a date in a week. shes been to 3rd base be for but iv never snoged. n were going on a double date to the cinemar wid our best mates n i dont want to be the only on not noing how to snog a girl properly. my ...
A. 23 July 2010: This will provide little comfort, but trust me when I say that the right things to do with your lips will come naturally. Just go slow, don't press too hard or use tongue early on, and keep your hands off of her tits and ass for the first ten ... (read in full...)
How can I get the nerve to talk to him sober?
Q. I'm meant to be meeting this lad that I've known for quite a while. I've spoke to him on messenger before but eventually we stopped. I recently saw him when I was drunk and got talking to him and we've been having late night chats on messenge...
A. 23 July 2010: How drunk were you? If you were falling-down, confess-your-undying-love drunk, *anything* you say sober will improve his opinion of you. If you were just a little buzzed, he'll hardly notice the difference. Since you can't really remember meeting ... (read in full...)
Wife confessed to sex with my best friend before we were married, big deal or not??
Q. 2 years ago my wife confessed to sleeping with my former bestfriend before we where married. Since then she has being a good wife and mother.am still not over the pain and i constantly ignore her. She said she regrets her actions.she was my first ...
A. 23 July 2010: You're completely justified here. Retroactive jealousy is normal, and a sign of a healthy mind (no cuckold fetish for you!). It's a biological instinct, evolved over thousands of years, as a defense mechanism against later infidelity.
That ... (read in full...)
Will he break up with me because I'm shy about oral sex?
Q. My boyfriend and I are engaging in oral sex. First time for both of us...well I am shy so these first few times we focused on him. He is more loving and attentive since we began this new fun way of showing our 3 love!!! I want him to do me, but ...
A. 22 July 2010: Most likely, he is backing away just because he really wants to reciprocate. There is a smaller chance that you are just using your teeth too much, so be mindful of that next time.
New sexual experiences always make us nervous. There's a differ... (read in full...)
Is oral sex something that most couples actively and regularly practice?
Q. Hello all. I'm a 24 year old male, about half a year into my first real (and sexual) relationship with a girl that I love. My question is about oral sex. We have never done that in our sex life - we have stuck to regular penetrative intercour...
A. 22 July 2010: Oral sex is a regular part of a healthy, fulfilling sex life. Sadly, many couples miss out due to squeemishness, prudery, or poor hygiene. So you're normal, but not ideal.
You shouldn't worry too much about technique. Discovery is part of the f... (read in full...)
I feel like I will never be ready for sex.
Q. Lately I'm afraid that I will never be ready for sex. I am 17 going on 18. My guy has never pressured me and always lets me set the pace of whatever we're doing, but I know he wants to have sex. So do I - I'm very attracted to him and he turns me on ...
A. 22 July 2010: This is normal for many girls raised in supportive, traditional families. If anything, it's a sign that you have a lot of self control, which is probably conflicting with pop culture mesages about sex.
If your own virtue is this importan... (read in full...)
My step daughter hates me and is now trying to turn my son against me
Q. I got married about 11 years ago to the woman of my dreams. In this dream was a 6 day old little girl whom I raised for 8 years. I loved this little girl like she was my own and to this day and she still doesn't know that she's not mine. Over the ...
A. 22 July 2010: The best solution would be increased time with your son (for that matter, it's the best way to repair relations with the daughter). Time with your son will allow him to form his own judgments, and little boys tend to latch on to the most prevalent ... (read in full...)
My wife possibly had sex with two of my co-workers, should I consider divorcing her?
Q. hai, well il go straight to the point..i am a christian man raised with morals and i waited to have sex till i married, now 10yrs down the line my wife tells me i was not her first, she had slept with 6 men 2 of which i work in the same company.i ...
A. 22 July 2010: That last anon is less than helpful. I'm sure you aren't looking for a slave, just an honest woman.
Jealousy over past relationships is already bad (and completely normal); compounded with a lie, it's much worse.
Lying "because she did... (read in full...)
In need of a few new sex positions!
Q. Just want some ideas from people who are sexually experienced! Ive been in a great relationship for over ayear now but just want to add a few different things to our sex life. We've done all sorts of foreplay, but when it comes to the actual crunch, ...
A. 21 July 2010: You've been screwing for a year but are too embarassed to ask him for new positions? I'm quite sure he would not look down on you, and would in fact be eager to try something!
One that always worked for me is for the girl to lie on her back, on... (read in full...)
Should I tell her I like her?
Q. Ok, so at i met this girl at camp and fell for her. We became friends, everytime I was near her my heart began to beat faster and I`d get alittle nervous. She left camp for awlie and when she came back I had thous same feelings for a day and then ...
A. 21 July 2010: The moment you feel something, go get her number and ask her out. As a rule, don't "tell her you like her," just ask her to go somewhere with you.
Right now, the feeling of not being sure you like her is your own mind convincing itself that it'... (read in full...)
Question for ladies: Is this letter OK sounding?
Q. OK question for ladies..... I've loved this girl for soo long and im moving on. We were really close etc but i kno nothing is gonna happen. Long history which i wont go into but we met up recently and i just feel the need to send this... let me k...
A. 21 July 2010: Rule of thumb: would you be comfortable if all your friends, all her friends, and all you future girlfriends saw the letter? If so, send it. Otherwise, don't bother with a letter at all.... (read in full...)
My wife possibly had sex with two of my co-workers, should I consider divorcing her?
Q. hai, well il go straight to the point..i am a christian man raised with morals and i waited to have sex till i married, now 10yrs down the line my wife tells me i was not her first, she had slept with 6 men 2 of which i work in the same company.i ...
A. 21 July 2010: No one else can tell you for certain that you should divorce (or stay together, for that matter). However, in your shoes...
I'd be upset that she lied. If you were business owners negotiating a merger, that would constitute fraud, so you have... (read in full...)
Am I doing something to keep men away?
Q. I am a 24 year old woman, and I have no luck with guys. They rarely approach me, and I am kinda shy and afraid of rejection so I dont want to approach them. I have had one real boyfriend, but that relationship did not last long and was disastrous. ...
A. 21 July 2010: From this post, it's difficult to say if anything is keeping them away. That said, you *can* take proactive steps to meet guys.
I would avoid taking other women's opinions on your appearance, since they have a difficult time seperating fashion ... (read in full...)
He proposed!! Do I share the excitment??
Q. My now fiance just proposed, he is in basic training so he did it over the phone, he told me to pick out three rings and he wants to choose one and ask again when he get back. Is it wrong to say we are engaged? He said that that was him proposin...
A. 18 July 2010: You *are* engaged, but I'd hold off on telling everyone until he gets back. My married friends claim it's more fun to do when you're together.
Be nice to the guy when picking the ring. Better to get a smaller, cheaper ring and spend more on ... (read in full...)
Do I really love her or am I just used to how things are and don't know any differently?
Q. This is a little longwinded but here I go. Here is the background, I have had a g/f for 3 1/2 years and so far a year and a half of being apart. She studies overseas we spent our first year together and then she went on to school we decided ...
A. 18 July 2010: You made a mistake and should own up to it. Before you do anything else, you ought to tell her about the other girl in a private setting, and let her vent her anger over it.
The lack of emotional reaction about the new girl means that you have... (read in full...)
Is it normal to want to be a dad at 15?
Q. hay I'm 15 and I'm curious if it normal for me to be wanting to be a dad i mean i really really want to be one is it normal or what?...
A. 18 July 2010: It's normal, but also a phenomenally bad idea. DON'T DO IT.
For most of human history, people reproduced in their early and mid teens, so our instincts are wired that way. That's why it's so damn hard to keep teenagers from fooling around. ... (read in full...)
Forgot to take my pill twice... could I be pregnant?
Q. hi im on the pill and i forgot to take it two days in a row the secound day i forgot i took it at 7pm then after that 1 hour later i had sex and had continued to take it the rest of the days. is there a chance i could be pregnant? ...
A. 18 July 2010: Missing the pill two days in a row? Yeah, there is a good chance you are pregnant. Go get tested.... (read in full...)
Is it weird to be a virgin at 24?
Q. I haven't found a girl yet. I could if I wanted to. In college I had some chicks reject me. I could have gone for girls that I wasn't interested in. I could have hooked up with them, but I didn't. But now I'm 24, and haven't had sex. I'm ...
A. 18 July 2010: If you're comfortable with yourself, just go ahead and take your time finding a special girl. Go out, meet some chicks, get rejected until it doesn't hurt anymore, and find yourself a keeper (as Anti points out, the One does not exist, but there ... (read in full...)
Awkward and potentially heartbreaking...
Q. I'm almost 17 (although apparently I seem older...) and I have a weird kind of situation... I'm friends with this girl and we're really close and compatible (we think, talk, act, laugh, even walk the same way and we have similar/ complimentary goals ...
A. 18 July 2010: Find another girl. She has poor taste, and encouraging a breakup is usually (as you said) a bastard thing to do. You sound like a nice guy, which tends to make guys see girls through rose-colored glasses (or is it "coloured" on your side of the ... (read in full...)
Are second pregnancies different if the first?
Q. I hear that second pregnancies are different such as..... 1. You feel your baby move sooner 2. You tend to show about a month sooner, and 3. You carry your baby lower I know this is true if you go through with the whole pregnancy, but wh...
A. 17 July 2010: I'm a bit a confused. You're male, but referring to it as *your* pregnancy... I'll assume it's your wife. If you were the father of the original pregnancy, then the second is basically the same, with one exception. In rare cases, if you ha... (read in full...)
I just wish I had guys liking me too, how can I feel better about my appearance?
Q. Well ive been told that i was ugly, flat chested, and flat butt. It really hurts. I was also told today the same thing. Now im just sad. how do i make myself feel better. My friends have guys liking them and they talk about it all the time. I want ...
A. 17 July 2010: Assuming what you want is a boyfriend, and not just general male attention...
First, don't worry about your boobs or butt. For a relationship, 90% of what guys want from your body is a decent face and not being fat. A little makeup can go a lon... (read in full...)
Girls, what does it mean when my wife takes her sexiest panties for a girls weekend?
Q. My wife recently went for a weekend girls trip to Atlantic City. Her girlfriend is recently divorced and is on sort of a sexual rampage, where she has had sex with lots of men in what I would consider immoral circumstances (married guys, MMF, ...
A. 17 July 2010: Don't snoop. Even if you find something, it's unethical and would reduce the discussion afterwards to a stupid argument.
*DO* get competitive. Think back to when you were single, to the way you acted when you convinced her to marry you. If she ... (read in full...)
Does this mean he's over me? Should I bother?
Q. A guy liked me for a year and showed it through the typical signs, e.g. staring, trying to talk to me, even offering to help me once. It hadn't been long before I developed feelings for him but the problem was that I responded quite shyly, if at ...
A. 17 July 2010: It's never too late. Very likely, he has taken your silence to mean you are not interested, and is either trying to move on, or has moved on already. He;s trying to ignore you because you ignored him.
You have to take the plunge and open thi... (read in full...)
How can he love me when he ignores me?
Q. My boyfriend and i were talking to each other everyday and he says he loves me. Then hes mad because someone stole his trailor. So the next day he didn't call me and i waited. I called him the second day and he didn't answer. Then four days later he ...
A. 17 July 2010: I think you're reading way too much into this. Most guys don't need affirmation of love every single day; even the ones that do often pretend otherwise.
If there is anything more substantial to this, I see two possibilities. The first is that ... (read in full...)
He told me he likes me! Can things go back to the way they were?
Q. My best guy friend broke my heart. He admits to me he likes me and ive always had feelings for him and so i was really happy. Then a couple weeks later he asks me out, it was ovr txt and i sed ok but i want you to ask me in person (it's just one of ...
A. 17 July 2010: Every guy goes through this experience at least once, where they become platonic friends with a girl for a long time, then decide they have a crush, then ask her out several weeks or months after that. That nearly always ends up in a lost ... (read in full...)
This sounds like borderline prostitution to me!
Q. I recently found out my girlfriend did sexual favors for a mechanic who worked on her car. This incident(s) happened after we met, but when we were friends and before we got romantically involved. When I first met her, this guy was texting her all ...
A. 16 July 2010: Two major warning signs here. First, any woman that has paid for something with sex once, has done so more than once, and would be willing to do so again. Second, her love of married men means she has no scruples about ruining marriages. Why ... (read in full...)
How do I give off signals to make women stay away?
Q. I would appreciate it if someone could give me some sound advice here. I am in a difficult situation, and I want to make women stay away from me (sexually) because I am scared that if I meet a lovely woman, she might pressure me into starting a ...
A. 16 July 2010: Depends. If you want to have relationships, but no family or kids, then you need to mention it at some point. You will have to be extremely careful, as many women will "accidentaly" forget to take the pill, or poke holes in the condom. I've even ... (read in full...)
Girls, what does it mean when my wife takes her sexiest panties for a girls weekend?
Q. My wife recently went for a weekend girls trip to Atlantic City. Her girlfriend is recently divorced and is on sort of a sexual rampage, where she has had sex with lots of men in what I would consider immoral circumstances (married guys, MMF, ...
A. 16 July 2010: When women dress sexier when they are not with you than they do with you, that's a pretty serious warning sign. Admittedly, women dress up more for each other than thye do for guys, but good wives make their appearance to their husband a priority ... (read in full...)
Why do you men act like this the morning after?
Q. I am so sad. This is what happened yesterday. I am traveling now, in a small town, where i only know one person. He took me out to this upscale place. We are just friends, i know him for 15 years, so when we are out we can do whatever we want. ...
A. 16 July 2010: This sounds more like you wanted to vent your frustration than anything else. The reason for your "in love" feelings is that women bond more quickly with men through sex; it's a survival mechanism. Men always have preferred women with as few ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my husband leave me alone about smoking?
Q. I'm a smoker, and my husband doesn't like it. I don't understand why he thinks he is allowed to tell me what I can can't do. He said he likes it better when I hide it from him, but I don't see the point in having something so stupid be kept a ...
A. 16 July 2010: Besides the fact that you'll die younger, you'll also age twice as fast. No husband wants that.
To a certain extent, you and your husband *do* get to declare certain behaviors unacceptable. If he earns all the money in the family, does that mea... (read in full...)
Scared that if I break up with him I'll regret it later
Q. heyy..okay so the problem is i dont really know if i actually still love my boyfriend... i dont think about him THAT much anymore i like spending time with other guys more than him i try to avoid seeing guys i know when i'm with him so they don...
A. 16 July 2010: His past injustices against you will not magically become better if you hurt him back. All it will do mean is that you have done something nasty. Do you really want to be the girl who has to hide what she does from her boyfriend?
If he's rea... (read in full...)
My daughter's lie about her dad raping her broke up our marriage...
Q. Please help me on this.... How can you get your family back on track when a lie so big destroyed it. It started on 7/7/09. I've been with this man since I was 18 at that time I had 2 kids and later found out I was pregnant but not from him with my ...
A. 15 July 2010: False rape accusations are actually quite common. Some people are willing to ruin another person's life over even little things.
The fact that your husband chose to stay beside you even after you cuckolded him, and then willingly submitte... (read in full...)
Can a previous abortion be to blame on why I can't get pregnant now?
Q. i had abortion a year ago I don't stay with my man but I have been trying to get pregnant its been 4months and nothing yet I'm worried my abortion may be causing this is it possible? Please help! ...
A. 14 July 2010: It's possible, especially if you had a later-term abortion. You should go check with a doctor.
With that said, sometimes it just takes a while to get pregnant even if nothing is wrong, so there's no reason to panic just yet.... (read in full...)
Why do people get married?
Q. why do people get married? just a thought.should a man marry a woman and then do what he feels? is that a valid reason for divorce....
A. 14 July 2010: Marriage is basically a non-profit business for the raising of children. Until the 18th century poets got their hands on the concept, the ideal was that you'd get married to someone who was a good match in a practical sense, then naturally fall in ... (read in full...)
Is it out of line for me to ask to see the engagement rings he gave to his ex's?
Q. He's been engaged before and he still has the rings, is it ok for me to ask to see the rings or is that out of line?...
A. 14 July 2010: Are you trying to compare size? The guy may be uncomfortable about that. But if you really want to see them, you'll have to convince your man that you won't get angry or judgmental. The success of that will depend on your relationship history.... (read in full...)
Do girlfriends discuss their lovers in detail?
Q. Another post had me wondering... when you girls talk about your BF's to fairly close or very close friends, what is the limit on discussion? Do you just say things like "he's great in bed" "he's very tender", or do most women go into more detail ...
A. 14 July 2010: Every girl does this. If you've never had the privilege of sitting in on one of those conversations, you're missing out. This has happened to me several times, but one time stands out - I have an ex who actually discussed our sex life with her ... (read in full...)
I don't think my fiance is fit to be a father... but how do I tell him?
Q. When I accepted to marry my fiance I knew that I would be giving up the family I have always wanted to have. Our parenting styles and ideas are too conflicted. I love him so much I'm willing to give this up, but recently he has started talking ...
A. 14 July 2010: Whatever you do, tell him before you get married. He deserves to know that you are not going to bear his children.
Honestly, I'm surprised that you would give up children, though. If you don't want them now, you *will* want them in the future, ... (read in full...)
Advice on lasting longer
Q. "OP Own Title" What are some ways to help last longer before ejaculating? I have been with my girlfriend for 1 year and the last few months I have been cumming in less than five minutes. I used to be able to go for alot longer. Wondering if anyone ...
A. 14 July 2010: Train yourself to take longer when masturbating. Deliberately take as long as possible.
When you're with your girlfriend, don't be afraid to slow down, or even pull out and go back to foreplay.
If you do finish too quickly, remember that yo... (read in full...)
Girlfriend or potential, lucrative job?
Q. I love my girlfriend of 1-1/2 years to death (though we've known each other for 11 years), and can't wait to propose to her someday. My girlfriend is extremely attached to me, and whenever I have been away for a few weeks, she gets upset. I...
A. 14 July 2010: Take the job. Tell her firmly, but gently, that the job is part of building a future (possibly one with her in it), and you will not compromise on it. Sometimes a man has to put off the instant gratification for the long-term gain.
Ultim... (read in full...)
Scared that if I break up with him I'll regret it later
Q. heyy..okay so the problem is i dont really know if i actually still love my boyfriend... i dont think about him THAT much anymore i like spending time with other guys more than him i try to avoid seeing guys i know when i'm with him so they don...
A. 14 July 2010: You're young, and have probably not been dating him for long.
What has happenend is that you have lost the initial rush of infatuation with him. Chemicals in your brain make new relationships literally addictive. Real love gets built up over tim... (read in full...)
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