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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 12 November 2010: Haven't looked back at this article for a while; glad to see there are still some responses. I'll try and address some of them.
@ Smiliek
I hope your marriage works. You're fighting an uphill battle, if I'm right, but I wouldn't wish th... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 12 August 2010: Several of you have mentioned intimacy and love, which are supposed to increase from marriage. I'll buy that. Problem is, I don't think anyone really believes there's no love or intimacy in this world. Love is a beautiful thing, and worth taking ... (read in full...)
I want to stop hurting and move on but I don't know how! Please help.
Q. I am being so silly and need some help on how to finally get over my ex, please. We broke up a year ago. We'd been together 9 years, lived together for 5 years until I found out he was cheating on me with a woman from work. So we split up, he ...
A. 4 August 2010: Your ex sounds like a naturally charismatic man. Extremely charismatic people get away with almost any sort of behavior because other people have a difficult time holding their flaws against them, the way you are struggling with.
You have to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is extremely passive and it gets me frustrated
Q. Hello, I need a suggestion... So I have my ordinary/daily/every-day problem with my quiet boyfriend. Lately, though, he is trying hard to "contribute", so I interpret it as a sign of "I really want to make this relationship work, but I don't know...
A. 4 August 2010: Maybe he doesn't see the point. Today's world is putting the lie to the standard "school-work-marry-work-die" formula of life.
It's also possible that he's considering whether or not he wants to take your relationship more seriously. It sounds a... (read in full...)
Date for the first time - what to do
Q. Hey guys, just a quick question. I'm meeting this guy for the first time tomorrow and I have NO idea what to do. I don't know what to talk about - we've been texting a lot already so I know we do have quite a lot in common already but still - and I ...
A. 3 August 2010: The morning before the date, write down a list of 3 conversation-starting phrases in the event of a lull in the conversation. While normally I'd advise simply being comfortable with silence (and gazing lovingly into on another's eyes...), for your ... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend just the sluttiest girl on the planet???
Q. Do girls ever like "having a train pulled on them?". My girlfriend has had a very lurid sexual past, as have all her close friends. She unveiled all this to me soon after we had said, "I love you.". I have been dealing with some jealousy/maybe a ...
A. 3 August 2010: You're girlfriend is not the *biggest* slut on the planet; however, she is extremely poor girlfriend material. These acts are uncommon but not unheard of. The majority of girls have *not* had sex with more than two other people at once (not sure ... (read in full...)
Do you think once he sees my bump he might change his mind and stay with me?
Q. Hi I am 35 and my bf is 46. I was married before but not children. He does not have either but said that want a family and kids. We have been dating for 7 months and by accident I got pregnant. He was furious and wants me to terminate it. I ...
A. 1 August 2010: I can tell you he won't change his mind. He has made his thoughts clear; there is nothing for him to gain by saying this and meaning something else.
If you want a child, you should probably have this one. At 35 your fertility is in rapid de... (read in full...)
Why won't my girlfriend touch me?
Q. My girlfriend will not touch me. We've been together almost seven months and I'm depressed every day. We recently started being more sexual, and I touch/please her, but all I get in return is making out. I don't think this is fair, but I don't want ...
A. 1 August 2010: "Don't suggest breaking up cause that won't happen."
This sort of attitude is actually counterproductive to a healthy, long-term relationship. Certain things are (and should be) dealbreakers. Just a general tip.
As for your specific questio... (read in full...)
Opinions. If he wanted to break up he'd tell me, ignore me or be slightly rude right?
Q. I've posted before.. but i cant seem to relax.. im constantly thinking. I realized when guys are sick theyre big babies (well some). I'm used to being needed when a bf is sick but because my bf has his mom nearby/her friends to get him things.. he ...
A. 1 August 2010: If he's sick, he may just want quiet. It depends on how much you bother him with daily drama - sometimes the excuse to ignore it is a blessing, even in great relationships.
If he wants to break up, most guys I know will either tell you straight... (read in full...)
I don't desire daily sex, is there something wrong with me??
Q. Hey everyone:) I need some help; i love my hunny and everything and want to be with him, but i find myself not wanting to have sex everyday or everyother day for that matter. I enjoy like the quality time we spend together doing silly stuff but as f...
A. 1 August 2010: There's nothing wrong with you, physically or emotionally. Everyone has a slightly different sex drive, and I wouldn't worry until you only want it once a week or less.
That said, for practical purposes you may want to put out more anyway. ... (read in full...)
How do I get him to overcome his commitment issues?
Q. I have been talking to this guy for about 2 and a half months. We have been really hitting it off. We both absolutely like each other and have soo much in common its like seeing myself in a mirror. he treats me like his girlfriend, he h...
A. 1 August 2010: Flip your own argument around - if "being official" is just a title and wouldn't affect you, why do *you* care?
If he's acting committed, treating you right, and not sleeping around, there's no reason to worry. Saying it would just be awkward.... (read in full...)
Lonely and really need a man in my life again...
Q. I'm so lonely. I'm not that much of an outgoing person i find it difficult to socialize in big groups of people and can come across quite shy. About 2 years ago i got together with a guy who i could be completely myself with,i fell for him. That ...
A. 1 August 2010: Really, the only way to meet new people and find the right guy is to go out and try. Try, fail, and try again, until you succeed. It's difficult, it can get downright painful at times, but the hurt is temproary, and eventually you will find a ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend ashamed of me?
Q. Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months and he has not introduced me to anyone and I feel like he is hiding me. We work together and he says he doesn't want to tell people about us, because he doesn't know how they will react to us dating a...
A. 1 August 2010: Depends. If you of average or above-average physical attractiveness, then his behavior confuses me, and I have no answer. If you are below average, then yes, he is ashamed of you. Perhaps he really does think he loves you, but his reputation is ... (read in full...)
I might not manage to go to the prom but she said she'd just go herself! This bugs me.
Q. hey me again, me and my girl where discussing when her senior prom will be, and I brought up the question of what if I couldn't come? (since I'm in job corps like 3 hours away from her, there is a distinct possibility I wont be able to) And she...
A. 1 August 2010: You trusted your last girlfriend too, right? Teenage girls attach waaaaay too much significance to prom night, and to prom night sex. It's fine if she disagrees, and even if she does choose to go alone, but if she just blows you off and doesn't ... (read in full...)
Have you ever dumped a girl because you suddenly felt that she was not in your league?
Q. This is kind of a poll. Guys please be honest here. Have you ever dumped a girl for another girl who was better looking than your ex but not as interesting. To be more blunt have you ever dumped a girl because you suddenly felt that she was not ...
A. 31 July 2010: I did dump a girl whose appearance was in a lower league. Her personality was what initially attracted me; when that changed, there was nothing to fall back on. I probably would have put up with more personality changes if she had been hotter.
... (read in full...)
How do I get this guy's respect after sleeping with him straight away?
Q. Hey guys! Right, well i slept with this guy that i like, and have done for a while, were not in any sort of relationship though, me sleeping with him probably wasn't the best thing to do. How do i get this guy's respect after this? I'm hoping to b...
A. 31 July 2010: This is a tough one. If you have frequently slept with guys on the first night at any point in the past, and he's aware of it, it's basically a lost cause. He probably assumes this is the case anyway.
Go to the effort of asking him out yourself... (read in full...)
Why doesn't this guy text or phone me more often?
Q. Why doesn't this guy text or phone me more often??? We've been dating for 3 months- although haven't got intimate yet. He is always very charming and positive when we meet and as far as I know he's not seeing anyone else. So why does it seem like ...
A. 29 July 2010: He has nothing to say. Guys don't call just to talk, we call for a purpose. Does he call to set up dates on a regular basis? Does he actually show up for those dates? Once you get intimate, he'll call the day after sex to make you feel special, ... (read in full...)
Because he did this, do you think he really loves me??
Q. after my x bf acuse me of lieying to him for not being a virgin i found myself a good man he lier for me by telling my parent that he his the one that took my verginity i was so chock when he said that so do u gys think he really loves me....
A. 29 July 2010: Uh... no?
If I'm reading this correctly, he sounds less adept than the typical 14-yeard old at relating to his girlfriend's parents. Most normal people don't talk about their sex life with someone's daughter, and yet this guy tells your parents ... (read in full...)
Should I get it overwith and have a one night stand to lose my virginity?
Q. Ok, so I'm only a few months off 21, and I'm still a virgin. Not feeling quite as alone in this as I just read another post from a 21 yr-old girl in a similar situation, but regardless, I feel that it's time to lose my virginity. I've never had a ...
A. 29 July 2010: You won't be a freak who is still a virgin at 40 (those are rare, but virginity alone hardly makes one a "freak"), so first thing you have to do is take a deep breath and calm down.
If you think your weight and looks are holding you back from get... (read in full...)
I really want a family! Will it ever be the right time?
Q. Hello, I am 25 and have been married for 3 years. It has been difficult at times, but we love eacho ther very much. We have good jobs and are good people, but due to some silly mistakes, and the recession affecting work, times are tough.Fo...
A. 29 July 2010: The urge you feel for your husband to be better is called "hypergamy" and you can google it for a full explanation. Basically, it means women are never satisfied unless they have the best possible man - biologically, anyway. Love is its own thing, ... (read in full...)
Why do guys want a virgin?
Q. Why do guys say that sex with a virgin girl is better/more pleasurable than with a non-virgin? and why do guys want and like to be the one to take a girls virginity?...
A. 29 July 2010: Physically, if you are a girls' first, she is naturally tighter than other girls - although even the most widely-travelled sluts can be just as tight with proper Kegel muscle excercise.
It's more an emotional/instinctual thing. On a rational... (read in full...)
I'm scared to find out the outcome if I tell him I cheated...what should I do?
Q. i've been dating this guy for a little more than 4 months now, but yet i had a boyfriend (long distance) for more than a year at the same time. I told the long distance one that i was seeing another guy and this was the second time i cheated on him. ...
A. 29 July 2010: You should come clean with both of the guys. You are cheapening yourself, turning yourself into the kind of girl who will hurt and cheat on her boyfriends. Do you want to be *that* girl? If you really love yourself, you should hold yourself to a ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wont move out with me...
Q. hi aunts and uncles, I have a problem, something thats caused lots of arguments and some ill feelings about the topic, he thinks im being unreasonable, so iv come here to get a second opinion. My bf will not move out with me, i want to move...
A. 29 July 2010: I'm fairly sure he would be uncomfortable with you revealing financial information over the internet. He's also probably uncomfortable with moving in with you, and rightly so. Live-in girlfriends tend to cause more drama than ones who live at ... (read in full...)
Why won't she let me support her through this?
Q. My girlfriend and myself have been together for 6 months now and we are very happy together. Now Monday we were on a date and she got a call that her mom was arrested, and things between us haven't been the same... normally we text through out the ...
A. 29 July 2010: As a man, there is one way you can help a girl through hard times. You have to be the rock, the one who appears unaffected on the outside. She will complain to her girlfriends first, if she doesn't hold it inside, but seeing you stay strong but ... (read in full...)
How should I greet him?
Q. I just met someone, and we both really like eachother. I just moved countries. I'm going to see him around Christmas time. What should I do when I see him? Hug him, kiss him, wave to him? We both really love hugs, but I'm not sure if it will be the ...
A. 29 July 2010: Hug him. Kissing greetings can wait until later. But it's *never* a bad time for a hug.... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to ask what he's up to?
Q. hi, I have been with my bf three months now, he was my ex, four years ago we had a relationship, it was a very powerful relationship in the positive and the negarive side, we broke up and we kept loving each other in a secret way, now we are back, ...
A. 29 July 2010: You have the right to ask, and he has the right not to answer. I would advise against asking, though. Whether a man has been with a girl for 2 days or 2 decades, he hates being questioned about where he's been. Unless you have reason to think ... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 28 July 2010: @ Zayla80
Well, the Bible is pretty clear that it's better to be chaste than to marry - think it was Paul who said that one (Corinthians 7:7-10). Marriage is simply the second-best alternative to fornication. So, my soul can be saved without ... (read in full...)
I want to ask her out but I don't want to bother her with too many texts! What should I do?
Q. Hi there I have a problem which I really need help with. A week ago I was out with a group of friends from work and with them was one of their friends who I have met before. We spent the whole night talking and while my friends kept telling me ...
A. 28 July 2010: "Please any help would be appreciated Ive been single for a long time now and I dont want to have screwed up my first chance in years."
One of the best ways to screw up a relationship is to act as though screwing it up is the end of the world. ... (read in full...)
Should I call him and just let him know how I feel to clear things up?
Q. I met this guy 4 years ago when I met him it was a odd situation for me because at the time I was very shy and A VIRGIN. but we started to hang out and he wanted to take me on dates and tried to get me to go out and not just stay in his house.( ...
A. 28 July 2010: You should call him. No one can guarantee that he will respond positively, but unless you prefer the drama and mystery of not knowing, straight talk is the only way to feel better.
He might say he doesn't want you, or he might say you're the love... (read in full...)
He says I'm not a rebound, but is this true?
Q. Okay, so I've become attracted to a coworker and we've been hanging out every day for the past two weeks. We're not officially dating and we consider ourselves just friends, but there is a definite mutual attraction between us. He just came out of...
A. 28 July 2010: Don't worry about what he said. Guys tend to say things that upset women when we're caught off guard. You're probably not the rebound, unless he's seeing other chicks on the side. Rebounds are nearly always about the sex, and if you're not ... (read in full...)
Can this relationship survive the "no-sex" test?
Q. I am dating a great woman for almost a year now. She is the first relationship I have had after my divorce, but she is not the "rebound chick" as they call it. I met her after my emotions had calmed. We are considering marriage. Our relationship ...
A. 28 July 2010: Talk to her about it. Either she'll understand, or she's not the girl for you. If she agrees to a no-sex (or less-sex) test, that *will* put stress on the relationship, but probably won't break it. The only real danger is that your sex life won't ... (read in full...)
He turns his phone off at night - does this mean he is cheating on me?
Q. Do you think a guy is cheating if he use to turn his phone off at night during our relationship? He saids it was because he didn't want no one to wake him up while he was sleeping or no one look through his phone, meaning his parents because they ...
A. 28 July 2010: Depends. Do you have a history of calling when he was trying to sleep? I had one ex who would do that all the time, even after I asked her to stop, so I turned my phone off. Judging by your post, you seem really eager to keep in contact and move ... (read in full...)
Have I fallen out of love due to the stress or do I just need some time?
Q. I have been dating my b/f for 2 years. He was recently divorced when we met and I pretty much got dragged through the baggage of the aftermath. I also let him live with me, pretty much for nothing until he got on his feet so other than odd jobs ...
A. 28 July 2010: I'm not sure if it's the stress or not, but I can tell you that you have a very kind soul. This guy was put through the wringer by the family court divorce machine, and you were there when he needed it most. Whatever comes of it, you should feel ... (read in full...)
Why does he keep playing with my emotions?
Q. My husband left 2 months ago ... We just had a baby who is now 6 months. He moved out got his own place... And since the day he left he hasent stopped calling atleast everyother day and kissing me... He's said he is sorry but hasent really ...
A. 27 July 2010: Either he was unready to become a husband and father (in which case, there were certainly warning signs that you should have paid attention to), or he learned young that women are addicted to having their emotions played with and is doing it for the ... (read in full...)
Can a leopard really change its spots?
Q. My girlfriend and I have a very honest relationship. She is several years younger than I, she is 38. She was married for 10 years, cheated on her hubby and they divorced. She carried on with her lover for 7 years until his divorce was final, t...
A. 27 July 2010: You don't like her past because it is completely normal to be unwilling to commit to such a woman. That is your prehistoric instincts trying to prevent you from being cuckolded. You are bothered because all her previous behavior (you know, that ... (read in full...)
Should I marry someone who betrayed me like this?
Q. I recently found out that my boyfriend cheated on me 1 time. We've been dating for nearly 5 years, and we recently got engaged. I found out that a year ago he slept with this girl, after major flirting went on between them for a few months (i.e., ...
A. 27 July 2010: Cheaters, male or female, never cheat just one time. This is doubly true for anyone who does not confess to it willingly - the fact that they have you is more important to them than any moral concept such as "fidelity" or "honesty." Why not have ... (read in full...)
Afraid to french kiss...! Help
Q. well my bf tried asked me if he could kiss me and i said yes, i thought that was a normal kiss, not french, or tongue, when i went to kiss him i unexpectedly got some tongue, and i backed away immediately, it was really awkward, but i dont really ...
A. 27 July 2010: On the off chance he notices you're a bad kisser, he won't care. Being really, really into it is more important than being skilled.... (read in full...)
Is it a "cop out" to cheat on someone and then not tell them what you did?
Q. Posters Own Title: I've heard so often "I can't tell them I cheated on them b/c it would really hurt them." That seems so hypocritical to me. If this person was so concerned about "hurting" their partner, they probably wouldn't have cheated in the ...
A. 27 July 2010: You are correct. It's people who see the opportunity to avoid the consequences for taking advantage of someone's trust, and take it. A sign that their moral development stopped at age 12.... (read in full...)
At 6 months, shouldn't he know if he loves my by now? Or am I rushing things?
Q. Ok i need help! A bit of history is that my childrens father was a serial cheat throughout our 10 year long relationship, this ended 2 years ago. I t took me a while but i am now over it and feel really ready to move on. I dated a couple of guys ...
A. 27 July 2010: 6 months is way too fast to say you love someone, particularly for a guy.
A common misconception among women is that guys are uncomfortable expressing their feelings simply because they are guys. We are simply very aware of the conseque... (read in full...)
Problems with girlfriend, she puts her friends first all the time!
Q. I really don't know if my problem is unique or not. Probably not but yet, i haven't seen any couples with stuff like this. So anyway, my girlfriend is really a great girl, i love her, i'm prepared to do anythin for her, we've been together for ...
A. 27 July 2010: It seems that you are always available - at least comparatively. I'd pull back a bit, hang out with your own friends more, get a hobby or focus on school/work for a while. Right now, she knows that you are available at her convenience, and she ... (read in full...)
Ready to throw in the towel!!
Q. I have known my girlfriend for 15yrs, we have been in a relationship for 6yrs. this month I asked the big question and bought her an engagement ring. My co worker family owns a jewelry store so i bought a second hand ring that has been appraised for ...
A. 26 July 2010: When a woman complains about an engagement ring, that is the single WORST warning sign you can possibly see, short of cheating with your best friend. The ring is a rock representing the actual thing of value, the commitment. It's monetary value is ... (read in full...)
How do I get guys to look at me as more than just a one night stand?
Q. Okay so I'm a 18 years old girl, I consider myself as a okay looking girl but I do have a serious problem that just makes my self-esteem really low. I never had a boyfriend. Guys just aren't interested in me (except as a sexual object or something ...
A. 26 July 2010: OK, there are two answers here, the short-term and long-term answers.
Short term, you need to reevaluate the sort of guys you go after. This will be difficult, as when we are attracted to people, it's very difficult to see their faults. Are the ... (read in full...)
Marriage - why should any man bother?
Q. Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
A. 26 July 2010: @ CindyCare
I see what you're getting at, but having kids vs. getting married are two different things. Raising kids is a risk, but it's its own reward or punishment. Marriage offers no possibility of reward over simply making a private commitme... (read in full...)
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