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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Kids having sex!
Q. OK lately I see a lot of questions here where children from the age of 14-16,17 years think that they are old enough to have sex. They don't understand anything about it. They think that they are ready. There are even parents who agree with the idea ...
A. 24 September 2010: @ Miamine
If I had to guess (and I don't have stats to back this up, so feel free to dismiss it if it sounds wrong to you), I'd say the reason a father's presence has such an effect on kids' sex lives is that he and the mother serve as a model fo... (read in full...)
Kids having sex!
Q. OK lately I see a lot of questions here where children from the age of 14-16,17 years think that they are old enough to have sex. They don't understand anything about it. They think that they are ready. There are even parents who agree with the idea ...
A. 21 September 2010: @ The folks below upset about denigration of single parents:
I'm glad you all turned out alright, I really am. I thought it was implicit, but will clarify now: when I say kids from single-parent houselholds are more promiscuous et al, I mean on ... (read in full...)
Guys: Hot and cold?
Q. one minute hes soo sweet,considerate and perfect gives you all his attention and then hes a total idiot who doesn't care if you exist. why would he behave like that?? thnx..xx...
A. 16 September 2010: He is probably aware (consciously or not) that women are addicted to emotional roller coasters. Hot and cold, push and pull, love and apathy, all confuse women - and hold their interest.
I'm willing to bet that when he changes like this, it makes... (read in full...)
Can anybody tell my why your vagina feels different from one day to the next?
Q. My husband accuses me of cheating all the time. His reason is one day we will have sex and my vagina is tight and the next time he says its loose. He tells me a man can tell when another guy has been in his "stuff". I'm NOT cheating on him. Can an...
A. 16 September 2010: You can learn to tighten your Kegel muscles. Next time you pee, stop partway through. That's the Kegel muscle you're squeezing. It also tightens you up a lot - with practice, you can develop that muscle enough to squeeze tightly for the duration ... (read in full...)
How do I approach her to ask her out?
Q. i started at college last week and met 2 new friends they're really funny and we went on a trip the other day and a girl who when to there school was going on the trip as well and we both got introduced i think she is cute. i was just wondering.....
A. 16 September 2010: Depends on what means you have of contacting her. If you will see her again in person in the next week, talk to her then. Bring it up casually after some regular conversation (make her laugh first).
If you can't meet in person, phone text em... (read in full...)
Marriage scares me... is it the right way to go?
Q. Okay I have met a girl that I know my brother has slept with it was about three to four months before I met her. I decided that it was okay. I will just forgive and try to move on. After we dated for a little while I began to feel a love for her and ...
A. 16 September 2010: First, I'm curious as to why you think marriage requires a greater commitment than having a kid. "I don't marry for a child only for the love." You may benefit from reexaming your priorities. Or did she get pregnant without bothering to inform ... (read in full...)
Should I put up a front???
Q. Why in the World do i like older guys?! I mean, not much older, but the age difference could be from 4 to 11 years, which is not that much to me considering my relatives but my friends all think its so weird. They always think I'm hiding something ...
A. 16 September 2010: You are probably attracted the higher status, resources, and experience of older guys. Has something in your life exposed you more to older men, given you a chance to see them in flattering situations?
Assuming you're 15, 4-11 years older go... (read in full...)
I am wanting to know if my son's father and I will ever get back together???
Q. I am wanting to know if my son's father and I will ever get back together. Last year we had a physical altercation and he is now being charged with agravated menancing. I am not looking to press charges against him, the state is pressing charges....
A. 16 September 2010: Without knowing exactly what he did, I could not say whether he even deserves a chance to be taken back. Even though "But I really love him" is usually a terrible warning sign, I'll assume that as an adult you can make the proper judgment call that ... (read in full...)
What about clubbing?
Q. Clubbing Question.. Where do you stand on clubbing? My significant other likes to go out and club every couple of months. I told her Im ok with anything she does that she would be comfortable doing if I was in the room. Well.. She got wasted one n...
A. 16 September 2010: You did not overreact. You get to be upset when your girlfriend gets wasted and grinds on strange men. Gently but firmly let her know, next time she tries to go drunk, that it isn't happening. You obviously trust her while she is sober, so she is ... (read in full...)
What's the difference between being honest and being negative?
Q. What is the difference between being honest and being negative? People told me many times.including family,and friends, ''you are being too negative'' And I just cant see, where am I going wrong. I feel, Im just seeing the truth.. What is wrong wi...
A. 14 September 2010: Leadership is the ability to believe in one's own infallibility while, at the same time, learning from one's own mistakes.
Speak and think poisitively, but prepare for the worst possibility and act as though the most likely one is going to happe... (read in full...)
How do I achieve being a one man woman?
Q. I am what you call a "real life Samantha Jones". I'm a 47 year old woman who lost her virginity when she was 12. Throughout my teen years after that, I had seven sex partners. One of which was my first love who I lost my virginity to (we were ...
A. 14 September 2010: Most of the comments on this thread will give you the proper attitude/motivation; I'm going to focus on the practical actions that must be taken. Bear in mind, this will be fairly brutal - the dating scene will show no mercy, so you must be ... (read in full...)
I hit her when I was drunk... how can I make it up to her?
Q. I've been with my wife for 4 years and we had a wonderful relationship when I was sober. But one night I got drunk and we both started arguing and out of anger I hit her. She has told all of her family and friends she is done with me. Is there ...
A. 14 September 2010: Well, never have more than three drinks in one sitting again. AA should cover that.
Honestly, the real issue here is that every single person in her life and in the media is going to say she should leave you, and probably label you as abusive,... (read in full...)
I told myself I would never let a man hit me.
Q. I am a 15 year old girl and my boyfriend (also 15 years old) of 8 months hit me Friday for the very first time. He is bipolar and sometimes his mood swings are off the charts and his thought process is irrational at times. I stayed the night with ...
A. 14 September 2010: I wouldn't qualify this as an "abusive relationship" just yet. There is a difference between lashing out a little and being abusive. He didn't have the intent to harm, nor did he succeed in doing any real damage. This really sounds like a ... (read in full...)
Heartbroken by a jealous husband
Q. I have been a good woman. I never cheated on him. He was my first love, my first (and only) sex, my first everything. I have loved him for eight years. And I did not deserve this. The culmination of these years, is one year of calm and seven ...
A. 14 September 2010: Yeah. Just look around this site - the sheer number of "I cheated and want to avoid the consequences" threads should put some perspective on his jealousy. In any population, once we reach a certain critical mass of people who don't follow the ... (read in full...)
Do juniors like freshman?
Q. i just started high school,... and i met this guy on the first day. he's a junior, and im a freshman. i dont have any classes with him, but every time i see him, and he sees me, he gives me this crazy-adorable smile. how do i know if he's interested ...
A. 14 September 2010: Yes, guys in general dig girls younger than themselves. In high school, freshman girls tend to be very low-maintenance compared to junior girls, and are less likely to have an ex-boyfriend who goes to the same math class.
You'll have to judge fo... (read in full...)
Do guys prefer French kissing?
Q. My boyfriend and i started kissing a month ago and i noticed that the kiss tastes salty.. is this normal?? also, he likes the french kiss better than the lip kiss.. is this a guy thing? do guys prefer french kissing!! ...
A. 14 September 2010: I personally love 'em. Most of the girls I've dated did too. I can't speak for my guy friends, though; I try to give them their space when they're making out.
It's a very passionate, very sensuous way of connecting with someone, particul... (read in full...)
My heart says not to end this buy my head says I should? interracial relationship
Q. I am a white male, live and have lived in a mainly white suburb all my life, and most of my associations have been with others of my race. We are a pretty liberal family and I have always been raised that everyone is equal, but that being said our ...
A. 14 September 2010: "They dont trust me and they probably shouldn't."
Tell me, would this be acceptable if you were black, she was white, and all her white guy friends displayed this sort of attitude?
Additionally, your family sound like the typical "toleran... (read in full...)
I don't want to get worked up for it and then get a no!
Q. I'm going to ask the most common question ever probably, and know full well that the answer will be you've just got to ask/find out but i can't seem to. Basically I've started to really like a girl I work with. For the past year really we've started ...
A. 14 September 2010: "She's not like other girls"
This kind of thinking indicates an attitude of scarcity. What makes you scared to ask her out is the dual belief that (A) she is irreplaceable, and (B) she will be horrifically offended by being asked out and never ta... (read in full...)
Kids having sex!
Q. OK lately I see a lot of questions here where children from the age of 14-16,17 years think that they are old enough to have sex. They don't understand anything about it. They think that they are ready. There are even parents who agree with the idea ...
A. 14 September 2010: "The big problem is not having adequate sex education in school and access to contraception. Too many religious groups interfere with that because they want to remain in DENIAL that kids are going to experiment so they deny them access to a sexual ... (read in full...)
Why do we stereotype men and women?
Q. Im sure all of us have had this happen to us. Ok, let me start off with an example: Scenario: You just got pulled over for speeding. The cop is a male. The driver is a female. The woman flirts her way out of getting a ticket. Now if it were the same ...
A. 13 September 2010: To a certain degree, making assumptions about the people around is the only way to get through life. If I don't know a woman, but have to get her a gift, Conan the Barbarian is not going to be my first choice (though it is an awesome one, ... (read in full...)
How can I meet people my own age? I've run out of idea's!!
Q. I am at a total loss as to where to meet decent, single men in their 30's (or even meet women of my age that I could be friends with, preferably who are able to go out once in a while!). Any ideas? I have tried almost everywhere I can possibly ...
A. 12 September 2010: The dating scene is absolutely brutal to women in their 30's. Most of the advice that will actually be effective will also hurt a little. Now, whether it's true or not, every single man you meet is going to assume you have the baby rabies and will ... (read in full...)
I want to be more than FWB! how can I tell him?
Q. so me and this guy have been friends for about a yr. but recently this past week and a half we have decided to be fwb. this all started during the trip with some of his family and i told him we couldn't talk to each other when we got back to school ...
A. 12 September 2010: Just ask. Say, "I want this to be serious." If he says no, then you'll have to accept that and move on.... (read in full...)
Untitled and Undefined: The Way it Should Be
Q. Dear Cupid, My name is Rebecca. I am a 20-year old aspiring journalist. Oh god, what a dreadful introduction. Is that supposed to summarize who I am? How god-awful is that! More so, how god-awful is it that that's how I would naturally begin ...
A. 12 September 2010: "If (and I'm saying IF) I don't feel I can choose my girlfriend over my family and background, would staying with her as long as I can be cruel?"
Well, if you are certain that you will eventually leave her, it is cruel to drag the process out. Yo... (read in full...)
Untitled and Undefined: The Way it Should Be
Q. Dear Cupid, My name is Rebecca. I am a 20-year old aspiring journalist. Oh god, what a dreadful introduction. Is that supposed to summarize who I am? How god-awful is that! More so, how god-awful is it that that's how I would naturally begin ...
A. 11 September 2010: Well, this is what happens when the tribal instinct kicks in. We all want to feel like part of a group, and we need the "other" to be outside of the group. Without exclusion, there is no group cohesion.
Certainly, stereotypes have their uses. D... (read in full...)
Kids having sex!
Q. OK lately I see a lot of questions here where children from the age of 14-16,17 years think that they are old enough to have sex. They don't understand anything about it. They think that they are ready. There are even parents who agree with the idea ...
A. 11 September 2010: Well, a few generations ago (and for all of our history before that) people were having sex and building families at that age. They still do in some countries. Biologically, our bodies and brains are about the same as they were then - unless you ... (read in full...)
Is it true that a guy won't ever turn down sex?
Q. Hi, ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. we r very happy together. i have a problem though, i have been influenced by people so much in the past that you cannot trust any man ever. an i have been told this so many times that i dont t...
A. 11 September 2010: Guys will turn down sex. Leaving aside the fact that most guys are only good for two or three times a day at most, sometimes we just get tired, or are feeling down, or whatever. Sometimes we're just not in the mood and don't feel like getting in ... (read in full...)
What is going on with my relationship? Is my bf Inexperienced or just not in to me?
Q. Okay, i have been dating this guy for 2 months. Everything was great the first 2 weeks. He defiantly plays head games with me. To start we meet though friends. My best friend is one of his best friends. She told me right off the bat that he is ve...
A. 11 September 2010: OK, so on the one hand, he tells you straight-up that he doesn't want to date, just hook up a lot. Whatever you felt like, you agreed to it, so that's the first mistake.
Second, if he's going to do that, he really doesn't have any place acting j... (read in full...)
G/f such a natural flirt that I'm wondering if its worth it?
Q. I was reading my girlfriends facebook comments when i noticed she has something going on with another guy..they talk a ton and she keeps telling him how much she misses him. It's pretty flirty and he tells her he loves her? I'm sure it's meant to ...
A. 11 September 2010: Hmmm. Probably overreacting. She's open about knowing the guy, and being close friends with him, so I wouldn't worry. If you confront her too harshly she may get defensive - if you're nonchalant about it, then she doesn't hide anything, you're ... (read in full...)
Guys: How beautiful would a girl have to be for you to cheat with her?
Q. They say that a guy may not purposely go out to find someone to cheat with, but that if someone latches on to THEM, they would be willing to cheat. Guys, how beautiful would a girl have to be in order to get you to cheat on your significant other ...
A. 11 September 2010: I believe in karma - what goes around, comes around. Cheating is not in my long-term interests.
While nature has certainly imbued guys with the drive to spread the seed far and wide, I like to think we are all capable of controlling ourselve... (read in full...)
"Guy Friends" and shady behavior
Q. Ok, I'm sure a million people have been in this situation or something similar, but I've been pretty upset lately to the point of losing significant sleep and having nightmares over this. My girlfriend has lots of "guy friends." The only interac...
A. 11 September 2010: I'm sorry to break it to you, but she's cheating. Or at least, she intends to cheat, and is doing things she knows you would not be comfortable with. And when she goes back to school, she will cheat some more.
If the facebook pictures were old... (read in full...)
Will she be satisfied with my size after having a baby?
Q. Hey everybody, thnx for spendin some time to read my question, i ve been with my girlfriend for ages and our sex life seems to be great. im average size around 6 inches , and so far im really satisfied with my size and so is my partner since sh...
A. 11 September 2010: The length is not what matters in this questions, it's the girth.
As for the post-baby satisfaction, I've heard mixed reports from friends with children. Some are great, others are not. All, however, report that there is much less sex after ba... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is misinformed about birth control!
Q. I am having a slight problem right now. My boyfriend is a little bit miss informed about how easy it is to get pregnant. I am on birth control, soo because of this he thinks we don;t need to use condom's since we both know there's no STD's or ...
A. 11 September 2010: Get him to look it up on the internet.
Alternatively, ask him if he really wants to trust his entire reproductive decision to you. Ask if he trusts you never to forget (or "forget") a pill. Ask if he understands what happens when you take a 2... (read in full...)
Should I stay because of love or get out because of conditions?
Q. i love my husband and he is actually loving to me but we live in a difficult condition always one problem or the other.these conditions make me unhappy.i dont know what to do.should i stay in this marriage just because of love or should i get ...
A. 11 September 2010: Unless the conditions are adultery or abuse, you ought to stay. If you're Christian, the wedding vows are pretty clear on "richer or poorer, better or worse."
If you're both working to improve your situation, it will get better someday. Good luc... (read in full...)
He doesn't even try to have sex with me anymore!
Q. My boyfriend doesn't seem to want me as much lately. He doesn't kiss me, hold me, or tell me he loves me as much as he used to. He don't even try to have sex with me anymore! He used to try A LOT! I don't know if he's bored of me or if he found ...
A. 11 September 2010: Look, if the relationship was really meant to be, you would inspire each other to better yourselves. Each of you would strive to be great people just because you want to live up to what the other deserves.
"he can easily leave if he really w... (read in full...)
What do women want in a person?
Q. Good evening, Dear Cupid community: In my experience, there comes a question that men often ask: What do women want? The reason I post this question, is because some of these questions I see here in the community stem from this. There seems to b...
A. 9 September 2010: One problem with people is that they are confused about what they want. They are hardwired to want one thing, learn to want another by their experience, and a programmed to want another by society. It helps to basically ignore what anyone says ... (read in full...)
Should I just give up on her and be lonely?
Q. I'm in love with a girl in college. We're both in our freshmen years and same class. Anyway, I was trying to come closer her but it looks like she can't see me as anything other than a possible friend... Either way, this is not the main thing,...
A. 9 September 2010: "Should I just give up her and remain lonely?"
Yes, you should give up on her. No, you should not remain lonely.
There are thousands of girls out there, any one of whom would make a fine girlfriend. This one does not return your affections ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be seen as just a friend to her!
Q. I asked a girl out on a date and it went well, we're meeting up agaian but I would like us to be boyfriend/girlfriend. However the last 2 times I was on a date, the last just saw it as friends hanging out and the one before that had a hunch it was a ...
A. 9 September 2010: Get past her. There are plenty of girls out there, thousands of which would make great girlfriends. Pining away for one girl not only wastes your time, but allows other guys the opportunities to get with girls who might actually date you.
Sad t... (read in full...)
Been masturbating -- is this normal for my age?
Q. So I like to masturbate. I admit it. Iv been masturbating for about a year. Is this strange for my age? Can someone help me figure out?...
A. 9 September 2010: It's fine. I started around the same time, and I understand most guys do too. Welcome to puberty.
For the record, you won't go blind or get hairy palms.... (read in full...)
Is it possible that I don't have the capacity to love a man?
Q. Is it possible that I don't have the capacity to love a man? I am in my early 40s and have been married for almost 15 years. I have had many relationships. Many. I have been loved and cherished and treated as any woman would wish to be treated. A ...
A. 8 September 2010: Well, the more people someone has sex with (this includes men), the more difficult it is to bond with any particular one. I'm guessing your husband was not your first man by a long shot. Try to remember your first boyfriend (not necessarily the ... (read in full...)
He doesn't even try to have sex with me anymore!
Q. My boyfriend doesn't seem to want me as much lately. He doesn't kiss me, hold me, or tell me he loves me as much as he used to. He don't even try to have sex with me anymore! He used to try A LOT! I don't know if he's bored of me or if he found ...
A. 8 September 2010: Wait, have you actually had sex with him? It sounds like he used to *try* a lot, but was always turned down. Most guys will only put up with that for so long these days, particularly if they are young and hormonal or if they have other options.
... (read in full...)
How can I tell him I just want to date and not be his girlfriend?
Q. I have a really HUGE problem. This really sweet guy friend of mine asked me on a date. I said yes, and at the time I thought it would be a nice experience for me. It will be my first date (and I've been holding off on this for a while). Soon aft...
A. 8 September 2010: Guys are used to going out on a few dates and having nothing happen. The first few dates are just to see if you're compatible anyway.
Just two points to keep your conscience clear: first, pay for your half of everything. It would be wrong to... (read in full...)
Clueless about girls, How do I gain confidence and how do I know when the right time is?
Q. I've never really been comfortable about sex before. It's always been something I've felt extremely awkward and embarrassed about. I mean, I don't have any problem talking about it with people online, nor do I have any problem watching porn or even ...
A. 7 September 2010: "I don't really know how to ask a girl out in the first place, I'm so clueless." The answer to that is to be prepared to fail. You know what happens when you ask a girl out and she says no? Nothing. So, just keep trying. Go into it with the... (read in full...)
Shy guy around girls...
Q. please help me out! i need your advice!! im a 21 years old guy in a good shape and often times i catch some people checking me out. the problem is when i start talking to a girl i always think she is "the one meant to be". so im too nice too ...
A. 7 September 2010: The thought that you need to be liberated is this: There is *no such thing* as THE ONE. There are, instead, tens of thousands of girls out there who would make wonderful, compatible, faithful girlfriends, any one of whom would make you happy, and ... (read in full...)
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