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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Scared that if I break up with him I'll regret it later
Q. heyy..okay so the problem is i dont really know if i actually still love my boyfriend... i dont think about him THAT much anymore i like spending time with other guys more than him i try to avoid seeing guys i know when i'm with him so they don...
A. 16 July 2010: His past injustices against you will not magically become better if you hurt him back. All it will do mean is that you have done something nasty. Do you really want to be the girl who has to hide what she does from her boyfriend?
If he's rea... (read in full...)
Girlfriend or potential, lucrative job?
Q. I love my girlfriend of 1-1/2 years to death (though we've known each other for 11 years), and can't wait to propose to her someday. My girlfriend is extremely attached to me, and whenever I have been away for a few weeks, she gets upset. I...
A. 14 July 2010: Take the job. Tell her firmly, but gently, that the job is part of building a future (possibly one with her in it), and you will not compromise on it. Sometimes a man has to put off the instant gratification for the long-term gain.
Ultim... (read in full...)
Should I get back with him because every aspect of our relationship is great? Should I learn to cope with his enjoyment of porn?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for two years. When we got together I knew he watched porn, I didn't mind at first until I realised how much he did it. I asked him to stop and he agreed, I then found out 6 months later he was still doing it (yes, by ...
A. 14 July 2010: Guys will always, always want sexual variety. It's instinct. This trait is stronger in some men then others, but the desire is there. No matter how much sex a man gets, sometimes he wants to masturbate. Most guys will not admit that, either.
... (read in full...)
Taking the pill while pregnant?
Q. if i'm pregnant, and i dont know, and i keeep taking my birth control regularly, when it comes time for my period, will i get it? or spot? or not bleeed at all? please help mee....
A. 14 July 2010: If you miss a pill or two and get pregnant, you will still miss your period. That's where the 98% figure comes from, actually - lots of girls forget (or "forget") to take it once in a while. Taken religously, it's closer to 99.9% effective.... (read in full...)
Am I doing MYSELF a disservice being with a wonderful man, who I love and who loves me but has no apparent time for me?
Q. Ok, here's the deal. My boyfriend and I have been together for several months now. We just got over a fight which kept us apart for about 2 weeks, but we seem to slowly be returning back to normal. The problem is, that back to normal still isn...
A. 14 July 2010: Did you start the fight, or was the fight over your behavior? If so, he may be reluctant to get into another fight. It sounds like it was over the amount of time he spends with you.
He may not want to seem too eager. Or he may be worried ... (read in full...)
Scared that if I break up with him I'll regret it later
Q. heyy..okay so the problem is i dont really know if i actually still love my boyfriend... i dont think about him THAT much anymore i like spending time with other guys more than him i try to avoid seeing guys i know when i'm with him so they don...
A. 14 July 2010: You're young, and have probably not been dating him for long.
What has happenend is that you have lost the initial rush of infatuation with him. Chemicals in your brain make new relationships literally addictive. Real love gets built up over tim... (read in full...)
Unhappy wife, lonely wife
Q. I have been married for 6 years. My husband goes out every night. He takes care of home and me, and believes that this is his sole responsibility as a husband and what is most important. I work and have recently started my own party planning ...
A. 14 July 2010: The younger man is exciting, I'm sure. But younger guys will almost never stay with older women. The odds are pretty bad of that working out, and then you'll just be single again. The dating scene is brutal in your forties.
You also need to ... (read in full...)
Is is possible to get married after my boyfriend is done basic training for the army, & could I live with him on base housing when hes done?
Q. so i been with this guy joe, im very happy. he's in bootcamp right now for the army, and were getting pretty serious. Im 16 years old, young yes, but very mature. Im turning 17 in december anywho. I really wanted to know if its possible to get ...
A. 14 July 2010: You can get married after basic training, though you may have to elope on very short notice if he is getting deployed.
You can request housing on the base, as well. I don't believe the request is always granted, though.
Good luck with your m... (read in full...)
Should I come clean about cheating or not?
Q. hi i am teddy and i have made a big mistake .... i have cheated on my bf who i have been with for ages its love ... shall i come clean and tell him .... xxxxx help me ...
A. 14 July 2010: You owe it to him and to yourself to tell him. This was not just a "mistake", you deliberately chose to act in a way that you know he would never want, and that would hurt him deeply. It's a betrayal.
He would want to know. Why hurt him agai... (read in full...)
Am I her fall back guy?
Q. So I am confused and lost so I'll keep this short and simple. I met this girl over 7 months ago and started having phone and text conversations with her. We had a brief argument which led to 2 months of avoiding each other. We have been on...
A. 13 July 2010: Have you done anything romantic or sexual? If so, then yes, you are the fallback guy, and she's keeping you on the back burner while she hunts for better options.
If you have only talked and texted, then you're only a friend, and she's just a t... (read in full...)
Is it better to be wanted or needed?
Q. Here's a bit of a hypothetical question which has been bugging me... In a relationship do you think its better to be wanted or needed? Why? ...
A. 13 July 2010: Wanted or needed? Well, I picture a good girlfriend as saying "I want you" while she wraps her arms around me and bites my ear. When I hear "I need you!", I picture a girl trying to convince me that I should take her back after she cheated.
... (read in full...)
How can I prove to her that all I want is her love?
Q. Ok, I'm 15 years old and dating the girl of my dreams. We've been together about 5 months, but we both agree that it seems like we've known each other forever (in a good way). Unfortunately I haven't seen her in a month and we started fighting. It ...
A. 13 July 2010: If it's going to get back to normal, it should do so partway through your next date. If it's still awkward after spending an hour or two with her in a date-like setting, odds are pretty good the relationship is over.
That's not your fault, m... (read in full...)
My mom and dad don't like my fiancee and we don't speak at all, any suggestions??
Q. ok where do i start im 25 im a mum of three my eldest is six then 4 and i have a baby of 6 months.....i first got with my boyfriend and got pregnant very quickly he is older than me so obviously my parents had there concerns but he made me happy we ...
A. 13 July 2010: I'm just trying to help you see things from your parents' position. Whether or not you are a good mother is one thing; your parents' perception of your worthiness as a mother is another. It sounds as though all the evidence available to them goes ... (read in full...)
Divorced nine months ago and still in pain
Q. i was married for 10 years we have been divorced for 9 mos and every time i see her it hurts i know she is seeing other guys and that is killing me so how do i move on and forget about her we have the same friends and have to see each other from ...
A. 13 July 2010: This depends on the reason for the divorce. It sounds like she was the one who filed, and most women file under no-fault divorce. That means you didn't do anything wrong, and she hurt you because she could not live up to her wedding vows. Modern ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is stunning, and this causes problems in public, what should I do?
Q. Hello all. I've been with this girl for 2 months now, she is stunning, but this is a bit of a problem because whenever we go out, there is always someone staring at her behind or her legs or something, and if they aren't just staring, they'll say ...
A. 13 July 2010: If you're afraid she'll get mugged, you're both much better off running away. It's not sexy, but then, neither is getting stabbed by a felon on parole.
If you're just getting catcalls, flash the guys your best sh*t-eating grin. They're complime... (read in full...)
Why would she say all this?
Q. Ok so me and my ex broke up a couple months ago cuz she said she just wanted to be single for a bit. These are some things she said during the time of the break up...."I'm 100% certain we will be together one day for the rest of our lives." "I've ...
A. 12 July 2010: She is saying that because she wants to have her cake and eat it, too. She has found her nice, safe provider-male (you) but wants to experience some dangerous, bad-boy loving. She just has had the luck to find you first, before getting the ... (read in full...)
She's shy about showing me her lady parts
Q. ok so me and my gf have been together for 7 months now and we are beyond the sexual level of our relationship...well just lately i been having an issue because she wont show me her LADY part (vagina), now thats not the problem. The problem is ...
A. 12 July 2010: Many women are embarrassed about how their lady-parts look. Especially when spread open (which is probably what she thinks you're going for), some just don't like the way it looks. Perhaps showing it off would make her feel like a porn star - not ... (read in full...)
Which sexual act do guys prefer?
Q. I will keep this short and simple. Guys which sexual act would you most prefer from a girl, a handjob, a blowjob, or intercourse, and would your preference change if you were in a relationship or just looking for casual encounters? Thanks you.......
A. 12 July 2010: Honestly? Whatever I'm getting the least of at the time. I had one girlfriend a few years back who hated giving blowjobs - so guess what I wanted all the time. Had another girlfriend who always preferred being on top; naturally, I wanted to be on ... (read in full...)
He doesn't like my son, treats him awful, is he resentful because he is not his father??
Q. why does he dislike my son? My partner and i have known each other for 11yrs, when we first met my son from a previous relationship was only 18mts. This guy and i dated for roughly a yr when suddenly he ended it saying he couldnt be a father to my ...
A. 11 July 2010: He is resentful that his time and resources are being spent on a child who is not his own, will not carry on his name, will not think of him as father, and will not pass on his DNA. All living things are programmed to see that their DNA is passed ... (read in full...)
My mom and dad don't like my fiancee and we don't speak at all, any suggestions??
Q. ok where do i start im 25 im a mum of three my eldest is six then 4 and i have a baby of 6 months.....i first got with my boyfriend and got pregnant very quickly he is older than me so obviously my parents had there concerns but he made me happy we ...
A. 11 July 2010: Your parents are entirely justified. Their little girl got knocked up by some guy when they barely even knew each other. What are they supposed to think of him?
Just as likely, they are angry at you, but take it out on him because he is a strang... (read in full...)
Is 160 pounds a healthy weight for my height?
Q. Im 16 and i weigh 205 im around 5"7 ish and i want to be around 160 lbs i dont want to be super skinny so is that a good weight? Im not asking for any dieting or exercising help cause i have that part handled..... I also have a big lower back hump ...
A. 11 July 2010: Depends on what you are going for. 160 is still a little too much. Between 140 and 150 is healthy, so if you're losing the weight simply for health, more power to you. If you're trying to get more male attention, the bar will be higher (er... ... (read in full...)
How can I lose the weight I put on during pregnancy?
Q. Hi ppl I am a 22 yrs cute MOMMY AND WIFE:-))))) but I got a problem after I had my baby which is like 5 yrs ago I just cant loss my fatty belly!!! I have try mostly everything I love my husband and he's a very young guy to only 25 and I know he ...
A. 11 July 2010: Short of liposuction, that baby fat pretty much never goes away. Even then, there is some loose skin which will tend to sag.
The good news is that your husband still finds you sexy, and certainly wants you to wear a nice two-piece to the beach. ... (read in full...)
He has trust issues and I have issues with my weight, should I break up with him?
Q. Ok i have a question ive been in a long distance relationship with this guy for about 7 wks i really like him but he has trust issues which i do to and hes been hurt alot i see it on his facebook how hes always struggling alone and stuff and he ...
A. 11 July 2010: Some form of punctuation would make this much easier to read and respond to. I'll try, though.
Regarding his trust issues, in a long distance relationship, those will always exist. Relationships are cemented by touch, both sexual and non-sexu... (read in full...)
How can I hide the fact that I'm a virgin?
Q. Okay i am 18 years old and i am a virgin. It sucks cus i dont really want the guy i first have sex with to know that. Can i hide it somehow? Would the shower work? It could wash down the drain so it wont leave me in the "spur of the embarrased ...
A. 11 July 2010: Losing your virginity will not help you calm down and lose stress. You will be saddled with a whole new batch of emotions over the guy who did it. That said, telling him you are a virgin will probably just make him want you more.... (read in full...)
Never in the mood for sex anymore!
Q. I have been married for eight years.I have three kids.For the last two years I don't feel like having sex often.My husband is a wonderful man and he means the world to me.It makes me feel bad when he tells me why I'm not in the mood like I was ...
A. 10 July 2010: Krunk is correct. Part of the reason your husband agreed to marriage was the belief that he would be having lots of sex. He would be entirely justified in leaving if he was not getting any. After all, it's just as hard for him to go without when ... (read in full...)
Do guys ever put women in "the friend zone"?
Q. I'm concerned I've been putting in some male form of the friend zone but don't know. I have been friends with this guy for 2 years. We talk everyday on the phone, he has told me very personal things he doesn't tell anyone else, he has rearrange...
A. 10 July 2010: Guys do put girls in the friend zone. This is largely based on physical attractiveness and on perceived place on the wife/one-night-stand continuum. It is possible that he does not find you physically attractive enough to ask out. This is in... (read in full...)
Need help understanding guys!
Q. Having trouble understanding men. When I was a kid growing up. Guys would ask me out as a joke. It stayed with me for years. A couple of years ago I hung out with a guy for two long years which had a lot of ups and downs (mostly downs). At the e...
A. 10 July 2010: This is the male equivalent of giving out your phone number and then never returning calls. It's a way of making you leave them alone, but still getting the attention they crave. Additionally, most guys don't have the heart to just walk away ... (read in full...)
Do birth control pills provide enough protection?
Q. I've been on birth control pills for over a year now and have been having sex with my boyfriend for the same amount of time. We used to always use condoms as a back-up with the birth control pills but for the past few months we haven't. Everytime we ...
A. 10 July 2010: Birth control pills are about 99% effective - far better than condoms alone, but far worse than both together. Still, most statistics show that condoms are only slightly more effective than pulling out anyway (they're more for preventing the spread ... (read in full...)
How do I experience an enjoyable time without being treated like a strange, creepy person?
Q. I'm middle-aged. I am separating from my wife, at least for six months. The reason we are separating is that she has been unfaithful in several ways, and I want her to experience life without me. As for myself, I have been hurt by her behavior and ...
A. 10 July 2010: I'm not sure what to do about the new social situations.
However, giving your unfaithful wife time without you is only going to make her unfaithfulness worse. Your giving her the opportunity to cheat more, without a chance of getting caught; ... (read in full...)
My friend is the odd one out?
Q. Ok so i live in a small town where I grew up with all these girls. Iv'e known them since we were babies. We are all 17 theres about 14 of us all together. But one of my friends Naomi havent changed at all. she's still young in the mind. She doesnt ...
A. 8 July 2010: Also, playstation and DS are fun. Why shouldn't adults play them?
It is quite likely your friend has become more catty and judgemental because you have pushed her for so long to do things she does not want to. You get what you give.... (read in full...)
Any advice on ways to get and stay focused?
Q. I think I am losing it. There's a girl who is a good friend of mine that I really like. I enjoy hanging out with her, and I can't stop thinking about her when I'm not. She's seems to be in my head all the time, and it's all really been affecting my ...
A. 8 July 2010: Is she single? Make a move! Ask her out, and whether it works out or goes down in flames, pat yourself on the back for having the guts to move forward.
Otherwise, hang out more with your guy friends and your family. Focus on a hobby, or on sc... (read in full...)
How can I prove to her that all I want is her love?
Q. Ok, I'm 15 years old and dating the girl of my dreams. We've been together about 5 months, but we both agree that it seems like we've known each other forever (in a good way). Unfortunately I haven't seen her in a month and we started fighting. It ...
A. 8 July 2010: You need to back off a little yourself. What you are feeling is infatuation, as your body releases hormones that literally addict you to her presence. This is the "known her forever" feeling at work.
You don't have anything to apologize for anyt... (read in full...)
How do I let her down gently without hurting her too much?
Q. So first off i am only 20 years old, and very mature for my age, and i have been with my girlfriend, who is turning 21 this year, for almost a year, at first i was sketchy about even dating her because she was so different in personality than i ...
A. 8 July 2010: I was in that exact situation at your age. Handled it completely wrong, too.
What you should do (and I *should* have done) is meet her at her place, sit her down, and explain it to her. Do not apologize (you haven't done anything wrong), ... (read in full...)
What is that supposed to mean... his dad decides???
Q. I was only 24 years old when I got married to a guy who saw me at my uncle's wedding. We got to know each other for only five months then got married, it was too fast I know but he was well off and very very kind. we loved each other like crazy.. ...
A. 6 July 2010: While I'm sure you would like to have an explanation, and a chance to tell him he was a scumbag, he doesn't owe you anything. The nature of a relationship (and a reason for the 50% divorce rate) is that either person can unilaterally end the ... (read in full...)
How can I improve my self-image?
Q. I am a seventeen year old girl, 5'4'' and 118 pounds. I generally wear sizes 0-2, or x-small-small, in a variety of clothing brands, so I KNOW I'm not fat or anything, even though I often feel like I am. There has never been a time in my life when ...
A. 6 July 2010: I see two possibilities for why you are single, considering that your BMI (20.3) is about right for a healthy girl, maybe even a bit on the skinny side depending on your level of muscle. I'll assume you have at least an average face, as well.
... (read in full...)
Another girl's boyfriend is turning my head from my own boyfriend...
Q. Im in a relationship but cant stop thinking about someone else! Ok so Ive been in a relationship for 8 months, its quite serious, and i believed he was 'the one' although now we are over the 'honemmon period' i can see cracks. he's very negati...
A. 6 July 2010: Regarding your current boyfriend, you have to decide for yourself if he's worth staying with. You sound like a very positive person, so his "negative" attitude may actually be fairly neutral. You have to go with what works for you in the end, ... (read in full...)
Would you (as a guy) turn a girl away over something like this?
Q. Bonjour, I just wanted guys opinions because even though I know it's normal, as in it's not unhealthy, I don't like it. On my left side I have always had one long inner labia. I feel like it will freak guys out and/or get in the way!! Argh I hate ...
A. 6 July 2010: Of course I would turn down a girl if I didn't like her physically. However, what you describe does not sound abnormal to me (I'm not a medical doctor), and a little asymmetry is not uncommon in people. This sounds the equivalent of a guy hanging ... (read in full...)
Opinions on what constitutes cheating?
Q. My boyfriend has a close female friend who he used to like. I'm wondering what are people's opinions on what would be classified as cheating( apart from kissing and having sex)? Thank you...
A. 6 July 2010: The first anon has got it dead-on. If you wouldn't want your significant other to see it, it's cheating.
Having these sorts of boundaries is not "limiting" the other person, it's defining clearly what sort of behavior will end the relation... (read in full...)
How do I tell him things aren't going to work out?
Q. I have been divorced for three years. Recently decided to date on line. Was just looking for a friend, but found a really nice guy. Three months after we started dating he found out he needed a bone marrow transplant. I visited him in Florida three ...
A. 6 July 2010: Tell him you're too old to have any more kids, and that you do not want more than four in any event, and wish him the best of luck in finding a woman who will have children with him later.
That said, at his age, he may feel (with some justific... (read in full...)
Does my friend like me more than a friend?
Q. I have this friend who I only really became friends with because of another friend. For the last few weeks I've noticed some things. He always picks on me. He does this to a lot of people, but he does it especially to me. He knows I don't like to ...
A. 6 July 2010: Some girls are just really fun to make fun of, even you you don't think of them that way.
His other behavior, however, leads me to believe that he would be open to beign with you. Tough to tell if he likes you as a potential girlfriend or just ... (read in full...)
He cheats with me, but then says he wants to stay with her!
Q. I am so confused and hope someone can help. I have fallen for this guy at work but we are both in other relationships. About 6 months ago this man and I realised that we were very attracted to one another and as we both have issues around se...
A. 5 July 2010: The problem with cheaters is that they nearly always cheat again. I understand that neither of you has done this before, but it will be very difficult to trust each other in the future. Additionally, the feelings of jealousy over each others' ... (read in full...)
Is it worth trying and holding on to her?
Q. I'm 20 and i'v been out of school for about a year and 1/2 and i dont really feel like going back yet, but i have a girlfriend that i really care for that is going to collage soon and i dont see her much as is but once she starts school im afrade ...
A. 5 July 2010: Long-distance relationships have, according to the American Psychology Association, about a 5-8% chance of working out. People know that they don't work, and that knowledge alone can hurt a relationship about to go into long-distance.
Being... (read in full...)
My friend is the odd one out?
Q. Ok so i live in a small town where I grew up with all these girls. Iv'e known them since we were babies. We are all 17 theres about 14 of us all together. But one of my friends Naomi havent changed at all. she's still young in the mind. She doesnt ...
A. 5 July 2010: She's fine. You're trying to be a good friend by helping her fit in, but if she's not comfortable drinking, don't make her feel left out for her decision. I don't know if it's the same for girls, but one of my best drinking buddies actually never ... (read in full...)
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