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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 18 October 2010: My last reply appears to have been lost to the Ether of the Net. I'll try and replicate is as closely as I can recall.
@Person12345:
This thread is not about rape. It's not about abortion, it's not about the wage gap, it's not about object... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 12 October 2010: @ Person12345:
I can address the rape stats in a PM or another article if you like; my point was more intended to be that bringing up rape in this thread is off-topic and serves only to make people unnecessarily uncomfortable. For the record, ... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 11 October 2010: @ person12345:
While I agree with you that excessive porn use in a relationship is a bad thing, I take issue with a few of your statements. Note that this entire post is going to be from a guy's persepctive regarding porn use; I don't feel qua... (read in full...)
Will I ever get over being abused in a previous relationship?
Q. I dated this guy about a year ago.he kept saying that is I didn't date hime he would kill himself.so I dated him..it was ok @ first..he bought me nice things and treatd me great.then I told one of my darkest secrets then he told me one of his..then ...
A. 30 September 2010: Wait, you're dating a new guy, but the old abuser is still in your social circle?
*Get rid of him.* Leave and find new friends if you have to, but get the hell away from him.
Recovery is not impossible by any means, and the fact that you ar... (read in full...)
What do women really, actually want?
Q. Why do women so often say they want things that aren't the man himself, e.g. clothes, tatoos, car, house, money, job, hairstyle? If you ask a man what he really wants, he wants a good looking, healthy woman who doesn't actually need makeup, or ...
A. 30 September 2010: Women want social dominance. Whether that's in the form of money, mainstream status, fame, thuggery, quiet confidence, or excitement depends on the chick and on her age. Social dominance is a somewhat broader category than simple confidence; it ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says she wants an open relationship?
Q. My Girlfriend want's an open relationship and i don't. We have been together for 3 years and are gonna get engaged and married. Still she is barely able to see me because of my job and college. I don't know what i should do....
A. 30 September 2010: If she's asking for an open relationship during your engagement, I give it 99% odds she already has a man picked out, and 95% she's already sleeping with him. Especially if she has lots of time where you aren't around.
Now, marriage is a terrible... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't understand!
Q. I am desperately in need of help. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and live with my boyfriend of over a year. We have not been doing well in our relationship and we fight daily. I am emotional and hormonal and am sure that contributes to some of the ...
A. 30 September 2010: I'm not sure what to say to him to make him more supportive, but I think I can explain what his thought processes are. Hopefully that will help you figure out how to talk things out with him. First, in response to "This is my body, and my bab... (read in full...)
Wife resentful because she is breadwinner now but I was for 7 years!
Q. Well, I'm not gonna sit here and try to talk myself up when I tell you all about my situation, but if it turns out that way, then well... its all from my point of view. But first to get this out of the way before I forget. I am sometimes a selfish ...
A. 28 September 2010: "I begged her to get out and get a job to supplement our income." First mistake. Never beg, not for anything, especially to your wife. It inspires contempt, no matter how justified it is. Rather, you should have sat her down with the checkbo... (read in full...)
Why wont he give me oral sex?
Q. Well, here's the problem. I have been with the same guy for 8 years...he's my first. we have literally done everything together and lately he hasnt been recipricating the favor....I give him oral sex regularly without question and he asks for it. I ...
A. 28 September 2010: I'll (mis)quote Dan Savage: "Oral comes standard. Any model that lacks that feature should be returned to the manufacturer." On the other hand, ignore the advisors telling you to claim you don't like giving head - firstly, because you have... (read in full...)
Should I sleep with him if I don't want to have sex?
Q. Should I continue to sleep with my boyfriend if he has asked for sex which I don't want to give?...
A. 27 September 2010: You say "continue" to sleep with him - I'll assume that means you already are.
You should only make decisions which you are comfortable with. Especially as just a girlfriend, with no shred of "wifely duty," you have no obligation to do anything... (read in full...)
I can't seem to find a girlfriend!
Q. Hi I'm a 20 year old guy who has a problem. The problem is that I cannot for the life of me get a girlfriend no matter how hard I try. EVER. I'm average looking. Not ugly by any means. Also I'm not over wait or anything either. I'm not mean or ...
A. 26 September 2010: @ The anon below re: Looks
They matter, but not much, relatively speaking. Comparing how much a girl cares for a man's look to how much a man cares for a girl's - no contest.
Once a guy has the bases covered - symmetry, hygiene, not bei... (read in full...)
I can't seem to find a girlfriend!
Q. Hi I'm a 20 year old guy who has a problem. The problem is that I cannot for the life of me get a girlfriend no matter how hard I try. EVER. I'm average looking. Not ugly by any means. Also I'm not over wait or anything either. I'm not mean or ...
A. 25 September 2010: Fortunately, this is a problem that can be solved with effort and a willingness to take emotional risks. Let's take apart your paragraph and see what's correct, and what needs work.
"The problem is that I cannot for the life of me get a girlfrie... (read in full...)
How should I tell him I want a relationship?
Q. Well me and this boy have been talking for a while now.I like him and everything and i think he likes me.We have hung out a lot just the two of us. We kissed held hands and stuff but he never really told me or anything.And i want to tell him that i ...
A. 25 September 2010: Saying it is kind of awkward. Just try to see him more often, and make out with him a little more. Work in some heavy petting.
If he's a nice enough guy that he's not seeing other girls, he'll get the message.... (read in full...)
How do I pursue her without screwing it up?
Q. There's this really hot girl in my class that I check out all the time. Well, the other day in study hall she was sitting alone so I sat down at her table and started a conversation with her. We pretty much chatted nonstop for 2 hours until class ...
A. 25 September 2010: Invite her to meet up for a drink. Tell her to wear something nice. And keep making her laugh, but also keep moving forward with the interaction. Turn drinks into dancing if you can, or else a nice walk. Don't be afraid to put your hand on her ... (read in full...)
I'm 21 and terrified of intimacy and relationships!
Q. I could really do with some advice as I don't really know who else to talk to. I'm a confident 21 (nearly 22) year old training to be a lawyer. I have my own interests, am comfortable with who I am, have lovely friends and a wonderful family...
A. 25 September 2010: This is one of those things that is going to get worse before it gets better.
You'll have to be willing to approach guys yourself - force yourself to be at risk of being rejection, and accept the feeling of being rejected until it doesn't hurt so ... (read in full...)
I'll never be the "wild ride" she had with others!
Q. I just can't get over my girlfriends past. It's not that I have an issue with the fact she's had sexual partners before me, or even that she had great sex with them. It's the fact that those relationships were almost purely sexual, and the sex was ...
A. 25 September 2010: Do you get enough sex? Is the sex satisfying to you? Do you have reason to believe this state of things will continue even after you marry her and have been together a few years? Do you believe she will cheat on you to get better sex?
Those... (read in full...)
I actually meant it when I said those three words
Q. Aw man, I got myself in a bit of a pickle here. About a week ago, my best friend (a girl) and I both got drunk and had sex. Before we did it, though, she told me she's the kind of girl who needs to hear those three special words to make it feel ...
A. 24 September 2010: Try to get with her again. Stay awake afterwards, and tell her you meant what you said.
So ask her out the next chance you get - seriously, just call her on the phone right now. Have a good time, a few drinks, dance, etc. Go for the kiss abo... (read in full...)
I was trying to change but he's not listening
Q. I need help getting over my ex. He just broke up with me. He was my first everything. But its my fault because I was stupid and constantly accused him of cheating when I had no reason to. I didn't clean or cook cause I didn't know how to and I ...
A. 24 September 2010: He probably believes that you will revert back to your old ways if he takes you back. The fact that he wants custody of his child is evidence of that - he thinks this change is temporary, and doesn't want his kid raised that way.
So, stop try... (read in full...)
Is it legal?
Q. so my boyfriend is 19 an im only 15...an im not telling my parents that hes my boyfriend..but we are not having any sexual contact...is it legal?...
A. 24 September 2010: No sexual contact - as in no sex, no heavy petting, and no seeing each other naked - is legal. Some states have age of consent as low as 16, others are at 17 or 18.
Be sure to respect those laws. Leaving moral/ethical implications complete... (read in full...)
How can I get the dude I want?
Q. how do i get the dood i want??? He's really attractive and he plays sports but he's cocky and tends to be selfish. i really like him and he can really be so good to me ....
A. 24 September 2010: "he can really be so good to me ." Not sure what you mean by that. Has he been good to you, or do you imagine he could if you were together? As for the cocky and selfish behavior, well, that's part of why you're attracted to him. Your r... (read in full...)
My husbands touch makes me nauseous!
Q. I have been married for 22 years. I have remained pretty close to the way I looked when I married my husband. I work very hard at keeping myself fit and looking good. I eat right and workout on a regular basis. My husband is a good man, he works ...
A. 24 September 2010: Bypass surgery is risky in both the short ande long term. Dieting alone is worthless. He has to watch what he eats and hit the gym. Be sure to hire a trainer for him who can work to give him cardio excercises that won't destroy his ankles and ... (read in full...)
Why do I bite and scratch during intercourse?
Q. During sex, I tend to bite my boyfriend's neck and dig my nails into his back. Is there a deeper meaning into what we do to our partners during intercourse, or is it just us reacting to being caught up in the moment?...
A. 24 September 2010: Biting and scratching is fun. Not only is our pain threshhold higher during sex, the part of the brain that processes horniness is also the part that processes violent urges. If you're really letting yourself get into the moment, you might bite ... (read in full...)
Kids having sex!
Q. OK lately I see a lot of questions here where children from the age of 14-16,17 years think that they are old enough to have sex. They don't understand anything about it. They think that they are ready. There are even parents who agree with the idea ...
A. 24 September 2010: @ Miamine
If I had to guess (and I don't have stats to back this up, so feel free to dismiss it if it sounds wrong to you), I'd say the reason a father's presence has such an effect on kids' sex lives is that he and the mother serve as a model fo... (read in full...)
Men: Is sex a chore and not enjoyable?
Q. Do you men that focus only on performance during sex take sex as being a chore instead of enjoyment?...
A. 23 September 2010: Depends on the mood. Some days, I love putting on the performance and making her go wild. Other days, I really just want a quickie, and the effort of foreplay and lasting long is just not as appealing as taking matters into my own hands.
Sure,... (read in full...)
His conversation really hurt me! should I tell him?
Q. This conversation put tears in my eyes but I said nothing, I just sucked it up. Now I think that as conversation was on IM so maybe I misunderstood and I had no reason to be upset. Hi I would need some honest opinions about this conversation...
A. 23 September 2010: Two possibilities. They aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, but I think it's more likely one or the other, not both.
1) Sarcasm is impossible to convey over IM, and this was just a joke in poor taste that you took too seriously. It could ha... (read in full...)
How to keep a marriage ticking
Q. Marriage in itself is one of the strongest words to exist. It comprises of a whole new chapter in your life. It brings about a change in your life which nothing else can. You have so many aspirations and dreams about the right guy for yourself. Some ...
A. 22 September 2010: One point I'd like to add - don't, for the love of God, marry someone who is not ready to be a spouse and parent! If they aren't ready, either stick it out as lovers for the time being, or move on - don't rush things, don't try to fit some ... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 22 September 2010: Another point here is that men liekly don't want their women to see exactly what they are masturbating to. What 40 year-old wife wants to see "barely legal" in the browser history? What A-cup wants to see "big naturals" there?
Simply put, guy... (read in full...)
Why won't my nice guy connect with me on a deeper level? I'm confused!
Q. I’ve been with my guy for a little over 1.5 years. He is my first boyfriend, I am his 4th girlfriend. He is 6 years older and has many friends. I am shy and a bit sheltered, and am not so lucky with friends. We are both intelligent people, and we ...
A. 21 September 2010: A lot of guys are (correctly) afraid that expressing themselves too much will scare their girls away. So, if they can't precisely calibrate how much to emote at a girl, they err on the side of stoicism. Stoic = manly, so it's a safer choice. He ... (read in full...)
How can I stop acting this way so I can show how I actually feel?
Q. Last night I said something really silly to my boyfriend which I think came across as me not wanting much of a commitment with him. This is far from the truth - in fact he is the only guy who has ever felt right to me. Every other guy I've dated ...
A. 21 September 2010: If you can't think of the right thing to say, or don't trust your facial expression to portray the proper emotion, just hug him close every time he mentions something long term. Hold him for 5-10 seconds, and you should be in the proper frame of ... (read in full...)
I Don't Feel Pretty Enough To Be With Him
Q. So..I'm dating this guy, and he's really sweet and nice, and I think he's really hott. But I just don't feel pretty enough to be with him. I asked him if he could change anything about me, what would it be, and he said he'd make me have bigger ...
A. 21 September 2010: I was asked that question once, and replied "nothing at all." She got mad at me for "lying." As Jmtmj pointed out, it's a loaded question - any answer is potentially "wrong," so he may as well make a joke of it.
Did you feel pretty enough b... (read in full...)
How can we work things out if he is not willing to talk?
Q. My husband and I are suppose to be working on our marriage/relationship but he refuses to talk about a lot of things that I feel are important and he will become defensive, etc. How do we work things out if he will not talk? We do not live close to ...
A. 21 September 2010: Without knowing the specific issues, I could not say how to broach the topics. Instead, I'll assume a generic "lack of intimacy;" just ignore this if it doesn't apply to you.
If he has not cheated on you or beaten you, and you have not done so ... (read in full...)
Kids having sex!
Q. OK lately I see a lot of questions here where children from the age of 14-16,17 years think that they are old enough to have sex. They don't understand anything about it. They think that they are ready. There are even parents who agree with the idea ...
A. 21 September 2010: @ The folks below upset about denigration of single parents:
I'm glad you all turned out alright, I really am. I thought it was implicit, but will clarify now: when I say kids from single-parent houselholds are more promiscuous et al, I mean on ... (read in full...)
Will her vagina always be blown out?
Q. My wife was married to a man who stuck dildos in her for many years. I'm not small, but I don't compare to some of the objects that are out there. So, I'm wondering if all those years of having large objects inserted in her has made her vagina too ...
A. 19 September 2010: It's possible - for that matter, she may just have a naturally larger vagina. But if she performs Kegel excercises regularly, she can tighten up just fine. I'm curious, though - if she's your wife now, presumably you've had sex at least once. ... (read in full...)
My husband is into porn and ignores me, what should I do?
Q. I have a big problem... my husband is no longer intimate with and me but yet he finds time to watch all the porn he can. I dont understand it. Am i boring him? Am i not attractive to him any more? Its making it real hard for me especially since ive ...
A. 19 September 2010: @ Person 12345 "Like the man who blames his wife... " If it were the man on this site asking questions, I would be putting him through the same types of questions. Asking if she has become less attractive is just very quick way of narrowing... (read in full...)
I've fallen in love with my brother's wife
Q. I am totally confused right now. My brother and I have always been great friends, but I seem to have fallen in love with his wife. All three of us have been good friends for more than 7 years now and I have always liked her a lot, both as a friend ...
A. 19 September 2010: Don't do it. Women are fickle and ephemeral. You may find a special one, but this is not it. Blood is far more important - never betray your brother that way over some pussy. And if she' interested in cheating on a guy with his brother, she's ... (read in full...)
My husband is into porn and ignores me, what should I do?
Q. I have a big problem... my husband is no longer intimate with and me but yet he finds time to watch all the porn he can. I dont understand it. Am i boring him? Am i not attractive to him any more? Its making it real hard for me especially since ive ...
A. 18 September 2010: Depends. Have you put on weight, cut your hair, stoped wearing makeup, or stopped dressing sexily since marriage? If so, he may be less attracted to you now that you're not putting effort into it. So start taking care of those things.
Did s... (read in full...)
He stroked my hair, is he flirting with me?
Q. What does it mean when a man strokes your hair back behind your ear? Is it a flirting gesture? He has never done it before. He has always teased me, which someone said was a sign that he was trying to flirt, but it wasn't until this week that he has ...
A. 18 September 2010: This is a Tier-1 flirting gesture. Not only does it ocnvay interest, but you can very easily judge a girls' reaction to see if she's interested too. If you appeared to enjoy it, he will assume you want to kiss him.... (read in full...)
How soon is too soon for a guy to give his number?
Q. How soon is too soon for a guy to give his number? If hes interested in you should he give it to you in the first few days after you met (were in the same class together)? Thanks for any answers!...
A. 18 September 2010: No such thing as too soon. Plenty of guys try to exchange numbers within the first few minutes of meeting a new girl, and in my experience, they all take it as being pretty normal. Sometimes you don't need to say a word first.... (read in full...)
What does it mean when women press their boobs into you?
Q. What does it mean when girls push their breasts against you, or brush their breasts against you, when in conversation or whatever? Over the years I have met many women who do this. It is not the majority, but certainly not a small minority e...
A. 17 September 2010: Women never do anything by accident. Sometimes there is an unintended consequence, but they know full well that they are putting their boobs on you. Some of the larger-breasted girls may be doing it incidentally, but when women are huggin you and ... (read in full...)
I really need him right now -- how can I get him to be more supportive?
Q. Hey everyone, The bf "J" and I have been together apx 9 months now - he's finishing up law school and I work for myself. Now, I've been consulting for a few years but the art market has all but dried up and I am so incredibly anxious about my...
A. 17 September 2010: He may simply not know how to console you. A lot of guys have that problem. So, he dissappears and waits for the problem to solve itself. It's worked in the past, as far as he's concerned, so it will work again. So, you'll have to teach him. O... (read in full...)
I pay for everything except his credit card bills and his hobbies. I'm starting to feel used.
Q. I live with my boyfriend and I pay all the bills (rent utilities groceries) I have an average paying job but work extra hours for overtime, he's self employed and pays his credit card bill, and for his hobbies...hunting fishing backpacking. I moved ...
A. 17 September 2010: Tough situation. You've already chosen to date a guy who won't carry his own weight, and paid his way for two years. That's your mistake - whatever his flaws, you chose to date him and pay for him. You could have walked out at any time, or ... (read in full...)
Trying to address sexual incompatability with my husband
Q. Been married almost 12 years, but for various reasons (health, baby) stopped having sex with my husband for many years. I didn't realize how frustrated I was until I recently had sex with another man, which opened the universe for me. It wasn't at ...
A. 17 September 2010: "How to educate a husband who is a lousy lover tactfully?" Don't just ask, tempt (I'll assume you're in good shape, otherwise, that's the first thing to fix). Same advice I give to guys: foreplay starts when you wake up. Wear some sexy linger... (read in full...)
He doesn't love me anymore because of my sexual past!
Q. He says he doesn't love me anymore because of something sexual I've done before I even knew him! How can he blame me for this and break my heart like that? How is that fair? He didn't even know me by then. How can he judge me? The sad thing is, I ...
A. 17 September 2010: Everyone has a different level of tolerance for their romantic interest's past sex life. Some people get upset if their lover isn't a virgin; others only get upset over one-night stands or the use of prostitutes. He may be expressing it ... (read in full...)
Guys: Hot and cold?
Q. one minute hes soo sweet,considerate and perfect gives you all his attention and then hes a total idiot who doesn't care if you exist. why would he behave like that?? thnx..xx...
A. 16 September 2010: He is probably aware (consciously or not) that women are addicted to emotional roller coasters. Hot and cold, push and pull, love and apathy, all confuse women - and hold their interest.
I'm willing to bet that when he changes like this, it makes... (read in full...)
Kids having sex!
Q. OK lately I see a lot of questions here where children from the age of 14-16,17 years think that they are old enough to have sex. They don't understand anything about it. They think that they are ready. There are even parents who agree with the idea ...
A. 14 September 2010: "The big problem is not having adequate sex education in school and access to contraception. Too many religious groups interfere with that because they want to remain in DENIAL that kids are going to experiment so they deny them access to a sexual ... (read in full...)
Kids having sex!
Q. OK lately I see a lot of questions here where children from the age of 14-16,17 years think that they are old enough to have sex. They don't understand anything about it. They think that they are ready. There are even parents who agree with the idea ...
A. 11 September 2010: Well, a few generations ago (and for all of our history before that) people were having sex and building families at that age. They still do in some countries. Biologically, our bodies and brains are about the same as they were then - unless you ... (read in full...)
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