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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Shy guy around girls...
Q. please help me out! i need your advice!! im a 21 years old guy in a good shape and often times i catch some people checking me out. the problem is when i start talking to a girl i always think she is "the one meant to be". so im too nice too ...
A. 7 September 2010: The thought that you need to be liberated is this: There is *no such thing* as THE ONE. There are, instead, tens of thousands of girls out there who would make wonderful, compatible, faithful girlfriends, any one of whom would make you happy, and ... (read in full...)
Coould he possibly love me after all the time we've been together?
Q. Guys: Why would you not love someone after one year of liking them and 7 months of dating. For the first 6 months we only made out it never went further. He wasn't 100% for it but respected my wishes. But all he can still say is I really like you ...
A. 6 September 2010: Love does not follow a timetable. For that matter, it may not evenbe in the cards for the two of you. I couldn't say which it is without hearing him talk about you.
I take it that you've just started having sex in the past month. Most guys the... (read in full...)
I don't know if I can copy with his strange fetishes!!!
Q. I need some advice, i have been with my boyfriend for a year and i dont know what to do. we have what you could say a healthy sex life as we have it every day, at least once but he is also into a lot of sexual fetishes which confuses me. he has a ...
A. 6 September 2010: Generally, I say that if a fetish isn't going to physically harm you, result in infidelity, or go against your religion, then give it a try just once and see how it goes. So, for the foot and golden shower thing, maybe try them once (little weird, ... (read in full...)
How do I get him to be serious about his decision?
Q. My ex starting dating some girl when we broke up. And now he wants to get back together, not just rush back into things but he says he wants to be by himself and work towards us at the same time. We've already talked about it and agreed that he ...
A. 6 September 2010: If he won't firmly pick you over her, he's playing you. You ought to have cut off contact the first time he dumped you. He thinks if he takes it real slow, he can still date one of you while seeing the other on the side; the longer you put up with ... (read in full...)
My fiance insults my appearance
Q. My Fiancee often insults mt appearance, telling me that i have a double chin, and he likes thin girls. he also tells me i look fat in certain clothes. he will give me backhanded comliments like" you look so nice today i wish you'd look like this ...
A. 6 September 2010: Hmm. Either he is truly bad at hinting that he wants you to lose weight, or he's just an ass. If the former, be prepared for a difficult marriage with a man who loves you but is incapable of expressing it properly - that may not be worth it to ... (read in full...)
Why is my husband risking everything by visiting prostitutes?
Q. Why is my husband risking everything by continually spending hundreds of pounds visiting prostitutes, he has put is in debt and I keep trying to hold the family together but I seem to be the only one trying or suffering....
A. 6 September 2010: Because his desire for women under 50 is greater than his moral fortitude, unfortunately. I have little sympathy for that type; he knew what he was getting into when he married you, and if you're still married you've probably been a pretty good ... (read in full...)
How long can a man stay mad? Will he ever call me back or is it his way to say it's over?
Q. The man I love (dating for 3 months..) isn't talking to me anymore since Wednesday because of an argument over the phone. This argument shouldn't have taken place at all. It was stupid and I should have realized he was going through a lot of stress ...
A. 6 September 2010: Not sure if you can really tell if you love someone after three months. I say that because he is probably thinking the same thing. Depending on what the argument was about, he may decide to just move on - that's most likely if the argument was ... (read in full...)
My ex was emotionally abusive, how do I get over this and move on?
Q. I am feeling really distraught at the moment. I broke up with my ex a year ago now, and I still can't get over him. I even went to see a psychiatrist for 4 months after the break up because I was a complete mess. I feel like I still get upset about ...
A. 6 September 2010: It sounds like he had the Dark Triad of attractive traits - narcissism, manipulative/deceitful sociopathy, and risk-taking behavior. These traits attract women on a primal level, which is why so many women stay in abusive relationships.
Read ... (read in full...)
I said no when he asked me out... now I regret it. What do I do?
Q. I feel really bad right now because this guy asked me out before and i said no because i was with my family and lately i have been thinking about him and yesterday i saw him out. just wondering what should i do? i feel like a bitch for being mean ...
A. 6 September 2010: I'm confused. Are you upset because you wish you had said yes, or because you didn't want to have to say no?
If you wish you had said yes, that's an easy fix. Just go ask him out. Explain that when he asked, it was a bad time because of your ... (read in full...)
What would guys think of a girl like me?
Q. I am a 23yr old virgin. Whenever I go out men are always complimenting me..asking if Im a model.. and trying to get my number. I am tall, i work out, eat healthy, am very stylish/classy, and I love God. I have guys ask me out sometimes (past ...
A. 6 September 2010: Well, shy girls who have a hard time with guys tend to get really, really attached to any guy who can get them out of their shell. My first girlfriend was like that. Some guys know that and will work for it. That's the good news.
Bad news: Yo... (read in full...)
Shy girl needs advice!
Q. Hello, I have a problem with meeting guys. I'm a 16 year old female from an extremely small town. All of the people my age I know and I am not attracted to them. Everyone who is older is off to college. I am very shy and don't know how to meet ...
A. 4 September 2010: Well, either the guys who hang out and home to read all the time are not attractive to you, or they don't exist (or both). If that's the case, best to hold off for now. Don't bother with dating or hooking up.
When you graduate high school, ... (read in full...)
Freaked out BF in bed and he left!
Q. ok -- this is going to take a second so I will do a TL;DR. first, this is a throwaway account b/c... so, here's the deal: tonight I totally freaked out my boyfriend. I had hidden a piece of a hot dog (about 2 inches) which I had broken off before ...
A. 30 August 2010: Um... one of the worst things that can happen to a straight man in bed with his girlfriend is to find out she's a tranny. In the dark, in the heat of the moment, with most of the blood not in his brain, he finds a little phallic thing in between ... (read in full...)
He said that he hadn't been happy for 5 years and doesn't love me anymore.
Q. I'm about give up. My husband of 11 years( been together 18) with 3 kids,9,7 and 5 left me 3 months ago. He said that he hadn't been happy for 5 years and doesn't love me anymore. He is living in a house of a friend rent free. He has said that he ...
A. 30 August 2010: As you read this, please carefully note that his preception of your feelings may not match your actual feelings. I'll try to be clear which is which.
Your husband is probably extremely wary of telling you exactly what's bothering him because ... (read in full...)
I just want to stop being in love with someone who can't just be honest with me.
Q. I was in a relationship for 2 years with this guy that I was head over heels for. Then earlier this year I met someone else. We were just friends, and we met up, ate at each other's houses, watched films. We spoke to each other about our problems ...
A. 30 August 2010: I don't know what he thinks, tough to tell sometimes. In his shoes I would probably be concerned that spending time with an ex-lover would complicate my current relationship, but he may have other reasons.
Unfortunately, when you leave one rela... (read in full...)
I'm trying to think of date ideas?
Q. There is a girl that Im into, and Im under a very strong impression shes into me. Im trying to think of any date ideas. Shes said herself she doesnt like charmers, and prefers spontaneity and unpredictability. Which I actually would prefer mys...
A. 30 August 2010: Hmmm. Typically, at your age I would advise you to eschew traditional "dating" in place of just hanging out with each other at your places, at parties, or with friends as you go about your normal lives. It's sad, but I remember girls in your age ... (read in full...)
I don't want to depend on porn to keep me horny
Q. I am having a problem with maintaining the right thoughts during sex. Sometimes, I get so preoccupied with other thoughts, I actually lose my erection or dont orgasm. I look at porn online often, and find that it stimulates me mentally and helps ...
A. 30 August 2010: How old is your wife? How much does she weigh? Has she aged well?
You may very well love your wife with all your heart, and your body might just refuse to cooperate because it wants the same thing every man wants, 18-25 year old hotties.... (read in full...)
Could this be my soulmate?
Q. I came in contact with a gentleman at a mutual gathering place about 3 years ago. After seeing him there a few times I started to feel this powerful energy from him. He has since moved out of state but every time he returns I get the same energy f...
A. 30 August 2010: Most single guys will be happy to upgrade from friends to a relationship, if she appears interested. For all you know, he's just "playing it cool" and trying not to appear too interested. You will have to overcome your shyness to do that, ... (read in full...)
I want him to notice me more! how do I do that?
Q. well i am 16 years old i go clubbing drinking and basically living my life to the full! but my mum doesnt know that i drink or go out in town like every week becasue she hust woudnt let me go so i just thought hang on its my life my chioce! anyw...
A. 30 August 2010: It appears that he has already noticed you. Just say hi and give him a hug next time you see him. Try to be sober; if you're drunk when you meet, he may classify you in his mind as a one-night-stand girl and never call you again.
Be certain ... (read in full...)
Can our relationship become stronger if I just do what he wants me 2 do?
Q. (It would be nice to have guys and girls opinion) Well me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months now..and like yesterday and Saturday he was acting all weird with me. I asked him what was up? he said nothing at 1st..but he eventual...
A. 30 August 2010: It's not the precise behavior of calling him pet names, it's the underlying need to know you care about him and are invested in the relationship. He is looking for strong signs that you will not cheat or leave him for someone else. "Babe" is just ... (read in full...)
I love a married man, could he do to me what he did to her?
Q. Im writing this so my head doesn't explode and so i feel sumone is listening, im madly in love with a marrid man, we live together and yet i doubt our reltionship, i that maybe i wont eva stop doubting it as how can you with the cicumstances we met ...
A. 30 August 2010: Yes, he will do it to you. There is just no way you can be more worthy of fidelity in his mind than his original family with its three kids.
If the split and loss of his children was because his wife left him, then he'll last a little longer b... (read in full...)
Survivors of Abuse
Q. It is just so hard to hear so many girls have been sexually abused. Every girlfriend I ever had was abused. My new one was. I have yet to hear the details but I allready know this is going to classify as "horribly sexually abused". It is n...
A. 27 August 2010: Just want to chime in to the OP... Don't feel bad about the angry responders at the bottom of the column. You are here trying to find a way to reach out and help abuse victims, and they are lashing out at you for your attempt. Don't be discour... (read in full...)
I feel horrible about my body!
Q. I'm 120 pounds and 5 4. I feel horrible about my body :( yes I talk to a counsler bit I'm too embarressed to talk about it. I hate talking to my boyfriend about it because he doesn't understand. I don't want comments saying thy I'm the right size ...
A. 27 August 2010: Your boyfriend might understand and simply be refusing to say you are fat - men are trained from birth not to be honest about that sort of thing. Or he may genuinely be attracted to your body shape.
Good news is you have a BMI of about 20, whic... (read in full...)
In a pile of debt because of the ex. Are all women like this?
Q. I dated a younger woman, I am in my early 30s and she is in her early 20s. When I first saw her I was completely blown away by her and came to love her and her daughter. We were together for 5 years. Recently I found out she was cheating and I h...
A. 27 August 2010: It's not women, it's people. Many people are greedy dishonest, and *very* good at hiding it. It's a hard lesson, and I hope you're not in an unsalvageable financial position, but you'll be better prepared in the future.
On the plus side, no... (read in full...)
How can I motivate my GF to lose wight??
Q. I've been with my girlfriend now for 15 months. She's always been overweight and it did bother me, and I spoke to her about it and she said she would do something about it. She became very motivated in working out and eating right, but as ti...
A. 27 August 2010: Assuming you are being the best boyfriend you can be, then it's not fair of her to let herself go that way. But if you're slacking, she going to slack to. Honestly assess whether or not you are giving her your all.
If you are, and she still is... (read in full...)
I'd do anything for my child but no one seems to appreciate that or understand!
Q. I really am not sure if this is the right place for this. So I am sorry if not. I have been having problems lately holding down a job. I am scared that sooner or later things will start to get pretty bad. I have been lucky in missing bullets...
A. 27 August 2010: It's great that you care so much about your kid, but prostitution would be a dangerous choice that basically makes it impossible to get a father figure in your kid's life in the future. Avoid it. Wait tables isntead.
You're doing everythi... (read in full...)
Does this "it" that so many of these guys seem to be talking about really exist?
Q. I’m feeling ready to give up on on-line dating as I’m finding the whole experience an emotional rollercoaster. After I split from my ex-boyfriend just before Christmas, I decided to give on-line dating a go for the first time using the most p...
A. 25 August 2010: Just a few pointers before I answer your question.
"All three of these men were actively pursuing me and making plans just days before they decided that actually they didn’t want to see me again after all."
This is what guys do. We chase, w... (read in full...)
Can a player change? how do you know if he has?
Q. there is this guy that i really like that i would pretty much do anything for. he has been a player for along as i have known him and has always told me the truth. he says he has changed so i guess my question is how do you know when a player is not ...
A. 25 August 2010: Players may choose to start pursuing relationships, given two caveats - (1) they often have damaged their ability to bond with any one girl, and (2) in your age bracket, they are *not* ready.
He may believe he is sincere, but he is fooling ... (read in full...)
Why is he Apologizing and then being mean?
Q. I stopped talking to him because he made me feel bad. But then he called me to apologize about something that happened in the past but now he's being an *** to me again and saying stuff like I don't care what u think. I told him if he doesn't want ...
A. 25 August 2010: Depends. If you're not sleeping with him, it's because he's an ass an doesn't really give a damn. Some people are just rude and insincere. If you are currently sleeping with him, it's because he has no incentive to change. Why should he change ... (read in full...)
Beauty tips please on how to get this guy to like me!
Q. This is a very topical question, but I will appreciate all answers! Well basically I want a guy to notice me. I want him to see me and think "wow shes hot!" Do you have any fashion and/or beauty tips that will make me seem more attractive to him? ...
A. 25 August 2010: Beauty tips are easy enough, but having long hair (past the bottom of your shoulder blade) and not being fat basically covers most of it. These alone will get the attention of most men around you, and put you in the top 50% of most of your peers.
... (read in full...)
How can I start a conversation with this one boy?
Q. hii xxx how do i start a conversation with this boy hes really quiet in class cause none of his friends are about , but i want to try and least talk to him help how do i start conversations without leaving an awkard ending :( /3 please ...
A. 25 August 2010: 1) Think of 2 conversation topics that you two would probably share in common. These are backups in case nothing evolves naturally; don't be afraid to save them for later.
2) Sit next to him.
3) Say "Hi, I'm [female Britain age 13-15, anony... (read in full...)
How can I make her feel like a queen?
Q. About a year and a half ago, my best friend (who's a girl) finally left her complete jackass of a boyfriend behind. For a couple months now, she's been after one of my close friends (one of her friends too). At first, I was okay with helping her get ...
A. 22 August 2010: Well, who do queens end up with? The kings. The best way to make her feel like a queen is to be a king. (OK, I'll leave the metaphor behind now, I promise).
Be confident, outgoing, and funny. Acknowledge that you are a sexual being, not just... (read in full...)
Does anyone find dating and getting into a relationship easy?
Q. Does anyone find dating and getting into a relationship easy? I'm 22 and although I've flirted with loads of women and made out with several in nightclubs. However I've only dated 5 women and had a relationship with 2. It does seem difficult f...
A. 22 August 2010: Of course. Meeting girls and getting the chance to attract them can be difficult, more so when you aim for higher quality women. Sometimes we meet nice girls when we're not looking or feeling our best, other times there's just a run of bad luck.
... (read in full...)
Should I stick to my guns, be brave and ask her to be with me?
Q. I have no idea what to do. For about 3 months now, a girl with a girlfriend has been cheating with me. She didn't leave her girlfriend for me as her friends would completely cast her out. Also, we were both soon to leave home for university, and ...
A. 22 August 2010: Well, she cheated on her girlfriend to be with you... do you really think you're so special inher mind that she won't cheat on you later? Especially if she's 150 or 400 miles away?
Say your fond farewells and find someone better, preferab... (read in full...)
Feeling down about being single...
Q. I just don't know why. I get down because I'm single. I'm a guy (24), and I shouldn't feel this way. My few relationships have sucked..... they didn't last too long. I go out to bars and clubs. The girls I thought were for me rejected me. I go ...
A. 22 August 2010: You're not acting like a chick, you're a normal guy who needs a little intimacy.
Try meeting girls through house parties, mutual friends, clubs and classes, at bookstores, at coffeeshops, or at grocery stores instead of bars and clubs. If you c... (read in full...)
I'm hesitent on telling her how I feel
Q. I have a friend that I recently started spending time with, I didn't really see her for close to a year. I have feelings for her, and I feel inside that I have had some kind of feelings for her for a while. We always have a great time together ...
A. 22 August 2010: Just ask her to go someplace where they serve drinks. Be sure to say "Wear something nice." It's universal girl code for "I'm asking you out, and am awesome enough to know not to say it directly."
Then just have a good time with her. Make her... (read in full...)
She says I'm not strong enough to satisfy her
Q. I cant go more than 1 round with my girlfriend when we are having sex, and she said am not strong enough to satistify her. What can i do for to able to go more 3 or 4 round,so that she wil enjoy it. Please help me out. Thank in advance...
A. 21 August 2010: Force yourself to stay awake after sex. Go quickly the first time, then stay awake and keep kissing, fondling, and dry-humping until you are hard again, then go for it a second round. Same thing for a third round, but a fourth is unlikely to be ... (read in full...)
I'm scared of losing him because we never do anything physical
Q. hi ! I have had a boyfriend for the past 6 months and still counting... I have had a few problems before with him! it is basically that whenever we wanted to do something physical it has never happened... and both of us regret it.. I am very...
A. 21 August 2010: Well, the age of consent in India is 16, if google is to be believed. You really ought to wait - until marriage if possible. However, it's your decision, ultimately.
Guys your age really, really want sex, so going without is tough for him. He... (read in full...)
Attracted to his personality but not his appearance
Q. I'm in hard situation I've been best friends with this guy for a long while now and he's made attempts in the past to ask me out but I denied him. But I've developed feeling for him. So I told him this in march. He makes me feel happy. He's the best ...
A. 21 August 2010: What girls want to date and what they want to sleep with are two different sets of traits. Fortunately, the traits are not mutually exclusive, but a lot of guys only fulfill one. Seems like this guy is the "want to date" kind of guy.
Good ... (read in full...)
I don't enjoy sex very much and my husband calls me asexual
Q. My husband thinks that i dont enjoy sex and thinks that he shouldnt do it. The problem is i know its something important to him. He calls me asexual. The thing is i think i made a mistake in telling him that i dont like it very much. Now he has a ...
A. 21 August 2010: Try explaining it again. Sex (or the lack thereof) within marriage is an extremely sensitive topic, so be prepared for him to be defensive and to accuse you of nasty things. Ignore it; it's hard to stay mad at someone who doesn't get mad in ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to hurt an ex who has hurt you?
Q. Is it wrong to want to hurt an ex who once hurt you? Or is it really petty? I bumped into an ex of mine after 4 years and he seemed to be really glad to see me...however;i greeted him really matter-of-factly and he seemed to be a little hurt when i ...
A. 21 August 2010: You didn't do anything wrong in this case, you just didn't want to talk. Nothing wrong with that. Now, if you had gone out of your way to hurt him, that would be wrong. People shouldn't cheapen themselves with petty revenge.
Still, I have to ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of coming out because of the conservative society
Q. Dear readers I’m a 26 years old male professional and successful and I’m virgin. I want to live my life as many people do, find a girl, get married and have kids. I love girls and they are sexy and attractive but when I think about sex I feel th...
A. 21 August 2010: Not everyone can handle finding out that their son is gay. It's tough on any parent; their worldview for you includes the future with wife and kids.
You can never guarantee that coming out to them will work out well. The best you can do is hold ... (read in full...)
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