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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: my younger sister age 13 stayed at my flat the other night wiv my 4yr old daughter. Our pc is in my daughters room so wen my hubby came home from he went on the pc after i went 2 bed. The next morning my sister went to her study class as usaul while i was asleep but didnt come back like she said she would. I didnt think nothing of it coz she does that sumtimez, anyway following day my mum called and said my sister said that my hubby touched her inappropiatley, i couldnt believe what i was hearing my hubby is not that sort of person he sees her as his own little sister and he is quite religious. but my heart is saying he didnt do it but my mind is saying maybe. he has said he hasnt done it he is very upset i dont no wot to do Reply to this Question
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 sounds like she is upset with him about "something" maybe he spanked hher for being a pain and now she's seaking retaliation? We'll probably never know. Lesson learned never leagve an adult male alone with a minor child!
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (9 August 2010):
 The reason she would do this is because social power is addictive. As I've said, false accusations are depressingly common, for the most trivial of reasons. Look at the responses here - nearly everyone here was suspicious of the husband, or even directly on the sister's side. Chigirl was the only one who plainly thought it didn't happen. I imagine it was exactly the same in your real life, for anyone who knew. That's social power, and everyone wants that. If one man has to get the shaft for it, well, so what?
She did it because it was thrilling to get the attention of people who would mobilize simply at her word to turn against a man. Whether or not that's how it worked out in the end, she certainly knew it was likely to happen. She's 13, and seeing people jump at her word would be thrilling.
I'm glad you didn't jump to conclusions and sought the truth before attacking your husband. This is the sort of thing that could have ruined his life, and once he gets over the anger/fear he's probably feeling, he will appreciate just how special that makes you.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 August 2010):
 That is good for you all that nothing really happened. And by now I am sure your sister has got a scare, realizing just how serious her little game was. I have heard of many teachers who have lost their job and reputation over some young girls fantasy and need for attention. While it to them seem like innocent jokes and play, the accusations have serious affect on whomever is involved. I say your parents should talk to your sister about this firmly. And then for your sister and your husband to talk and make up. Remember this is first and foremost between your sister and your husband, although you are affected.
I think you did right by sticking to your husband. Even though your sister is your sister and all, she had the rest of the family to go to, while your husband has you. Without you he would be alone, and such a thing could have broken the two of you up. This was a real test on your marriage, but I believe you passed, and can now be stronger because of this.
Don't ignore your sister however. Talk. Make up, be friends again. Especially your sister and your husband. She owes him a solid apology.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all 4 ur advice, i have spoken 2 my sister and she has admitted that whatever she said my hubby did is not true and he only did what he said he did. My question to her was why? the only answer she had was that she was seeking some attention! she didnt understand what her allegations were doing to my marriage. I know my hubby very well and i just couldnt believe he would do something like that and i was right to stick by him. Its just a shame because i dnt think ill ever be able to speak to my sister they way i used to.
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female
reader, WordsCards +, writes (9 August 2010):
Talk to your sister about it. Tell her it's okay that you won't be mad at her and she can tell you the truth. If she still seems hesitant, just keep reassurring her. (BTW if she seems hesitant it may be because something happened and she's nervous to tell you). Just be gentle with her and assure her that you love her so much and that you will always be on her side.
No matter what she's your sister, and if your husband is like that, it's probably not a good environment for your child.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): I am indeed suspicious why your hb didnot tell you of their 'contact' when it happened. If it was just accidental that is one thing but it seems very deliberate. You may think you know your hb but I am sure he knows he crossed boundaries. Whatever happened the main thing is that your young sister was uncomfortable with the 'contact' and that is the most important thing. A lot of men in pretense of innocent like to touch a developing girls breast. Was your hb one of them? I don't know. But do not just dismiss your sisters claims. At least now your hb knows he cannot mess with an innocent girl. I firmly believe there is merit in what your sister is saying. Plse from now on your sister must not stay over. And protect your kid as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): The facts:
1. There is a claim.
2. There is suspicion.
3. Your instinct has picked up.
4. You are here asking strangers what they think of your description.
No matter his explanation, the contact occurred.
You've a problem.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (7 August 2010):
False accusations of this sort are depressingly common, as are misunderstandings. Slapping her lightly through the blankets and accidentally hitting her chest seems like a normal, accidental, completely not-scarring-for-life type of event, and I would tend to believe him. Kids are also programmed these days to jump at the mere mention of innapropriate touching.
In any event, taking your sister's side too strongly without any evidence would severely damage your marriage. Even the unsubstanitated word of a young girl can destroy a man's reputation for life, and he would be justifiably afraid of it - he needs to know he can trust you.
If this sort of thing happens again, *then* I might consider it an issue. But she is not accusing him of any serious groping, so I'd take his side by default unless you learn something new.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): I think that you need to try and get to speak to your sister alone soon, and not get angry and say she's lying but just ask her what happend
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female
reader, jenjen.270 +, writes (7 August 2010):
 I would believe what my sister was saying, like I said before, you may think you know someone, but really you dont. This is very serious and you need to take it very serious, if he could do this to your little sister, then who else will he do this to. what happens if you have children, will he abuse your children. You need to ignore your feeling for him and listen to your sister. It is not going to be easy, but you are strong and you need to stand up for your sister. I wish you the best of luck. Another thing you could do is go to a counselor or a pastor.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe said he touch her chest as in breasts, but i asked him and he said he only slapped her lightly over the duvets coz she let off sum wind!i havent been able to speak to her but one of my other sisters said thats what she told my mum.
Thank u for ur advice so far
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 August 2010):
I don't think it happened, but you need to provide more information. What exactly was it that was supposed to have happened? "touched inappropriately" can mean A LOT. Be specific. What happened? And, does your husband agree to the same story, that that is what happened, but that your sister read more into it? Say he lifted her up for her to reach something and ended up holding her on her bum and she felt uncomfortable with it. Could be your husband touched her like he would a child, but in a way you would never touch an adult or teenager.
It could be a misunderstanding and that your husband just needs to learn how to not touch your sister, that your sister is 13 now and not 8. And that that is where the problem lies. But, before you assume anything, get a hold of what actually happened, both from your sister and your husband. If the two stories don't match up, it is time to be suspicious. But for now, stand by your husband side.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): You have to go into specifics and if you don't know them you need to find out.
What she considers inappropriate touching could have just been a hand rested on her shoulder.
Talk to your sister and find out the details and judge for yourself first. Only then should you consider what to do.
First things first, find out all the details you can from both of them. Only then should you consider whether it was harmless or whether there was some kind of sexual intent.
There are too many variables in this for us to be able to give you any sort of advice based on what little you have told us. We can't draw any conclusions from what you've said.
Keep us updated.
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female
reader, jenjen.270 +, writes (7 August 2010):
this is a tough one, I am sorry you have to go through this. Does your sister have a tendency of lying or are you to pretty close. It is hard because sometimes when you think you really know someone, you dont. I was with a man for almost a year before he started beating me and my child. He treated me like gold before the abuse, I was very much in love and trusted him with my heart, he was a liar and a very good manipulator. I would think on this very hard and talk with your sister, maybe even go to a counselor.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): You have to talk to your little sister without him around. People of all types do that stuff unfortunately. If your mind is saying maybe you need to investigate it regardless of what your heart says.
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