A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a bit of a squeeze. I've been married for 6 months to my boyfriend of 3 years. We have had continuous issues with his infidelity and disloyalty and I don't trust him. Recently he was sentenced to a minimum of 5 years in prison. When he was picked up by the police I got a hold of his phone and found a bunch of messages from a woman that he has cheated on me with at least five times that I know of. The hardest part is that I have no children and he has five, whom he has custody of. He has expressed greatly that he would like me to continue being a full time parent to his children while he is doing his time in prison. I have fallen out of love with him due to our trust issues and I don't think it's fair that I have to raise his children. Now what?
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cheated on me, in jail, infidelity Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (9 August 2010):
 If you intend divorcing him, then hand the kids over to the government or to any of his family members or friends that are willing to take them.. if you intend staying married then you need to find a way to keep the children, he will never forgive you otherwise and neither will they.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's kind of hard because I left him almost 2 months ago and we got reaquainted almost two weeks before he got into legal trouble. I don't have the financial ability to take care of one child, let alone five. Their mother lives out of state and financially unstable as well. I can't even pay the rent where we live.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): Hi
REMEMBER that the children are all innocent. if you can seperate your bad feeling for him and think what is best for YOU AND THE CHILDREN. If you think you will resent them then you may need to seek alternative choices because to grow up in this would not be fair for the children they need love.
THINK AHEAD ...what if when he gets out you really don't want to be with him, how will it effect the children if he takes them away from you after bringing them up for so many years?
What if you meet somebody else?
Or you may adapt to the whole situation and happily bring the children up and get back with your husband and be a family?
Think what is best for the children and you long term.
I am not in your position but i personally would put my life into making sure that the children were looked after by me, but state to the father that you would still be living your life and that may well mean having another man about should you meet one in the future. Be honest and straight with him from the start about what you plan.
Five little people your step children need a good loving warm home can you rise to the challenge? there is help available speak to people who can help.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (4 August 2010):
 These chicks today!
If you had problems with his cheating and whatnot, what did you marry him for? What are you doing with a criminal knucklehead with five kids anyway?
Those kids have moms and relatives, right? Take care of them until you can make sure they have good homes, go file for divorce, and next time, pick a better man.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (4 August 2010):
 You should raise his kids because you married him!
You knew exactly what you were getting into when you married a guy who had cheated on you and had five kids. I'd be willing to bet he had a prior criminal record of which you were also aware. You should take responsibility for ensuring that each of them finds a safe, supportive place to live - and until you can foist them off on relatives, you need to take care of them.
The kids, regardless of how likely it is that they will be harmed by this experience, are still basically innocent and in need of someone to care for them - and you've already taken the vows that put you in that position. They're YOUR children too, now.
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