A
female
age
30-35,
*oeie
writes:Hey, well im 19 and im married, i have 1 daughter and she's 9 months. My husband is 22 and doesn't go out clubbing by himself, he's always at home with me or if i go out we go together unless i get out of work than head to the store. He's a farmworker so when i get home i have to make him food and gets things completed at home like make food, than make him his food for the next day and so on. (Which dosent bother me) I completly understand that he works all day and he's tired. I mean i would like to be treated the same... wouldn't you? Anyways we've been together for 2 and half years soon to be going on 3. We've had good times and bad times.. it's normal for couples to argue.. right? So my question is.. I dont mind being with him but ever since i had my baby i dont seem to want to have sex with him.. sometimes he'll ask me if i want to have sex with him in the night, and ill say Yes but when it comes to the night I dont want to, i get sleepy and i just dont want to do it, so i tell him No than he gets all mad and starts telling me things. But for example if he gets mad at me one day..next thing you know hes talking to me all nice and trying to have a good conversation but just because he wants to have sex, and 1 time that did happen.. we had sex and he was all nice then next thing you know when were done he just turns around (his back facing me) and goes to sleep.. I mean like "HELLO!!! IM STILL HERE!!!" So he just ignores me and goes to sleep. So now its like when he wants i dont want to...we do have sex but only like once a week or sometimes once every other week. Is that normal??Everything is like so different compare to how he was when we were dating til we got married. I dont know if its cuz we got married "Too Early" or what...?? Anywho now my feelings towards him are like whatever..if he goes out alone, i dont care..Its like were just friends and sleeping together once in a while. Am i doing something wrong??Sometimes i feel like just leaving him and moving on with my life, but than i think about my baby.What should i do?? I need serious help!
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female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (12 August 2010):
Aw don't feel alone it's apart of marriage then comes a baby in a baby carriage! then you both work!! then your tired and then caring for the Lil one, and at the end of the day you are whooped & exhausted. so then you can have alot of mixed emotions from exhaustion and him being insensitive to your needs? you sound like a bright young woman and mother! marriage is hard and it does take two some men like yours i have known and some other men are more appreciate of their other half and do 50/50 around the house and will also say honey, your tired lets go out to eat! you just need to talk to him and tell him how you feel and why you don't care to have sex w/ him because when it's all done he makes you feel horrible. and if thats the way it's going to be on his part you would rather by a dildo!
but like i said married life is not all roses it's alot of work! but what comes w/ that is respect, communication and love, you so deserve it.
Best 2 u both!
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 OK first off sex is bloody hard to get enthusiatic about when you have a 9 month old. Plus you are running round after him getting food and being organised so it's a bit like looking after 2 kids and then the big one wants more attention :-) All mothers go through this so you are not abnormal. You need to tell him he is turning you off sex because he is not meeting your needs. You need more than just being the chef, nanny and housemaid then whore you want him to appreciate you and be interested in your day and do some things for you. I love my husband so much when he does stuff for me like cleaning the bathroom or cooking the tea once in a while or the best of all taking the kids away. That's a sure fire way for him to get sex when he does stuff like that for me cause it makes me feel like he appreciates me and FEELS for me with the stuff I have to do. Also tell him he hurts your feelings when he rolls over straight after sex he will never know this is how you feel until you tell him.
Good luck doll key thing don't get angry or resentful just discuss it calmly and peacefully.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Women always shift a large portion of their energy towards their kid once they have a child, leaving the husband in the dust. This is understandable, and normal, but you can and should try to have sex if you want to maintain your relationship.
You've been with him for 2 and a half years, and only now does he fall asleep right after sex? That probably means that you weren't as into it as you were while childless. He was not as excited or aroused by your performance as he used to be. Fortunately, that's something you can fix - just be more into it, and ask for seconds afterwards.
In short, you have to find it in you to enjoy and desire sex from your husband, and not treat it as some chore.
As for him being nice only to get sex - well, partly he is being nice because he loves you. He does want sex, obviously, and he deserves it from his wife, and the lack of it is hurting him.
If you want him to be nice without any concern for whether or not he gets laid, there is hope. I read a story a while back (you can probably google it) about a wife who promised her husband sex every day for a year. She found that, now that he was guaranteed to get laid every night, he was nicer and mroe considerate. He didn't have to be nice to get any, so everything he did was out of love for her. Something to think about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): You are in a NORMAL relationship.
Things are never as they were when dating, its obvious why, you have responsibilities once married and also have a child which really does put things in perspective.
you are focusing too much on the Sex side of the marriage and it is becoming something which isnt spontaneous any more and something that you are probably dreading when going to bed as it doesnt bother you much any more and would probably be happier not to.
It seems to me that you are not particularly interested anymore but that you expect your Husband to be the perfect sex partner when it does happen.
You say that he just rolls over afterwards, but if he is a farmer I know how hard they work and he is probably knackered by the time he goes to bed and it could be a case that he knows you have no real interest anyway most of the time.
Remember it is difficult for him too, his life has changed with the baby and you dont seem from what you say to have had many months after marriage of it just being you two with no pregnancy etc so you were probably only just settling into the marriage bit and learning to live with each other when all of a sudden there were 3 of you.
you certainly should not be considering leaving him, my goodness give it a chance.
Put the whole Sex thing out of your mind, concentrate on just living and bringing your baby up. If your husband wants sex, agree and also let him know you love him and that you are enjoying it too, maybe then you will find he wont just roll over afterwards, but most women have had their husbands just roll over many times, we live with it - it happens, its life, and yours seems to work hard at his job too.
it will come right but not without working at it, and certainly not by threatening to end it just because of a glitch.
How we all put so much importance in the sex act when we are younger I did too, but now older realise where I went wrong, I made all the mistakes you seem to be making and thought that all our friends were having fantastic sex several times a week and I wasnt, in fact I came obsessed with what I thought were problems for us and almost broke our marriage up but thankfully grew up before that stage.
Good luck and remember no ones sex life is perfect especially after a new baby, it will take time to adjust for the two of you.
Take care.
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