A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, thanks for reading. Sorry for the long question too. My mother just gave birth to her fifth child, and i'm her eldest at 17. I went to see the baby today and it made me realize how much i want a child. When i was holding the baby and feeding him, i can;t describe or put into words how much i ache for a child of my own. I know i'm only 17, and i dont have much money. But i don't think it's enough to make me not want a child. I love my boyfriend more than everything, we've been together almost 2 years and we both know we'll end up together for the rest of our lives. I have 2 years left in college and want to go on to be a nursery teacher. My question is, should i have a child now? Ideally, i'd like to have my first child at about 30 but i honestly don't know if i can wait that long, as i said, it's an actual ache for a child of my own.Thanks for any replies x
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): I am 28 and I would also like a baby. At the moment, however, my fiance and I are saving up so that we have enough money to be able to afford one without expecting other tax payers to cough up for it.
I am assuming you don't pay tax. Just why, therefore, do you think it's ok to bring another life into the world when you know you can't afford it. As someone who is trying to save up and do things properly I really resent people like you who are just happy to sponge of everyone else who works hard to be able to afford the things they want, and go without if they can't afford them.
How, for example, would you like to have to pay for someone to go on holiday, or to have a new car, just because they can't be bothered to wait and work until they can afford it? I would imagine you wouldn't like it. This situation is no different. You want something, but you can't afford it. Get some qualifications, get a job and save up.
A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (4 August 2010):
 i will think first how much money i need on my own every single day before i think of a serious responsibilities. as long i can not afford yet to buy something i need on my own money without asking mother", i will try to avoid first a big responsibilities.
if im on this feeling of longing for a child, at this age id rather take care of a very cute loving puppy with me. i will focus on studies and ready my self for my future.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Ideally, you should have your first child at 24 or 25 (biologically speaking), especially if you plan to have more than one.Either way, put it off for now. It's natural for your hormones to be demanding you reproduce now, at this age, but you have to be strong, ignore them, and get situated in a stable, self-sufficient life.A child is NOT an accessory or a toy. Having one will compound every existing problem in your life, not fix them. They are a responsibility far greater than any pet you have ever owned. You have a moral duty to any child you produce to provide for it, shelter it, clothe it, and feed it. Bringing a kid into this world without being ready for all of those things is monstrous.When you are ready, a child is a blessing. Don't rush into anything until you are ready.
...............................
A
female
reader, Over..worried.  +, writes (4 August 2010):
 I know how you feel, I am only 16 though. I love kids and can not wait to have some of my own. But still I am realistic. I too, when in collage going to become a teacher for the younger kids, If you do want kids you don't have to wait till your 30. I myself think I better age is 24 or 25 . No matter how much you want one just think about how much better it will be if you wait until you, finish collage, find a job and get married for your baby has everything they need.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): hey, i know you say you do really want a baby but i think you should wait till you are older. your probley thinking that i am just another person saying it but i can sort of relate to what you are feeling. im 19 now and most of my friends have children, and they felt just like you are now, dont get my wrong they dont regret having them, because who can regret having something so cute lol, but they have all said they wish they had waited till they was a bit older as they cant do what a teenage is suppost to do. for example they have missed many nights out, hoildays, camping trips and the house parties of course lol i know you are probley thinking that you dont mind missing these but wait until the babby is here and your friends are asking you to do thing then you will realise. live your life 1st there is plenty of time to have children. soz for the long answer lol but jst think before you do have a baby.good luck :) x
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Finish school, so many mothers make that mistake and its hard to go back with a baby..Unless u have a ring on ur finger and even then its not definite, u dont know if ur going to be with him forever. Dont add a baby in ur life when ur not the least bit ready, a baby is expensive and ur bf could jet if he found out u were preg then u would be alone, ur mother has 5 children I doubt if she could spare help
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): You aren't in any position to have a child right now. You're 17, you're still in school, and you don't have any money. In reality, your mother would end up helping you raise your child, and you'd be considered a part of the unmarried-teen-mother statistic.
Babies are wonderful. They are warm, soft and in desperate need of care and love. It's easy to understand why you'd want one. But babies come with big financial and time commitments - usually 18 years-worth.
The best time to have a baby is when you have the money to care for a child. Here's a think to a baby-cost calculator. It'll show you how much caring for a baby REALLY costs. When you make your choices of what to input into the calculator, consider being respectful of your friends' and family's time (i.e. you might have to pay for childcare while you are in school or working):
http://www.babycenter.com/babyCostCalculator.htm
I think you'll be surprised about how much per year having a baby costs.
In the meantime, satiate your desires for a baby by helping your mom take care of your new brother. Make extra money by babysitting for friends and family. Your love of children seems to have lead you to a career path at a nursery school, which sounds like a good option for you, too!
...............................
A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (4 August 2010):
 well put it this way why should tax payers roll the carpet out and pay for you and your child when you know you can wait! seriously your only 17 you havent lived a little or atleast finish school and get a job and a home. too many people go its ok we will have children and not think of the 101 things that go wrong or they need! alot of people are on benefits and they are bringing this country down dont add to it make a better life for your child than having nothing! just because you want one doesnt mean you should brin it up in an unfair enviroment! i got a basic life no benefits at all and brought up with my mum and dad who were married! im perfectly happy but the amount of people i know who were brought up on benefits or their parents suddenly split end up doing something similar. so a good enviroment is essential on bringing up a new life dont be unfair to it give it a life that you had or better! good luck aphex
...............................
|
