A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Would guys prefer a girl who is honest about her past sexual life or is that a bad idea?
View related questions:
her past, sexual past Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 After the relationship gets more intimate, I think you can talk a little bit about your long term relationships and why they didn't work out, but there again, the less detail the better, I think past relationship history is important, but there isn't any one of us who hasn't had a false start with someone and to ask for the numbers is just assanine. Men usually have far more sexual partners than women do and there is a double standard against women who have had more than a couple of sexual partners...but what if you remain unmarried into your 40's your 50's even? Think about it, how stupid and unfair is it to judge a woman on the numbers who has lived several decades of life, it doesn't make her a promiscuous woman to have dated and slept with men, that is part of who she is a sexual being....just like men are.
Don't want to get into a debate, I am just saying that is why some things are better left unsaid it's not that you have something to hide, it's just really not important or his business....if you are an unscrupulous "whore" that is going to be apparent in other behaviors that he will be observing in you.
A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (17 August 2010):
In my opinion if a guy asks you about your sexual past as in the Numbers, he's not a good candidate for a relationship any way. Everyone has a sexual past, and if they don't they're called virgins.
More importantly is to share if your sexual past includes anthing unexpected like group sex or same sex sex, things that would be important and fair to know.
But other than that, I would get agreement from your dating partner not to disclose anything that is not out of the ordinary, that you don't kiss and tell and your sex life is private and it's going to stay that way. Tell him that you haven't done anything out of the ordinary, or felt that you were promiscuous and tell him you want to leave it at that.
Men don't really want to know the details, and if you give them to them they can't handle it, they can't handle visualizing another man on top of the woman they may be falling for, so just don't go there. He may ask, but it's a test to see how OUT THERE you are in telling him about it. You don't owe him the details, only the truth and you are telling him the truth if you say it like that.
Take care dear.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2010): If either partner lies (and hiding the truth, or telling partial truths is also lying), and they stay together, teh truth will eventually come out. When it does, it may or may not affect the other person...so, same as if you had told them up front, agreed? While the lie is being witheld though, the lier has to deal with the fact they are lying to the person they love, and the person being lied to may have suspicions that grow. Neither is healthy, and neither would have happened if you had just been honest up front. In fact, that could have been time you were both bonding more because you knew the truth about each other, and weren't wasting time avoiding the truth.
My vote is complete disclosure up front.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your responses. Mixed responses.I don't have an extensive history. I actually don't really want to talk about it. But I think he might ask.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (13 August 2010):
 Well, the majority of guys want a woman with as few previous sexual partners as possible. If that's the truth in your case then honesty can and will earn you points.
Many (not all) guys will get upset and eventually leave a girl who has a long list of previous partners, whether she was honest or he found out about it on his own. Still, most guys would rather know this information before we get too attached so we can make informed decisions.
While it is immoral to do so, if you have a long sexual history and the means to hide it, lying (preferably by omission) is the best bet for keeping most guys.
Of course, very few guys have any problem with a girl whose sexual past consists of a small number of long-term relationships. One of the quirks of this preference is that you can have sex a thousand times with one guy, then still be seen as better long-term material by the next guy than if you have sex one time each with twenty guys. This is the route I would recommend if you don't already have an extensive history.
As the first responder said, we want to know the number and whether or not there were STD's or pregnancy. We also want to know if they were long-term relationships or not. That's it. Everything else is unwelcome.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): It depends on the guy for how much honesty, but I have never once met anyone who actually WANTED to be lied to. The men who don't want to know something will just tell you they don't want to know.
Being honest may not solve the problems with the past, but ANYTHING is better than lying and then having the truth come out later. That situation makes it a whole lot worse than just telling the truth at the beginning.
...............................
A
male
reader, 1stimenwin +, writes (13 August 2010):
I think if he straight up asks you how many people you have slept with you should tell him. Without knowing your sexual history i woul dsay that if you have a ton of partners keep it to yourself unless he asks. If you dont have many partners ( less than him) let him know. Dont say positive things aobut your your previous sexual experiences. IT makes guys insecure. We all want to think that we are the best. You can be honest without being graphic.
...............................
A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (13 August 2010):
It's my impression that guys want to live in the moment and
even if they don't admit it, be romantic! It is not romantic to go into great detail about your sexual history.
Of course if you have STD's or something medical, you will have to say so.
However, if you do talk about your past, it is best to be honest, so if he asks you directly, tell the truth. Also, if it's important to YOU for him to know something, you should share that.
BUT it is like the Carly Simon song, "we tell each other every thing... sometimes i wish i never knew... some of those secrets of yours..."
...............................
A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (13 August 2010):
Deception is never a good thing, so I would not want a girl to lie to me. A lie has to either be maintained forever, over and over, or has to be revealed as a lie at some point.
On the other hand, if you have an extensive sexual history that you think might intimidate your boyfriend, I don't think there's anything wrong with letting him know your history a little bit at a time and letting him get used to it.
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 August 2010):
Well, I would normally say "honesty above all". But since you've asked this question that I'm assuming you have a past that some might have a problem with.
Considering the countless questions posed here, like: "my gf had many sexual partners and it makes me depressed. What to do?" and "I don't feel equal to my gf because she had more sexual partners than me, should I cheat to get even?" sometimes ignorance really is bliss.
Don't bring it up if he doesn't ask, not if you have enjoyed sex with more men than you can count on your fingers.
Only tell him if he insists. Then it is his choice. Even then, don't go into detail. Just give the number and leave it at that.
(That said, you should always be honest about STD's. But that's a different matter altogether. )
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): I think their are somethings from your past that you would tell your significant other, but sexual past is not one of them. I dont want to know how many guys jammed up my girl before I was with her, and although my wife wanted to know about my past I denied to her that I was ever with another women, and she was the only one. she did not fully believe me but because she could not get confirmation it never bothered her. If I had told her, it would have disturbed her and probably opened up a can of worms for me that I could never close.
So yes, in my opinion it is better not to know (although it is hard for a women to hide this type of past for obvious reasons), knowing will just drive you crazy
...............................
A
male
reader, Blackberry123 +, writes (13 August 2010):
My take: Your past is your own business, and so is his. I've seen relationships ruined by delving into a bucket of cold ashes. I say look forward not backward.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Yes. I would want complete and honest information. But, I would also expect to be able to be honest and open with her. (Preferably without judgement on either end.)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Personally, I would prefer that a girl b honest about her sexual past. It makes it easier 2 love and accept them. If a guy doesn't stick w/ u reguardless, he's not worth your time. It just wasn't ment 2 b. That's the purpose of love is 2 set aside your feelings about their flaws & mistakes and love them anyway.
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 August 2010):
 Nah, I prefer a girl whose every word is a lie.
Keeps you on your toes.
Everyones knows that lying is what a good relationship is based on.
[end sarcasm mode]
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (13 August 2010):
 Personally, I want a level of honesty, but not every detail. I want my partner to be honest about her number of sexual partners. If there was something that she's done sexually that she didn't like or is ashamed of, then that's alright too. Likewise, if there was something she really likes, I'd love to try that with her. I'm pretty open when it comes to sex, so I don't get insecure about the fact that someone has had sex before me. I also want her to be up front and honest about any STD's she has currently or has had in the past.
Things I don't want to know about: their penis size, the frequency of their sexual encounters, how "hot" they were. That's the information that can lead to feelings of inadequacy. I trust that she's with me because she wants to be, or she'd still be with them, but still, I don't want to know that her ex's 12" cock blew her mind.
...............................
|
