A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 4 years. I really love her, and we are both certain that we are going to get married someday in the near future (I've been planning to propose in the next few months). My dilemma is that in the past couple of months, I've been slowly falling for this other woman. I really think she is a wonderful person, and have found myself fantasizing about having sex with her...constantly! Fantasizing about her everyday! What does this mean? I love my girlfriend, but seem to be obsessesed with my fantasies and feelings for this other woman. I know what to do with regard to not giving in to my desires. But what do my desires mean??? I love talking to this other woman, being with her, and thinking about her. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): Fantasizing is fine, its just a fantasy. You'll always be attracted to nice looking people. But the emotional part, where you are falling in love with her is wrong. You need to tell your girlfriend if you feel this way. The longer you wait, and the more serious you guys become the more it is going to hurt her, and you because the guilt will kill you.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Your desires mean you are a normal, healthy male with a functioning reproductive system.
The fact that you have resisted them makes you an above-average, ethical adult with a functioning heart. Well done!
If possible, cut off all contact with her. The temptation is not worth your future, happy relationship with your girlfriend (although getting married would be a very poor financial decision). If she's someone you work with, you may have to transfer to a new department, or a new job, or just grin and bear it, but don't cheapen yourself by cheating.
Again, lusting after another woman is fine, so long as you do not act on it, and so long as you maintain a healthy sex life with your girlfriend. No need to let her know, though, unless you actually do cheat.
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A
female
reader, Ask and you shall receive..(well,ill try my best) +, writes (3 August 2010):
 If you truly love your gf, then she has a right to know that your starting to develop feelings for some1else-and tell her that you want these feelings to go away. Then try to distance yourself from this other woman.
You might be feeling a bit scared; so your mind starts to wonder what it would b like to be with another woman, so you fantasize, and its quite normal- cos things r becoming more serious in your relationship and its only human to worry and get tempted. You can try spice up your sex life- have sex in different places/different positions/sex toys to liven things up and make it a bit more risky.
But don't let this other woman ruin what you have with your girlfriend cos you'll never forgive yourself.
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