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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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Girlfriend's clothes are, 'Not acceptable to me'.
Q. Me and my gf are recently fighting over this issue that is her "Clothes". Sometimes she wears disgusting dresses which are revealing and I really don't like it. When I tell her not to wear such dresses she doesn't listen and gets agitated. The dres...
A. 20 October 2016: Nothing. You can't control what your girlfriend wears.
If it's too much for you then you break up.... (read in full...)
He blanked me for weeks then blows up because I was with some one else?
Q. I was texting / meeting a guy (let's call him Fred, this isn't his name) and was seeing each other for about 9weeks.. Then for some reason he stopped talking to me. He said he had family issues and personal problems and can't give me what I want, he ...
A. 20 October 2016: He may be having a hard time but it's no excuse for him to act the way he did.
... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that I'm a virgin?
Q. How do I tell him I'm a virgin?... It sounds stupid but we have been talking for a while. And our conversations via texts get heated a lot and we "sext" pretty much. I don't recall him ever asking me about previous partners so I think he ...
A. 20 October 2016: What are you hoping for from this boy? Because it sounds to me like he just wants to have sex with you if he's only invited you to his house. Is that what you want? Because the majority of times I hear of this scenario the guy has what he wants and ... (read in full...)
Why would my wife threaten to leave me over my porn use?
Q. My wife says she will leave me if I keep watching porn. What is wrong with her? I have no idea why she thinks watching porn is bad. This is something I like to do and do it privately. I never told her I was into porn and many of you can guess wh...
A. 20 October 2016: You don't appreciate*... (read in full...)
Why would my wife threaten to leave me over my porn use?
Q. My wife says she will leave me if I keep watching porn. What is wrong with her? I have no idea why she thinks watching porn is bad. This is something I like to do and do it privately. I never told her I was into porn and many of you can guess wh...
A. 20 October 2016: You could liken this to your wife doing something that you don't appr coats and make you question your marriage. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't like it and there's no two ways about it.
You either talk to her to smooth things over or your mar... (read in full...)
If I get back together with my ex, should I tell him about the people I have slept with while we were broken up?
Q. Hi there! So I was in a 4 and a half year relationship with an amazing guy. We broke up due to living in different places, arguing when we saw each other, and as I was in my final year at University, had way too much going on for all the arguing....
A. 20 October 2016: Absolutely not. All it will do is create anger and jealously so there's no positive outcome.
What you guys did when you were single is your own business and I'd strongly advise you both to leave it that way.... (read in full...)
He blanked me for weeks then blows up because I was with some one else?
Q. I was texting / meeting a guy (let's call him Fred, this isn't his name) and was seeing each other for about 9weeks.. Then for some reason he stopped talking to me. He said he had family issues and personal problems and can't give me what I want, he ...
A. 19 October 2016: Why do you want him back?
Tells you he wants his own space, so you do your own thing and he complains. He's not going to commit to you or else he already would of done.
If you continue speaking to this guy you're probably going to end up ... (read in full...)
The girl I'm seeing has a girlfriend?
Q. Okay where do I begin... I recently met this girl about 1 month ago she is very kind, beautiful and has feelings for me, she says she eventually wants to be more than friends and that she likes me. I looked her up on fb, being a former cop and ...
A. 19 October 2016: She's lied to you about some thing massive after 1 month.
I'd be swerving this one immediately. ... (read in full...)
Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips?
Q. Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips? We only have one male friend who does this. He does it to other wives as well. He had been a mutual friend for 10 ye...
A. 18 October 2016: I agree with you also, I don't think it's controlling. It's a behaviour that you feel uncomfortable watching and I don't feel it's unreasonable to ask her to stop.
If I had a gf I wouldn't even dream of kissing a female friend on the lips, it... (read in full...)
Did my letter to him mean I've lost him for good?
Q. This guy I been talk to for years I broke of with him he never would ask me out it's been over 3yrs and never ask me he always come up with excuse not go out with me I see him about veryday when he goes by me and I he see me stand their when h...
A. 18 October 2016: If he is telling you he has a wife and 'you know' he's not married, that's his way of letting you down gently.
He's not interested.... (read in full...)
I don't want to be played. Is he playing me? ?
Q. ok i have been dating this guy, we both r still speaking hw says he likes me and has told his parents about me the night after the date I found him on an online dating site at 2am I have been online before that and he hasn't been online as ...
A. 17 October 2016: So why were you on a dating site also? You can't really be mad at him if you're doing the same thing.
You need to both just be sensible and discuss what you want.... (read in full...)
How can I end an affair with a married woman who is having an affair with another?
Q. What steps can I take to end a affair with a married woman that is having another affair. Yes, call me stupid. I deserve it. She is a long term friend and we have known each other for years. We are very comfortable with each other. The other af...
A. 17 October 2016: So you won't fight for your marriage but won't leave your wife so she can be with someone who doesn't treat her like crap. Such a gent.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself acting like you can't stop speaking to her. Block her. How hard it is to press... (read in full...)
How long can a relationship survive without sex?
Q. My Fiance and I have ended up at each others throats recently and it's getting too much for us both. We're both in our Mid twenties, and have been together now for almost 6 years, but to simply put it, she no longer wants sex. She doesn't get arou...
A. 17 October 2016: I think you need to sit her down and say look, something needs to change or I'm walking. It's not unreasonable to be annoyed that you're not getting sex in a relationship, it's completely normal so don't feel like you're being out of order.
She n... (read in full...)
My friend is accusing me of being a shitty friend because I like the guy she was cheating on her boyfriend with!
Q. This is a very complex situation, so please bare with me as this story might be a little long-winded. In August, my friend Leslie started hanging out with this guy, Ian, she met through Tinder. They were talking to each other off-and-on for n...
A. 16 October 2016: You go on dates to help her cheat? You don't see anything wrong with that?
Anyways, sounds like she was just planning to have sex with thus guy so what does it matter what you and him do. She sounds jealous although I'm not really sure how she ... (read in full...)
Should I give up on my ex/ maybe boyfriend and go on the date? Does that make me a cheater?Or should I work things out with him?
Q. I am unsure of how to proceed. My ex (I guess) broke up with me back in September because I waned him to spend more time doing things with me because all he did was play video games. I wanted to go out and do things. After a lot of fighting h...
A. 16 October 2016: What exactly are you attracted to? It sounds like you have nothing at all in common.
You've given him the time to change and he hasn't, you want to go on this date, so do it. You've explained you've seen no improvements so it's his own fault.
... (read in full...)
I can't approach him andask if he wants me as bad as I want him...
Q. Hi agony aunts. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals from this guy and i dont know what to think or do. I'll list the things he does just to make it clearer: -always really flirtatious, compliments me etc -genuinely laughs when we talk, like not o...
A. 15 October 2016: If you're not going to approach him then how are you ever going to know? What if he's going the mindset he's never going to approach you ?
The worst thing that can happen is he says no, then you find out he wasn't really interested in you anyw... (read in full...)
Is it bro 'code?
Q. I recently moved to a new area, and I've met a lot of people in the time I've been here. At the very beginning I was swept off my feet by a guy, but ultimately it was just a fling. While that "relationship" was fading, I met a man who happens to ...
A. 14 October 2016: Are you sure you have the right number?
If he's blanking your contact I'd assume he's not interested.... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for feeling that I'm not getting enough sex? I am frequently jealous of people who have sex
Q. I lost my virginity at 22 and have been a late bloomer but enjoy sex a lot. I am very selective too. But I feel like I am not getting enough sex? I am picky and have had few relationships, just a few lovers but that fizzled out because we weren...
A. 14 October 2016: Haha what a question to have.
I wouldn't say it's an issue unless it's affecting your daily life and you said it isn't, so I think it's quite normal to have a craving for sex, especially being at a young age, but I think it's good of yourself... (read in full...)
I'm having second thought about marriage
Q. My boyfriend has proposed to me, and even though I said yes, I'm now not sure whether I did the right thing. Last year my boyfriend admitted to sleeping with 3 other girls in the first year of our relationship. He told me that he wanted me to know ...
A. 13 October 2016: I'd probably listen to his mate as he may be doing you a massive favour. Your boyfriend could well have something else he needs to own up about.
It would be very odd for one of his own friends to basically give you a heads up if nothing was wron... (read in full...)
Should I not bother meeting him?
Q. I met a man on Facebook and we're meeting up this week.The problem is he is French and lives in Quebec. He speaks broken English from what I've gathered through text messages. English and French isn't my first launguage either but I live in Canada ...
A. 13 October 2016: I wouldn't waste my time, sounds like he's probably not who he says he is. How can he not have time to speak on the phone then expect you to find the time to drive and meet him?
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cant make up his mind!
Q. Me and my ex broke up about 5 months ago. A month after we broke up he went out with one of our mutual friends and of course that bothered me but I just kept telling myself if they are happy then I'm happy. A month into that relationship they broke ...
A. 12 October 2016: Sounds very childish. He had 3 different girlfriends in the space of about 3-4 months?
Sounds like he gets a kick out of messing people about, I wouldn't waste my time if I were you. Some people can never just be upfront and they string you alon... (read in full...)
Should her locked phone be a deal breaker?
Q. Ok I've been with my woman now for a good bit over 2 years. Nov. 5th, at 9:20, will make 3 year's for us. We've put each other through a lot but the situations she's put me in are far worst than the things I did. We're moving past that. I mean I ...
A. 12 October 2016: I don't think I've ever known a single person, besides my grandparents, who doesn't have a password on their phone.
What if she loses her phone and a random person can look through personal data?
I think I'd be worried about other behaviours... (read in full...)
Should I send my ex boyfriend a Christmas card with a small gift?
Q. I have been single for about 4 months now after coming out of a 3 year relationship, I have recently been thinking of him again the relationship ended on bad terms. Its coming up to christmas and it will be weird without him should i send him a ...
A. 11 October 2016: There's really no point. He would probably start reading into it and who knows how he would react.
It's not worth revisiting, just let it be.... (read in full...)
I haven't spoken to my boyfriend in 2 months! Is he trying to end things?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for just under a year. In the last two months he has said to me he's been really busy and needs some time and space. He hasn't contacted me for 2 months everytime I message him on what's app he says well chat next week ...
A. 10 October 2016: Stop wasting your time. If he wanted to speak to you he would do.
What a childish way to try and end things with someone. I think you can do much better than this guy.... (read in full...)
I'm dating a girl but slept with another girl. Should I feel guilty?
Q. I've recently been dating this girl and things have gone well we've gone out about four times and we kissed for the first time yesterday. After she went I was going on a night out with my friends and friends of theirs. long story short I slept wi...
A. 10 October 2016: You're not together so you can technically do whatever you like. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like it if you told her, but it may be time for you to think what you want from her. Do you see a future or want something casual?... (read in full...)
How can I save myself? This man is like a bad drug
Q. Hi All, I was with a man who thinks sex can be separated from love. After several months of dramas, i knew he's not someone i can have a future together with. He often messaged me after i left and i ignored him. One day he texted if i wouldn'...
A. 10 October 2016: Block all contact and stop stalking or else you'll never move on.... (read in full...)
I broke up with my boyfriend because of the distance but I really miss him
Q. I started dating my boyfriend (newly ex) when I was 17 and senior in high school when he was a freshman in college. We have been dating for over three years, long distance but can occasionally visit each other on the weekends and breaks for ...
A. 9 October 2016: I was just about to comment on the wicked post thoughts about being able to stay friends but noticed I had been beaten to it haha
I agree with everything that's been said by both posters, but I really don't think it would be fair to expect h... (read in full...)
Why does my ex keep coming in and out of my life?
Q. I posted a thread about an ex who lives 4 hours away and we were on and off for few years...then broke it off for good because he met someone closer.I was devastated and told him we should go seperate ways. He recently came back in my life only ...
A. 9 October 2016: He doesn't want you to forget about him. He's no intentions of getting back together with you or else what could possibly be stopping him? ... (read in full...)
Man tries to have sex with you very soon--was he never looking for a relationship in the first place?
Q. I made a Tinder thinking I would find a serious relationship with a guy and had no idea that it was primarily for hook ups. I met a guy and we went on a few dates together. By the 2nd date, he was already trying to get me to come over his place to...
A. 8 October 2016: In a word, yes.
It's very, very unlikely you're going to find a relationship on tinder.... (read in full...)
I've lost my best friend because of his jealous girlfriend
Q. So I've been best friends with a guy since grade school. I haven't seen a lot of him this last year because I've been really busy studying for important exams, but we always kept in regular contact. In that time, he got a girlfriend. I bumped into ...
A. 8 October 2016: Looks like if anything she's done you a favour. If a so called friend could tell you to fuck off then he's not the kind of guy you should be crying over is he?
Just draw a line under it a realise that they're both pricks who seem to be very, ve... (read in full...)
Her ex' is hurting and I want to help but...
Q. My girlfriend (age:30) was married for 6 years to some guy she said cheated on her 4 times in 3 years. So she divorced him, he moved out the house, and that's when she met me(age:26) Some months later, she gets a call from a random number, it's her ...
A. 7 October 2016: Not your business dude, whatever happened with your gf and her ex is in the past and she's clearly over it so it's not worth revisiting.
Unfortunately her ex is going to have to deal with it and that's the way it is.... (read in full...)
Should I break up with him ? He is emotionally unavailable to me.
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend from last two years.He was my first serious relationship. His ex cheated on him...after 1.5 year of that cheating episode..we started dating.I never had any honeymoon phase with him. He was very aloof..he was le...
A. 7 October 2016: You guts really aren't compatible and I'm not sure what you've fallen for here, he sounds like he's got the personality of a house brick.
Break things off and find someone who you connect with more and fulfills your needs.... (read in full...)
Will I lose something that was great? Or is it time to move on?
Q. I was with a guy for a few months. his first girlfriend. i left to go study abroard for 3 months. i told him i didn't think it was a good idea to commit and maybe we should just take those time off whilst i was away. I was trying to do the sensible ...
A. 6 October 2016: I think youre right he was probably trying to get a reaction with the Snapchat. Did he send it directly to you?
I think he's testing the waters to see what he can get away with. He didn't like the idea of not speaking at first but now he's spe... (read in full...)
Why does it hurt and feel like I'm missing ? Why?
Q. Hello everybody, If you have read some of my other posts about me wanting to move on for good and cut the boy who treats me terribly completely, i have finally finished with him completely i think.. Backround info for new readers in caswe you may...
A. 6 October 2016: You've done the right thing. It sucks at first big time but it will get easier.
There's really no point wasting your time and effort on a man like this, like you said he's never going to change and it's good youve finally realised that so you can ... (read in full...)
I'm hurt that my friend lied and deceived me over a man
Q. I still can't get over my anger and hatred for this ''friend'' who lied and deceived me over a man I was very close too. This girl pretended she was my friend. She said she had a boyfriend, but was hanging round this man (I was close too) all...
A. 6 October 2016: Agreed with ciar, there's not enough information.... (read in full...)
We've been living together for 18 months and my b/f still doesn't have a permanent job
Q. I don't know how to start this off but a bit of background... I've been with my partner for two years, lived with each other for 18months. We met when he was at university and moved in with each other after he finished. I didn't go to university...
A. 5 October 2016: If hes being lazy then you need to give him an ultimatum. He's not a baby so he shouldn't be acting like one having you looking after him.... (read in full...)
Do you think he is selfish? Why does he have double standards over intimacy? Or am I overthinking?
Q. Sorry English is not my first language. I am dating my boyfriend from last 1 year. My problem is related to our intimacy. When the first time we got intimate he asked me will you please give me a blow job i want to go down on you but you are havi...
A. 5 October 2016: He sounds lazy.
Some guys don't like going down but they can't expect their partner to do it if they won't reciprocate. Having intimacy with your partner should be about wanting to do things for each other to pleasure the other person, not just... (read in full...)
How can I reach a state of acceptance that the one I love does not love me?
Q. Hi there, confused to say the least. i am 19 and love a man who is older (about 15 years older) and this male constantly treats me wrong. Doesn't show any respect, love or loyalty. I believe i am very possessive with people and things and it's not ...
A. 5 October 2016: Cut all contact.
Sounds like a headfuck and a general waste of time.
There's helping people and then there's letting people take advantage. If he asks for the money you simply say no, you're not prepared to help him financially.
... (read in full...)
He keeps hanging around but why hasn't he asked me to be his girlfriend yet?
Q. I've fallen for him... Back again. But I've spoken to this guy for near 9 months now and I kept thinking he was after only one thing... Then today I realised, why would he wait around 9 months just for that?! So I began to think that maybe h...
A. 5 October 2016: Nothing stopping you asking the question...
I think guys are a lot less likely to ask whats going on in a dating situation so you may be waiting a while.... (read in full...)
Why does my friend's girlfriend hit on me, flirt with me and then run and tell him?
Q. I can't figure out my friend's girlfriend. When I am at his house and she and I are alone she likes to show me sexy,nude pictures of herself and she's always talking to me and touching my thigh quite often. Sometimes when we talk she tells me things ...
A. 5 October 2016: She's trying to cause trouble and you're allowing her to.
You should be pretty ashamed that you asked your friends girlfriend out as that's awful behaviour and it's very surprising that he's not told you where to get off to.... (read in full...)
Does prior promiscuity / lack of self care mean danger in a relationship?
Q. So.... a couple meets on tinder. They like each other, go for "the test". Turns out person A has an STD but makes out like they were just "unlucky" to have contracted it. Person B accepts and tries to move forward confidently. Person B had a clean ...
A. 4 October 2016: To remove A from their life as quickly as possible.
Cheating and exposing their partner to STDs, what an asshole.... (read in full...)
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