A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So.... a couple meets on tinder. They like each other, go for "the test". Turns out person A has an STD but makes out like they were just "unlucky" to have contracted it. Person B accepts and tries to move forward confidently. Person B had a clean test around the time and showed person the the results.Some months pass and the couple fall in love. Unfortunately, it's subsequently revealed that person A was behaving "wildly (having unprotected sex with random strangers)" all along, had not had a test for over 2 years and has no idea where / when they contracted the STD and is ultimately not surprised they had an STD in the first place. Person B feels very deceived and like they have been taken for a ride/sucker. As it turned out, person A had knowingly exposed person B to tall of the risks they had taken in the previous 2+ years on their first night together without telling them. Person B asked Person A if they practised safe sex on the first night they were together to which person A responded positively.At this stage, Person B is completely freaked out about what the lack of transparency, self-care and care for others means and ended up feeling generally unsafe in the relationship. More time passes and Person A reveals that they cheated on their partner during the only other long-term relationship they've ever had.What is your advice for person B?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 October 2016):
 My suggestion for Person B would be to exercise Plan B, and walk away from Person A.
Person B might be wise to not believe everything they hear, in future. People tell us who they really are by how they behave. All we have to do is listen, something Person B apparently didn't do.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (4 October 2016):
 It is less about the sleeping around and more about the cheating and being dishonest. I don't think I would want to be with someone like this, if they are capable of cheating once they are capable of doing it again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2016): Well, I can say that if I were a guy, I would not want a woman who has slept around like that with random guys. That says a lot (and very little) about who she is. The fact she would knowingly expose anyone to STD's is actually pretty evil. It goes beyond being self centred and thoughtless. This kind of a person is not relationship material. They like thrills and probably won't change. This kind of a person would always make their partner weary and questioning their relationship. And always feeling unsafe.If you are thinking logically, it is best to get away from this one because there is no long term potential in somebody who sees sex so casually and carelessly. If you are thinking with what is in between your legs, always use protection. But, why even bother at this point? Move on. There are way better choices out there. Why would you ever need to settle for someone like that?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2016): I love how nobody wants to say promiscuity itself is a bad thing. Just "recklessness." Wake up call: Promiscuity itself correlates with virtually everything that a responsible person wants to avoid in a partner. Safe sex is not very safe, it's just better than nothing. STI testing takes 6 months and dating is impractical if you try to wait until 6 months after exclusivity to start having sex. Promiscuity IS reckless.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 Yeah Person B is not a good choice for a partner.
I speak as a previously openly free sexual person... but I was a. always careful and concerned about STDs and more importantly I B. NEVER LIED to or cheated on a partner.
Person B is not to be trusted. without trust there is no relationship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 October 2016):
 I would advice person B to walk away. ASAP.
NOT because of person A's promiscuity, but because of person A's lack of consideration and the level if person A's deception and level of carelessness.
It's NOT uncommon that people in the initial stages of getting to know someone "stacks the deck in their own favor" as in fluff their "profile" or public persona. So while I get that person A didn't want to come off as a careless and reckless person, it is also CALLOUS of person A to play STD roulette with person B's life.
I see ABSOLUTELY no excuse that person A can give, that I would accept if I were person B.
Person A didn't give a single F about her/his own health NOT about person B's.
And while I don't subscribe to "once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater" I would not KNOWING date someone who downplay cheating and who have a history of it. Cheating and not caring about STD's, not caring about your partner it's just not something I'd want in a partner. EVER.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 To remove A from their life as quickly as possible.
Cheating and exposing their partner to STDs, what an asshole.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 Hmmm... this would be a total turn off for me. Not because of the persons sexual liaisons as such, I mean how many is too many depends on the individual but just because of the reckless ness side of things in addition to knowing my spouse had an STD is just gross. Knowing that AND they cheat is a bit of a red flag to me.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (4 October 2016):
 If person B were asking its older, wiser self for advice what do you think it would say?
I don't think you need any help with the answer to this one.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2016): You can either obey political correctness and stay with her, or you can protect yourself from bodily harm and leave. Pick one.
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