A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry English is not my first language.I am dating my boyfriend from last 1 year. My problem is related to our intimacy. When the first time we got intimate he asked me will you please give me a blow job i want to go down on you but you are having your periods right now so i can't do that. On that point of a time i was not comfortable so i said give me some time..i need to be comfortable first he said okay take your time..i don't have any problem doing that..its just that you are on your periods.After 2 weeks we met again.. he never asked me do anything...after one month again he asked me..this time i did it..though i was not very comfortable but i did it..but he did nothing in return.. this thing happened again. Third time when he asked me.. i asked him very politely that why don't you do it ever you always ask me.. he said.. he don't know why he don't do it. I asked is it because of smell.. he said no.. don't ask..if you don't want to do it than don't do it.. but please don't ask..i am not comfortable talking about these issues.Honestly oral sex doesn't matter to me all i wanted to know was truth after 6 month i asked him again..he said..he don't want to get any STDs by doing these things..I Don't have any STDs we are each others first.He said one day we will get ourselves checked after that i will do it.I was shocked.. if this was seriously the reason..why he asked me first..that too thrice..I told him the same thing.. he said he is sorry..whats done is done..we can't undo it..Why he is having double standards? if he so concerned about himself..why he never thought about me..why he lied to me when i was on my periods? I am very hurt :(
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blow-job, oral sex, period, std Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 October 2016):
 Could it be that since HE was a virgin too, he has no clue on how to "give oral" to a girl and thus is making up excuses?
That could be it as well, however.... I think he just doesn't WANT to give you oral and instead of saying: I don't think I WANT to put my face on your vagina" he pulls out the STD card.
And I think he isn't really caring so much about YOUR pleasure (sex should be about BOTH participants, not just one) he just cares about himself and what HE wants. While it CAN be fun to give a guy a blowjob and watch his reactions, it's NOT really... doing anything sexually for the giver. You shouldn't HAVE to bring up that YOU would like to have HIM give you oral. He should WANT to find ways to please you. Now, I get it if he is totally creeped out by the thought of giving you head, but then he should be honest.
He sounds inexperienced and well, lazy.
My advice, figure out if this is what you want or not in a partner. Then you TALK to him and either you two can sort it out or you can walk away.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (5 October 2016):
 He sounds lazy.
Some guys don't like going down but they can't expect their partner to do it if they won't reciprocate. Having intimacy with your partner should be about wanting to do things for each other to pleasure the other person, not just doing it so they can get something back.
If you're not happy you need to tell your boyfriend straight.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2016): Easy solution. Stop having sex, and consider ending the relationship; because he sets a double-standard.
You see red-flags right before your very eyes, and you choose to ignore them. He lies to you, plays little games, and just gets you to do what he wants you to do. On top of that, you're in a long-distance relationship.
Girlfriend, seriously!!!
To be a strong woman, you have to know when a man isn't good for you and when to recognize a deal-breaker. You want him to reciprocate sexually, you want respect, and you want to be able to trust him. He has failed miserably.
So I guess you think you can nag him into treating you right, or we're going to hand you magical advice that will fix a bad choice. Nope, you're going to have to use your common-sense and figure this one out.
Is he worth keeping? How hurt do you have to be to decide what's best for you, and if this clown is your best match?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 October 2016):
 I think he is using the STD as an excuse because he does not want to give oral. He probably does not want to admit to the truth because then you will stop giving him blow jobs. Sweetie you deserve to be treated better than this guy is treating you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe did have intercourse with protection. Lot of time condom broke..on that point of time..he was only concenred about praganancy..not even once he said..oh i should get myself checked. Only when i ask about oral sex..he is concenred about STD.I know sex is not the only way one gets STD. But if seriously this the reason..than this reason applies on him too. We are in long distance..It is seriously not about sexual satisfactions. I have problems with his lies..the way he tries to manipulate me..i never forced him for anything..than why he lied to me. He never thought about me once..that how will i feel..if he is that concerned about himself than why he never thought about me. ?I had the conversation. He said he will do it..but also he is saying he was refusing because of STD thing I know that this was a lie. In last 8 month not even once he said he is refusing because of this thing..now all of sudden he is concerned about STD. Where was his concern when i was doing it.I am not saying that he should do it because i am doing it.Sex is not tit for tat..But i deserve honesty. How can i trust him ?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (5 October 2016):
 Well, I will just tell him I can't give him blow jobs to protect his health, since he's the only healthy one and the dirty, corrupt world is all against him (sarcasm). Even if you are a virgin, if you have cold sores he could contract herpes down there. He can't really get any sex, oral, or intercourse if he's so afraid of STDs. He has to stick with masturbation. Then tell him bye, have a nice life. I am sorry you have to experience such a weirdo for your first time. I don't know if you've had intercourse yet but it sounds like you haven't.
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