A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've recently been dating this girl and things have gone well we've gone out about four times and we kissed for the first time yesterday. After she went I was going on a night out with my friends and friends of theirs. long story short I slept with this girl and she kept saying that she'd want to do it again as a no strings attached thing, but now I feel really guilty that I've slept with someone else even though this girl I like are only dating right now part of me kept saying it was okay cause I'm still single but another part of me is very guilty and I feel like it was wrong.wanted other peoples views on if it was okay and I shouldn't really feel guilty or if I am in the wrong? also if I am in the wrong I will definitely tell the other girl I slept with someone and see what she decides about me and her moving forward Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2016): If a guy I was dating more than one date slept with another girl...I would discontinue dating him. I don't believe in multi dating or seeing other people when dating someone.
Oh and if it did progress into a relationship and I later found out? I would dump him.
Save yourself time and be honest. Let HER decide if you are what she wants. I wouldn't want a man like you!!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 October 2016):
 BTW, if she was to find out later on, as someone suggested she might, then you can have the conversation about it then. You have done nothing wrong, and you just have to own your actions on this one. If she finds out and then asks you about it, you say the truth: you and her were just dating, nothing exclusive yet, but that after it happened you realized you had feelings for her so didn't sleep with anyone else. Simple as that. It's not cheating.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 October 2016):
No, don't tell her you slept with someone. You and her are not in a relationship yet and haven't had the talk. You didn't know where you were standing with her. The reason you feel guilty is because you want more with the girl you date, you like her. Your mind is telling you that you shouldn't be with other women now, because you want this one particular girl. So just follow your gut and don't sleep with anyone else.
You didn't do anything wrong as by any rules, but you did something wrong according to your own set of morals. That is why you feel guilty. But do not tell the girl you like, because nothing will come of it. You will just hurt her, and you telling her will only send her signals that you are not interested in her. So no point in doing that! If she wanted you and her to be exclusive, and this was important to her, then she would have told you so and you would have talked about it.
But from here on out, don't get involved with anyone else and just focus on this one girl, because it's clear you like her and that your own moral code doesn't allow you to be with multiple women at the same time.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 Nope. Just don't do it again if you are serious about dating this girl
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (10 October 2016):
 You don't have to tell her, but I think it's common courtesy, if you do want to be exclusive with her (or you need to tell her you're not exclusively just with her). If you don't tell her and she finds out, that would most likely hurt and ruin anything you'd built up.
Either way, it's only fair to make sure you're both on the same page about not being exclusive yet, as many wouldn't want to allow feelings to develop for someone who isn't only seeing them because it leaves them more vulnerable.
Decide what you want, tell her you haven't been exclusively seeing her (so you're on the same page) and tell her whether you'd like to become exclusive with her or not.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 October 2016):
 It has only been four dates so don't beat yourself up, no need to tell her as she is not your girlfriend. However moving forward if you see a future with this girl then don't have casual sex with this other girl or anyone else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 October 2016):
 If the girl you have been dating is someone you WANT as a serious GF, then stop sleeping with the other girl. That simple.
Don't sit on the fence, it will only hurt your butt. So decide if you want to play the field (casual hook-ups) or you want 1 serious partner.
If the roles were reversed, how would you feel?
If the girl you have been on 4 dates with had been having casual sex while going on dates with you...
Think about it.
And I agree (mostly) with the consensus that you don't NEED to tell the girl you have been on dates with that you are sleeping with someone else. But I think it will be a problem if you hide it and she finds out later on. So again, put the shoe on the other foot, WOULD you want to know? Do you think if the girl you were dating did what YOU are doing, that she should tell you?
I hope you are using protection as well.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (10 October 2016):
 You're not together so you can technically do whatever you like. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like it if you told her, but it may be time for you to think what you want from her. Do you see a future or want something casual?
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (10 October 2016):
 No you dont have to tell the girl youre dating that you slept with someone else. Youve just started dating her, you dont owe her anything. Its 4 dates and just a kiss on the lips. Im a firm believer that you should date at least a year before even considering being anything close to a serious BF/GF relationship. That said, NO do not tell her. It isnt going to end well. The only reason you feel guilt is that youve def develop strong feelings for her already. I say just cut off casual sex-girl and pursue the girl youre dating monogamously if youre interested. Call her, set up dates and then once you both have been dating for several months, you can bring up commitment.Part of dating is we make mistakes, we meet diff people, we get into diff situations, and we find who we want more vs who we dont want. Its just part of life. Learn your lesson and move on. The only person you need to be honest to right now is just youGood luck =)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2016): Four dates isn't loads, but it kind of shows you're not quite mature enough to settle down if you can enjoy a date with a decent girl and that same night go out and sleep with someone else who doesn't mean anything to you.
It's probably best to have an open conversation about whether either of you are still seeing other people or whether you both want to just see each other. Then you know from that point on you are more than dating - then if anything happened with anyone else you would definitely be crossing a line because at the moment it's kind of blurred because you're only dating.
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