A
male
age
30-35,
N91
writes:I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the heck and started watching.What happened from that point out was one of the most surreal experiences I've ever experienced, I felt as though I was watching the past 2 years of my life on my TV. I met a girl which took off at crazy speeds we got on unbelievably well, but I've always been the type of guy that felt like I didn't want to get into a relationship so just thought I would go with the flow.The more time we spent together the more my feelings grew and a few weeks into meeting each other she dropped the 'I'm only looking for something casual' as she had come out of a long relationship and I thought to myself great, neither do I so this should work fine. I'd never had a woman say that to me before because I thought it was always the women that fell for the guys.Fast forward a few more months, things are going great and my feelings are still growing so much so it got to a point where my feelings had completely changed to never wanting a relationship. I actually felt like I wanted to call this woman my girlfriend and shout it from the roof tops, she was perfect in every single way and I would've wanted nothing more than to be show her off to the world as my other half.For the time being however I kept it to myself. Things progressed further and I was still crazy about her, one of my friends told me it was time to ask her where this was going, so I did. She told me she loved what we had and how casual it was but was still not in the market for a relationship and it basically crushed me because it meant things were over. We stopped speaking for a few months and I missed her like crazy, but it got easier over time and was starting to feel normal again.Then my friend was going through a rough breakup at the time and everything he told me made me start missing the girl I used to speak to so I bit the Bullet and I messaged her. It was like we never stopped speaking and she told me she missed me too and before you know it we fell back into the old habit. Again, months passed of the same routine of seeing each other, a few downhills here and there but we carried on.And the past fortnight or so I felt her becoming more reserved, she was always busy when I asked her and I got a weird feeling so I called her out on it. She told me she didn't think it was a good idea to keep seeping each other. It hurt, but I know deep down its for the best, she said we could still be friends but the more I think about it the more I think it's not possible.So like I said, I watched this movie and was freaked out by basically having my past 2 years right in front of me, watching the main character make all the same mistakes I made, seeing how selfish he is in not listening to her saying she doesn't want anything serious but just diving straight in regardless.It made me realise that not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us, even if you spend a lot of time speaking to each other and how perfect it feels, that it doesn't necessarily mean that they're the one. Some people come into your life but maybe they're only there for brief periods and to help you grow as a person before leaving, I never used to believe in this kind of stuff and was a bit cynical, but after watching this film (which probably sounds a little cheesy haha) , my perspective has changed.It's very hard to see warning signs when you're wearing the rose tinted glasses. People would mention things to me and I would just disregard them and just carry on seeing this girl because of how amazing she felt to me and how great she made me feel about myself. I was so happy and didn't feel like anything could change that whilst we were speaking.I felt like I had found a person that I could spend a future with, but I started to question she can't be right for me, how could she be if we hadn't gotten together ? I felt like an idiot for ignoring all the signs that this wasn't going anywhere and how selfish and stubborn I was to just carry on regardless and just get myself more hurt.As I mentioned earlier, she said we could still be friends, but I'm not sure if that's possible right now, so I'm just going to do what I can to move on. Hopefully this may be able to help someone who's feeling their self in a similar situation and I would recommend the film to anyone, it really put a lot of things into perspective for me and realise how silly I was being.I've feel like I've rambled on enough now, guess I just needed to get this off my chest.
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crush, move on, period Reply to this Article
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (1 December 2017):
N91 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the read.
And you're right, I have met someone since that I'm now in a happy relationship with because I learnt what behaviours I wouldn't accept and what I wanted out of a future partner.
I think a lot of guys are scared to admit how they truly feel and hesitate to let their guard down, but by doing so they will miss out on good opportunities as I did a lot in the past. But just because you've had one crappy experience it doesn't mean to say that it's going to happen every time. You're bound to get it right at some point, just got to keep searching for it.
A
female
reader, S_Obsessed  +, writes (30 November 2017):
That's really nice. And hugs.
Guys get hurt too, guys have feelings. The thing about any relationship is that it's about making that connection, exposing your vulnerabilities. It takes guts to admit it.
But it's good that you moved on. I'm sure you'll find someone who'll love you and respect you and value you. And you'll appreciate them because of this experience. :)
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 September 2016):
N91 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGlad you guys enjoyed it.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (19 September 2016):
 "It made me realise that not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us, even if you spend a lot of time speaking to each other and how perfect it feels, that it doesn't necessarily mean that they're the one. Some people come into your life but maybe they're only there for brief periods and to help you grow as a person before leaving"
This was beautiful. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, I couldnt agree more
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 August 2016):
 Nicely written, Bud :)
That's what friends are for, to help you see when you're slightly blinded to it. I've never watched the film, but I'm glad it gave you a new perspective on how the situation could only hurt you and we usually say to people that you can't be friends until you no longer care because the wound is still fresh. I think that applies here too.
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