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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 17 March 2017: That is NOT your problem. He is manipulating you. If you have evidence of him saying this then show it to the police so that he can get the help he needs, this is not for you to deal with.... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 9 February 2017: Wow, you need to leave IMMEDIATELY.
This will not get better. He's lowered your confidence to a point where you feel like you can't cope without him. Who gives a fuck if he apologised?? That is assault and against the law, this is only going to... (read in full...)
How do I turn this FWB relationship into something more?
Q. I am in a friends with benefit with a girl I has known since I was 15. We are both now 25. We used to be just good friends but the sex started about 2 years ago. It is a bit of an unusual FWB relationship because she stated that in beginning that ...
A. 21 November 2016: At what point did I judge her? I'm going to assume you've still not told her how you feel?
You need to accept that if you were going to be her BF it would of happened by now and the longer you sit around hoping for it to happen I can guarante... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 20 November 2016: Stop letting him guilt trip you. Whatever he does is his own problem, staying with him for the sake of things is worse that breaking up with him imo.
He's a wreck and a very weak person. He needs to emotionally blackmail you to stay with him. You... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 19 November 2016: Listen, he is manipulating you. You're not happy with this guy and you know you're not, you're not doing anything wrong. You guys just aren't a good match for each other and the very fact that he's threatening to kill himself shows he's mentally ... (read in full...)
I accidentally sent his ex a friend request and she accepted. I don't want to be friends
Q. Here's my issue, I have been in a relationship for 6yrs, rocky sometimes, I found out he has been having chats with his ex, the problem now is I was on face book and came across her page I was curious to find out what she looked like but apparently ...
A. 17 November 2016: To be fair if you didn't make the mistake of adding her this situation wouldnt of arose, so you can't complain 'you're sick of it' because it reared it's head because YOU were snopping her Facebook.
Just put the situation to bed, both of you stop... (read in full...)
I accidentally sent his ex a friend request and she accepted. I don't want to be friends
Q. Here's my issue, I have been in a relationship for 6yrs, rocky sometimes, I found out he has been having chats with his ex, the problem now is I was on face book and came across her page I was curious to find out what she looked like but apparently ...
A. 17 November 2016: To be fair if you didn't make the mistake of adding her this situation wouldnt of arose, so you can't complain 'you're sick of it' because it reared it's head because YOU were snopping her Facebook.
Just put the situation to bed, both of you stop... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 15 November 2016: You need to leave this guy, threatening to cut himself is NOT normal behaviour. He's saying you're overweight and need to change for HIM to want to stay with YOU.
If I had a girlfriend who dropped anything like that on me I'd be out the door and... (read in full...)
How do I tell her I'll be there if she wants to be more than friends
Q. Hi all, I'll try to keep it as short as I can but, this might get quite lengthy. So, sorry about that. Let me preface this by telling you that my first serious relationship ended about a year and a half ago (it was my fault), though we still c...
A. 12 November 2016: Personally I don't think she's ready for her next relationship.
What makes me think this is mainly where you said you liked her and she just acknowledged it but didn't say anything back. I think when people are talking before they get together... (read in full...)
The girl I love, loves my best friend
Q. So I like a girl in my school, and were both sophomores. I've liked her since freshman year and I have tried literally everyday to ask her out, and now she has a boyfriend. I would ask her out even if she had a boyfriend but a problem that I have ...
A. 12 November 2016: You need to remove yourself from the situation. You can't just go around asking girls out who have boyfriends, let alone when it's your best friend, that's extremely disrespectful and nothing good will come of it.
When you value a girl higher t... (read in full...)
I accidentally sent his ex a friend request and she accepted. I don't want to be friends
Q. Here's my issue, I have been in a relationship for 6yrs, rocky sometimes, I found out he has been having chats with his ex, the problem now is I was on face book and came across her page I was curious to find out what she looked like but apparently ...
A. 12 November 2016: Keep Facebook out of relationships, nothing good ever comes of it.... (read in full...)
How do I tell her I'll be there if she wants to be more than friends
Q. Hi all, I'll try to keep it as short as I can but, this might get quite lengthy. So, sorry about that. Let me preface this by telling you that my first serious relationship ended about a year and a half ago (it was my fault), though we still c...
A. 12 November 2016: I agree with chi girl, I was waiting for the point in the question where you said you kissed her but it never came. You don't ask for things like that, you do it when the moment feels right, but you never did.
IMO I think women see you as not bein... (read in full...)
How do I tell her I'll be there if she wants to be more than friends
Q. Hi all, I'll try to keep it as short as I can but, this might get quite lengthy. So, sorry about that. Let me preface this by telling you that my first serious relationship ended about a year and a half ago (it was my fault), though we still c...
A. 12 November 2016: I agree with chi girl, I was waiting for the point in the question where you said you kissed her but it never came. You don't ask for things like that, you do it when the moment feels right, but you never did.
IMO I think women see you as not bein... (read in full...)
Girl Is Trying To Make Me Jealous But I'm Not Interested In Her
Q. Met this girl recently, she's hot but I'm not really interested in her that way because I like women who are intellectual. I thought she was a bit too friendly when we first met, laughing at all my jokes etc. I also keep noticing her trying to catch ...
A. 12 November 2016: If you're not interested then you don't need to do anything. She will get the message eventually.... (read in full...)
How do I turn this FWB relationship into something more?
Q. I am in a friends with benefit with a girl I has known since I was 15. We are both now 25. We used to be just good friends but the sex started about 2 years ago. It is a bit of an unusual FWB relationship because she stated that in beginning that ...
A. 11 November 2016: I think you're being very naive. She's said you're like a brother to her which is literally the worst thing you can hear from a girl you like. You've known her for 10 years.......don't you think that's been enough time for her to start liking you? ... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 11 November 2016: I'm not sure what you'll regret about breaking up with this guy. You'll find another boyfriend one day that loves everything about you and you'll look back on this guy and think what an absolute asshole, as that's what he sounds like.... (read in full...)
I still have hope of getting him back
Q. So I was dumped by my ex 4 weeks ago now. We were in a great relationship for a year and knew each other for 3 years before that. The last 3 weeks of our relationship wasn't good (my insecurity and trust issues) which I am getting help with. There ...
A. 11 November 2016: You may get on fantastically but to be (I'm going to guess you've accused him of cheating or similar? From trust issues) accused of things you're not doing can be a deal breaker for a lot of people as it is not very nice at all to be doubted.
... (read in full...)
Why does he never offer to pay for the hotel?
Q. I travel quite a lot and 3-4 times a year I fly through one country where I met a guy who I really like. Sometimes it's a lay over, sometimes it's a couple days stay. We always meet and it's usually just amazing. Sex is amazing and I really enj...
A. 11 November 2016: Why would he need to? You've set the precedent of always doing it so why would it change now?... (read in full...)
Should I try to seduce my brother's wife?
Q. I'm 19 year old and have a huge crush on my brothers wife she's around 28 and I've been in a relationship with her sister she's 23 and whenever I have sex with her I couldn't stop imagining my sister in law and ejaculate thinking of my sister in ...
A. 10 November 2016: You seriously need to question your morals if for one second you think this is okay. You're showing massive amounts of disrespect to numerous people.... (read in full...)
I thought we had something but now I'm thinking we are just a casual relationship
Q. Omg! So, we met online and have dated a few times. Taken the relationship to another level, had amazing sex, a few times now. and now,after just 7 weeks booked to go away together. All fantastic, I thought. However, he has been acting strangely the ...
A. 10 November 2016: It happens.
At least you caught him out early on rather than wasting years of your life on him. You should be counting your lucky stars more so than feeling upset!
Best wishes ... (read in full...)
I'm in a slump with boyfriend
Q. Hi All, Thankyou in advanced for all of your help. I have a quick question. My partner and I have been together for about a year and are set to move in together soon. I absolutely adore him and know that he feels the same about me al...
A. 10 November 2016: You need to work on your independence. Keep yourself busy or see friends you've not spoke to in a while. Fill your time so you're not sat around feeling sorry for yourself.
Some people just aren't emotional and there's nothing you can do about it... (read in full...)
Would you leave your spouse if you thought they were cheating, or would you wait for evidence or proof?
Q. Would you leave your husband if you thought he was cheating on you? Is that enough? Or would you need to obtain evidence/proof before leaving him? ...
A. 10 November 2016: Definitely get proof.
How foolish would you look if you got a divorce to find out they were telling the truth?... (read in full...)
I broke off a 3 year affair and all he said was ok
Q. Hi, I've been seeing a married man(ex), for 3 years now. I finally got the guts to say "I can't do this anymore, I need more". It was really hard to say this to him since I still love him. He just said to me "ok". nothing else. not why, are you ...
A. 10 November 2016: It's an affair, there's nothing to it so what were you expecting him to say?
You obviously don't mean anything more to him than sex so I wouldn't waste your time moping over him. Find someone who actually values you. ... (read in full...)
My fiance lost his job and I'm freaking out about the money
Q. Hai.....my fiance just lost his job. We are supposed to get married next year in June or July (haven't set a date yet). I have a full time job which pays well. My fiance is in school at the same time. He is getting a university degree. The thing...
A. 9 November 2016: As brownwolf said, there is ALWAYS someone who is worse off than you.
It sucks I know, but your fiance will get another job and you'll be back to normal soon and you'll wonder why you even let it stress you. ... (read in full...)
I now feel worse after taking that final step
Q. I have guy that I posted about who keeps coming in and out of my life. He always reaches out after months saying misses me only to disappoint me and ditch me again...but every time he comes back I think its finally the time that hes gonna stick with ...
A. 8 November 2016: Absolutely it's normal.
You liked him and now you've stopped speaking to you and you miss him and you realised that you can't contact him anymore. You know it's not worth it though and it's a waste of your time. You could be missing out on peopl... (read in full...)
When is the right time to introduce my boyfriend to my parents and how do I do so?
Q. Hi. When is the right time to introduce my boyfriend to my parents? I have never brought a guy to meet my parents but with the one I am dating now, I feel the need to do so. We have been together for six months but knew eachother more than three ...
A. 8 November 2016: Does he come over to your house often? I think next time he does maybe you could just take him into the living room with your parents and just introduce each other and I'm sure your parents will probably have a few questions from him to find a ... (read in full...)
I thought we had something but now I'm thinking we are just a casual relationship
Q. Omg! So, we met online and have dated a few times. Taken the relationship to another level, had amazing sex, a few times now. and now,after just 7 weeks booked to go away together. All fantastic, I thought. However, he has been acting strangely the ...
A. 8 November 2016: Are you actually in a relationship? Or casual, because you mentioned both things.
He's starting to flake out and you know hes still active on the dating site so I wouldn't get too excited that this is going anywhere special.
I think you need t... (read in full...)
When will I finally get over the breakup?
Q. So, you have been recently dumped. You had to dump someone else. Maybe you're still in the "no contact" phase after the breakup. Months or years have passed. There is still an ache in your heart for that person. Sometimes it overtakes you ...
A. 8 November 2016: As always wiseowl, fantastic read. Really related to this one and it made so much sense and made me realise how stupid I've been the past few months.
Thank you ... (read in full...)
I cheated once on my husband with a friend I like the attention but feel guilty
Q. I know my hubby for 18 years of which we married for 10 years. Although I came close to cheating on him, I didn't actually ever kiss anyone (French kiss). I was so proud of this as most of my friends have cheated on their spouses. That was up until ...
A. 8 November 2016: I don't think you should feel 'proud' for not cheating. I think that's just an unconscious decision you agree to make when you get together with someone. It's not a cause for celebration as it's expected of an honest partner.
I think you need to ... (read in full...)
I know she loves me but she will not be in a relationship with me
Q. She has bI am in love with my best friend and i have told her. She said no to being in a relationship. I told her i cant be friends with someone i am attracted to and that we should stop seeing each but she refuses to go out of my life I know s...
A. 8 November 2016: She likes the attention that you give her.
You did the right thinking telling her that you can't be friends whilst you have feelings for her but you need to take that one step further and block her from your life until those feelings are gone. Sh... (read in full...)
What to do so I don't feel awkward kissing/hugging her?
Q. I've know this girl for 3 years now as she is on my university course. We've always been friends and hung out a few times outside of uni. However about a week ago I went to hers to have a movie night, it was really nice and we spoke for ages and ...
A. 8 November 2016: I'm a bit confused as to why the main point of the question is how not to be awkward when kissing?
If you like this girl, ask her on a date and move things forward with her. If you both like each other then things like this shouldn't be awkward.... (read in full...)
How can I ever trust my husband?
Q. Hello about 2 weeks ago I wrote about my husband going away for training and me not being able to trust him. For reasons like him texting a escort. But when he came home I felt I should let go and maybe try to trust him. But then 2 days later I ...
A. 7 November 2016: If you allow these behaviours he will continue to show them. I really couldn't imagine him changing because he knows that you're accepting what's happening.
You may love him but you're not a doormat so don't let him treat you like one. As singi... (read in full...)
Sick and tired of being the only responsible one
Q. I am tired of being the only one responsible in our household. I have been with my significant other for almost 8 years. In this time, he's had 4 or 5 jobs, was unemployed for 99 weeks where he collected a check, and didn't have a job a couple other ...
A. 7 November 2016: He sounds like a spoilt brat. You clearly have your head screwed on and know what you want out of life whilst this guy is the complete opposite. It seems like you're at your wits end and I think deep down you know what to do.... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable saying words about genitals. Help?
Q. Hi there, I'm in my first relationship and have been for 18 or so months. I've got body dysmorphia and I'm waiting for therapy for it, but I'm ashamed of my body. I'm very introverted physically and I've only ever been naked with my current boyfr...
A. 7 November 2016: I know a girl who was similar, she wouldn't be able to do 'dirty talk' at all, she would try and then just say 'sorry I can't do this'. I guess it's just not for everyone so you can't force yourself into it. If you want to work at it then take it ... (read in full...)
I'd like a gap year, is that so bad?
Q. Hi. So I know this question isn't really about relationships and sex but this sites by far my favourite and I figured you guys would be helpful. Im 17 and supposed to be starting university next September - I say supposed to because I'm completely ...
A. 7 November 2016: I never attended university, heck I never even finished college and now I work for the largest gas transportation company in the U.K. Which will set me up for the rest of my life. I know lots of people that went to university that are in tons of ... (read in full...)
I've agreed to be friends, but he is pulling away from me.
Q. So, there is this guy i used to deal with but now we are supposed to be friends. He has been begging me for friendship for the longest once we established that our relationship couldn't go any further due to our military rankings. Initially,, i was ...
A. 7 November 2016: Have you straight up asked him to tell you how he's feeling? If you've done that then I think it may be time to just cut contact with him and move on. If you've given him the chance to come clean and he's just taking the piss then you might be ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy to think my abusive husband might change? I'm pregnant and don't want to break up
Q. I have been married to my husband for 4 years now and we just found out we are pregnant. 8weeks along. He has been mentally and physically abusive in the past. He's locked me out of the house and I stayed with my parents for a long while. He has ...
A. 6 November 2016: The title is enough information for me to advise you to leave.
You have a baby on the way and you need to make the safety of it and yourself a priority. It will not get better.... (read in full...)
If a man's intentions are sex, will holding off make him like you more?
Q. I had read an article on the Evan Marc Katz website and it mentioned that holding off on sex weeds out the guys who are only interested in getting into your pants and not really wanting to get to know you/don't like you. I also heard from a dif...
A. 6 November 2016: I don't think so. If a guy wants sex then he's not looking to connect on any sort of emotional level he will do what he has to get what he wants then more than likely cut contact.
On the other hand if he's wanting something deeper that's when sex... (read in full...)
How do I turn this FWB relationship into something more?
Q. I am in a friends with benefit with a girl I has known since I was 15. We are both now 25. We used to be just good friends but the sex started about 2 years ago. It is a bit of an unusual FWB relationship because she stated that in beginning that ...
A. 6 November 2016: You're not going to like this I'm afraid but it's never going to be anything deeper than sex. You already know she's sleeping with someone else so that 'she doesn't develop feelings' which translates into 'I don't want a relationship'.
Belie... (read in full...)
Should I accept that my ex is going off for 3 days with her ex and their daughter or say something about it?
Q. have been dating and being in a serious relationship with a woman since 2010 and she has just told me that during the Christmas she will be going on holiday to a cabine for 3 daysa with her ex husband and their 15 years daughter who lives with her ...
A. 6 November 2016: That's pretty ludicrous for her to expect you to be okay with that. I would definitely be raising my concerns.... (read in full...)
My sister in college is in a LDR spending all of her time trying to be with her boyfriend. Family is worried about her!
Q. My sister is younger than me and just started college. Just before she left for college she got a boyfriend. I've never met him but he's met my parents and they say he is very nice. Now she is at college they are about hundreds miles apart and ...
A. 6 November 2016: I'm sorry but I dont see why you feel the need to get involved in her relationship? If she doesn't want to go out every night like the majority of the uni population in the U.K then what's wrong with that?
If she's getting on well with her stud... (read in full...)
Would it be rude to not get back to a co-worker? She wants to sell me insurance!
Q. 2 weeks ago,one of my co-workers that I’m cool with ,approched me and asked when I’m free.I said I was not sure and ask why she was asking.She proceeded to tell me that she needs help with something she is starting but she doesn’t want to discuss ...
A. 5 November 2016: How friendly are you with her?
Personally I'd just say I'd caught wind of what she's doing and you're not interested. Who cares if she's offended? If I gave up my free time to a co worker to try and sell me life insurance I'd be very pissed o... (read in full...)
I don't match his ideal. Should I worry?
Q. Hiya I've been with my boyfriend now for 4 years when we first met he told me he likes women that have long blonde hair and pale blue eyes it never bothered me when we met as I thought nothing of it but lately these last few months any blonde haired ...
A. 5 November 2016: If you weren't enough for him then why is he in a relationship with you? If you let these insecurities get the better of you and constantly have a go at him for it then you're very likely to push him away and make him walk out for good.
... (read in full...)
If she liked me so much then why push me away?
Q. Hey there everyone! Hope you all are well. I need some advice about a girl i met just over a month ago. So ill tell you abit about the situation. So i met this girl on a dating site and we basically hit it off quick. I mean like we both talked l...
A. 5 November 2016: I think you'd be better off just blocking her as I really don't think she will be back in contact for anything more than friends,
Like the other aunts said, she's found her confidence again and for whatever reason she's not ready for a relation... (read in full...)
I don't want to be her puppy! How do I deal with her ego?
Q. My ex has an ego and wont talk to me. I said some hurtful things after she cornered me like a wounded animal. I shouldnt have said such targetted hurtful things but she was relentless at my weakest point (i am usually the rock for everyone) and i ...
A. 5 November 2016: This just sounds draining. What exactly are you both gaining from this situation?
I think you both need to cut contact and move on.... (read in full...)
How can I tell my wife that her sister has started to appear in my fantasies?
Q. My wife and I are generally very open with eachother about our fantasies. They usually just come out during intimacy. Lately, however, I've been having a fantasy that I want to be a bit more subtle when I tell her about it. My new fantasies have ...
A. 5 November 2016: I can't think of a single positive outcome that would come from telling your wife about this. As long as you don't act upon it then there's no problem.... (read in full...)
Why won't he delete his profile on the dating site?
Q. Hi all, Could someone good kind people give their option please on this matter, is it an issue or it that I've got the issue, and I'm being stupid. Please tell me if I am. I'm gay, I met this wonderful guy 6 months ago, older than me, but t...
A. 4 November 2016: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-put-a-profile-on-a-website-and.html
This sounds very, very similar therefore I think you're asking the same question and hoping for different advice.
You received some good answers last time and I think you ... (read in full...)
Is this FWB thing wrong or should my friends not judge?
Q. Hello everyone I'm having a sort of fling with a guy I work with who is 20 years older then me but I feel dirty and a little bit ashamed after my friends started saying he was a pervert and that it was wrong. I'm 25, he is 46. He's divorced an...
A. 4 November 2016: Do whatever you like. Since when do you do things to please other people?
I will add that FWB have tendencies to get very, very measy. However if you feel like you can keep your feelings and sex separate, then continue as you please wit out wond... (read in full...)
Ex has started dating an 18 year old guy! How do I deal with this shocking news?
Q. My ex boyfriend (3 year relationship, broke up with me 6 weeks ago due to him feeling neglected due to my depression and OCD) told me this week that he is now in a relationship with an 18 year old boy... My ex and I are both 27....... One week ...
A. 4 November 2016: Why do you need to deal with it?
He's your ex. Nothing needs to be done on your part besides blocking him and moving on with your life.... (read in full...)
The man I'm dating keeps asking for sex
Q. Hello. Looking for some advice. I have been single for 17 years and dating the last eight years. Have had a few relationships that lasted six months. I have had a lot of bad luck in relationships. Seems like men don't want a serious relationship. ...
A. 3 November 2016: He sounds like a bit of a dick to be honest. I've never heard of anyone openly asking when they're going to be having sex after knowing each other for two weeks. I think you know this is all he is after, if I were you I'd be cutting contact with ... (read in full...)
I've agreed to be friends, but he is pulling away from me.
Q. So, there is this guy i used to deal with but now we are supposed to be friends. He has been begging me for friendship for the longest once we established that our relationship couldn't go any further due to our military rankings. Initially,, i was ...
A. 2 November 2016: Maybe he doesn't know how to deal with the feelings? How do you feel about him? If the feeling is unrequited then he may feel a sort of resentment towards you which is quite common as he's upset you don't feel the same.
I think you need to put i... (read in full...)
I've agreed to be friends, but he is pulling away from me.
Q. So, there is this guy i used to deal with but now we are supposed to be friends. He has been begging me for friendship for the longest once we established that our relationship couldn't go any further due to our military rankings. Initially,, i was ...
A. 31 October 2016: This guy doesn't want to be friends and as you said could very well be in love with you. I think you need to decide what you want out of him for yourself and if it's only friends then I believe it's time to cut contact with him as it will only end ... (read in full...)
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