A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend from last two years.He was my first serious relationship.His ex cheated on him...after 1.5 year of that cheating episode..we started dating.I never had any honeymoon phase with him. He was very aloof..he was least interested in our conversation.He hardly asked me anything about myself..and he himself never shared anything with me. Whenever i told him everything he listend to me passively..there was no curiosity.He always said i am introvert you should be the one talking i don't have anything to say..hardly he showed any affection. When my first birthday came..he did nothing ..i asked him in very cute way baby where is my birthday gift..he said..i don't believe in these things..i was upset but i said nothing..after 2 weeks he gifted me a dress..i accepted that but internally i was not happy..i am not a materialistic person..i don't want to force someone..even if he gave me a single chocolate..i would have been happy.When his birthday came i thought a lot..it took me almost 2 months to decide what to gift him..i brought a wallet for me..i was so happy..but when i gave him he didn't show much interest in that...when he saw me upset he said i am so sorry..i was busy in my game.He doesn't like celebrating his birthdays..he ex broke with him on his birthday.When my 2nd birthday came again he did nothing.. he said.. i am sorry i wanted to plan lot of things..but now there is no time...These are not the only problems..he is emotionally unavailable..whenever i discuss anything about our relationship which is bothering me..he hardly listens to me.He stonewalls me...every time he say if you have any problem solve it yourself..i will be there for you in your other problems but don't involve me in your emotional problems..I am practical person, if you are not happy than find someone else..i have my priorities. Emotional issues are stupid.last week..i was just telling him.. that i feel so frustrated that 99% of the time i carry the whole conversation..all you do is ok..no..hmm..he said..we have nothing in common so we don't have anything talk..than i politely told him that i can understand that you are an introvert..if you don;t have anything to say..at least you can ask me questions..this way will also work for me..He was like yeah whatever i'll do that...he himself told me once that he used to talk to her ex 5-6 hours straight..he was always eager to talk to her..when he was my friend..he used to talk to me a lot..but now he hardly put any effort in our conversation..its been 2 years..Lot of issues were bothering me on that point of time..so i asked him for space..during this period i realized maybe he doesn't love me..may be i am not the one for him..i have to beg for everything..i think i should break up with him..but my problem is he is a nice guy..we are in long distance..when i visit him sometimes he cooks for me..he is a very good host. When i talk about my family problems he listens to me..he run away when i talk about our relationship problems. I am very confused.What should i do ?
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her ex, long distance, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2016): Run and run fast, it will not get better. He doesn't appreciate or love you.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (7 October 2016):
End this relationship and move on. You have the right to leave if your needs are not being fulfilled. He is completely being comfortable this way because you have allowed it to be like this, by not saying what you really needed from him. You deserve better and right fully so.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (7 October 2016):
 You guts really aren't compatible and I'm not sure what you've fallen for here, he sounds like he's got the personality of a house brick.
Break things off and find someone who you connect with more and fulfills your needs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2016): You are a tolerable stand-in to keep him company, and I don't really know what you've attached your feelings to.
He's not reciprocating any emotion or affection; so it only seems you're starving for his approval and validation. He has such a take-it or leave-it nonchalant attitude; I just don't get what you see in this guy? Perhaps it strokes his ego having you fawning over him. Your infatuation with this guy is a total waste of your emotions and precious time.
Relationships require reciprocity. Giving and taking. You sit talking to yourself, as though there was no one else in the room. I can't see why it's so difficult for you to dump this guy? He entertains you like a visitor, not his girlfriend.
He's really not the problem in whatever you want to call the connection between you. You sit around poking him with conversation trying to get a word out of him. You're otherwise long-distance (even when you're in same room); and you have nothing in-common.
From your description it's as though he's waiting for you to just dry-up like a leaf and fall off. Since you are persistent that you have some kind of relationship, he's just letting you have your way.
Stop contemplating a breakup and just do it. It shouldn't be too hard. He's already done it, he's just waiting for you to get a clue. If you need someone to suggest you leave him, I really think he has more than given you sufficient reason to. He's just waiting you out. You're close to making a fool of yourself, sweetheart.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 October 2016):
 Sweetie it sounds like he is with you out of habit and not out off love. He shows no interest in you, he makes no effort. It is almost like he just puts up with you for the sake off having a girlfriend. I understand that his ex hurt him, but he has been with you two years now, he does not support you emotionally and refuses to talk about your relationship. Am sorry if this is not what you want to hear but you can do much better. You should not be with someone because they are a good host and cook for you sometimes. A relationship needs more than that, and you are not getting what you need from him. He has said himself you both have nothing in common with each other, so the best thing to do is part ways and find someone who will make the effort and who wants to listen to you, buy you gifts and see you smile.
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A
female
reader, newgia667 +, writes (6 October 2016):
 Clearly he has been scarred from past relationships. You've stated you want someone who is understanding, compassionate, giving, attentive.. By the way you have been describing your boyfriend it doesn't appear for him to be the one. You like him but he is not emotionally compatible for you.There are people who are very closed off and don't like to share things and thats okay, however in a relationship, communication, interest is important so you have to value that. If you are stressed 99% of the time chances are he isn't the one for you. And you should not have to feel like you are trying the hardest whether it being purchasing him gifts or simple things like having a conversation..My ex was very much like your boyfriend too. You have to see people will never change and although you do love him he is not the one for you.. If you continue this relationship it is not going to change and ultimately end up in circles.. He is apologizing but if he truly cares he would be taking action and stop or start doing things in order to make you happy. Relationships require work from two people and once it becomes very one sided and just about pleasing one person it takes a toll on the person not being treated fairly in this situation. (you)You deserve much better
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