A
male
age
30-35,
*r. Dogood
writes:Ok I've been with my woman now for a good bit over 2 years. Nov. 5th, at 9:20, will make 3 year's for us. We've put each other through a lot but the situations she's put me in are far worst than the things I did. We're moving past that. I mean I can't lie and say it hasn't left me with a lot if trust issues but I'm not giving up that easy I really love her. Now I'm a very open guy I do not believe in locking my phone because I have no reason to I want her to know I have nothing to hide from her. But she keeps her phone locked, and refuses to give me the password why is that? Should I be worried, or no? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 Even though it may be her fault that you have trust issues, that does not allow you to have access to her phone, it is private. If you cannot overcome your trust issues then it might be best if you consider finishing this, as you are only making yourself insecure and miserable.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 Wow! You remember the TIME you first started dating? Most blokes don't even remember the YEAR, let alone the date!
Here's the thing: either you trust this girl, or you don't. As you want access to her phone, I would guess you have big trust issues with her. Having access to her phone will not, however, change that. If you find something incriminating, you will know you were right not to trust her. If you DON'T find anything, you will be convinced she has hidden/deleted it and you will carry out more searching to convince yourself she is up to no good.
You either need to learn to trust her and not torture yourself by checking up on her (which is exactly what you are doing) or you need to end the relationship and find someone you do trust.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2016): If this was her writing I would tell her to run because you sound way to controlling. You are way to insecure. Get some help she is human and not property.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (12 October 2016):
 I don't think I've ever known a single person, besides my grandparents, who doesn't have a password on their phone.
What if she loses her phone and a random person can look through personal data?
I think I'd be worried about other behaviours than a password on a phone.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 Well that is very specific! That's there first I've ever heard someone mention the time when they started dating!
Anyway, to get to your question, exactly what situations are you taking about that were so awful? I'm guessing there was cheating involved, but who cheated on whom? Again, since you haven't written much, I'm guessing she cheated on you and you're trying to get past that.
Ok, so after all these assumptions, here's what I feel. A relationship, any relationship for that matter, needs to be built on trust. If there's no trust and no mutual respect then it's a matter of time before it all crumbles. You either trust this girl or not, there's no middle path. If you trust her then there's no need for you to check her phone and have access to her password because it's something that's personal to her. I don't know my husband's password and neither does he know mine. There's no reason to, either. It has never even occurred to me to ask him for his password and I'm sure the same applies to him.
The very fact that you feel insecure about your girlfriend locking her phone and not giving her password means that you obviously don't trust her and feel the need to keep an eye on her. I'm sorry but this is not healthy and it's never going to work in the long run if this is how things are. If you think she's up to no good, then please break up and move on. If you think you want to make it work, then work on your trust issues. Remember, it'll never end with just checking her phone, you'll soon want access to other things as well. Keep in mind, however, if someone wants to dupe you, then they can be very slick about it. Either you trust her or make a clean break.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 October 2016):
 Do you think if you had her password and went through her phone on a regular basis that you somehow could control her actions? Stop her from doing things YOU don't feel she should do?
You say the two of you are moving PAST all these issues, but in reality, you are not, or there wouldn't BE this "problem".
She isn't your child, you have NO right to go through her phone as her BF. BUT you have the right to decide whether you CAN/WILL trust her or not. And then act accordingly.
In my house, we use each other's phones from time to time, but that doesn't EQUATE to having the right to go through all old texts or calls.
She CAN as easily delete old texts and you would be none the wiser.
So in a GOOD and healthy relationship a locked phone would mean nothing.
Think about it.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 October 2016):
 I think it would depend on the situations she's put you in, what you've put each other through and more background in order for us to answer the question.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2016): Her phone is none of your business and your phone is none of her business.
Unless theres a ring on her finger, you shouldnt being prying into her phone, email, passwords, files, etc.
If there is a problem, just be mature and tell her about your concerns in person. If you believe cheating is involved, confront her. If you believe shes not a good person, end the relationship. If you believe shes not doing what she says shes doing when out with friends, trust your instinct and end things.
If shes been good but wants no part in sharing her password, stop being a untrustful boyfriend and leave the poor girl alone or she will leave you.
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