A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:What steps can I take to end a affair with a married woman that is having another affair.Yes, call me stupid. I deserve it. She is a long term friend and we have known each other for years. We are very comfortable with each other. The other affair is a long distance relationship. She sexts me many time when drunk as well as we have very strong sober texts and communications. We have also had several oral sex or fingering. We both try to stop but talk daily, text daily. She has recently started to call more on weekends like when running errands. Just quick stuff. She has admitted that her other affair is not doing so well and that he has little time for her. We are trying to stop but rather can't stop coming up with a reason to see or talk to each other. I don;t have the fire in me to reboot my marriage, but know that's wrong and know that the situation is wrong in so many ways.She brings great joy and fun into my life, and I find her very attractive. She seems just as torn as I. She recently went on a long trip. I stayed up late to keep her company while on her way. She texted me that she was drunk but wanted me to kiss her all over. She also thanked me for the going away gifts I gave her. She gave me a going away gift (gift card) to saying she had thought about giving it to me for some time but wanted to give so I would think of her and pay back for many times I have done something for her. She stated my gift was the most thoughtful gift anyone had ever given.Do I want in an affair, no. Do I have it in me to reboot my marriage? not really, but I'm not leaving my wife for a messed up situation. Just can't help myself with being with the other woman. Stupid, yes, but she makes me weak and cannot function. AM I just a booty call when she says I drive her crazy and she actually wants to spend time with me? Physical/Text/Call... So confused.
View related questions:
affair, booty call, drunk, fingering, long distance, married woman, oral sex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): The euphoria of this affair is too intoxicating.I get it.Your dead marriage pales in comparison.And it's easy to slide into a fantasy rather than deal with the real life problems of a marriage which you may feel are beyond salvation or too much work. And so you give up and divert your attention to something more fun. An escape. Which takes you away from feeling dead on the inside to feeling alive again.But... its just a façade you see. Temporary at best. Because once the affair ends, you are back to your miserable marriage. And to accepting that you will never solve your problems and stay married out of convenience. Which is a sad way to live life. Resigning yourself to a life sentence. Just because you are too lazy or comfortable or too afraid to move on. To venture into the unknown and a real chance at happiness rather than wilting away in a bland marriage in which you are unhappy.This woman represents all you wish you had. But never will. She cannot give it to you. She cannot even give it to her own husband or to yet another side fling. She is always drunk and looking for attention and validation from men. Sex is her weapon. And she knows you will fall, like many men before you and after you. She has a game and she knows how to play it. She is well experienced at having her cake and eating it and finding vulnerable victims whom she can seduce. Not all men can be seduced. I believe that. It is only men who are lacking in their marriages like you are. Men who have weak defences or defences that can be worn down over time. You are one of those men.This is not the type of woman you want a future with. Not the kind to leave a marriage over. You would have to do that for yourself. For you only. Nobody else. She is just looking to get laid. Some harmless, mindless fun on the side of her not so good marriage. She, like you, and like anyone having an affair, is seeking an escape, the euphoria and feeling of elation and aliveness associated with it. You are both addicts. And it is a very difficult thing to let go of. The high. The feeling of validation. The amazing, intense sex. Because you know once you let that go that you will be staring into nothingness again. It will be like the death of the new person you felt like in the affair. The one that felt special, alive, wanted. Most people would want to hang onto those feelings and the person who brings out those feelings in them. It is the way she makes you feel. Your wife cannot do that for you anymore. Those feelings are long gone. And I suspect you could not work enough to get them back. Because that ship has sailed. So you fantasize about a new life. With her. But it ain't gonna happen. Even if you both left your spouses, you would never be able to trust each other. You would worry every time she got drunk and picked up her phone or came home late. You know exactly what he is capable of. And although she is exciting to you, you also know she is dangerous. And over use of this drug will ruin your life. She is no good for you. You know it. But you are addicted. And this is the problem. We want more of what is no good for us because it feels so good in the moment. But again, it's all an illusion.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 October 2016):
 Since you asked for it...You are stupid.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 Please do the right thing and let your wife go, stop being selfish and allow her to make a life with someone else who will treat her right.
Ask the other woman to leave her husband, if she doesn't then you know you are only a booty call. Yes you may end up alone, but you will feel a better person for doing the right thing by your wife. I just hope you have not give her any diseases or infections.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (17 October 2016):
 OP, you have no respect for your wife and you need to let her go. It's not fair to cheat on her and drag her along. You're *choosing* to be in this mess, she isn't.
Leave the married woman too; she's got two of you on the go, so she doesn't care enough for either of you to be her only affair, let alone any more.
Re-evaluate your life, OP. Don't destroy innocent people's lives, like you're doing to your wife, just because you don't want to leave the security of marriage.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2016): It doesn't sound like you are even second choice for this woman, you are third because her other "BOTS" doesn't give her enough attention. I'm always baffled when people having affairs are concerned whether their lover has any interest beyond sex. Does it matter? You admit that you're staying with your poor wife no matter what so there's no future.If you can't be bothered to make any effort with your wife then you are better off leaving but you seem like the type that won't jump ship unless there's someone to go to. Hopefully in time your wife will find out and she'll make the decision for you......
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2016): ok you had your fun now comes the time of reckoning.If you want to stay with your wife stop seeing the other woman. As simple as that. Don't expect anyone to tell you to carry on doing what you are doing now.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (17 October 2016):
 So you won't fight for your marriage but won't leave your wife so she can be with someone who doesn't treat her like crap. Such a gent.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself acting like you can't stop speaking to her. Block her. How hard it is to press the block button?
Either work on your marriage with your wife or divorce her. She deserves to be happy and then you can do whatever you please. But either way you need to remove this married woman for the equation, because yes, you are a booty call and it will never be more than that.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 October 2016):
 Tell her you are done and you will be blocking her. Then do so.
I feel sorry for your wife. Having a husband who respects his wife so little that he stays with her out of sheer convenience.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2016): I understand it's hard to think clear when you're involved in situations such as this.
Whats the point in staying in a marriage such as this? Your wife deserves true happiness, and so do you. So does everybody.
I know big changes are hard, and taking the first step is scary but it's a step closer to happiness.
At least you will be giving your wife the chance of finding true happiness if you let her go.
Please do what you know is right. It sounds like some time to yourself on your own to think about your actions and your values would do you good.
...............................
|
