A
female
age
26-29,
*ewgia667
writes:Hi there, confused to say the least. i am 19 and love a man who is older (about 15 years older) and this male constantly treats me wrong. Doesn't show any respect, love or loyalty. I believe i am very possessive with people and things and it's not that i want him and only him i want him to have girls who are his friends but i want to trust and respect him. which i know i never will because of all the stuff thats happened in the past. i know i need to move on but i cant..if you have read my one other question I've asked…… which i dont know if thats possible but i have explained the whole relationship so you can understand more (if u wish to) .. well anywaysafter this big fiasco of me catching him messaging my best friend and asking her out for a drink and trying to flirt and saying he's single, i questioned his loyalty big time because if he can do that with one person he can do that with anyone. he's manipulative and has found a way to somehow make this my fault and somehow i am unstable and go crazy over every little thing.The things he says are absolutely nasty and degrading to any woman and you would not expect those words to come out of a grown mans mouth. Thing is i still want to be with him, even though he treats me like rubbish..I don't know any better although i do and know he's never going to change, i have no hope. But i still want to be with him because i don't want to feel alone… Is their something mentally wrong with me..? I know i am being treated like garbage and lied to and played yet i still want to be with this human.Today we get into a nasty fight because i texted him snapping because he randomly added 2 of my friends on fb and he was hitting them up again. I told him my friends thought he was creepy and pathetic (because they did think that) and he went crazy and said the outright most disrespectful things, threatening to show people videos of me crying and acting sad saying look what he had to deal with. I have anxiety to begin with so the thought of people being mean to me makes m e sad and stresses me, my father always yelled and raised his voice and it used to make me cry all the time as a kid so when people yell i either cry or get very angry. I ended up crying and explaining that i am doing this because i am hurt and distraught and its upsetting dealing with someone who constantly blames others etc. he didn't apologize or understand was just like yeah of course i care otherwise i wouldn't be talking on the phone trying to fix this etc. he gives me false hope, than he goes on about how he snapped extra hard due to the fact of he walking out of his job (he works with his brother doing construction etc) he apparently kept arguing with his bro and told his bro to go "f" himself and walked off. To say the least he's not much of a worker and works whenever he needs to to be honest. not often though so his temper gets the best of him, then he said on sunday he had gotten into an accident with another car an hit them, his son was in the car but it was not too serious. (its tues, this happened sunday and he told me just now) he said it didn't look noticeable from the outside but apparently from the inside there was something that was messed.(Not a car person so i have no recollection to be honest of what he said) and than he said he would fix it and pay it for the guy so they don't have to go through insurance because we all know it would go up. He calls his auto guy and the guy goes with the car and he quotes from 1500-2000 to repair and they needed a new carseat. he can either do that and the man won't contact insurance or they cn contact insurance and his insurance goes up by apparently 70%. than he goes on about how he doesn't have the money right now because he used it (he bought a 1000 chain 2 weeks ago, stupid, he does have a son which he pays child support and sports etc, rent for himself food) he said he was going to ask his aunt or his mother for the money. I said i would see if any of my friends wanted to buy his mac(because he's selling his computer) i would ask everyone to try and help him because I'm still in love with him and care..I than said if he needs anything i can help him out…. Than he says he's gonna ask his fam but if not he would only barrow it for a few weeks. I said that because i wanted him to see that i am there through thick and thin and although he hurts means makes me feel like trash i would still do anything for him…. He hasn't asked me for the money because it just happened today but i have a feeling he will. I don't really want to give it to him because i know he's not going to change nor appreciate me nor even realize how great of a girl i am. If he treated me well and didn't do the things he did i would have given him the money without even thinking twice. but i know i am being played out and i don't want to feel used. When we dated it was pretty much me always buying dinners, smokes, t shirts and clothes for him etc.. idk. I put myself in this situation though because i want to please him .. but at the same time why help out a disrespectful asshole that cant stay committed to one girl.Im very confused. what do i do if he asks me for it and i want to say no. i don't wanna look like a liar or like i let him down if i say no after i said i would help him out… I'm way too confused right now and i keep putting myself in situations where i am going to get hurt.. can someone please give me some guidance???
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best friend, flirt, liar, money, move on, smokes, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 October 2016):
 Sweetie you are worth so much more than he treats you. I am sorry that he has brought the dark side out in you, really I am. But once you break free from him you can build yourself up again. You need positive people around you, people who will give you praise not bring you down.
A
female
reader, newgia667 +, writes (5 October 2016):
newgia667 is verified as being by the original poster of the question To the three people who shared their advice.. Thank you very much. Honestly i knew it wasn't going to work out right from the start their were so many things that made me question him….I haven't had too many boyfriends so when I do I get emotionally attached to them and I forget about myself. I suffered terribly in high school from depression there were times where i didn't go to school for months, i had negative thoughts. This lasted from like 14-17 years old. Once i was 17-18 I realized i am responsible for my own happiness and took the steps to make myself a better person. For a good 2 years, I would say I was normal and happy,valued myself, recognized my worth, which is probably what attracted him to me. Throughout the 7-8 month period of knowing this man and being with him he has brought out every trust issue in me, made me doubt myself, question if I'm stable, use my past against me. I need to seriously get a back bone or grow a pair of balls because you all are right in the end he's going to continue on with his life not caring and I'm dealing with the pain again. I know hes going to find someone new, post pics with her and play all happy for a few weeks (he did that in the past 2 days after we broke up) but i have to understand he is a pig and thrives off belittling women to make himself feel better. I know he feels low and like shit because there are many aspects of his life that are complicated… He was addicted to crack for a long time and got sober about 2 years ago….With that being said i know he has anger and he's low so he takes that out on me.. He has also abused his ex fiancé in the past when he was really drunk and he had to do weekend jail or something for that… I know he isn't the man i want but my mind excused all those signs and i allowed him to do this. I didn't set standards, well at first I did he was great but then he started blaming me and making my life hell. I have to realize that the way he treated me was not love and i settled for something less.. i am gonna do everything to better myself and not put myself in a situation like this again….. I will probably constantly be writing questions but it helps me see my worth so thank you all so so much i truly appreciate this.Gia
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (5 October 2016):
Just like your other post I am going to advice you again to cut all contact, allow your sister to support you. Tell your mother his real age and stop lying to her. You know all off this is wrong, so why let him treat you like this? Now you are wanting to give him money? Seriously? After everything today when he calls that is what you do. Sweetie you need to grow a back bone and tell him to get out off your life. Stop being a push over.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2016): I have been there. End it. Do not give him any money, not even a dime. You will never see it again, believe me. He will fritter it away on himself and never give you a second thought. I was with a lazy ass man who "borrowed" my money in "desperate need" to pay a loan back and he actually gambled it away. He hated working and was dealing, using other friends ... and me until I got wise... for money. Once forced to take a job, he had it all worked out, stashing the money away so that he could basically do nothing for a few years, not even considering he owed me several hundred dollars and possibly a lot more to his friends. I am no longer with him, guess what.. once he started earning well, he was still a miser towards me and I never got a birthday card or a gift of ANYTHING in 6 years. Paying 30 dollars to take me on a day out was too expensive and even buying me a packet of candy, he would complain abut the price. But behaved VERY differently if he was buying stuff for himself, only the best shirts and shoes.I was blinded by "love", used to buy him little gifts and cards and so thoughtful. He didn't even think about me after two major surgeries and went off the radar.You deserve BETTER. Kick this crap specimen to the kerb and leave him there. He is like a leech, moving from one body to the next to take and take and drain everyone dry.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (5 October 2016):
 Cut all contact.
Sounds like a headfuck and a general waste of time.
There's helping people and then there's letting people take advantage. If he asks for the money you simply say no, you're not prepared to help him financially.
This guy is a waste of time, you will meet someone one day who doesn't give you any of this kind of agro and you'll wonder why you wasted so much time on this guy.
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A
female
reader, UniquelyMe +, writes (5 October 2016):
 Honestly the way you describe it the relationship was doomed from the start honey. Look i understand 110% where your coming from. You love him, you're committed to him. Its hard to say no to him. My advice?. As much as you love him you need to end things because hun, at the end of the day the only person being hurt is you, And you deserve a lot better. You know you do as you have said this. Trust me i was in a relationship with this guy. I pretty much loved him as much as i could love someone. Worshipped the ground he walked on. Thought he could never do no wrong. He cheated on me but i took him back and it was just an ongoing pattern. The best thing i did was end the relationship. It didnt feel like it at the time but in the long run, Im happier now because of it. Let's face it you're still young too you have your whole life ahead to find the guy that will treat you as you treat them. It may not be what you want to hear. But i just wanted to be honest with you and relate. You need to focus on you and only you hon :)x
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