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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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LDR girlfriend had an abortion then said I wasnt there for her when she needed me. She now won't talk to me
Q. She had a miscarriage .She was bleeding for 20 days,both of us are not ready for a baby.Its a long distance relationship..so she went to the doctor alone..There was big tissue in her uterus..Doctor gave her some abortion pills..after severe pain for ...
A. 14 December 2016: We understand perfectly what you're saying. She didn't give you ANY mixed signals whatsoever. How are you the ONLY person on this post who doesn't understand the problem here?
She asked for YOU to console her when she was upset. YOU ignored ... (read in full...)
LDR girlfriend had an abortion then said I wasnt there for her when she needed me. She now won't talk to me
Q. She had a miscarriage .She was bleeding for 20 days,both of us are not ready for a baby.Its a long distance relationship..so she went to the doctor alone..There was big tissue in her uterus..Doctor gave her some abortion pills..after severe pain for ...
A. 13 December 2016: Dude are you for real?
So what if she's being 'mean'. She needed you! You weren't there for her and it was a deal breaker. Suck it up and deal with it.
All you had to do was hear her out and you wouldn't be in this mess but you were too selfish... (read in full...)
LDR girlfriend had an abortion then said I wasnt there for her when she needed me. She now won't talk to me
Q. She had a miscarriage .She was bleeding for 20 days,both of us are not ready for a baby.Its a long distance relationship..so she went to the doctor alone..There was big tissue in her uterus..Doctor gave her some abortion pills..after severe pain for ...
A. 13 December 2016: I don't deal with serious conversations about feelings well either but your gf lost a baby for God sake and you couldn't even let her vent her feelings?
You're right, you are paying the price. Hopefully she finds someone who can comfort her when... (read in full...)
What should I say? How can I find out where I stand, without sounding annoying to him ??
Q. Hi!! Back in October a 5 month relationship ended because we decided to give each other a little space. On one weekend I went to an ex's house because he was having a get together with a few friends. Sketchy as it sounds nothing at all happened...
A. 12 December 2016: I'm sure he would of told you he missed you as well if he does. Sounds like he's moved on.... (read in full...)
I need to know what is going on. Should I text him again, just acting normal?
Q. My ex and me have been talking again mainly over text after he got back in contact with me. It ended quite badly between us due to him having commitment issues. After 6 months of not speaking he got back in touch and told me that he was ready to...
A. 12 December 2016: I wouldn't message him if I were you.
HE initiated the contact and now he's decided to go silent. He's supposedly ready for a relationship now so why has he got cold feet? Personally I think he's messing you around. Maybe he's just finished... (read in full...)
How to let go, when I still love him? Do I walk away?
Q. I've just recently split with someone that I was with since April. We ended on good terms but he said that he doesn't want to be with me because his head's all over at the minute. I've told him that I want to be here to support him and we'll ge...
A. 12 December 2016: You have to walk away. He's told you he doesn't want your help.
Respect his wishes and move on to find someone who wants the same things that you do.... (read in full...)
I stil have feelings for my ex, but I don't know what to do next. How can I move forward?
Q. Desperate need for advice. Sorry for the super long story. I broke up with my ex girlfriend a year ago now. I feel that I still have lingering feeling for her. She was my very first girlfriend and for some reason I just can't help but think she...
A. 12 December 2016: There's nothing you can do I'm afraid.
You had your chance and you wasted it. She's with someone who it sounds like makes her happy and you need to respect that regardless of how much it hurts.
I don't think seeing her on the bus and chatting... (read in full...)
LDR girlfriend had an abortion then said I wasnt there for her when she needed me. She now won't talk to me
Q. She had a miscarriage .She was bleeding for 20 days,both of us are not ready for a baby.Its a long distance relationship..so she went to the doctor alone..There was big tissue in her uterus..Doctor gave her some abortion pills..after severe pain for ...
A. 12 December 2016: You fucked up here big time. She couldn't of been more clear with what she wanted and you shunned her when she needed you most.
I think it's shown her the insensitive guy you are and she's decided that she doesn't need you in her life anymore.... (read in full...)
I'd like to offer her some money, but not sure how she'll take it
Q. a girl moved into the apartment below me in the same building as me (unit of 6 apartments). she has 2 kids aged 3 and 5, throughout the year we exchanged numbers, talked about things mostly info about the apartment or how to fix something etc. ...
A. 12 December 2016: Great suggestion from Denizen.
That way it doesn't have to turn awkward if she refuses as it may also possibly offend.
Very thouhtful of you by the way also.... (read in full...)
Should you take it personally if someone only replies to you when prompted?
Q. If someone only replies to your text messages when you prompt them and then they say have been really busy and don't take it personally... should you tell them that you do take it personally will it look as if you are retaliating, is it better to ...
A. 11 December 2016: Nope.
Move on with your life. Why should you have to ask people to reply to you? If someone wants to be in your life they will make the effort.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend bought me a chastity belt and expects me to wear it
Q. I have been with my bf for 6 months now. last week we were out, i was sitting at this table and a bloke came over and we were just chatting but my bf was like super mad and he hates me to chat to any guy. He is such a control freek that way. but i ...
A. 11 December 2016: If I were you I'd be running a mile from this guy, what the hell is going through his mind to think this is acceptable?
Does he not think you have your own brain to decide who you slept with? Absolutely ludicrous controlling behaviour.... (read in full...)
I accidentally (kind of) catfished a guy I was interested in?
Q. I was interested in guy who worked the same company as mine..We worked in completely unrelated departments( very minimal work related contact).However, we would to run into each other ,walking in and out in the conference rooms,hall ways,staff rooms ...
A. 11 December 2016: This wasn't an accident, you knew exactly what you were doing.
This man has already rejected you so why would you continue pursuing him? That's very odd behaviour.
He sounds like an asshole anyways in regards to openly being willing to cheat... (read in full...)
The one I want won't commit
Q. My problem is this , i have a male friend he knows i like him a lot and would love to have a relationship with him but at the moment he wants to be just friends (we did have a fall out a few week bk but i messaged him and we made up). i might sound ...
A. 11 December 2016: If you were going to get together it surely would of happened by now. I think he enjoys knowing that you like him as it strokes his ego.
It's not what you want to hear but I don't think you'll ever get what you want from him so it may be beat to ... (read in full...)
Am I settling? I'm 24 years old. Is it asking too much, to want more than this?
Q. I've been cooped up in the house for months on end and he doesn't bat an eye about it. He never takes me out or does anything with me besides eat sleep and watch movies. That's it that's all we ever do literally. I mean everyone works so wh...
A. 11 December 2016: If you're settling then dump him. Get out there and find someone who fulfills your needs, life is too short to not be happy with your partner.
If you've confronted him and he's still no changed, what else can you do?... (read in full...)
Is he a once in a lifetime find??
Q. Okay so I need some opinions. I was in an extremely verbally and emotionally abusive relationship ( he was the abuser) with my ex husband of almost 7 years. I finally realized what was happening and that he could not change so in July we made the...
A. 10 December 2016: Go at a pace you're comfortable with but as anonymous stated it's really unfair to penalise J because of how your ex treated you. Don't start to sabotage your relationship because you're scared of long term commitment.
If he's done nothing ... (read in full...)
It's not really a relationship anymore. Do I stay or Do I go?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am in a long term relationship of over 3 years, my man and I have both different careers and are both in University- we do see each other as much as possible. But the romance is dead- I've never been taken on a date, I can't re...
A. 9 December 2016: If you can't see yourself marrying this man then what's the point in staying together? You're just wasting each other's time.
You may care about him but it sounds like you're staying with him out of pity.... (read in full...)
I need some advice for a last minute trip to a London gig
Q. Hi. I hope someone can give advice on this trip. I am thinking of going to London tomorrow night to see a gig, but it's all pretty much last minute. I only found out a couple of days ago that someone was selling two tickets for the gig. Origina...
A. 8 December 2016: I think you've left it too late. I go to music events regularly in Manchester and they ALWAYS check ID.
I think you should plan further ahead next time as I'm sure you'll get the chance to see this act again.... (read in full...)
What does my narcissist ex want from me?
Q. Hi all Is this part of narcissism perhaps. It's not in my nature to turn away old friends but no doubt he is a narcissist. I have recovered from my dependency on him and have a good solid life now. With a social life, with my family, my own h...
A. 8 December 2016: If I were you I'd stay well away. You already know how much trouble he caused you the first time. You said it took 4 years to get over so is it really worth revisiting?... (read in full...)
Am I in love with a creep? Should I get out now?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over two years. We have travelled the world together and have always been very happy. We have spoken about getting engaged and where we will settle down to raise our family. He has always treated me with respect ...
A. 7 December 2016: There's a lot and I mean A LOT of weird fetishes out there. While I don't think him liking legs is creepy, taking the pictures without consent is.
Is it enough to break up over? That's to your discretion. It doesn't sound like it is to you or e... (read in full...)
How can I stop worrying that he will betray me?
Q. Hi, Thanks in advanced for any help. I'll try and make this brief. Basically I have a partner who I absolutely adore and love and I believe whole heartedly he loves me too. He tells all his work mates about me and i really feel like he adores...
A. 7 December 2016: I'm sorry what?
Because he 'can't remember' telling a girl he wants to fuck her you think it doesn't mean much? No wonder you have these worries if he thinks is acceptable to send texts like that to other women whilst he's in a relation... (read in full...)
My relationship is completely boring and dead but I don't see a way out..
Q. I been with my gf for 3 years. I see her for 1-2 days every week or two. Usually the fun for her wears off after few hours, how she treats me when I arrive to couple hours later. She never really does anything for me anymore, any cooking. I have to ...
A. 7 December 2016: If you're not happy and can't discuss it what else can you do besides walk away?
Tell her it's over and block her.... (read in full...)
How soon is too soon to meet
Q. We are talking online, we have many common interests, even if we are aiming for different jobs etc. We live about 2 hours away from each other and have never met in person. However, we started talking about 2 months ago and speak every day, and flir...
A. 6 December 2016: Meet whenever you both feel ready.... (read in full...)
He is so shy .......
Q. I have known my boyfriend before we were a thing for about a year..he was shy at that time too..but now we are in a relationship and dates seem really awkward..I mean when he texts he's not shy but when in person he starts to blush and stays ...
A. 6 December 2016: I don't think you guys are a great match for each other to be honest. You should feel completely comfortable and natural with your partner, you shouldnt have to force anything.
How can you have a relationship with someone who's scared to talk to ... (read in full...)
Suspicious my boyfriend might be talking to other women
Q. I live with my boyfriend. I noticed his battery lost 10 % battery power overnight. Is this possible when you do not use the phone? I ask because it has happened twice this week. He said it just fell off the charger. It has never happened before....
A. 5 December 2016: My phone is a bit dodgy and I sometimes wake up to it being charged less than 50%.
Unless there's other reasons to think he's cheating then these are very weak grounds and I not surprised he got pissed off at you for accusing him.... (read in full...)
Who do I go for? Dude A or B?
Q. Who do I really love? I'm 17 years of age and I'm in my final year in secondary school. I am in a love triangle(two boys). I love dude A a lot but he is a player and I've know him since primary school, he was my sitting mate in primary school. ...
A. 5 December 2016: Neither.
You're excited by A and his unpredictable nature and you're not into B enough to give him what he's looking for, therefore I don't think any of these guys are suitable for you. ... (read in full...)
I just found out my boyfriend's best female friend does porn to pay for college
Q. My boyfriends best friend is a girl which I've always been ok with because she was dating one of his friends and my boyfriend says that even though she is attractive, he doesn't find her attractive. however I've recently found out that she does porn ...
A. 5 December 2016: It's a job. It doesn't mean she fucks every guy she lays eyes on. There must be other reasons youre worried about this arrangement. Do you not trust your boyfriend? If you do then what's the problem? Even if you don't trust her but you trust him not ... (read in full...)
Was this meaningless or is J trying to get me to notice her in some way?
Q. I have a friend who lives abroad and we talk a lot on Facebook. I went over there to visit her and met her friend who didn't speak much English (codename J). We were all out together and had a good time, but the language barrier could be an issue...
A. 4 December 2016: Denizen is spot on. What are you expecting to come from this? ... (read in full...)
Like him but he has a girlfriend
Q. I've been talking to this guy for a while now. It's been going really well and then he asks me on a date. However, we didn't be go on it because I found out he has a girlfriend. I've said I can't do this and we shouldn't talk. The problem is,...
A. 4 December 2016: Don't even entertain it. This guy is willing to cheat on his girlfriend for you. What does that tell you about his character?... (read in full...)
Why do I have crushes on women who are off limits?
Q. Hello. I think that I'm experiencing my 3rd lifetime crush. I can only like girls who are older than me. I'm in my early twenties and all three girls I've had strong feelings for, were in their early thirties or so. And the worst part of it is th...
A. 4 December 2016: I think it's just down to the fact that they're unobtainable that makes them so interesting to you. I've felt similar in the past, almost like it's a challenge to be able to spark their interest. Sometimes it's off putting when someone is very ... (read in full...)
Should I meet up to talk to him after he said he didn't want to be with me anymore?
Q. I was with this boy for a few months and he basically said that he's changed so doesn't want to be with me. I dunno if I should go meet up and talk or to just let him go. I've never loved someone as much as I love him. He is my true love and he...
A. 4 December 2016: He isn't your true love or else you wouldn't of broken up.
He doesn't want to be with you anymore, let it sink in, accept it and move on and find someone who is on the same page as you.... (read in full...)
How do I get over this rough patch?
Q. I feel so down today. I had no one to share it with so I came on here. I guess it's just a couple of things that have got to me. I have been working full time for a year, and this December within 3 days my whole months salary has gone leaving me ...
A. 4 December 2016: You can't pay for everything for everyone when complain you're skint, come on mate use some common sense. Learn to say no, these people have their own money problems the same way you do, it's up to them to pay their own way.
Sounds like youre be... (read in full...)
I don't know whether I should take her back or not!
Q. My girlfriend is in the us at college and I'm in the uk working, we are both British and 18 and have been together for a year. She met a friend at college very soon at August time (let's call him Jim) and he was just a friend, she told me this...
A. 3 December 2016: What is going to change mate? Yes she's made the mistake and she's upset and sorry, but it's still always going to be there in your mind.
When she goes back to the us, what then? You're always going to be wondering what she's up to and that's n... (read in full...)
Does he just want into my trousers?
Q. Hello there, Iv been talking to a boy I love for a few months now and we've been out together but he lives away from me, it's all being going great and he told me he loved me and it was going so well. He's now said that I don't make him Happy and he ...
A. 2 December 2016: If he doesn't know what he wants then don't let him drag you into that mess. Wish him all the best and find someone that's on the same wavelength as you.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hasn't told his parents about our child
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 yrs I hadn't met his parents till recently and I found he hasn't told them about our child whose almost 3yrs old...how am I suppose to deal or take that??...
A. 1 December 2016: As honeypie said, he's the only one that knows the answer.... (read in full...)
Giving it another chance
Q. Hi guys, I'm in a bad situation at the moment and have never felt so hurt before. I've never really trusted my partner 100% and I was correct for that as I found that he had the intention of sleeping with somebody behind my back which is extremel...
A. 30 November 2016: I don't get why you could be wondering what if? What if, what? What if you stay together and he cheats on you ? What if he breaks your heart?
What are you hoping for? You know he will chest if he doesn't get find out so I'm not sure what you're e... (read in full...)
I'd like to ask her out, should I text her again?
Q. Looking for advice on a woman I just met recently and really like. Text her last night and she replied a few times but didn't reply since last night then. How long should I wait to text her again or should I not text her at all if she doesn't text ...
A. 29 November 2016: How did the conversation go? What did you talk about?
I think if she was interested she would still be replying to be honest mate. She may of just been being polite.... (read in full...)
I thought I was getting over her until I learned she was seeing someone
Q. How long does it take to get over someone if you've been seeing each other for six + years? We were never married but we were carrying on a fun and exciting relationship with affection galore! She began pulling away the last year or so and decide...
A. 28 November 2016: I'm currently working on getting over someone also and having difficulty. I received some advice from a user here on this website named cindycares. She said:
'So : you want to start your day with no baggage , so to speak, which is hard to do when ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend makes me feel so bad about myself
Q. I don't know what to do, ive been with my boyfriend for about a year now and we've lived together for about 5 months, he's mostly a really nice guy, but he doesn't show me any emotional support whatsoever, i have told him i need him to emotionally ...
A. 28 November 2016: Leave this man immediately. Sounds like an absolute asshole. At what point between all this crap is he 'mostly nice'?.
You can do better and you know it so stop settling for the situation you're in.... (read in full...)
He told me that he is falling in love with me but is he just trying to get into my pants?
Q. I've been friends and getting to know this guy for a month now. We hang out and he messages me everyday through text without fail. So two days ago we were texting because both of us were about to go to bed, before he says goodnight he say...
A. 28 November 2016: 1 month really seems a short amount of time to fall in love. If you're not ready for intimacy yet then make him wait, if he really is in love then he will have no problem waiting until you're ready.... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty that I seen someone else while we were broken up?
Q. I am currently in a loving relationship with someone who I've been with for 3 years and we are now talking about marriage. However, in that three years, we've broken up twice... once for 3 weeks the other for 3 months, both my choice because I...
A. 28 November 2016: No, you were broken up and not planning on getting back with your boyfriend so what were you supposed to do? Never speak to anyone ever again?
You have even come clean to your boyfriend and he has accepted it, so stop beating yourself up over it.... (read in full...)
Should I just be brave and go for it?
Q. I really like this guy. We've only met twice but we speak practically every day. Lately, he's not spoken as much and I feel we are drifting apart. He knows how I feel and he says he likes me too. I don't want to rush things but I feel I'm pu...
A. 27 November 2016: Absolutely, no point waiting around is there?
Either progress with the relationship or get knocked back and move on.
Good luck... (read in full...)
Will he ever think of me more than just a hook up?
Q. I met this guy on tinder and we got on really well. The same night I met him on tinder we met in person and we hooked up. We have hooked up 3 times in the past 6 days. After every time we hook up we would have long and sometimes feel conversations ...
A. 27 November 2016: Ask him, there's no way for us to know.
I will say that you're going to look very devalued in his eyes considering you gave it up the first time you met each other which will lead me to say it's probably not looking too promising.
I'd never dat... (read in full...)
2 year relationship just ended. How to move on?
Q. I remember that it hurt. Hearing the words hurt - and at the same time, it felt like something out of a movie, like it wasn't happening. After all, how could it? It had been merely a week since our second anniversary, and as an anniversary gift she ...
A. 26 November 2016: Do you feel like you're fully over it now? If not then I wouldn't worry about trying to go on dates and stuff yet as if you're not ready then nothing good is going to come out of it.
Do you have no friends at all in your area? It may be worth lo... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants me to give another man oral sex.I am not happy with this!
Q. My boyfriend has been pressuring me into blowing another guy and I feel completely uncomfortable with the idea, I have told him this everytime he's asked and now he brings it up in the middle of sex or while he's dirty talking, I told him I'd ...
A. 26 November 2016: It's a fantasy for some men but I for one would never fancy something like this.
If he's pressuring you into things you don't want then he's not showing you any respect. Who knows where it will stop?... (read in full...)
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