A
female
 ,
*uddlyserenity
writes:I have been living with a selfish, insecure, opinionated, big mouthed, controlling man for the past 10 years and i want to end this relationship.We are living in my house from a former divorce, but he pays the mortgage(interest only). in fact he pays for everything as I'm not allowed to work. He is so insecure, that he is worried that i will leave him and he has systematically taken everything away from me - my job, my social life. my friends. etc etc etc.I think that 10 years is more than enough and i want him out fo my life, but he won't go as he is depending on me needing his money to survive.what can i do to get rid of him? legally that is....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2006): You have the same nightmare that I have! I have been living at my husband´s latin american country since 2002. Over a month ago I talked to my husband and told him that I wanted to leave him for some many problems that most of them he has! You have a house, but we haven´t found one because of our undesicion of which to buy or even build! Plus I am afraid that when having a house we wont get along and I will have to leave him the house just to make him happy and get rid of him! I have a mixed love-hate feel sorry feeling towards him. My ideas are making me sleepless! Truly I can´t go on like that he doesn´t undestand. Hope you get a better undestanding with your husband, wish you the best!
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (23 June 2006):
 So long as you are not married, he has no legal right over your property and the length of cohabitation doesn't matter (they are changing the law soon though to make living together equal to marriage in the family law courts so get a move on sorting this out). You can get a police injunction against him if he harrasses you when or after you ask him to leave. If you are worried that he may physically hurt you then ask the police to escort him off the premises when you evict him, and change the locks immediately. Once the relationship has broken down he technically becomes a lodger with no housing rights - you don't even have to give him notice to leave if you don't want to.
Since only the interest has been paid on the mortgage and you are financially dependent on him you could sell it - chances are the property has gone up in value since you bought it and even when the mortgage is settled with the proceeds from the sale then you could get a nice little lump sum to start again elsewhere. YOu can also shop around for better mortgage deals as if you have been with the same company for ten years you maybe paying more interest than you need to, or you could remortgage the property for what it is worth at current prices if you are scared about money. You can get advice about benefits from your local job centre or citizens advice bureau. If you are unemployed you are entitled to job seekers allowance, plus housing benefit will cover interest payments on a mortgage.
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A
female
reader, miss nade +, writes (23 June 2006):
 Simple you just end it say I want you out of my life! But before you do that you need to be a little smart contact an old friend you have lost contact with you are going to need support! Then make an appointment to see a lawyer, they can handle all the paper work and tell you what your rights are! You have made the right decision so go girl!!! And may the goddess bless you.
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A
female
reader, carebear +, writes (23 June 2006):
 first of all tell him what you inted to do and that might stop the controlling second get a job make yourself independant from him ask him to look for another place to live and if it gets nasty call the police and seek advice form a lawyer i take it he had no legal rights to your house so plan this but you obviously know that you have allowed this man to do this and you will not make the same mistake twice i hope. you have stated what can you do legally you would have to consult a lawyer not unless ther is one on this site that can give you advice for free lol
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