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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi Everybody, I had a friend for eighteen years, literally a childhood friend. A few years ago he slept with my girlfriend, my first "real" girlfriend/relationship shinanigan. Well he never admitted it to me, which drove me mad at the time as I really felt I had the right to know. Later I found out that he had from a neutral friend. Well anyhow me and that girl broke up. I don't see her anymore. But he was a friend for a lot longer and he probably was one of my best friends back in the day. I want to be friends and forget, but every time I see him it messes with my head.Am I being unecessarily hardheaded to void him from my life? I live in a house with a lot of people as I have always, and sometimes I want to trust that people I let into my life and house don't do things behind my back in my living room, with someone I really care about. mmm Confusion in my mind -what to do?
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male
reader, Dr. Reality Check  +, writes (27 June 2006):
 Well, he doesnt sound like a particularly excellent friend. Agree with Dr. Psycho, if he had told you I maybe would have given him a second chance, but personally now I would leave it. With friends like him, who needs enemies?
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (26 June 2006):
 If the guy had admitted he slept with your girlfriend then maybe I would say give him a second chance. The fact he denies it means that he is a cowardly custard...and if he sneaks off behind your back in the future then you may never know! I wouldn't feel bitter though - your girlfriend just wasn't deserving of you if she was prepared to sleep with your best mate. You have to see this as your ex-best mate doing you a favour in a perverse kind of way...if she hadn't slept with him, then it would have been someone else. Thank goodness you found out and can move on with your life a little older and wiser! Just feel nice in the knowledge that you have higher standards than they do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2006): I'm sorry to hear your friend has let you down like that.
If you want to continue a friendship with him, I think you should give it more time to see how you feel, and whether or not you will be able to forgive him. How you want to progress things will eventually come to you.
On one hand, we all mistakes, but on the other, some mistakes are so hurtful that you can not simply forgive, and continue as you have done. Time should help you establish how you ultimately view this betrayal.
I don't think you are being hard-headed about this, it is perfectly natural to feel the way you do. I'm guessing you would never even think of doing what he has done to you - and that is why you are finding it so difficult. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2006): It's pretty simple. Past all the (often over-used concept of) confusion you supposedly have, you basically and most simply just do not trust him, nor can you 'truly' forgive him.
A few years ago, I lost 2 childhood friends - one for 12 years, and the other for 13 years. It was something 'a bit' worst than sleeping with a gf (though they didn't do something like, but I am sure they would if they could). Sometimes, even in this day and age, I think back on the times when we would spend a super pouring rainy afternoon walking around outside, swinging his claymore (yes, you heard that right), and my iaito (a training katana sword) around, and talking about the world, life, and the drama politics of HS. Those were great times. I would think, how great it would be to share my visions and my experiences with him today, because to the core of it all, he was the one who knew how how to think the most similar way as I did and probably still do.
Alas, it will never be. The brothers and sisters who have been with me through the toughest and most difficult times from whenever to now, are the ones I keep very very close to me. Those who have betrayed me have etched a majorly deep scar - wounds that don't quite heal all the way.
What you want is possible, but highly unlikely, unless you have no sensibility, or if your friend is actually a 'better' person since then.
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