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male
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anonymous
writes:Is high school meant to be the best time of your life? If so then I must be in for a miserable life.I go to hgh school in the UK (i'm 18 and now at the schools sixth form which is like college) and I was bullied really badly. This one guy from when I was 11 to 16 would make fun of me, tell stories behind my back, and virtually destroyed my self esteem. We put our differences aside this year but last year a group of Year 13's (when I was in year 12) did exactly the same as they knew the original bully really well. Through that time I never wanted to go to school even though friends tried to help me. I'm going to university next year and I don't want anyone there to know about my time at high school, especially to any future girlfriends. I fear this could affect me for the rest of my life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2006): That's something you should feel really confident about - you are going off to University whilst he is stuck working in a pub!
I bet you'll come back in three years time and see him still working there - see who will feel the stronger person then.. (i.e. - you will!)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks everyone for your words of wisdom. Looking back now I did have to confront the bully to end it (I punched him and beat the crap out of him). Even though that sounds imoral. He actually made my life worse after I told the teachers (twice) he was bullying me, but I think the reason why he did it is because we had the same best friend and me and this friend were much closer (almost like brothers) than the bully and my friend so the bully might be jealous of that. Still I know he's now working full time at a local pub whilst everyone else is going to uni or getting an apprenticeship.
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female
reader, chunky_monkey +, writes (22 June 2006):
Bullies are bullies. dont worry about next year at university. No one will know. I have move around alot and people only knew my past that i told them. Next year I am also starting uni. and people will only know the high lights of my high school education. By the way, congrads on getting into university
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (22 June 2006):
 I went to a rubbish school in the UK that was closed down for poor standards after I left. It was really rough and there were lots of bullies - I got picked on quite a bit, got into a few fights and didn't understand why I didn't fit it. I look back on my experience of school with a different perspective now compared to then - I am glad I didn't fit in as I wouldn't have achieved what I have otherwise. Basically there will be bullies where-ever you go in life, school or college or work...but the secret is to understand the mentality of the bully, and also not to be a victim of your past. No one at Uni. is going to know about your past unless you tell them. You may meet some difficult people at Uni. as everywhere else but if you go there thinking automatically that because of your past that your future will be bad...then it will end up that way! Look on going to Uni. as a new stage in your life where you will meet lots of new people who come from a range of backgrounds (I wish I was 18 again!). Bullies at school are often deeply insecure, unhappy, sad little people with the IQ of a goldfish...they don't know how to communicate how they are feeling so they take it out on others instead. They don't pick their victims randomly - it is often the pretty or bright people that get it worst because they stand out of the crowd - these are people bullies are jealous of. Your male bully picked on you because he secretly felt unworthy - I had a boy pick on me at school and I thought he hated me until I bumped into him many years later in a club and he tried to hit on me.
School wasn't the best time of my life, and I have met a few bad people in my Uni. and professional career since but I haven't let it stop me doing what I want, or going where I need to be. Early experiences also helped me to overcome later bullying experiences as I saw the signs of trouble early on and knew when to deal with a situation by asking for help.
I suggest that you take 'revenge' on your bullies by achieving what you want in life. Of course, they may never know you have achieved a lot but you will...while you are doing a fab job and having a fab life they will be struggling with their demons.
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reader, Smiler +, writes (22 June 2006):
 Hi Sweetie
I think of how every day, so many people are hurt by the words expressed from others, and indeed the actions of others too, as I feel bullying is on the rise and for a long time it has been neglected or not noticed. Sometimes when parents are informed of how their child is bullying others, parents refuse to believe it. Bullying should not be stood for. People have no right to hurt and inflict pain upon others this or any other way. Then there is another matter, the person that is bullied. It is sad the people close to the bullied person ie family & friends, who don't take notice and sometimes, in serious cases, brush off the bullying or tell that person to fight back and stand up for themselves. I feel that if the person be bullied do that, take care of themselves and have the strength to fight back then they wouldn't be put in the position of telling someone and/or asking for help. The person being bullied should know that they have support. They want to know that they have someone to love and care for them, to show them that they will be there for them and make things right. If close friends & family don't do this and show the person being buliied they are there for them and can stop this happening anymore
I remember when I was younger, how I was often hurt by words of others, or teased by other kids my age and older. I remember many times being told of that old saying..
"Sticks & Stones will break your bones but words wont ever hurt you". I carried that saying with me for years, thinking that hurtful and unkind words said by others didn't really matter, only if people hurt me physically it did. Then I was bullied - I must have been between the ages of 8 and 10. I don't remember when it started really, or when it ended, but I know that my family stopped it and that teachers and my head master took control. They said it wouldn't be tolerated and it wasn't either. When my elders got involved it stopped there and then. I wasn't bothered by those bullies ever again. So now when I often think back on that... I recall all the things they did to me, how I was treated, and I feel more importantly than how they treated me, how they made me feel and the hurt they inflicted on me, not outside but in. I remember the constant everyday hurt I felt for so long, the feelings of being worthless, alone, out of place and disliked. I remember I often cried over what happened, and how my mum often questioned me - Is anything wrong? How is school? Has anything happened? I lied to all of the above for a long time.with replies like "Everything is fine" And added a huge smile, something I could fake so well :o) Hmm... With all those questions it gave me the impression that I had changed and that others had noticed. I know what happened did change me. Even so many years later when I think of it, Maybe if I had of spoken sooner of what happened and how I felt and was treated I may not feel so bad about being bullied back then. I may now feel more trust in people, and not find my self questioning things people say so much, though often i still doubt myself, but in time I hope I will learn to feel differently and trust people more :o) I am learning to build my trust in people more each day and usually people shock the hell outta me :o). It has taken a while :o)I got through it and so can you...But now, with knowing that I am free from the bullying, I feel so sad by the torment that people all over the world have to face everyday, pain and suffering inflicted by others. And for what reason? Who knows, it could be anything - from seeking control, to plain dislike or to hurt indulged upon them that they don't know how to cope with. There could be a different reason for every single individual. I don't know why I was hurt by those girls. I don't know why they picked me. I don't recall doing anything to them to make them dislike or hurt me, maybe it was because they were older they wanted some sense of control. Maybe it was a family problem. They were two sisters, maybe they both had the same hurt and this was their way. I don't really know.. But one thing I do know is that how they treated me was wrong. No one deserves to feel that they have no place on this earth. We all do have a special place and we all have a reason for being here and much to live for. :o) Try and move on with your life sweetie. Feel and share the feelings that you have. Talk about what has happened and don't be afraid to ask for help from others, Don't be afraid to look for love and support. It is there, and you can find it. Ask for help from others, as you can stop this; you are the one who can be in control of what is happening. I assure you that once you speak to someone about how you're being treated it is more than likely that people will stop what is happening and make sure that it doesn't happen again. Don't stay silent. Speak up and let it be known. :o) you may find it tough but things will be so much better for you if you speak sooner. :o) From all that I have written, and my experience on this issue, I've learned a lot. What happened to me in the past was not my fault. And, never to hurt anyone purposely and if I do, I apologize. I didn't like being hurt and I don't think I should inflict and treat someone how I don't like being treated. I also learnt that hurt doesn't always show, that it isn't always noticeable from the outside, like being physically beaten or bruised, these usually fade or go away, just because they do doesn't mean that the feelings you have inside which go along with it do too. Feelings can and do stay so much longer. The main thing I've learned is to treat other how I want to be treated and that words do matter and can hurt. I also think that old phrase ("Sticks & Stones will break your bones but words wont ever hurt you") needs to be re-phrased or unspoken of. You don't have to be brave and not speak of how you feel :o) we all have feelings of happiness and sadness that should be revealed and speaking of them will help so much more than keeping them in. I feel we each have to live and learn from things that happen. i just wanna give you a big hug and say this will be ok you can get through this :o)
I hope my advice and experience was of some help to you sweetie :o) good luck ok... If you ever need someoe to talk to or just a shoulder to cry on or maybe a little more advice, truely i'm always here for you ok :o) don't hesitate to email me i'm always here for you ok.
You Take Care Sweetie X
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A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (22 June 2006):
Hi Sweetie
I think of how every day, so many people are hurt by the words expressed from others, and indeed the actions of others too, as I feel bullying is on the rise and for a long time it has been neglected or not noticed. Sometimes when parents are informed of how their child is bullying others, parents refuse to believe it. Bullying should not be stood for. People have no right to hurt and inflict pain upon others this or any other way. Then there is another matter, the person that is bullied. It is sad the people close to the bullied person ie family & friends, who don't take notice and sometimes, in serious cases, brush off the bullying or tell that person to fight back and stand up for themselves. I feel that if the person be bullied do that, take care of themselves and have the strength to fight back then they wouldn't be put in the position of telling someone and/or asking for help. The person being bullied should know that they have support. They want to know that they have someone to love and care for them, to show them that they will be there for them and make things right. If close friends & family don't do this and show the person being buliied they are there for them and can stop this happening anymore
I remember when I was younger, how I was often hurt by words of others, or teased by other kids my age and older. I remember many times being told of that old saying..
"Sticks & Stones will break your bones but words wont ever hurt you". I carried that saying with me for years, thinking that hurtful and unkind words said by others didn't really matter, only if people hurt me physically it did. Then I was bullied - I must have been between the ages of 8 and 10. I don't remember when it started really, or when it ended, but I know that my family stopped it and that teachers and my head master took control. They said it wouldn't be tolerated and it wasn't either. When my elders got involved it stopped there and then. I wasn't bothered by those bullies ever again. So now when I often think back on that... I recall all the things they did to me, how I was treated, and I feel more importantly than how they treated me, how they made me feel and the hurt they inflicted on me, not outside but in. I remember the constant everyday hurt I felt for so long, the feelings of being worthless, alone, out of place and disliked. I remember I often cried over what happened, and how my mum often questioned me - Is anything wrong? How is school? Has anything happened? I lied to all of the above for a long time.with replies like "Everything is fine" And added a huge smile, something I could fake so well :o) Hmm... With all those questions it gave me the impression that I had changed and that others had noticed. I know what happened did change me. Even so many years later when I think of it, Maybe if I had of spoken sooner of what happened and how I felt and was treated I may not feel so bad about being bullied back then. I may now feel more trust in people, and not find my self questioning things people say so much, though often i still doubt myself, but in time I hope I will learn to feel differently and trust people more :o) I am learning to build my trust in people more each day and usually people shock the hell outta me :o). It has taken a while :o)I got through it and so can you...But now, with knowing that I am free from the bullying, I feel so sad by the torment that people all over the world have to face everyday, pain and suffering inflicted by others. And for what reason? Who knows, it could be anything - from seeking control, to plain dislike or to hurt indulged upon them that they don't know how to cope with. There could be a different reason for every single individual. I don't know why I was hurt by those girls. I don't know why they picked me. I don't recall doing anything to them to make them dislike or hurt me, maybe it was because they were older they wanted some sense of control. Maybe it was a family problem. They were two sisters, maybe they both had the same hurt and this was their way. I don't really know.. But one thing I do know is that how they treated me was wrong. No one deserves to feel that they have no place on this earth. We all do have a special place and we all have a reason for being here and much to live for. :o) Try and move on with your life sweetie. Feel and share the feelings that you have. Talk about what has happened and don't be afraid to ask for help from others, Don't be afraid to look for love and support. It is there, and you can find it. Ask for help from others, as you can stop this; you are the one who can be in control of what is happening. I assure you that once you speak to someone about how you're being treated it is more than likely that people will stop what is happening and make sure that it doesn't happen again. Don't stay silent. Speak up and let it be known. :o) you may find it tough but things will be so much better for you if you speak sooner. :o) From all that I have written, and my experience on this issue, I've learned a lot. What happened to me in the past was not my fault. And, never to hurt anyone purposely and if I do, I apologize. I didn't like being hurt and I don't think I should inflict and treat someone how I don't like being treated. I also learnt that hurt doesn't always show, that it isn't always noticeable from the outside, like being physically beaten or bruised, these usually fade or go away, just because they do doesn't mean that the feelings you have inside which go along with it do too. Feelings can and do stay so much longer. The main thing I've learned is to treat other how I want to be treated and that words do matter and can hurt. I also think that old phrase ("Sticks & Stones will break your bones but words wont ever hurt you") needs to be re-phrased or unspoken of. You don't have to be brave and not speak of how you feel :o) we all have feelings of happiness and sadness that should be revealed and speaking of them will help so much more than keeping them in. I feel we each have to live and learn from things that happen. i just wanna give you a big hug and say this will be ok you can get through this :o)
I hope my advice and experience was of some help to you sweetie :o) good luck ok... If you ever need someoe to talk to or just a shoulder to cry on or maybe a little more advice, truely i'm always here for you ok :o) don't hesitate to email me i'm always here for you ok.
You Take Care Sweetie X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2006): High School is definetly not the time of your life-at least not for me. I was surrounded by rumors and so called "friends" that talked behind my back etc... When I got to college no one knew me, I could be me. I still have issues like you have but Im working on them and realize that I can be whatever I want despite having a bad past in high school. You should just try to relax and forget (or try to). The first week of uni can always be rough getting to know people etc..but just remember no one there is against you. Give them a chance to get to know the real you. I know this sounds cliche, but most of the time when people bully you etc..it is because of their own problems. Also, *most* of the time uni students are more mature and more open to everyone. You will find lots of friends and from there have the best time of your life (or at least better than before!)
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A
male
reader, d4u04 +, writes (22 June 2006):
 it's an urban myth that high school is meant to be the best time of your life, I'm also 17, going on 18 and going 2 university this year hopefully, and i hated high school with a passion and i also got bullied about being gay but i dealt with it quite well and came out the other side a stronger person for it, in my personal opinion i think you should just try and put all of this stuff in the past where it belongs and keep it there, the thing i'm looking forward to most about university is being able to be the real me and taking into it a new approach about how i act, i.e. if people don't like me it's not the end of the world, there will always be people you clash with and that is part of life but it's how you deal with it that determines your happiness, in university people are much more accepting of the real you because maturity levels are far higher, i don't think you need to tell anyone about being bullied if you don't want to as it's not that important now it is in the past, think of the positives, bullies are almost always people which such insecurites about themselves they feel the need to point out other peoples to make themselves feel better, they are not worth getting upset about not worth the frustration they cause, you just keep being you and eventually it will see you through and you to will become a strong person for it
hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2006): Hi thereI look back on school days with mixed opinions, in a way, it was the best time of my life. Life is a lot simplier than when you go in to the real world, so to speak.The bullying issue is a little harder to give advice about. It is something that can really affect someone as an adult if what was experienced isn't properly dealt with. As you get older, you should be able to see past experiences more objectively. For example, what these bullies have done to you has made you feel unconfident, insecure and a feeling like there is something wrong with you, they are horrible feelings. You must address though the reasons for why *they* actually bullied you. Bullying doesn't just happen at school, adults do it too. They do it because of their own insecurities. Right now, you might not agree with me, you're probably thinking "They weren't insecure, they were pretty popular, they had fun, enjoyed themselves - they seemed strong people" Bullies bully people so that people get this impression of them. They need to feel like they are stronger than everyone else, because then no one will question what is actually going on inside their heads. Bullies rarely go far in life, not nowadays because society has changed and people are more aware, and deal with these kind of situations and people. You must have strength in knowing that the people who bullied you did so for their own problems - I think also, most people involved in bullying really do grow up to regret what they have done.The second point about bullying I want to mention is why they chose you as a target. There is nothing wrong with you as a person, but you have to acknowledge that they chose you because you were the easiest target. Perhaps you did not have the confidence to stand up for yourself? You need to invest some time working on your self-confidence, you need to realise your potential, all the good traits you have, and can bring to friendships, and relationships. When you feel more confident inside, you will show this confidence and bullies will not mess with you, or if they do, you can stand up for yourself and not fall in to a cycle of abuse.As for university, whilst it is very different to school, a lot (depending on your university) of students are still pretty immature, it is usually their first time away from home, and they all have a lot of lifes lessons to learn. Because of the way lectures work in University, you will not be bullied in class - generally, people work harder in class and if you put your hand up, or get involved and take an interest in your subject, you will be commended for it by other students. If you are staying in halls of residence, things might be a little different. It can be a stressful time finding friends, but it is also a great experience meeting new people.You should certainly hold off telling people about your time at high school, but don't be afraid to tell any friends you make, nor any future girlfriends. Being bullied is nothing to be ashamed about, I think you would be surprised at how many other people admit to being bullied too. A future girlfriend especially, she would be a good person to tell, because these kind of people are supposed to be the closest in your life and if you can share your past experiences, it helps you understand each other better.Try to put the past behind you and look forward to your awaiting university experience, I promise you it will be life changing, and I am sure it will go well for you. Good luck with your studies, and again I say, put the past behind you and prepare for the best few years of your life, OK!? :)
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