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female
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*hrew913
writes: Help! My fiance is getting way too boring!We have a pretty good relationship, with some quirks here and there (like everyone does). We both love eachother and we have a healthy ratio between together-time and alone-time. This is the problem:I can't seem to get him interested in doing anything to spice up our relationship. Our sex life is 100% great, but there's no romance and no adventure and it's killing me. We've talked and talked and talked about it, but nothing ever changes.What can I do to make my boring boyfriend put as much energy into our relationship?I'm a social butterfly and a musician. He's becoming an anti-social video game/movie addict. I enjoy having my alone time when I go out and do my music, but when it's us-time, I just want him to be romantic- in a creative way. I know he can- he's an artist.Any advice?
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female
reader, shrew913 +, writes (23 June 2006):
shrew913 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you, DrPsych! You're completely right and I'm glad you've found a way to make it work in your own relationship. Compromise is crutial. I don't mind him being secluded, I love my own solitude. In that way, we're very much alike. And it works beautifully. However, the problem I'm inquiring about is..
How can I get him to put as much energy into spicing up our relationship as he does his video games?
It feels like I'm the only one willing to meet halfway anymore. It wasn't always like this and I know it won't always be. Thankfully, I'm the eternal optomist and the intelectual of the two of us. On the other hand, that makes it feel like a one-sided relationship most of the time, for me.
Is it best just to let it be, and find another way to fill the void in an otherwise healthy relationship? Or am I right to assume it's could escalate dangerously when we least expect it, considering all the outside irritants we have. We tend to take things out on eachother, just to make up later.. haha
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (23 June 2006):
 I smiled when I read your post because it reminds me of my relationship. I am the happy hermit, and my husband is the party animal. Anyway it can work but you have to make a compromise - I sometimes make the effort to mix socially with his friends and family, and in return he gives me space to write, get on with work and all the other stuff I like doing by myself. It works for us...it could work for you two but only if you really want to make it work. Sometimes I am grouchy with him for disturbing me when I am busy on one of my mad solitary projects, and sometimes he is mad with me for not wanting to go with him to social events and chat to people who I find 'boring'. When we do go out as a couple then it tends to be stuff that we mutually enjoy like galleries, or dining out - my point is that if your man is a movie addict then go to the cinema more often with him, or film clubs...it is a starting point towards moving from his DVD player at home to the big outside world. Change takes time and you have to realise that just because you think his computer game/ movie lifestyle is dull, he obviously doesn't anymore than I find my 'science projects' boring that probably put other people to sleep. Everyone is different and life would truely be dull as dishwater if we were all clones. Try a compromise!
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