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female
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*ess1011
writes: Me and my boyfriend of over a year have recently had a big argument and now he is saying that he will stay with me but we are on trial to see if i can make him happy. Is this acctually worse than breakin up and is it making me look needy by waiting for him to make up his mind about weather i am good enough for him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2006): TRIAL!! What the hell is that!?! dear i think you need to get out of that relashionship, its unhealthy! If he really loves you why would he put you on trial? everyone deserves to be with someone that makes them happy ALL the time and shouldnt have to wait around to see if they make someone else happy.And you are right it makes you seem needy but i can understand if you have been with this guy along time but mybe you should take the step and relise this guy obvioulsy doesnt love you because putting you on "trial" is the stupidest thing ive ever heard!! you should move on with your life, you will find a guy who will love you and who you will make happy for just being you and not need to be put u on trial to know that. no person should have to try and make sumone happy it sould just happen!!
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female
reader, Pinky +, writes (24 June 2006):
 The question is, is HE good enough for YOU? Do you really want a man in your life who would treat you with such disrespect? He has you hanging on, waiting to see what HE will decide. Everything is HIS feelings. he doesn't want a relationship with a real live person, he wants an automoton (a moving puppet type thing) to do what he wants. That's not a relationship. get out of it and dump him. It will be hard because you're attached to him, but seriously if you stay in it and he decides he wants you after all, you will die inside a little bit each day. You will lose your self respect. It's not worth it.
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female
reader, carebear  +, writes (23 June 2006):
 on trial are you in a court room to see if you make him happy?do you get an appeal if you fail lol? does he make you happy (well not at the moment)are you good enough for him listen if someone says this to you red light he thinks he's better than you (think not) e-mail him this site at the responces you have had that should sort this big-head out then tell him DUMPED!
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female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (23 June 2006):
 A relationship is a two way street, he should make you just as happy as you make him. Cant believe he said your on a trail, what in the hell is that!! Is that like when you get one of those hoovers that wash the carpet, you try for a week and if you dont like it you send it back!! You are either together or your not, and nobody deserves to sit and wait while someone decides whether they are going to stay with you or not... he needs to be jolted into reality.. I suggest telling him, that if your not good enough now then sod off!! Quite frankly, i would view it that hes keeping you hanging on just in case he thinks something better comes along and if not hes still got you... i personally wouldnt settle for that. I would turn round and say to him, its okay we dont need this trial, ive already decided for you, you simply dont make me happy, so im offski! YOu can find someone out there with a better understanding of a what a relatiionship is, this guy hasnt got a clue, it takes two, to put the effort and time in, not one while the other sits back and watches!
Take care xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2006): Correction, Jess. That should have been typed "if you can't make me happy I will leave attitude". Sorry about the oversight...take care dear
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2006): You are backed into a corner and I can understand how you are feeling. Tell him 'this is a committed, mature relationship and you aren't a used car being taken out for a test drive". What he's doing is not helping your sense of value and self-respect, which is crucial in a loving, equal relationship. Sit him down and tell him 'let's wipe the slate clean and begin anew" or if he doesn't agree to that-then I think you both aren't functioning in a healthy way. Relationships are equal. and both people treat each other with respect. Threats and ultimatums never work. Couples focus in on their committment and come to decisions as to how they compromise and mediate problems with each other. You bf sounds immature and what is even more disturbing, he feels entitled to some 'special treatment'. It's like he's punishing you. I wouldn't put up with it and this behaviour tells you a lot about him. If you both had a recent argument where perhaps you did something wrong, then what you both should be doing..is talking about it maturely, and if a an apology is required..then that should be given with love and sincerity. Then you forget and move on to the future together. Gather up all your pride, and tell him...we work at this together and you need his respect. If he doesn't want to do that..then tell him to hit the road, because everytime from now on in, you make an error, he will humiliate you with this "if you can make me happy I will leave" attitude. That's pretty immature and arrogant, I think.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (23 June 2006):
 Good grief...all I am hearing is 'trial' to see if YOU make HIM happy or 'good enough for HIM'...what happened to mutual happiness? Aren't relationships supposed to be nice and involve a source of mutual support for both people? I think you are dating a ME, ME, ME ego-maniac who sees you as some form of entertainment service that he can unsubscribe from at any time. However, you have to take responsibility here for allowing him to get you into such an arrangement. It is emotionally destroying and hardly a healthy relationship. It is certainly patronising - if you are a good little girl and amuse me then you can stay in my favour, but if you are having a bad day bye bye. You are clearly unhappy and this relationship probably hasn't got any long term future - are you supposed to be on your best behaviour forever?!? If anyone is making themselves look needy it is you...but you can change that...you cannot change him...but you can change your dependency on someone who is being disrespectful and manipulative. You know this is wrong or else you wouldn't have posted here, so why not take action and walk away...there are plenty of men who won't set up stupid rules and will treat you like a queen!
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female
reader, miss nade +, writes (23 June 2006):
 Sweet heart tell him that it is over you should be putting in on trial stand up for yourself!!! The question should be is he good enough for you? It is not your responsibility to make him happy he has to make himself happy. Don’t let any man walk over you end it and get on with your life be strong and courageous as all women are! Clean break for your own self respect.
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reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (23 June 2006):
 Sheesh what about making YOU happy? Dump his arrogant ass and move on...there are much greener pastures ahead!
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