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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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How to deal with a 4 year old who never stops talking?
Q. What advice can someone give me to deal with a 4 (almost 5) year old WHO NEVER STOPS TALKING. He starts at 8 am and doesn't stop until 9-10 pm. ~By 3 pm everyday I have a splitting headache. I mean he can't go for more than 5 minutes without ...
A. 4 August 2006: Don't stop his talking - his brain is continuing to develop for language and his vocabulary will improve with practise at constructing sentences. There are many parents of speech or developmentally delayed children who would envy your position. By ... (read in full...)
Where am I going wrong in the dating game?
Q. I find myself falling into the same trap again with finding a partner. I met my ex through a dating site, and we texted and over that period we met in person fell in love, we were together for 2yrs, 1yr long distance we were going to move in toget...
A. 4 August 2006: I know that some people have long term successful relationships through dating agencies but I rather think there are more stories of heart-ache related to this way of meeting a prospective partner too. Dating agencies include lots of players, ... (read in full...)
I feel rejected and I don't know what to do
Q. iam a mother of one child. i broke up with his father and now it is 2 years. how ever since then i have failed to get a man to love me. is it because of the child, do i look bad or is it my attachment to the men when i show them that i want a ...
A. 4 August 2006: Self confidence is the key to happy dating and not wanting things to happen quickly - want someone in particular, don't want a relationship. If you feel that men are using you for sex then stop sleeping with them early in the relationship until you ... (read in full...)
Any body got any help on erectile dysfunction without the use of drugs ?
Q. I am in a loving relationship we are both over the 65 mark and in good health. Both want full sex but I am unable to perform, Typical erectile dysfunction I think.Don't want drugs if possible. Any known cures please....
A. 4 August 2006: Being physically active is supposed to help - not marathons but daily activity apparently improves performance in the bedroom. Another thing is to cut out alcohol and cigarettes as both are associated with problems, eat fish oils and drink lots of ... (read in full...)
Why are women such idiots!
Q. Last Wednesday I had a teeney tiny argument with my girlfriend, I later on apologised (even though it wasn't my fault). On Friday I asked her did she want to do something or go somewhere and got no reply.....fine. On Sunday still no word so I rang ...
A. 4 August 2006: I agree with the others - women are not idiots, and if you go through life thinking that everyone woman is out to get you down then you won't get far unfortunately with a chip on the shoulder. Viva la difference maybe a healthier attitude. You are ... (read in full...)
Im a bit fed up and depressed and cant get out of it... Please help
Q. hey im just gonna get rite down to the subject, i feel so lonely and depressed at the moment, i feel worthless and that im never gonna accomplish anything in life, i dont want to talk to parents or that about it bcoz they think everything is ...
A. 4 August 2006: Depression runs in the family - there is a genetic link but also you have to consider environmental factors too. If you are living in a household with a depressed relative then it is very hard not to feel down! You shouldn't be ashamed of depression ... (read in full...)
I am just depressed all the time about my marriage
Q. hi i need to talk to someone, i hate being married all i've done for the past four years is look after my father in law no one likes me. It like i'm just part of the furniture in the house. I've cried and cried to my husband but he wo'nt do ...
A. 3 August 2006: Caring for someone is a difficult and sometimes unrewarding task. You maybe able to fix your marital problems if you take some action to relieve your burden. By this I mean you need to look into respite care so you have time for yourself, and then ... (read in full...)
She gets all mushy in front of my family...I hate it!
Q. My girlfriend touches me and always has to hold my hand in front of my family and it really annoys me and i feel embarassed in front of my family I mean its fine when their not around i just feel uncomftable... How can i tell her without upsettin...
A. 3 August 2006: She maybe doing it because she feels insecure and is laying claim on her territory for all your family to see. She sees that you are close to them and might be scared that they don't like her or will influence your relationship. The best thing to do ... (read in full...)
It is difficult to conduct our relationship
Q. my family and i have a caravan by the coast where i met this boy. we were going out for a week when he broke up with me. he wants to get back together with me and i want to be with him but theres a problem im worried about. my family and i only go ...
A. 3 August 2006: I am glad to hear that your parents care about you enough to stop you going out late. I see your dilemma but I am guessing you two must get work breaks and lunch breaks in your respective jobs? Use that time to see each other. If you two really like ... (read in full...)
Another relationship with a guy at work? Good idea or bad?
Q. I am in a dilemma, I have been single for over a year after seeing someone whom I met at work. We were together over 3 years. We were always professional at work even through it was common knowledge that we were a couple. Since moving sections ...
A. 3 August 2006: I think you should avoid having a relationship in work. I know lots of people have long-term relationships with work colleagues but many relationships don't work too! Work relationships are problematic when you split up because you still have to see ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me but is happy to "see each other". Now I find this txt...
Q. Me and my boyfriend were going out for over a year when he decided he didn't want to go out with me anymore but for us to "see each other" instead. This meant either of us could do whatever we wanted and be with whoever we wanted but still see each ...
A. 3 August 2006: He is a player who is having cake and eating it. He can sleep with whoever he likes and you settle for occasional sex as a substitute for a committed relationship. If he is talking about his ex behind your back, then you can bet he is doing the same ... (read in full...)
I'm getting in the way of my 13-year old friend and his mom
Q. I am a female who is 20 years old and there is this really sweet 13 year-old boy that I have a lot in common with and like very much. I have sent letters to him and called him on the phone, and now his mom thinks that I am trying to rape him, have ...
A. 3 August 2006: You have to see this from his parents perspective - I can wholly understand his mother's fears. You like him because he is younger than you and easy to impress - you say that you have problems with same-age friendships and you get a lot from the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems disgusted with me, I am so unhappy
Q. I've been with my boyfriend since February. We live together in our own house (the bills are crazy) so I can see where things may be a little stressful on him. I mean he comes home to a clean house and dinner made everynight. Here is my problem. ...
A. 3 August 2006: Poor you! You have been making a big effort and he is just rejecting you. This is not all about you - it takes two people to make a relationship work. Perhaps you are trying too hard to be everything to him and he has got complacent and he has ... (read in full...)
Any ideas on what I should do about passing this police physical?
Q. Hi all, Well I have been waiting to join the police since i was in year 5. I had to wait 3 years to get in and now I have passed all the theory work and physicals. I have one more physical to go and one more exam. But the problem is I have hurt m...
A. 3 August 2006: The police (including their recruitment procedures) are bound by the Disability Discrimination Act which means 'reasonable adjustments' have to be made to applicants with chronic medical conditions and disabilities. You should seek the help of the ... (read in full...)
Is Cardiff Uni one of the best in the UK for an MBA?
Q. Hello people... I am thinking of doing an MBA from Cardiff University, England. I am from Aisa, 25 years of age with 5 years of working experience... I'm getting into the International Students quota... could anyone tell me if the Univ is one of the ...
A. 3 August 2006: I did my first degree at Cardiff University including some business management options from the Business School. The Business School is highly rated for research and teaching standards according to the RAE assessment. The guardian newspaper are ... (read in full...)
Im 45 and cant stop feeling im addicted to sex, and its driving my poor man crazy!!
Q. Help, I think i am addicted to sex. I know this sounds funny, but I am making my partner unhappy. I never used to be this bad, but everytime I look at him I cant stop wanting him. We have been together for 2 years, and he introduced me to porn and ...
A. 3 August 2006: Well done...you are 45 and have a sex drive! It is not abnormal...it is very very normal. Different people have different needs for sex - some are once a month, some are once per day. The secret to a happy relationship is some kind of compromise ... (read in full...)
Will I ever find just one person to settle down with for life ?
Q. Hi people... what is the right time to get married? I am 25yrs old, I have been in 3 realtionships and all of them did not last beyond 1.5 - 2.0 yrs tops. I am beginning to loose hope that I will actually find someone who can love me the way I am ...
A. 3 August 2006: It is entirely possible that you will find someone special but often early relationships in your teens and 20's are blighted by immaturity (on both sides) and the stress of establishing a life (education, career development, moving away, not having ... (read in full...)
He no longer finds me sexually attractive so he wants my permission to find a f*ckbuddy
Q. I have been married to my husband for 12 years, and we have been faithfully together for 16 years, Renently I was diagnoised with cancer, we made it through the post op and everything fine, unfortunatly I put on about 170 lbs and he dosn't find me ...
A. 3 August 2006: Forget the swinging thing - it is obvious you would be going along with this for his benefit and don't want to try it yourself. It is normal to gain weight when you are receiving treatment for cancer and you need to concentrate on not getting ... (read in full...)
He met a younger girl, why has he thrown away 20 years for someone so much younger ?
Q. I am fifty one and have been with my partner about twenty years. I am still attractive and vivacious. My partner has just told me that he has met someone else. He mentioned that she is 27 and that she makes him feel young. I know that this happens a ...
A. 3 August 2006: Blame it on the male menopause...he is trying to claw back his youth with a younger lady. Keep your self respect and throw him out - as you say, you are an attractive woman with intelligence and a solid personality that comes from years of ... (read in full...)
His photography hobby meant he would take nude photos of woman, I didnt like this, am I in the wrong ?
Q. Hi My boyfriend has recently taken up photography as a hobby. He is mostly interested in controversial photography and thus wants to focus on erotic photography/nudes because of the artistic value. I have an issue with him taking pictures ...
A. 3 August 2006: There is no right or wrong answer to your dilemma, as everyone probably has a different viewpoint. If this was a legitimate hobby prior to your entry into his life then at least you know that he his activities are unconnected to the state of your ... (read in full...)
I need to hide a hickey from my parents, so they don't know where I've been!
Q. hi... I really need help and fast. I spent the weekend with my boyfriend. My parents don't know about it and if they had ever found out that I would be in so much trouble. I got away with them not finding out that I was with him. The only thing th...
A. 31 July 2006: Maybe I am getting old but...love bites just ain't pretty! If the skin is broken make sure you keep it clean but you should be able to hide it with a high neck jumper - it should heal within a week or so. You should know that your boyfriend ... (read in full...)
Gay? Bi? Strajght? Confused? I just don't know what I am...
Q. Hi I'm 15 and confused. When I masturbate I used to always think about men and boys. Now it's men and women. I like looking at men, as well as women but I want to have sex with females and get married to a woman and have children. Am I gay, bi or ...
A. 31 July 2006: You are 15 and most people are a little confused at 15! Your hormones are going mad. Does it matter if you are straight, gay or bisexual...they are just labels at the end of the day. Don't classify yourself as anything. Experience a little of life ... (read in full...)
My 40 year old boyfriend is obsessed with a 17-year old
Q. My loving boyfriend mentioned a week ago what a very very attractive seventeen year old had joined where he works!!! in the last week her name just constantly comes up in the evenings when we are together,i know he loves me but i think he has crush ...
A. 31 July 2006: If he is telling the truth then it is just mid-life crisis stuff...he is a middle aged man who is flattered that a teenage girl would be showing him such attention. This girl in work doesn't sound mature and is probably enjoying the attention of ... (read in full...)
Please tell me how to forgive a cad who has cheated on me three times
Q. ive been with the father of my child for three years 3 days ago i found out he cheated on me with a girl who is under age he slept with her twice we were trying to deal with it and i asked him have you ever cheated on me before and he said no then ...
A. 31 July 2006: Don't forgive him, he is a serial cheater who is easing his conscience by telling you what he has done and in a cowardly way over the phone. Quite apart from his disrespect of your relationship together, he is also disrespecting your body - how can ... (read in full...)
Im in love with a married man, I know hes unhappy with his wife, but people are telling me to stay away!!
Q. I'm in love with a married man. I've had so many ppl tell me to stay away from him..that he will never leave his wife. But he is so unhappy with her. He only married her because he thought that was what was right for their child. They do NOT love ...
A. 31 July 2006: He is a married man who cheats. It doesn't matter if his wife makes him unhappy or not - it just means that you could never trust him if you two did settle together. Frankly, he cheated on his wife, why wouldn't he cheat on you with another woman if ... (read in full...)
He gets what he wants, then he's a total stranger. Are we just together for sex?
Q. Hi Lately every time I sleep with my guy, afterwards he acts like a total stranger. Then he never seems to want to hook up with me for ages afterwards. It's starting to depress me. It makes me feel cheap. Does this mean he only wants me for sex?...
A. 31 July 2006: ...it probably means he sees you as sex only. Men who are really into you want to spend time hanging out regardless of any sexual activity. Anyone who makes you feel bad surely isn't worth the effort...if you were happy to go along with the sex ... (read in full...)
She comes home from work drunk, and she's cheated on me numerous times! Should I stay or go?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. Last summer she got a new job at a bar, hoping to make some extra money. The problems in our relationship started there. She would come home drunk almost every night of the week. At ...
A. 31 July 2006: Whether you stay or go is up to you. If she is drinking a lot then there are health implications and she needs specialist help. You have to realise that her numerous flings are a signal of poor self respect for herself and her drinking behaviour is ... (read in full...)
My husband thinks my vagina should be "like a virgin"...
Q. I have a husband. We married in 2004, but now he doesn't want sex with me because he want me like a virgin.p /> He wants my vagina should be too small. I don't know what to do to make small my vagina....
A. 31 July 2006: Vagina's stretch with lots of sexual intercourse and babies. Therefore if anyone is to blame for the size of your bits and pieces then it is your husband. I am sure there is rather more to this problem that just the size...maybe he is insecure about ... (read in full...)
Pain and bleeding...not sure what to do
Q. dear cupid i need help. i finished my periods about 5 days ago but 2 days ago i started bleeding and i dont know what it is. Is it possible that my hymen thing has broke, even though i haven't had sex or like done anything like ride a bike etc...
A. 29 July 2006: Bleeding from the hymen is usually short-term (spotting..). It could be that you have a hormonal imbalance that is causing the bleeding or a problem with the cervix or uterus. It could also be coming from your anus so check. Irregular bleeding ... (read in full...)
My girl of 10 months as just told me shes coming off the pill and doesnt want sex any more ??
Q. I just recently had a problem with my girlfriend of ten months and its a problem i never expected to have. I just got back from a week long vacation and she told me close to the end of the day she was going off the pill and didnt want to have sex ...
A. 29 July 2006: I think there is probably something else going on in your relationship that perhaps you are not aware of at this present time. Basically she hasn't said she wants to end your relationship, just the sexual aspects. I totally understand that you have ... (read in full...)
Did I not show enough interest because I was studying, make him change his mind ?
Q. Hello My name is Astrid and I'm 29, This year I have been working and studying to sit national teaching exams, I met a guy who was interesting to me and we went to dinner a couple of times. I was very stressed studying so I didn't go out very muc...
A. 29 July 2006: STTTTTooooppppp...you have done nothing wrong! Your career is clearly important to you and you honestly shouldn't have dropped anything and everything for this guy as being independent is attractive to some men. If you were to have a long-term ... (read in full...)
I want to keep my fiance from knowing that I've had sex before!
Q. I'm in a very weird situation. My wedding is coming up in about a year with the guy that I haven't told that I've had sex many times before, due to some family and personal reasons. And I kind of do want to keep it a secret from him because I'm ...
A. 29 July 2006: Don't hide it to him and if you feel the need to then question your marriage plans - to marry someone means that you should feel free to tell them ANYTHING and they should just accept you for who you are. I think that trying to hide things always ... (read in full...)
Confused as to why it didnt hurt me when I had sex for the first time ?
Q. Dear cupid i really need your help cos i am really confused. About a few weeks ago my bf fingered me and that was the first time i had ever been fingered and it really really hurt and i was sore the next day and it hurt the first couple o...
A. 29 July 2006: Medically speaking your virginity is the hymen inside the vagina - it is like a string of skin. Some girls lose this well before any sexual activity - horse riding, sports etc. Breaking the hymen causes pain to some women during first sexual ... (read in full...)
My girl of 10 months as just told me shes coming off the pill and doesnt want sex any more ??
Q. I just recently had a problem with my girlfriend of ten months and its a problem i never expected to have. I just got back from a week long vacation and she told me close to the end of the day she was going off the pill and didnt want to have sex ...
A. 29 July 2006: Maybe she is going off the pill for medical reasons that she is not willing to discuss with you at present. Having a break from the pill is sometimes recommended if she has been taking it for a while, or having some side-effects. She may not be ... (read in full...)
I really need my friend to stick up for me in court, but she doesn't want the hassle!
Q. Hello I was wondering if somebody could give some advice. Recently I was raped by my boyfriend. He is now my ex but my best mate was the first person I saw, spoke to and told about the incident, and she won't help me get justice done because...
A. 29 July 2006: You need to get some legal advice - go to the citizens advice bureau and you can see a solicitor specialising in criminal law for free. You may wish to consider a private prosecution against this guy for damages and a solicitor can advise you on ... (read in full...)
My mum has hit me and in the past thrown things at me, what does the law state on this ?
Q. What is the law when it comes to violence towards your children? My mother has an appauling temper and she hit me. However i don't feel as though i can do anything about it as i hit her back. It wasn't deliberate exactly, it was just on impulse, ...
A. 29 July 2006: The law on child protection (physical abuse) in the UK clearly states that adults using physical force in the way you describe is illegal. It is a matter for the police and social services. You can call the NSPCC helpline for some support and ... (read in full...)
Having problems with my married man!
Q. Falling for a married man - how not to? So...... He is married I know (wedding ring), but he never says 'we did xxxx' as in he and his wife did something. We've gotten close over the last 6 months (emails and coffee or lunch, but nothing more...
A. 29 July 2006: 1. He isn't mentioning the names of his wife and kids because that would personalise them - by keeping them at a distance in his own mind and not including you in his family life it is better on his conscience. He can treat them and you as separate ... (read in full...)
The guy I am dating is pressuring me for sex
Q. I had a first date with a guy I just met - we like each other and we have great chemistry. However I'm a 26 yr old virgin and he's not; he's said that sex is an important part of a relationship for him and would expect it if we dated. He has also...
A. 23 July 2006: If he is giving you the 'put out or get out' line then you should leave - it is not a question of being modern/ old fashioned, it is merely a matter of self respect. Not all men are like this, and a man that is really into you would wait until you ... (read in full...)
I'm 11 years older than him! How do I get past this age thing?
Q. i started dating a guy 3 months ago and i have never been happier until i found out he has a problem with our age difference somewhat. he is 11 yrs younger than myself. he says he cares about me and when he looks at me i see the sparkle in his eyes ...
A. 17 July 2006: The age thing isn't the real problem...there is something else and he is just hanging the blame on the 'age thing' as an easy excuse. Perhaps he has been involved with an older lady in the past who has hurt him...you can probably get to the real ... (read in full...)
At 50 years old-do I find a f**kbuddy or just accept, that she won't give me sex, regularily?
Q. I have a problem I am almost 50 Years of age and I am living with a woman that I cannot seem to get aroused. On the rare occasions we have sex she is almost frigid. Her sex drive is very low. She never asks or even implies that she would like s...
A. 17 July 2006: If you have any feelings for the woman other than sexual (and I suspect you do) then having an affair will just hurt the both of you. I am assuming this woman is close to your age and there is every chance she is going through the menopause - her ... (read in full...)
I lost my viginity to the wrong person, now I feel used!
Q. Lost my virginity to the wrong guy! Hi i lost my virginity and im regretting it big time, i wanted to be like kinda special and be in a true deep relationship but i ended up loosing it to a guy who ive been out with b4, hes going out with someone...
A. 17 July 2006: There is enormous peer-pressure to have sex at a young age which is sad because young people are rarely emotionally capable of dealing with sexual relationships, even if their bodies are. You have to remember that lots of people lose it to the ... (read in full...)
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