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female
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anonymous
writes: i've been with my boyfriend for 6 months - i love him alot, i was a virgin before (oral virgin aswell) but i have kissed other guys in the past. he gets mad at me because i have kissed other guys. anyways, he told me that he has sexual fantasys about other girls and wants to act on them, so he wants to take a break on "commitment" but im not allowed to see other guys... i dont want him to do this, nor do i want to see other guys... what do i do?
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male
reader, Dr. Reality Check  +, writes (29 June 2006):
 Terrible. He wants sex with other women but doesnt want you having sex with other guys? This guy sounds crazy. I would ditch his sorry ass now. I mean what kind of a guy starts up a relationship and then says, well I like you but I still want these other girls....oh but you're not allowed any other men. He basically wants more sex but is worried that if you are with other guys, you'll see how great someone else is and will open your eyes to what a dick your boyfriend is. All I can say, is this the guy you really want to bother wasting your time on? Get out now, otherwise you are just setting yourself up for heartbreak.
A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (29 June 2006):
 You tell him its you and you alone! its all just because he wants to date other woman and keep you hanging in just in case he cant pick up any others! How can he say he wants it to be open when its only him that allowed a free reign! Its not open, its called one sided! If its not ok for you to do it then its not okay for him to do it. If he really wants to date other women tell him hes free to do that and end the relationship. You really dont want to be with someone thats going to openly cheat on you! Ditch him to the kerb and find someone thats happy to be with you and you alone! You shouldnt have to share him, he clearly doesnt have any respect for you feelings and is quite happy to see others whilst dating you. Its a no deal, your not happy with it. You know that by saying no your not happy with him seeing others that hes probably going to do it anyway. So get out now while you can hun, hes not worth it, hes just a player and wants a few notches on his bed post. Find someone thats happy to be with just you for you.
Take care x
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (29 June 2006):
 He is being absurd. Crazy. Nuts. Ridiculous. Trust me when I tell you he is being completely unreasonable. It's ok for him but not for you?? It's really not OK.
It is very important that you are clear about this. If he goes after other girls you will leave him. It's not acceptable. He's trying to walk all over you. He'll take advantage of you if you let him.
So what do you do? You say: " NO WAY". Make it abundantly clear that you do NOT like the idea, and that it is NOT OK. Not only that, but he's to forget the idea totally and not bring it up again. Final.
Having said that you have to enforce that. You need to get very very mad at him if he continues to talk about this. And you have to be willing to leave him if he won't stop.
To be honest, you need to be careful with this guy. Any man who would say those things is very confused about what a relationship is supposed to be. Commitment = commitment. It's not something you take a break from. If you could take breaks from it, it wouldn't be called commitment! Watch out for yourself.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (29 June 2006):
 You can either talk to him and say the 'open' relationship isn't acceptable or you can leave him and find someone who is exclusive and treats you with respect. Don't stand for shoddy treatment just to have a boyfriend...find someone who treats you nice.
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