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female
,
anonymous
writes: i have been best friends with a guy for over two years and during that time we have got very close. i care for him deeply n cant imagine my life without him. things have changed since the past 6 months though when i found out he had feelings for me i didnt know if i had feelings for him or not because i thought maybe im confusing how much i care for him feelings of wanting to take things further. when he foudn out there was hope he wanted us 2 make a go of it but i said no. i do like him alot but i just think a relationship wouldnt work. hes now saying its either that or he cant be friends with me. i dunno what 2 do. i cant lose him. he says if i say no he has nothing to live for. im scared he'll do something stupid. i really dont know what to do. help
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female
reader, Smiler +, writes (24 June 2006):
 Hi there
I agree completely with Dr Psych cause this guy's not a very good friend at all really is he i mean why is he making rules and demands on you like this that alone is out of order ! I agree with you i doubt the sexual couply relationship would work at all because he has not respect for your feelings or how you feel about the situation i mean say if you had said yeah ok lets go for it what happens when it all falls apart you loose a friend aswell, you say you can't imagine your life without him and yet he's saying basically ne sex no friendship can you now see how out of order he is being here? any true friend with anything about them offers unconditional friendship don't except 2nd best.
I hope my advice was of some help to you sweetie :o) good luck ok... If you ever need someone to talk to or just a shoulder to cry on or maybe a little more advice, truely i'm always here for you ok :o)
You Take Care Babe And Good Luck X
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (24 June 2006):
 Reading between the lines, this is a guy who is saying have a sexual relationship with me or we cannot be mates. He isn't your best mate as he wouldn't be setting down rules, demands and being so manipulative of your feelings. Good relationships of a romantic nature are founded on sex+great friendship too. His proposition that he either gets what he wants or walks away is ridiculous. If you give into his demands and have a romantic relationship you are not sure about (and you appear very unsure!) then it will end horribly, and you will lose him anyway...but lose your self respect too. I had a best friend who was male and he fancied me (reminding me often of that fact much to my embarrassment) - I was nice about it for a while but he got very upset when I met my now husband and started getting very drunk and passing out at my front door (Why are you dating him when you could have me sort of thing). I ended the friendship as it started to get ugly, even though I liked the guy (when he wasn't behaving strangely). I thought it was cruel to keep him dangling while he hoped for a different sort of relationship, and also because he was effectively imposing guilt trips (...we can only be mates if you lose your boyfriend kind of thing). I still miss him but I know I did the right thing! I hope you make the right decision on this one.
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