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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi I'm in need of advice and courage, and opinions,I'm sure when you read this you'll remember which story this is.I was in a long distance secret gay relationship, and my ex decided after 3years to tell me that he no longer wants this relationship as he is bi, and needs to be true to himself, and what HE WANTS, and WHAT HE NEEDS.Right so I felt angry and betrayed and felt that what I believed in for 3years was a lie, and that he lied to me, We spoke about getting married and moving in together as he declared his undying love for me.He dumped me a month ago on his birthday, when I was feeling sick, and recovering and then to top it all of the prick dumped me, and my world and everything I believed in shattered to the ground, and I was lost, and although I'm getting stronger it still hurts me deeply, Ive wanted to send him messages expressing just how much I hate him, and how I wish I never met him, and that I wish he never existed, but I never did, because I didn't want to look immature, but I really want to hurt him, and make him feel bad for all of time for lying to me, and betraying me when I needed him most.The situation is this, my ex sent me a text message at 3:30am TODAY saying, "I'm so sorry for what's happened and the way things have turned out. I hope you can forgive me some day."I haven't heard from him nor has he heard from me for a month and my heart is still shattered, and this has brought back all those damn emotions back because of this stupid text.He broke up with me over email a month ago, as I could not hear his voice, and in one of our last text messages he said that I'll always be his first and only great love, and I will always, always be his angel, and always be his best friend, and he assured me that there was no one else.I hate him so much, and I want him to know that I wish he could rot in hell, but I know thats my emotions, but he has truely severly hurt me, and my trust has broken in everything. I deleted his number from my phone several weeks ago, but I know it by heart.Should i answer to this text and tell him how much I hate him, and that I'll never be able to forgive him, for his lies and betrayal and for using me! and that I never want to hear from him, and that I wish he never existed, because sorry just can not justify or ease the pain he put me thru when I thought we'd be together forever, so he can get lost and feel as unhappy and heart broken as he made me feel.Or should I just ignore it, and not respond, I really want him to hurt as much as he hurt me, and I can guarantee that he was drinking and feeling sad when he wrote that damn text at those hours of the morning.What should I do? please help me anyone.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2006): Hi. First of all, I just want to tell u that I'm now in a gay relationship and both my bf and I are bisexual. I know what it feels like to feel insecure as I grapple with that everyday. While I am certain of my sexuality and embrace my gay side very much, my bf tends to have problems about his bisexuality because of social norms of being gay. So I can understand how hurt you feel when your boyfriend dumped you over something like that. The fact (or my guess) is, your boyfriend has found someone else, possibly a girl in his life he sees he can spend a 'normal' life with. Whether he is in love with her or really just in love with being 'normal' is unclear. He obviously still loves you. The fact with you is, you do not hate him and you do not wish to see him hurt. His actions led to you feeling that way and you just want to fight hurt with hurt. Would you really be happy to see him hurt? By doing that, that does make you a winner? Certainly not. Re-look at how you want to approach him because it is essential for you to raise the matter up with him to gain clarity for yourself and for him, in order to move on with your lives. He is just avoiding the problem and that kills you inside. Take the initiative and be responsible for yourself. The first step is to send him a text message or e-mail and ask him why he did what he did. Listen to him with all your heart and don't be righteous about it. Cast your ego aside. Remember there are no right or wrong answers. It's important to listen to what he really wants. At the end of the day, if this relationship does not work out despite your 100% effort in making it work, just remember that love will find a way for you and that you were meant for greater things and a greater guy will come your way. Come from your heart, and if this guy truly loves you, he will feel your sincerity. Best wishes.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 June 2006):
 Don't reply. You've already acknowledged that his text reopened your old wounds. Responding will set you back even more.
I do understand that you're terribly angry with him for lying and then bombshelling you with a cheap email break up. Judging by what you've written, your frustration and unhappiness is justified. But I promise you that you *will* get over it. The fact that you were blindsided by the breakup certainly makes your feeling more intense, but after a while you'll stop caring so much. Time is your friend here.
I like Dr Pysch's idea of blocking his number from your phone. It will prevent him jerking your chain this way, so give it some thought.
Being nasty or angry to him won't in any way guarantee that he'll feel sorry for what he did. You can't control another person's emotions. The best advice that I can give you is not to give him the satisfaction of knowing that it's affected you, since that's pretty plainly what his point was.
Be as strong as you can and ignore any texts from him. Don't respond, don't text him, and if he calls, don't answer it. Try to surround yourself with friends and family, or anyone you can count on to be your supporter. Keep busy and try to think of new directions for your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2006): He probably decided that the relationship with this woman wasn't going to work and now he's all alone and sad. Just remember, that if you take him back you have let him have his cake and eat it.Basically you're telling him its ok to treat you like that.Yes, the relationship might work for a while until a new bit of skirt comes parading herself along then he'll dump you again. This guy has serious issues about his own sexuality and by the sounds of it can't commit to anyone. You know what you want, don't let him hurt you again. By getting in touch you are only letting yourself down and boosting his ego. Again you will be putting yourself through another rollercoaster of emotions, waiting for his texts etc. This guy has seriously broken your trust and a relationship with him could never be as it was. Kick him into touch, let him suffer in misery,sadness and loneliness just as you have suffered.That will be his retribution without you having to do or say anything.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (25 June 2006):
 DIGNITY is the word of the day for you. He hurt you but you will get over this someday - he wasn't being mature but you are. By telling him how badly you feel you are feeding his ego somewhat - he will know you haven't moved on and got over him...why give him that satisfaction? Drunken text messages are just his way of retaining your attention. Don't belittle yourself by replying to him - nothing positive can come of that. If he apologises for his behaviour then you won't feel better. If he mocks you then you will just be angry...so ignore him, put your head up high and realise that you are a nice person who didn't deserve to be treated badly! Getting over this guy probably means ignoring and forgetting him - block his mobile number on your phone (or take it to a shop where they can do it for you) so he doesn't waste more of your time. Ruminating on the past will do you no good, so think positively about your future and distract yourself with lots of activities to ease the pain.
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