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male
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*do808
writes: I have been going out with my girlfriend for over 3 months already. We kiss, hug, and cuddle and whatnot. She has no knowledge of the sexual world. She thinks of sexual things as disgusting. I know it isn't right to ask to have sex, especially when she told me she wanted to wait until she is married, which will be in like 10 years from now. We are both 17. We are very steady. The question I want to ask is, if it is OK if I ask her to do some things before sex? Maybe I guess if we could start off with masturbation. Then again, sometimes I feel as if I would regret ever asking. Is it even OK to ask your own girlfriend that? I mean, I believe it is selfish, but I don't want to be sexually lonely and a virgin for the next 10 years, if you know what I mean. Sex isn't a big thing, but.... it's still is an issue to me. It feels as if I'm corrupting her if I do ask. I'm scared she might break up with me for asking those kind of things. I'm not sure if you guys can understand my position, but she is really serious about having sex after marriage. She isn't like most girls who just say it but not mean it. I really like her, and I want to show her more than just kissing her on the cheek. Even masturbation together would be nice, as long as I'm doing "Something" with her. I know I might sound like a regular horny guy, but it does bother me, but I don't want to bring it up to her. I just wnat to know if I should ask her to do stuff like that.
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male
reader, mdo808 +, writes (30 June 2006):
mdo808 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much, (20 year old girl)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2006): Im a 20 year old female. If you get along with this girl you should be able to tell her anything. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. Trying to cover things up, or make yourself seem better or more confident than you are will show negatively in the long run. Youre questions was amazing. You clearly care a lot about this girl. Bring her into the decision making process. Tell her how much you have been struggling with whether to ask her or not. Tell her you respect her. Basically, put all your feelings that you expressed in your letter into words and you two should be able to sort thru it together. Thats what a relationship is all about.Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2006): Drop this girl and find one who shares your values. You two are too far apart in terms of values and morals. You don't want to bear the responsibility of changing her into someone other than who she is now, and clearly you are not going to change. You shouldn't have to change; neither should she. The logical conclusion is to keep looking for the right person. Get out of this relationship as soon as possible, before any damage is done, and before your emotional ties become even greater.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2006): Well, sounds like to me she is a very lovely girl and the fact that the both of you are so young you have your whole lives ahead of you. It seems that you both have very strong views that will end up hurting one or both in this relationship instead of complimenting it. If you are serious about this girl than you will respect her enough to not force the subject on ratisfying your libido. I know you are reaching your sexual peak but, surely you care enough to explore her mental aspects of goals, intellect, and what she is willing to compromise in this just as you are. If you 2 can't get on the same page for future references than you are not for each other. There's someone for everyone. I am sure your gf will have no problem since she is respectable, has her own mind and not damaged goods. Get the visual?
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female
reader, chunky_monkey +, writes (27 June 2006):
Sex isn't the only thing in a relationship. What is important is the love. You are only at 3 months, let the relationship take its on path. Honestly who is to stay that you will be married in 10 years. And you won't be a lonely virgin because you will still have you beautiful girlfriend, whom should love you. Hence the lonely virgin, doesn't work. It would be the virgin who would do anything to please his girlfriend
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (27 June 2006):
 Lots of guys post on here about their girlfriends having lots of previous lovers and how worried they are about it. You may not agree with her moral position but it must surely be nice to know she has an opinion (even if it is not shared by yourself) and that she is showing self respect. As for the sex thing, well the problem is that if you were to get her to do the messing around thing...it would be fun for a while...but then you would be longing for oral sex...that would be fun for a while...then you would be longing for intercourse...and that would be fun for a while...and then you might be longing for intercourse with another girl just to see if it is different. The fact is that if she is 'disgusted' by sex, then she is probably not going to be too happy about spanking the monkey either. You have a choice really - to accept the relationship the way it is and respect her views, or find yourself another girlfriend. I suppose this is a great test of your commitment to this girl at the end of the day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2006): You and your gf have very opposing relationship values here. You want sex, she doesn't, because of her strong belief in remaining celibate until marriage. In order for this relationship to work, you need to respect that. So by asking her about doing 'other' sexual things, will likley go against her belief. You can ask her, but don't be surprised is she says no. If this difference is an issue with you, then I suggest you cut her loose, because 10 years will be an eternity for you to wait and you may end up becoming resentful. That's not fair to both of you. Allow her to find someone who shares and respects her views.
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