A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey. so i have this friend. well he's one of my best friends actually. and he pretty much thinks he's so perfect and everyone else is a mess. like every day he tells me i look a mess and i'm so sensitive so it really gets to me and i get sad. and he also brings down my 2 girl best friends also. btw he's gay so he's like a girl. and me and one of my best friends have talked about it to each other and we were like it really hurts when he says this stuff to us and tries to make us feel bad and calls himself perfect. not being is his friend is not an option so other than that what could we do to make this stop?
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (13 September 2008):
 When people lash out at others in a critical way there is something wrong with them...they have very poor self esteem and they compensate for this by saying negative things about others in order to make themselves feel better. It is possible he is feeling confused about his sexuality or just going those teenage angst in a more general way. Whatever his problem, you can either cut the friendship or develop a sense of humour about what he says. Start joking about him and start that banter going - if he sees you are not hurt, he will get bored of it. If he says you are a 'mess' say it takes one to know one and laugh!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2008): you guys should talk to him and tell how you guys feel and if that dosent work tell him that you guys cant no longer be friends because who wants a friend who just brinqs things down not up like there suppose to!:)
GOOD LUCK!:)
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 September 2008):
Make it clear that it is not cool.
He's probably only doing the bitchy gay thing because that is what gay guys are supposed to be like around girls. It's a stereotype and he's probably only trying to live up to it because he has low self esteem.
Just let him know that he's being hurtful.
Be sarcastic and say "hi, right can you tell me I'm ugly now and get it out of your system because I'm just not in the mood today."
Or just tell him to F-Off when he does it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much. that helps a lot. very good advice :)
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (13 September 2008):
 A person who criticises others and puts them down is one who lacks self esteem and has an inferiority complex. They have to do that to make themselves 'look good'. They are usually very jealous of the person they are criticising. Therefore don't get upset and believe that there is something wrong with you. He's the one with the problem. There's a saying - 'If you can't say anything good about a person then don't say anything at all' - try saying it to him next time he criticises you. Also, next time he tells you he's so wonderful maybe you should agree with him and tell him how wonderful you are too, or be mocking and say; 'it must be hard to be as perfect as you'.
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