A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I dated a guy in my workplace:we kept it secret due to policy.i previously helped him get ajob there. he didn't know at the time that i was bullied there.i didn't want to get him involved and was scared he would think less of me. anyway, i fell inlove quickly:he was my angel.ive only splept with 2 other men before so wanted to take time with him.he kept on at me saying the relationship wasnt moving on quick enough.started telling me a co-worker was flirting with him.he got worked up,fustrated:i gave in,slept with him.two mths in i got ill,started looking sick.sicklecell, i met his friends who he loves,they said nasty things about my looks,i heard but kept quiet.he started acting distant. he still wudnt tell me where he lived and wouldnt give me his land line number.i told him he was breaking my heart,he would eat at my home share my bed and would leave to go home:somewhere. he left money on the table for me everytime cos i was struggling with shopping for two of us. Valentines day i was on my monthly,he said he couldnt see me.he started treating me with no respect.telling me to get off him if i tried to touch him in public. i called his mobile at home and heard his landline ringing, the person who answered said it was a girl for him!, sounded like his ex'es name! or the collegue! he hung up on me! i couldnt do it anymore.i tried to end it.he laughed it off n told me i was wrong.he talked me into going on a break for two weeks. i did. At the end of the weeks he asked me if i still loved him, i said yes.he then proceeded to tell me he was enjoying life without me,that his new job was great! that he didnt need me anymore,that time dragged on with me.he asked me how i wud survive without him. he told me that i forced him into bed,etc.i cried.i started to break down,hating myself for being me.i got drunk after work and nearly crashed the car! the pain was so bad.i found his landline number in a book he left at my house.i called it,swore at a member of his family(i know! wrong of me.i was drunk!) he called me when he got home, screamed at me threatened me,hung up. sent me a text saying he would put in a complaint at work about me.i begged him not to, I went into work: he did.i broke down, telling some people about an argument we had,i lost it! he started dating the co-worker who he said flirted with her,he emailed my team,managers, telling them lies about me. Now im being bullied by the co-worker he's dating. help please!
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a break, at work, bullied, co-worker, drunk, flirt, his ex, money, text, workplace Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (28 March 2009):
That's absolutely horrible!! Oh my gosh. Honestly awful. I think you need to work on rebuilding your own self esteem after the way this man manipulated you and took advantage of you. You need to find the strength in yourself to feel good about yourself and know that you deserve to be treated better. Don't EVER let a man pressure you into bed before you are ready again. Also, it's a big red flag if they will not open up their life to you, have you over to their house etc. It's so sad but I find women are so good hearted we forgive too much, and men don't appreciate that or respect it. It's a hard lesson but if you want to be treated with respect you MUST demand it.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (28 March 2009):
 I have always said it is better not to date people at work just because of situations like the one you describe. Anyway, you have dated him and it didn't work out and it is time to move forward with your life. He sounds like an idiot to be honest and you are so much better off without this guy, even if you don't know it right now! Never ring him at home again and get rid of his contact numbers so you cannot be tempted when drunk. This is important because you could be accused of criminally harrassing him, his family etc, even though I am sympathetic to you. Bullying in the workplace is not acceptable, even though sadly commonplace. I assume your workplace know you are ill with sickle-cell. If not, please see personnel immediately as your condition is covered by the disability discrimination act and at the same time report the bullying. As you know, stress is an important component to your condition and the workplace need to know. Go to your GP and explain what has happened at work, you maybe signed off work for stress in the future.
Most organisations have a policy or procedure for bullying and you should obtain a copy. Keep a diary of events including times and people present at times of bullying, along with any emails etc. Request copies of any correspondence between this man, his new date and your team manager as you have a right to know what has been said.
Write a formal letter of complaint to personnel as it will be insufficient to just talk it over verbally - more likely to be sweeped under the carpet. If this man treated you badly, he will behave badly with the co-worker in time. His behaviour from what you say sounds like someone with a huge ego who enjoys belittling people and that makes him deeply sad really. Your colleagues will soon learn he is the office player and hopefully action will be taken.
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