A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Some thoughts or advice would be great.I have fancied this guy for some time (coming up 2 years), we work in the same building, different departments ,we always chat but he has a bit of a reputation for being a bit of a player, which I never really seen that side of him. Anyway, after a while he started making sexual comments which I just kinda laughed at because I didn't think he would be interested in me, I am a bit sheltered and I hate to say it but a virgin, he knows I am shy and has made various comments about it. Anyway, we kissed on Monday night, he was a bit full on just for better words grabbed my "tits and ass" and since then he has said he enjoyed it which is great the only problem is, is that he doesn't want to date me he just wants to use me when he feels like it when he is working, I have never felt so attracted to someone ever and I would love to be his gilfriend, but I know he just wants fun, I don't want to lose him as a friend either because I don't realy have many, what can I do.
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co-worker, crush, player, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Don't give yourself away to this guy.
His sleeping with you would not be a declaration of affection from him that may lead to commitment, it would just be a conquest of virgin territory for him.
I'm sure he's likable and charming and fun and he seems like a roll in the hay is not all he's interested in. That's how the best players always are. They offer you the carrot on the stick of a potential relationship with them even though they seem out of your league. And that's all it is. A carrot on a stick that he yanks out of reach after you've dived (into the bedroom) after it.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (20 March 2009):
 STOP! Put a cast iron lock on your knickers and never socialise with this man outside work (particularly if alcohol is involved). Basically he is a user and once he has used you then he will spread the gossip around your workplace. I presume you like your job, how awkward will it be to go back to work after sex with him? Months, years later....when he has had dozens more ladies...you may fancy him now, but that is lust and nothing else - nicer to have sex with someone who actually like or love. There is NOTHING wrong with being a virgin at 22, I was! There is NOTHING wrong with having few friends either - sometimes in our lives that just happens.You are not very self-confident and that is ok, but please don't get used by the office romeo...save yourself for someone who treats you right. Don't imagine this man will solve all your problems, he will just create some new one's
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A
female
reader, kaylagal  +, writes (20 March 2009):
 He only wants to use you. Please don't give up your precious virginity to this man and don't give him any of your precious time either.
He's a player and you're just a game to him.
Your first time should be with someone special, who loves you and who you love too, and it's not this guy.
K.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): Number one, you are not friends so don't say you don't want to lose him as a friend, coz you're not. You are the next thing on his list, actually you're the perfect candidate coz you're shy, naive and obviously crazy about him (and he knows it.) He's not interested in a relationship with you, he just wants to have sex with you, the same way he has probably slept with a bunch of girls at your workplace.
Well you ask, what can I do? In my opinion you have two options and they are as follows:
1. Stop flirting with him, start ignoring him and get over him becoz he's not good for you and you don't deserve that.
or
2. Give your precious virginity to the player who has probably lost count of all the women he's been with.
And don't think giving him your virginity will make him love you coz it won't.
I admire you so much for still being a virgin at your age, that is so rare. Hold on to your virginity and give it to a man who deserves it not this guy. What you are experiencing is just a little office crush on a bad boy, it won't last.
Sorry to sound harsh but I can relate to your story. I lost my virginity in a similar way and I regret it everyday.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): you can either play by his rules or don't but either way you won't end up being his girlfriend. If you don't want to end up feeling used, don't do sexual things with him. Sheltered or not, you know the score and the answer to this. It comes down to what you are willing to put out for nothing in return.
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A
male
reader, Johnnyboy03 +, writes (20 March 2009):
 Two options, Either go along with it and just have the benefits side of it. A sexual fling if you will, or tell him you aren't interested in that type of a relationship. There is no secret strategy to make him your boyfriend. He isn't interested like that.
So take what he offers, or leave it. I'm not trying to be mean, but that's really all you can do. Just decide if you want to have those experiences with him. No strings attached, or if you don't.
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