A
female
age
41-50,
*licka23
writes:Hello dear friends,This question I am asking is not really a love, dating or sex question but rather a matter that is troubling me a lot. I have a big sister and we were never in good terms. Today we share no relationship at all. She has always wished that evil things happen to me. Now she's married but she made my life a hell. She used to mock at me, she used to tell me that I good for nothing. In my adolescent years, I developed scoliosis that is curvature of the spine which gave me a hump on my back. I will never forget how much she hurt me when she used to call me "deformed body." There are no words to explain how much this used to hurt me. But thanks God, I did surgery and my spine is now 80 % corrected and I have no more this hump. The thing that I don't understand is that how a person so mean and wicked is enjoying a happy and fulfilled life. She got married to the man she loved, I honestly think that this is a priviledge that's not for everybody, moreover her husband earns a lot of money. This made her even more pride and now she thinks that she's the tops of tops and I only a miserable being. I really believe that your actions do not count, you can do all the wicked things you want and nothing will happen to you. Good things and bad things happen to you irrespective of your actions. I'm lost
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female
reader, flicka23 +, writes (26 March 2009):
flicka23 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks very much for all of you who made me feel better. Your advice and comments are very precious. I believe it's true, jealousy may explain all her behaviour and once a religious man told me that people fight and mock people whom they perveive as having a higher energy than them. a "threat" as Wonderingcat mentioned.
Many many thanks to you. God bless you all.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (25 March 2009):
 Siblings rivalry and incompatibility in a family is not uncommon, actually.
As hard as it may be for you, you need to "ignore" her snide remarks, and empower yourself to show the world that you are a good person with a kind heart.
In fact, you already are a strong and good person! Not everybody can endure prolonged meanness from their siblings, but you showed them, girl, you did!
Her calling you names when you were younger just goes to show how insecure she was. So it was about her, not about you.
Sometimes, meanness is "just" an immature (or the politically correct phrase is "inappropriate") response toward what is perceived as a "threat". Yes, human beings are "funny" that way. Again, this is about her, not about you. You having had a special condition, for instance, could easily have meant that you would get more attention than her, and she did not like that. I dated a guy for a couple of years a while ago who as child, he had a severe scoliosis. Sleeping in a special boxed bed for a number of years and later a surgery, fixed him just fine. I think he did have a little bit of slouching habit, but that was just it. He was by far the wittiest guy I ever had a serious relationship with.
Anyways, a person who is strong and confident and has a big kind heart, normally think more about empathy and sympathy than about self-pride. You belong to this type of people. Self pride is about "liberally" patting yourself on your back, regardless of what other people may think about it.
Not to wish bad things about anyone, but the universe has its own way of repaying good and bad deeds. Some people call it Karma, some call it Fate, some call it the cycle of life.
No one is invincible, everyone is vulnerable. You just need to focus on the true blessings in your life now, and you will feel better. Forgive your sister for being mean to you. But, thank her for shaping you to be a strong and kind person that you are now.
Enuff preaching from me LOL
Like you said, good and bad things happen to you irrespective of what you do. But you know what? The good things will feel so blissful and the bad things will feel less bad if you attain positive thinking in whatever you do. Now is the time to be about you and your place as a beautiful kind being in this world.
Cat
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (25 March 2009):
 A lot of people believe in karma, but unfortunately life justice doesn't always work out as you would hope (i.e. that bad stuff happens to bad people). The basic fact is that your sister sounds like a deeply troubled woman/ girl if she mocked her own brother for a disabilty and brought you down in this way - she must have her own personal issues and may have been jealous of the attention your condition brought from parents etc. I have a similar (bad) relationship with my brother, he was pretty awful to me as a teenager and in my 20's his behaviour was diabolical. His life has turned out ok in so far as I can tell - wife, kids, job etc - and I deal with him now as little as I can manage within family commitments. However, I am not bitter about it, I just don't wish to be a part of his life because of my views on him. By carrying around a rage about your siblings (or anything else), the only person who is hurt is you. Moreover, by remaining angry with her she continues to victimise you for a long time after the actual events took place. You don't seem to have a relationship with her now and perhaps that distance is a starting place for forgetting what she has done in the past and concentrating on making yourself happy in the present. It doesn't matter if things have turned out well for your sister now, focus on making things good for you.
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A
female
reader, yukiakashi  +, writes (25 March 2009):
 Please do not think such. Have patience and toss aside stupid remarks such as you being deformed and what not. She has no right to call you that because you do not belong to her and to me, even parents have no right to that so yea, get what I mean?And another thing, I'm not sure what you mean by that hump but I assume it was some sort of illness and so if she was a matured person, she shouldn't tease you at all because you didn't ask for something like this.I seriously doubt she could love deeply because how can she love her husband if she doesn't even love her own flesh and blood? I am about 90% sure that she's a little jealous of you and that's the probably the cause of all this.Never feel bad about yourself because the only one who can judge you is yourself. And remember, God always plans out for people what he thinks is best for them. If you have had to put up with all this, I'm sure God planned something nice for you in return for your suffering. I hope this helps.=D
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A
male
reader, Jason means Healer +, writes (25 March 2009):
Well, it's the million dollar question, isn't it.
Dolly Parton sung about it, King Solomon made an observation of it.
Because the fact is, that being/doing good and evil only constitute ONE part of life.
Being born in Africa and dying before you get past even the first milestones is a classic example of the POWER of inherited wealth/poverty.
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