A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am about to get married again for the second time. Everything is great with my fiance apart from one thing which I am finding difficult to cope with. He is an extremely sociable man who has lots of friends and I am very quiet and am happy with being on my own or with very close friends. He operates an open door policy so endlessly on a weekend his friends and family pop in for tea. I was brought up to call in advance of popping in and I do not feel comfortable with these people just appearing. I cannot relax. I have told him this and he says that i will get used to it in time and he likes it but I really don't like it and have now started finding excuses to go out to avoid visitors even aimlessly driving around. His friends just sit there and make very little conversation but I feel it is rude to just get up and do the ironing or do my own thing as I was taught to enertain visitors. Any suggestions on how to cope with this or how to tackle him so they do ring in advance - thank you in advance for any replies.
View related questions:
fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (1 March 2009):
 Is there anywhere in your house that you can claim as your own private sanctuary when you are home? Make that a point with your husband, that when you are there, you are not to be disturbed. Perhaps even ask your new husband to build you a room above the garage, or convert a shed in the back into a comfortable small lounge for you, complete with couch and ATV and phone.
If you don't have that, you can both ask your husband to make it a habit for his friends to call in advance as DrPscych suggested, or you let him know that you prefer to going about your business when his friends come for a visit. As long as you do not make it look like you are hating it, it should be okay.
I too am a private person, but for some reason I could never understand to this day, for a few years I used to have people coming in to visit me unannounced. So I told them that I was busy cleaning or ironing, or reading ... and they said ... "fine, we'll be here watching TV or whatever until you are done with your chores" LOL. They "entertained" themselves basically - often brought their own foods and drinks!. It was fine with them, it was fine with me too LOL I think it was because my house was a strategi meeting point for some friends so my place became a "hub" or something. LOL
It sounds like your husband will be happy to entertain his friends so you should not be too worried if you cannot partake 100% all the time. (as long as his friends are freeloading on you LOL)
Cat
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (1 March 2009):
 I am very much like you and my husband sounds like your partner! I would just get up and carry on doing stuff around the house or whatever you want as they are there to see him really. I wouldn't worry about being rude - I don't worry about that, I have 'my room' upstairs where I can potter, ring people, read and watch TV...is that possible for you. I agree with you that it isn't always fun having people turning up unannounced so why don't you say to him he can carry on socialising but ask his friends to ring up first. You shouldn't be forced out of the door because of his social life - you have a right to that space too! Your relationship should be about compromise after all.
...............................
|
