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Student of Psychology, Degree in Nursing with wide variety of experience. Mother, daughter, sister, wife, ex, neice, grandaughter, student, boss, colleague....you get the picture.
Interested in impulse control disorders, like chocolate, cheese, Tintin, travelling, Pepsi max, Cracker, Tony Soprano, eddie Izzard, toilet humour, Family guy - shall I go on?
Adore my family and friends. Love to help others, abuse survivor, rape survivor, holder of family record for cherry pip spitting......
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My girlfriend's friends lead her astray
Q. Dear Cupid,
My name is Chris and i've been going out with my girlfriend for about 5 months or so, i think she is the one, in fact i know she is the one but i am a very jealous over-protective person. Since we've been going out i havent hung out ...
A. 11 February 2007: Ha! Had already answered this before.
Whoops!!... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's friends lead her astray
Q. Dear Cupid,
My name is Chris and i've been going out with my girlfriend for about 5 months or so, i think she is the one, in fact i know she is the one but i am a very jealous over-protective person. Since we've been going out i havent hung out ...
A. 10 February 2007: I have only read your question, not the other answers in order that I might give you my opinion without it being 'contaminated' by other opinions.
Well, here goes.
Issue one "Since we've been going out i havent hung out with a single frien... (read in full...)
My husband's always off with his male friend, what should I do about this?
Q. Hi, I am a 32-year-old woman and my husband is 35. We've been married 8 years. Recently my husband has been off on trips with a male friend of his - who I've never met in person, or even spoken to on the phone. If he's not golfing in Manch...
A. 27 March 2006: In that case you ahve a decision to make about your future. I think your husband is *playing* you and I think that 'Jason' is either a bloke he is having an affair with, or a psuedonym for a woman he is having an affair with.
The problem you have... (read in full...)
Abused as a child, I get panic attacks and can't socialise properly. Now I'm afraid I'll be called a nut job for going to a psychologist!
Q. Hi there people I hope all those great agony aunts like d4uo4 can help!! Well, I am worried I'll lose everything that I have got. I'm 21 and I was abused as a child. And although years have passed I still find it really really hard to carry on...
A. 26 March 2006: Glad we can help. Let us know how you get on.
xxx... (read in full...)
Three days after we broke up, he called like nothing happened...
Q. When a guy breaks up with you and then calls 3 days later to ask how your weekend was, what does it mean? Is he just trying to stroke his ego or does he genuinely miss you? How should I play it from here on in to get him back?...
A. 26 March 2006: How is this progressing now?... (read in full...)
My husband's always off with his male friend, what should I do about this?
Q. Hi, I am a 32-year-old woman and my husband is 35. We've been married 8 years. Recently my husband has been off on trips with a male friend of his - who I've never met in person, or even spoken to on the phone. If he's not golfing in Manch...
A. 26 March 2006: Ask to meet this man. You have the right you are his wife.... (read in full...)
My husband's always off with his male friend, what should I do about this?
Q. Hi, I am a 32-year-old woman and my husband is 35. We've been married 8 years. Recently my husband has been off on trips with a male friend of his - who I've never met in person, or even spoken to on the phone. If he's not golfing in Manch...
A. 22 March 2006: Tell him you want to meet him and gauge his reaction.... (read in full...)
My husband's always off with his male friend, what should I do about this?
Q. Hi, I am a 32-year-old woman and my husband is 35. We've been married 8 years. Recently my husband has been off on trips with a male friend of his - who I've never met in person, or even spoken to on the phone. If he's not golfing in Manch...
A. 22 March 2006: Have you told your husband that you find this uncomfortable? How did you husband meet this guy?
My husband has a friend he knows thru work and I have never met him. Bt because he stays away regularly as part of his job and they are in the same... (read in full...)
Why am I suddenly freaking about the age gap?
Q. My fiance and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. We have been through a lot together and that has bought us even closer. The only problem is that he is 14 years older than I am. I am 21 and he is 35. Right now that sounds like it's not that ...
A. 22 March 2006: At the risk of sounding like a cliche, with the right person you would not be bothered about this. 35 is so not old, I am 35 and the only difference between being 21 and now is a few more wrinkles a bigger pay packet and cheaper insurance. Get ... (read in full...)
Three days after we broke up, he called like nothing happened...
Q. When a guy breaks up with you and then calls 3 days later to ask how your weekend was, what does it mean? Is he just trying to stroke his ego or does he genuinely miss you? How should I play it from here on in to get him back?...
A. 20 March 2006: Sounds like he was concerned for you and that he wanted to reassure himself that you ahve taken the break ok. Would you really want this guy back, I mean after all he has just dumped you and he might just do it again on a whim in the future.
I... (read in full...)
We met 5 years ago and he says he still loves me.....but he's also married!!
Q. hi, its hard for me to forget what my boyfriend did to me. I fell in love with him 5 years ago, we met at work. he claims he loves me too. even though he is married, no kids. since he left for overseas, it has been difficult for me. on one hand he ...
A. 20 March 2006: Remember this tho. You gave him all you could but he wasn't yours to give to! Also, you only ever got a very poor 50% of him. He is married leave it alone move on. Find somebody free to love you back and who won't lie to you.x... (read in full...)
How do I stop comparing myself to others?
Q. Hi sometimes I just keep comparing myself to others, I think I'm not popular enough, i don't have as much friends as they do etc. I'm trying to think positively, but I always find myself comparing myself, and its hard to stop. It does make me feel ...
A. 20 March 2006: This is difficult and is to do with your personality type. Often very insecure people have a need to *people-please* and this is just a form of that. If you sit back and look at the situations in which you do this and figure out what triggers it ... (read in full...)
I just want him to leave off, but how do I do that?
Q. How do I tell a guy to leave me alone? I think this guy likes me becouse he's always picking on me and you know how weird some guys show that they like a certain girl....
A. 19 March 2006: tell him. Just say to him *back off, you make me uncomfortable*. Dont be shy about it otherwise it will continue and you will remain unhappy and uncomfortable.... (read in full...)
Don't want to take out my old anger on my new boyfriend...
Q. How can you not take out your anger at your abusive ex on your current bf?...
A. 19 March 2006: There is no real way to explain this as many different coping measures are employed by each individual. If there are some major issues you are worried about that you do not feel that you can cope with alone then therapy can help. Cognitive ... (read in full...)
Broke up with my married lover, but it hurts that we can't be together!
Q. I'm a 25 year old female and have been single for a long time. The longest relationship I had was for 3 months. I've got a best mate and have known him for 3 years. Over the past year we have been having an affair. He is married. We have both rec...
A. 19 March 2006: Sorry to say this but how evil must you be? You want him to hurt as much as you? AND you want to hurt his wife and destroy his marriage just because you are hurting. Let him go. Let it all go and move on. He is married and you and him had no ... (read in full...)
Ready for a baby, but my BF won't even discuss it!
Q. Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for going on 2 years now but have known him for 5 years. I am ready for a child. I feel it's the only thing that will keep me happy and may even make me more responsible. However he doesn't want to have a child ...
A. 19 March 2006: You dont say how old you are but form this question I feel you may be in your late teens early twenties....not hat this has much bearing on how you feel! I feel for you as I can understand the longing you have when your biological clock starts to ... (read in full...)
Abused as a child, I get panic attacks and can't socialise properly. Now I'm afraid I'll be called a nut job for going to a psychologist!
Q. Hi there people I hope all those great agony aunts like d4uo4 can help!! Well, I am worried I'll lose everything that I have got. I'm 21 and I was abused as a child. And although years have passed I still find it really really hard to carry on...
A. 18 March 2006: OMG! You poor thing. What a dreadful experience you ahve had.
Look, there are some strangely narrow minded people out there who will judge you whatever you do. But if you need a referral to a trained professional who can help you through your... (read in full...)
I'm a great wife and mother-but his bad behaviours are so unfair and I'm hurt!
Q. My husband and i have been married for 9 years with 4 children between us, However i have never been highly sexed and he has, he says i haven't paid him enough attention in our marriage and states this for the reasons that he hasn't come home on ...
A. 18 March 2006: Has this behaviour just started or is it something that has been building up for a while?... (read in full...)
I can't stay away from my ex. What can I do?
Q. Hi, I could really do with some advice concerning my now ex girlfriend. To cut a long story short, we broke up about a week ago after a very on off relationship (more off from her point of view). One minute she would confess her undying love for...
A. 18 March 2006: Give yourself a chance to heal. Stay away from her and the places she goes. After all it has only been a week since you split. Move on and let her do the same before it gets out of hand and you end up with a criminal record.x ... (read in full...)
She wanted to have an affair but got rebuffed... Now her beau has gotten another chick pregnant. Where is my marriage going!?
Q. I have been married to Julie 15 years, usual up and downs but happy in the main so I thought. Have two lovely boys. About 18 months ago I thought my wife was having an affair – based on her mood and behaviour, small things but I thought all the ...
A. 18 March 2006: I think with the pain you have gone thru Roy, you really need to confront this now head on. Whether or not she HAS had physical contact with this man or just dreams of it, now is the time for you to tell her you know. Yes, this will mean owning up ... (read in full...)
Is she keeping me on the back-burner?
Q. This is driving me crazy! My ex wants to remain friends (I want more than that but will settle for now if that's the only way I can keep her in my life) but says she is either too busy to hang with me or blows me off to hang with her rebound guy. ...
A. 18 March 2006: remove yourself from this toxic situation. I think she wants to control your behaviour and she can do that by having you around. You can sort of predict that the minute you find someone you love instead of her she will want you back.x... (read in full...)
Is his behaviour a sign of an abusive personality?
Q. Hello, I am currently in a long term relationship, and although I love my boyfriend very much, there seems to be a lot of stress involved. He can very difficult to deal with sometimes, and I can't figure out whether he has signs of an abusive ...
A. 18 March 2006: Sweetie
I think this is a problem that both of you may need to face up to. Please, if you want to save this relationship then go get some professional help. I think relationship counselling may help you both see that your different back... (read in full...)
Sex, sex, sex. Sex. Sexsex. That's all he wants to talk about, and I'm SICK of it!
Q. I have a problem My boyfriend and I have been together 2 months. He seems to have a very high sex drive. We haven't had sex yet as i want to wait, but my problem is, i want to talk about things in our relationship and how much i love him and thi...
A. 18 March 2006: If that is the case and what you think then you need to be completely straight with him and tell him that he has to stop pressurising you with all his talk of sex. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable and you dont want to hear it. You will let him ... (read in full...)
My girlfriends 8 year old daughter isn't very happy with me!
Q. Hi iv recently begun a relationship with a woman who has an 8 year old daughter...the daughter is not happy about this as she has had her mothers attention for the last 6 years with no other interferance from any one else...conciquently she (the ...
A. 18 March 2006: A thing I should have added is that when our step-Dad first came to live with my Mum and brothers on eof the things he said to us was..."I am not your Dad, but I would like to be your friend." He also added that he knew he was an outsider but ... (read in full...)
Am I too young?
Q. Do you think 13 is too young to have a boyfriend? ...
A. 17 March 2006: No. Keep it innocent with just a kiss or a bit of petting at the most. Enjoy each others company and first and foremost be friends.x... (read in full...)
How can I stop boys thinking I'm easy ('cos I ain't)
Q. I am 16. I was going with my bf for over 4 months. A little while ago, when we were out, I let him deflower me. After that, we had sex on every date. Apart from the first and second times, I made sure that he was wearing a condom so I am not ...
A. 17 March 2006: Pretty simple really.
Stop dating for a while and learn to enjoy your own company.
Stop having sex with every man/boy you date/meet.
Get some self-respect.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going back to his wife, is he telling me the truth?
Q. I have been having an affair with a man for 15 months, he has been living with me. Now he has decided to go home for his daughter. He says he's told the wife about the affair and that he didnt love her, and she has accepted it. My question...
A. 17 March 2006: Probably not. And sorry to be harsh but I think he has realised he made a mistake going off wiht you and wants back into the arms of his family....family being wife and child. This is his way of letting *you down gently* as it were.
Sorry, but ... (read in full...)
She wanted to have an affair but got rebuffed... Now her beau has gotten another chick pregnant. Where is my marriage going!?
Q. I have been married to Julie 15 years, usual up and downs but happy in the main so I thought. Have two lovely boys. About 18 months ago I thought my wife was having an affair – based on her mood and behaviour, small things but I thought all the ...
A. 17 March 2006: Maybe just maybe everyone is reading to much into this. Maybe she didnt have any sort of physical affair wiht this guy and it was all a fantasy inside her head to escape from the pressure of living with a partner with clinical depression.
We ofte... (read in full...)
I've never been round his house, met his friends, or his family, and he won't tell me where he lives!
Q. I have been in a relationship with a guy for about 7 months. I have never been to his apartment. When we first started talking to each other, he told me that he had a bad experience with someone keying his car and was not ready to tell me where he ...
A. 17 March 2006: If I were you (which I am not) I would never have been half as patient as you are! I would have given him an ultimatum by now and I would have stuck to it.
If this makes you uncomfortable, and it should cos its really *odd* behaviour, I would tell... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's friends lead her astray
Q. Dear Cupid,
My name is Chris and i've been going out with my girlfriend for about 5 months or so, i think she is the one, in fact i know she is the one but i am a very jealous over-protective person. Since we've been going out i havent hung out ...
A. 17 March 2006: I think you both have a lot of growing up to do. You say you have dropped all your friends for your gf? That is slightly wierd, we all need more than one person to fulfill our needs and by putting pressure on your gf to behave the same way as you ... (read in full...)
How can I sneak over to my boyfriends house without my mom knowing?
Q. How can I sneak over to my boyfriends house without my mom knowing? ...
A. 17 March 2006: Dont do it. It is stupid and immature to do something that your Mum has forbidden you to do. ... (read in full...)
what is the best age to have one night stands?
Q. When I ask this I mean an age. What age is proper for sex like 1 night stands? I think 18. But my freinds seem to think differently....
A. 17 March 2006: There is no such thing as a proper age for one night stands. It depends on the person and thier own emotional maturity or beliefs... (read in full...)
My girlfriends 8 year old daughter isn't very happy with me!
Q. Hi iv recently begun a relationship with a woman who has an 8 year old daughter...the daughter is not happy about this as she has had her mothers attention for the last 6 years with no other interferance from any one else...conciquently she (the ...
A. 17 March 2006: This sounds like one lonely and horrifically insecure little girl. Her Mum and Da (the centre of her tiny world) have split up and all the security and love she took for granted has just gone out the window. Obviously she sees you as an outsider ... (read in full...)
Things seemed "back on track" but then she went from loving me to hating me in under 24hrs... (editor: long but worth it!)
Q. My girlfriend and I are both 31. We currently live 2 hours apart but see each other 3 days a week. I love my girlfriend so much but we are always arguing over silly things. It’s mostly because she isn’t very good at compromise and I can be stu...
A. 17 March 2006: Thanks Irish. I must say I picked up on it because I HAVE been that person. It's unhealthy feeling like you can never *give in*! Still ahve some of the personality traits now (lol) Thats why I fully sympathise with the poor guy. It all gets so ... (read in full...)
Sex, sex, sex. Sex. Sexsex. That's all he wants to talk about, and I'm SICK of it!
Q. I have a problem My boyfriend and I have been together 2 months. He seems to have a very high sex drive. We haven't had sex yet as i want to wait, but my problem is, i want to talk about things in our relationship and how much i love him and thi...
A. 17 March 2006: He is probably telling you he loves you in order to get sex!! If you dont love him, or even if you do, but still dont feel ready for sex then lose this guy. Sexual incompatability causes many good relationships to flounder and this guy and you ... (read in full...)
My husband and girlfriend are extremely close. Is this normal?
Q. My girlfriend spends a lot of time on the phone with my husband and at my house with my husband when I'm not home. I know they discuss her bad marriage and sex. I told both of them I'm upset and want it to stop. Now they're upset with me and ...
A. 16 March 2006: This should be stopped now. It is a slef fulfilling prophecey and I think something will happen if you dont put your foot down. Why does she need to discuss this stuff with you husband and not you? You are her friend!
Tell him that it stops and ... (read in full...)
Things seemed "back on track" but then she went from loving me to hating me in under 24hrs... (editor: long but worth it!)
Q. My girlfriend and I are both 31. We currently live 2 hours apart but see each other 3 days a week. I love my girlfriend so much but we are always arguing over silly things. It’s mostly because she isn’t very good at compromise and I can be stu...
A. 16 March 2006: I am jsut going to go over what you have said in my own words and then see if maybe I can offer you an opinion as to were I see you and her are going wrong.
You live apart and you see each other 3 days a week. During this time she gets to do all ... (read in full...)
She claims never to have "flicked the bean"... Is this normal!?
Q. I have a question that I'm appealing to the women to help me with. My wife of 20 years, claims she has never masturbated. Not once in her life. Is this on the extreme end of normal/common? I have a hard time imagining that. I'm not saying it's ...
A. 16 March 2006: It is each to their own. Why would she lie? Why would you doubt her?... (read in full...)
My husband and his friend are inseperable!
Q. how do i tell my husband that he spends too much time with a male friend and this friend is always here as soon as my husband opens his eyes until he walks back in the door again. they also work together. i would be grateful if you could tell me how ...
A. 16 March 2006: If his friendship actively interferes with your relationship you need to ask him to atlk to you and befroe you begin to talk ask him to actually LISTEN to what you have to say without getting defensive.
If you are just having problems with him need... (read in full...)
He's taking his time to propose - should I ask him?
Q. I want to know if I should propose to my current partner. We have been together for just over a year and get on so good. We have talked about marriage and kids and have decided we want both but he's taking his time to propose. He tells me he loves ...
A. 16 March 2006: Wait...... maybe he has plans.
But if nothing has happened in another six months then go for it and ask.... (read in full...)
Not a word of a lie: my sex life has been the nearest thing possible to necrophilia with both parties still breathing!
Q. I have been married for more years than I care to remember or let you know but, as far as sex is concerned, I am afraid of my wife. Even as far back as our honeymoon, we would only have sex 2/3 times a week and never in the 11 days a month she used ...
A. 16 March 2006: You sound like an angry man. You also sound as if you acn be a little abusive and demanding if you dont get your own way.
Go back and re-read your letter.
Now tell me, were do your wife's wants and needs fit into this? All you say is *I want* an... (read in full...)
I don't like his jokes, and he doesn't like my assumptions. How can we clear things up?
Q. Hello. I'm 17 and I like this guy who is 19. We both like each other, but lately we've been having problems and a lot of arguments. I just found out what our problem was. He was making a lot asshole-y jokes because I was assuming about him too much. ...
A. 16 March 2006: You want my real opinion? I thnk you both need to grow up. You are both as bad as each other and now you are locked into a dwonward spiral of verbal *abuse*, one-upmanship and resentment. But unfortunately it will take two of you to get out of ... (read in full...)
Cesarean or natural pregnancy experiences wanted!
Q. Hi, I am 6 months pregnant and may need to have a c-section to deliver my baby. I am wanting other womans opinions on their experiences with both c-section and natural births. Thanks for any help you can give me....
A. 16 March 2006: I would just like to add that, if this is your first birth then do not panic reading about the previous replies. It is absolutely normal to be scared but I also feel your should be fully informed about your choices. You do not say why you may need ... (read in full...)
We clicked so well, but my parents didn't want that!
Q. I'm 22. I come from a 'well to do' family. I met a girl who had similar likes and dislikes to me. Seen her for about 3 months, we really clicked, never felt this before. Then i told my parents about her. They said don't see her, because she not ...
A. 16 March 2006: The apron strings to your family have to be cut sometime and if you fancy spending time with this girl then make your choice and go ahead and do it. You are not going to spend the rest of your life living by your parents standards and rules so make ... (read in full...)
Cesarean or natural pregnancy experiences wanted!
Q. Hi, I am 6 months pregnant and may need to have a c-section to deliver my baby. I am wanting other womans opinions on their experiences with both c-section and natural births. Thanks for any help you can give me....
A. 14 March 2006: I had a difficult pregnancy and had placenta praevia grade 2. As a result I had to have a c-section. But because I have worked as a theatre nurse I chose to have it under general anaesthetic which is an option but only if you are prepared to push ... (read in full...)
Don't mind him look at porn so much as his lying about it (and the online dating)...
Q. Okay I just want to get some other imput from you guys here. My problem is the my husband looks at porn and lies about it. I do not have aproblem with him looking at the porn and have told him this. I just ask for him not to have porn downladed ...
A. 13 March 2006: If he ahsnt been unfaithful it would appear that it will only be a matter of time before he is. He is linig up new women on the web and you the faithful stay at home wifey can just tolerate it.
I am wiht mystify on this!! Get rid of him!!
I... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is jealous and clingy and she won't let me go anywhere without her...
Q. My girlfriend is so clingy I can't do anything without her, and when I say I want to go out she cries. So I stay in cos I feel bad. She is also very very very jelous and even deletes my mates' (that are girls) mobile numbers. What do I do?...
A. 13 March 2006: Overly clingy and jealous to the piont were you are not allowed female friends? Lose her and all the baggage that goes with her and move on. Find someone with a more balanced personality and get yourself a life sweetie.
xx... (read in full...)
Is his behaviour a sign of an abusive personality?
Q. Hello, I am currently in a long term relationship, and although I love my boyfriend very much, there seems to be a lot of stress involved. He can very difficult to deal with sometimes, and I can't figure out whether he has signs of an abusive ...
A. 13 March 2006: His encouraging you to *do your own thing* is a sign of a healthy non-threatened or jealous individual who gives the appearance of wanting the best for you. The checking in could be construed as his wanting to know that you are safe.
BUT,
I thi... (read in full...)
We met 5 years ago and he says he still loves me.....but he's also married!!
Q. hi, its hard for me to forget what my boyfriend did to me. I fell in love with him 5 years ago, we met at work. he claims he loves me too. even though he is married, no kids. since he left for overseas, it has been difficult for me. on one hand he ...
A. 8 March 2006: This is classic *having your cake and eating it*. Dont go there, he is not yours to love. IF and that is a big IF, he was free you could go for it. But he is married to his wife and he choses not to divorce her to be with you. Can you not see ... (read in full...)
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