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female
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*umdrops
writes: Okay I just want to get some other imput from you guys here. My problem is the my husband looks at porn and lies about it. I do not have aproblem with him looking at the porn and have told him this. I just ask for him not to have porn downladed on our computer and if looks at porn, to be open about, i.e not deleting internet history or e-mails and such. I recently found out that he has signed up with a teen ponrn forum and is once again trying to cover it up from me. Part of the problem is a have a trust issue with my husband because I also in found out a few months ago that, along trying to hide the porn, that he had signed up for online dating services looking for a fling. I have gone to counseling by myself and with him, but it was not helpful, so please do not suggest this as an option. Pretty much all I want from my husband is honesty and I just need to know how to get this across to him. Any suggestions? Thanks.
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (14 March 2006):
 hi ,after reading your follow up i am still a little worried, at the end of the day it is down to you as to wether you make a go of your marriage so i wont keep saying to leave him , but i did want to leave you withthis thought, if you are only staying with him for the kids it might not work out for the best , if you have boys do you want them to grow up thinking tat it is ok for a man to treat women like this? , if you have girls do you want them to grow up thinking that as a woma she deserves no better and that a woman has to put up with it ?
kids are very perceptive and as parents you play a big part in shaping thier future. i come from divorced parents and although things could of been better at times i gained a huge relief when they split up as i couldnt stand the tension and unhapiness between them.
and on top of this they are going to grow up and leave the nest and start familys and lives of their own, and you will be left with nothing more than a ruined marriage, that is if he hasnt left you for one of his flings.
these are harsh words but you are in a harsh situation and i think sometimes if you put number one first then everything else willbe all the brighter for it .
i really hope you find happiness x
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (13 March 2006):
 If he ahsnt been unfaithful it would appear that it will only be a matter of time before he is. He is linig up new women on the web and you the faithful stay at home wifey can just tolerate it.
I am wiht mystify on this!! Get rid of him!!
If that wasnt clear enuff......GET RID OF HIM NOW!!!!
Do it b4 the guy takes your dignity and self-esteem and all that you hold dear and washes down the toilet. You are worth so much more. It is not just porn it is the fact this guy is lying repeatedly and treating you like you are completely stupid. Dont be a doormat DO get your life back.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, gumdrops +, writes (13 March 2006):
gumdrops is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply mystify. Your answer is all things I have told myself. I'm sure that I would have left if it wasn't for our kids and I guess that is why I am trying so hard to try to save our relationship. I appreciate the advice.
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A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (13 March 2006):
my god girl! leave him! dont let yourself be his doormat anymore, this isnt a happening relationship!
as regards to the honesty your after, i think you will only find with a differant man, sorry if this isnt what you want to hear , but i dont think anyone who takes things that far is going to be willing to change!
if you tell him all you want is honesty are you going to forgive him for having an affair just because he was honest enough to tell you?!
go out,really work on building up your confidence, and leave him.
if you do one day you are careful will find someone who treats you better and you will be happy you left.
i mean it wasnt even as if he met someone , sparks flew and he couldnt resist, he actualy went out looking for this!
i wish you all the best x
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