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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship with a guy for about 7 months. I have never been to his apartment. When we first started talking to each other, he told me that he had a bad experience with someone keying his car and was not ready to tell me where he lived. He told me that he did not have a close relationship with his family and does not see them often. Father is dead;mom has alzheimer's and is in a nursing home. He doesn't have any children. I have never met any family members or friends. I begin to think he was married. I asked him point blank if he was and he told me no. We do go out places together. He comes to my house and has stayed several days/nights at a time. I talk with him on the phone when he is at home all times of day and night. Most of the time he has me on speakerphone and I can hear him walking around in his apartment and talking to me in a normal voice. Through some research I found out where he lives. About two months ago, I told him that I knew. He will not confirm that it is his address and still has not invited me to his place. I had to pick him up once and he met me at a store that was close by. I do love this guy and I know that he loves me too, but I don't understand this. He is a great guy. We have good conversations and a lot of fun together. Sometimes I feel like I am being foolish and that he is not as serious about me as I am about him. This causes problems in our relationship. He assures me that I am the only person he is with. To him this should not be a problem. Should I keep pushing this and risk the relationship or should I just keep waiting until he is ready to invite me over? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (17 March 2006):
 If I were you (which I am not) I would never have been half as patient as you are! I would have given him an ultimatum by now and I would have stuck to it.
If this makes you uncomfortable, and it should cos its really *odd* behaviour, I would tell him this evasive behaviour stops now. Tell him after this many months you want to let into his life properly or you are gone. And you need to stick to it.
I suggest you start now by stopping him staying at yours also, because that is his cope out.
Good luck xx
A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (17 March 2006):
 I'm having to agree with everyone else here, this guy is weird!
I would have to find out more about him, its just not normal to be with someone for 7 months and be completly excluded from his personal life. What does he think, that you are some sort of bunny boiler who might start stalking him if you knew where he lived?
Are you completly sure he doesn't live with anyone else?
Stop him staying at yours, tell him you need to feel trusted and if he doesn't change, get out of the relationship, he sounds dodgy to me.
Take care.x
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (14 March 2006):
 this is not right.
(a) it shows no trust in you or respect
(b) its making you suspicious and harming the relationship
(c) it is not fair that he is always at your place - just from a financial view - ie. water bill, grocceries etc
(d) it is just simply strange.
I would talk to him and tell him that you don't feel trusted by him and you want to know more about his life, his family etc.
I would also consider stoping him sleeping at your place - its not fair and it is letting him off the hook.
On a personal note, I really don't get a good gut feeling about his story. This is just a personal view but I think the whole story seems a bit suss and I would consider using alternative methods to try and find out about his life. You say you found his address - have you driven past it by any chance? Seen it?
However, firstly I would talk to him, explain that you feel like you are on the outskirts of his life and you want to know more about him.
If he doesn't open up and you aren't interested in finding other ways to find out about him, I would consider walking away. This seems all very odd and I would be very concerned.
Please take care.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (13 March 2006):
 Mmmmmm....I can't think of any reason he would want to keep his address Secret after 7 months. I mean its one thing to live in a realllllly ratty place your ashamed of...its another to just expect your girlfriend to save you the trouble and always provide the place for sex. He either has other girlfriends and does them all this way so nobody runs into each other, he's an axe murderer and does not want you to smell the bodies or he's just some kind of freak who does not want your germs in his home......Any way you look at it...I would be soooooo done with him.
He wants you to be Naked in front of him.....but fears that you can't handle the responsibility of Knowing where he lives.....Ewwwwwwwwwe!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2006): Something is not right here. You need TRUST in a relationship, what is he hiding?. Actually, I would be suspicious if I were you. Don't let him stay in YOUR house anymore. In fact, move on from this relationship, this guy seems weird.7 months is long enough to get to know someone and he should be trusting you by now. What a jerk!!!!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 March 2006):
 I can't think of a good readon why he keeps you from his house. If he's not married, he's strange. Come on, this does not make sense. If something is tha wrong at his home, he should tell you. If he doesn't tell you, he's hiding something. That's not a good way to conduct a relationship. Why do you let him stay at your house? You're letting him off the hook.
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