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male
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*hredordie
writes: This is driving me crazy! My ex wants to remain friends (I want more than that but will settle for now if that's the only way I can keep her in my life) but says she is either too busy to hang with me or blows me off to hang with her rebound guy. I've also asked her if she thinks she'll be unavailable for a while and similar questions and the answer is never YES... it's always something like "quite possibly." What does this mean? What do I do? Very Frustrated Exboyfriend / Still in Love
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2006): No, there is another perpective. You don't say why she split with you but as someone who is leaving her husband, it is not all about losing ALL your feelings. I am in a dilemma between caring about the person I am leaving, yet not being 'in love' to stay. It can be just as confusing about being the person who is doing the leaving becasue you have guilt, some of the love left, caring, yet you know you cannot live with that person for life. If you cut them off it seems cruel, yet kind in that you don't leave any false hope. None of us have a crystal ball to see what the future holds, so sometimes maybe is all we have. It is not always about control and being devious.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (18 March 2006):
 remove yourself from this toxic situation. I think she wants to control your behaviour and she can do that by having you around. You can sort of predict that the minute you find someone you love instead of her she will want you back.x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2006): Well, it means she doesn't hate you. If my password was anything related to my ex, it would make me cringe to type it in, and I would've made it a point to change it.
Typing in a password is habitual, so she's used to typing in those numbers. But those numbers do have meaning, and she doesn't mind continuing to use them. So if she's not trying hard to shut you out of her mind, then she probably still has some fond memories.
I know you want her back bad, and you're looking for any clues you can to find out if she'll feel the same for you. It's o.k. to feel this way, and keep hopeful, just don't let her be aware of this.
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male
reader, shredordie +, writes (17 March 2006):
shredordie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everybody for your responses, they are a big help and much appreciated. I was wondering if this means anything. My ex used our anniversary as her password for some online stuff, like email, etc. I was curious the other day and checked to see if she was still using them. She is! Does this mean anything? Probably not I guess ...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006): She might have said that she wanted to remain friends with you as a nice gesture. However, it doesn't seem as though she wants friendship or any other contact with you for that matter. She keeps you hanging by not being clear, but I think her actions are pretty clear.
Keep your distance from her. Don't let her know that you'll always be waiting in case she decides to be with you. She'll never see you're worth if you do. If she realizes what you mean to her, it'll be when you're gone. At that point she may have regrets and come running, and then what happens next will be up to you.
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female
reader, smeedle +, writes (17 March 2006):
 Good advice from other agony aunts so I will just add that you should cut all ties with this woman and not let her play with your head and heart as that is all she is doing.
Keep your self respect and dont let her treat you in this way, you will with time get over her and move on.
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (17 March 2006):
 I would consider, and very seriously considering cutting back all your contact with this girl and allow yourself some time to heal and get over the relationship.
Exes can be very cruel and keep people on the backberner in case
(a) single life wasn't what it cracked up to be
(b) they get lonely
(c) perhaps a plan with another person might not work out
(d) other plans - overseas travel, job opportunity etc, fall through
All of these reasons in my opinion are unacceptable. You either break up or don't break up - you don't sorta break up when its convinient but keep people hanging as a back up.
You are too loyal and too kind to this girl. You are too good for her.
I think you should tell her that you enjoy spending time with her but in the meantime you need to be alone and get on with your life and meeting new people and moving on. Perhaps in the future, you may be able to be good friends but for the moment you need time and space.
Don't let her treat you like this, you need to get out there and find a lovely girl who wants to be with you and no one else, some girl who respects and cares about you.
Good luck. I know cutting off contact is hard but if you continue to be there whenever she wants, you will never move on and meet someone who is more deserving of you.
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (17 March 2006):
 Sounds like she's keeping you hanging in case she should ever be in a position to use you, she knows how you feel about her and knows you would have her back in a second.
You say you have remained friends, but would you be interested in a friend that never had any time for you if it was not her? She's trampling all over your feelings and you know what, you're letting her!
You could continue to live in hope, but I would get her out of your life once and for all and go on and find someone who will not treat you this way.
Find someone who will love you back, you deserve that.
Don't waste anymore time on her, life is too short.
I wish you luck and love!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2006): I'm gonna be honest with you.I think this girl is playing you for a fool i mean, seriously. She obviously can't make her mind up about what she wants from you so she's deciding to string you along in the process while she figures out what to do.It's called "mind games" she wants to keep you guessing all the time. This is certainly not fair on you. She can see how much you love her and she's playing on it, by going off with other guys and treating you like she does. I was in exactly the same situation a year ago, except i'm female so it was my b/f. I decided that it was best to move on, as it was doing nothing for my self esteem and i just couldn't cope with it. This girl will drag you down if you keep on allowing her to.Move on, i know it's hard but cut off contact with her and make her realise she can't treat you this way. You never know, she could realise how much she actually loves you and come running back, then again she may not.But if she dosen't, at least you know then how she REALLY does feel and you'll be proud that you didn't continue to let her use you.You will be the winner in the end, because you will come out of this a stronger person than before.Good Luck and take care
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