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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello. I'm 17 and I like this guy who is 19. We both like each other, but lately we've been having problems and a lot of arguments. I just found out what our problem was. He was making a lot asshole-y jokes because I was assuming about him too much. Reason I assume is because he's been asshole-y towards me. Vice versa and vice versa. I just want to know how can we stop all this, him stop being an asshole and me stop assuming so much, equally together? I'm not sure where to start because I've tried talking to him about it and he said,"That's what you always say, yet you still do it." The problem is whenever I stop assuming he still goes on with the jokes at times. I just want to stop this all together. I don't know where to start. Please help, thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (16 March 2006):
 You want my real opinion? I thnk you both need to grow up. You are both as bad as each other and now you are locked into a dwonward spiral of verbal *abuse*, one-upmanship and resentment. But unfortunately it will take two of you to get out of this spiral, and it won't be at all easy. In fact it will be nigh on impossible if he wont help you trying to solve this.
If your were an older couple I would suggest mediation, but it seems silly in your case. Try again to talk to him and dont just air your views, LISTEN to what he has to say as well. And I dont just mean half-listen with one ear, busily formulating your reply before he has even finished what he is saying. I mean LISTEN!!! You make assumptions on his behaviour, but remember this, they are only assumptions and nothing is ever written in stone until it has actually happened.
If he doesnt meet you half way I think for your own sanity you will need to abandon this friendship.
Sorry, but thats just my opinion.
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