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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi,I am a 32-year-old woman and my husband is 35.We've been married 8 years.Recently my husband has been off on trips with a male friend of his - who I've never met in person, or even spoken to on the phone. If he's not golfing in Manchester, he's sailing on the South Coast with him.All I know about the man is that he's 30, works in IT and childless.It's been going on for three years now, and I'm so embarrassed that I tell friends he's visiting his mother.What can I do?KarlaJoanne Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006): That's a tough one. To me, man or women, he is cheating. He is cheating you out on Quality Time. He is lying to you by not giving any information about his activity pal. What is left of your relationship? (If all else fails) I would start to do for myself and children if you have any, and start living your own life. Build your life and when you are ready leave him. It is tough to do but its tough going through what you want and need from him. When you are ready tell him in a calm, cool and collective voice, even though it hurts and you want screen etc don't. Tell him you're leaving because you feel someone has been let in to your marriage. If he loves you (he) you will do you (she) right and change things. Tell him do not contact you until he is ready to change. But be advice, he may not come back meaning he hasn't been yours for those years. Better to move on now that you are still young then settle for less and continue to live the way you have. If you’ve been trying to get him to stop and you haven't the last couple of years what makes you think he will in the present and future UNLESS you take a stand and leave no matter the consequences. BE STRONG, START LOVING YOURSELF!
A
female
reader, PrunellaGringepith +, writes (28 March 2006):
 Sounding suspiciously Brokeback Mountain to me...
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (27 March 2006):
 In that case you ahve a decision to make about your future. I think your husband is *playing* you and I think that 'Jason' is either a bloke he is having an affair with, or a psuedonym for a woman he is having an affair with.
The problem you have now is deciding if you want to be with a guy who has such little respect for you. And how you are going to move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2006): I asked my husband if I could meet him, but he said no, and that I have no right to meet 'Jason' (whether that's his real name, I've no idea)
KarlaJoanne
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (26 March 2006):
Ask to meet this man. You have the right you are his wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): He's now gone off golfing in Suffolk with him again....
KarlaJoanne
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): HI, well in my opinion i think you should talk to your husband about your situation and how you feel, it's normal for people to have friends but you have to spend only the time needed with them since you have other priorities such as yourself (wife) family, and work. Also i don't think its a good thing to lie for that matter just speak with you husband about how you feel and let him know you have to lie when friends come by.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (22 March 2006):
Tell him you want to meet him and gauge his reaction.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2006): I know it's a male because I've heard him speaking to this male friend on the phone suggesting activities like golf, sailing, windsurfing - all very masculine activities, so it does not seem like he's having an affair - and the voice on the other end was definitely male. He's never looked at any other women since we got married. Yet he denies ever speaking to one
I've tried asking him why, but to no avail. One of my friends said that it seems very Brokeback Mountain for him to go off with a male friend like this and never say why he's disappeared, just where he's going. Are they right??.
What should I do?
KarlaJoanne
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (22 March 2006):
Have you told your husband that you find this uncomfortable? How did you husband meet this guy?
My husband has a friend he knows thru work and I have never met him. Bt because he stays away regularly as part of his job and they are in the same parts of the country they regularly meet up and stay in the same hotel.....and yes I have never spoken to this guy either.
If you dont like it, then you have to confront your husband and tell him you want to meet this person or he just aint going! If he doesnt comply and introduce you then chances are you just know that he has something to hide. And THAT is when you may have to make some serious decisions about your future.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (22 March 2006):
 I'm sorry to have to break this to you but in all honesty your husband's male friend is a woman. And he's not playing golf in Manchester or sailing in the South, but snuggled up in a little, initimate hotel in the lake district making love to his mistress for the weekend.
And I think that in your heart, if you're honest, you know this to be true, too.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (21 March 2006):
 I find it very strange that you have never met your husbands friend,who he has known for 3 years.....why has he hidden him up?...Have you ever asked your husband why you and his pal havent been introduced?...does he exist at all? Im suspicious because you know so little about him.Another thing is....he doesnt include you in his fancy trips,he would rather go with his male friend.I think you need a heart to heart chat with your husband because now you have to lie to everyone that he is visiting his mother....how long has that got to go on for? Why dont you ask your husband to invite his friend round?.....if he acts funny and trys to make excuses up then im afraid there is something not quite right.Is your husband trying to act single again?....is it a lady friend instead of a man friend? Iv got to ask this because your husband isnt being fair to you,marriage after all is about sharing,having no secrets and trust.Please talk to your husband again,but this time with more answers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2006): Have you tried talking with your husband about this? I think this is a good first step.
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