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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for going on 2 years now but have known him for 5 years. I am ready for a child. I feel it's the only thing that will keep me happy and may even make me more responsible. However he doesn't want to have a child right now and he won't even talk about it with me. What do I do? I only want to be happy!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2006): How about getting married first, you want a child and arn't married. Do u want to use it as leverage to make him like u more and eventually marry u. It should be the other way around.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (19 March 2006):
 You dont say how old you are but form this question I feel you may be in your late teens early twenties....not hat this has much bearing on how you feel! I feel for you as I can understand the longing you have when your biological clock starts to shout *I need a baby* but I think that you may be wanting this baby for the wrong reasons. Please bear with me and I will try to explain why. If you agree or disagree thats your perogative, but this is just my opinion :-)
YOU are ready for a child YOUR BF is not. That is the quickest way to blow any relationship clean out of the water. He is not ready and if you force him into doing something that he doesnt want or feel the need for right now he will resent you and/or leave. You will end up raising a child on your own and that is not fair to any of you Mum, Dad or Baby.
Children should not be brought into the world as a form of anti-depressant *to make you happy*. They are not sticking plasters to place over an inherent sadness. Neither is the reasoning that *it may make me more responsible*. A child is not a puppy or a toy (not that I am accusing you of thinking like that) but they cannot be used to make a relationship better if the realtionship is on the skids or is getting boring.
Your BF probably doesnt want to talk to you about it because you are doing all the talking as you seem slightly fixated on this idea. I would bet any amount of money you dont LISTEN to his reasons why he doesnt feel ready for a child yet! I think you may be so wound up in what you WANT and NEED that you dont really pay attention to what he is saying, seeing him only as somebody who is standing in the way of YOUR dreams. Or somebody you need to convince.
Lay off the pressure, sit back and enjoy the ride. Maybe in another year he will be willing to talk to you about it. But you will lose him for certain if you continue to presurise him into something he doesnt feel ready for yet. That is not fair.
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