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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Is there any way out of this clash of values and attitudes? She wants to stop having sex until the wedding day (no date set for wedding yet)
Q. Hello, This is a bit long-winded but I hope you enjoy the ride. It's certainly been interesting for me. The backstory: I'm a 33 y/o professional traveling musician from the states. Three years ago I met a lovely 33 y/o girl in Germany ...
A. 5 April 2013: OP what's important to you the WEDDING or the MARRIAGE?
You have asked for a date and she's refusing.
You say you can't do it quickly so your family can be there.
I say do it without your family (the marriage)
and have the weddin... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and my husband is distant. Is this just a lull in the relationship?
Q. I've posted this problem before, and I'm not sure what to do. My husband and I are pregnant with our first child (6 months now), and I feel like we're growing apart. We both were very active together before pregnancy, and I still am to my abiliti...
A. 5 April 2013: I'm afraid for you OP that he may have the "Madonna-Whore Complex" and be aware that this may be an issue for him and there won't be much you can do to fix it, he will need to work on it himself if he has issues with it.
You will have NO... (read in full...)
He's taking things slow, tooo slow!
Q. Hi, am 21 years old and I met a 40 year old man 2months ago, he told me that he was interested in me so we exchanged numbers. Since then we met only twice but he communicates with me everyday. We never have serious conversations, he always asks how ...
A. 5 April 2013: OP we are giving you advice, it’s just not the advice you want to hear. That seems to be the trend this week (there’s usually a weekly trend around here, this week it seems to be that we aunts are not being supportive of relationships and giving ... (read in full...)
Is there any way out of this clash of values and attitudes? She wants to stop having sex until the wedding day (no date set for wedding yet)
Q. Hello, This is a bit long-winded but I hope you enjoy the ride. It's certainly been interesting for me. The backstory: I'm a 33 y/o professional traveling musician from the states. Three years ago I met a lovely 33 y/o girl in Germany ...
A. 4 April 2013: well I sense a couple of problems.
problem 1 is easily solved... get married ASAP... even if you go to the route of a quick legal civil marriage (of course she could say she wants to be married in the eyes of the church in which case... rush it ... (read in full...)
Why is he embarrassed by me? Does he like me?
Q. how can i determine if this guy likes me or simply gets embarassed by me ??? bcoz he doesnt really know alot about me its hard to tell, all i know is he makes me very self-conscious when im around him bcoz he always blushes??? ...
A. 4 April 2013: maybe he has a disorder that makes him blush
are you asking because you like him and want to go out with him? then ask him.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend got me a job where he works but tells me I am not to acknowledge him in any way
Q. Dear Cupid I was in a layoff situation, and my bf (of 3 years) told me he can find some position in his company and he did and i got a job there through his recommandation. His work collegues does not know im his gf which is fine with me. Bu...
A. 4 April 2013: I got my ex husband a job where I work... he doesn't want anyone to know he's my ex and has asked me not to tell them.
It makes no sense to me either but I respect it.
I can see him not wanting PDA and such... but to totally ignore you at wo... (read in full...)
After 3 years he still introduces me as a friend?
Q. Three years dating and I'm still introduced as a "friend." Hurt like hell but I'm stupid. He's a sweet guy in other ways, we get along SO well, he cares for me and it's obvious in how he helps me and soothes me when I'm down. People say he's in love ...
A. 4 April 2013: You would end a three year relationship that is going well where you are treated properly over a WORD?
Have you told him you are going to start dating others because he CALLS you friend but treats you as gf?
you are willing to walk away rat... (read in full...)
I want to show him I've changed. Shall I write him a letter telling him how sorry I am and how I've changed and see him face to face?
Q. Hi my boyfriend and I were together for three years but he finished with me six months ago after we kept going on breaks and I kept on finishing with him. We had a really good relationship but we both got stuck in a rut. I lost my job and had bill...
A. 4 April 2013: There is no such thing as a really good relationship that keeps going on breaks and gets stuck in a rut. They are mutually exclusive.
now you have a job (who knows how long that will last) and you've lost weight (again who knows how long tha... (read in full...)
I'm scared he's just using me till he sorts himself out and goes back to his ex!
Q. sorry this is pretty long but i'd love for someone to give me their thoughts on this. I have started seeing a guy who I really like but I have a feeling he is still really into his ex. He's been straight with me and told me from the be...
A. 4 April 2013: He has told you that you won’t have a relationship with him and he’s not ready for a commitment. Saying “I don’t know what will happen but I’m not ready for a commitment now” is the same as saying.. “I’m using you for fun and games”
you... (read in full...)
Our marriage is like brother and sister because he has ed and doesn't want to play in bed!
Q. Hi been with husband 23 years and he has ed and doese not want to play in bed or try because he say he get upset ecause it wont stay hard and it makes it hard for hin to breather/and yes he is going to a heart doctor to find out if he needs ...
A. 4 April 2013: He has a heart condition and can't breathe when he gets aroused. He may need heart surgery.
OMG you want him to satisfy YOU in bed while he's worried he may DIE doing it?
Do you really think that the only thing after 23 years a marriage is ... (read in full...)
My ex wants me to apologize to his mother for raising my voice to her. Why should I?
Q. my ex have a woman while he was with me. i asked him about he said nothing. i ask him about our relationship he said nothing. i found out and keeping to my self, he have made attempt to pull me in back after the two days i found out. i didn't b...
A. 4 April 2013: If there are no children with this ex and he does not owe you large sums of money and you have no legal ties to him
I'd go no contact with him and his family
you owe an EX nothing.
... (read in full...)
Why am I fantasising about this other guy, who isn't even my type?
Q. Hello, I have a boyfriend of nearly four years who i love. At the moment we are in a long distance relationship but can see each other rougly once a month (our jobs are long hours and mixed shifts) so its hard to see each other, but we call each...
A. 4 April 2013: Because you miss your boyfriend and a new face is exciting and you are human.
to be honest even if you were living with the boyfriend a new face is exciting and you are human and you might get a crush and have hot fantasies about the new guy.
... (read in full...)
What did he mean by that finger in my mouth?
Q. I have a Best Friend. We are really very good Friends. Before some days,i was a bit upset,and he was trying to console me. We were talking a lil bit flirty. He said like my soft stomach and started playing with it, rubbing with great care..Th...
A. 4 April 2013: You want to be friends. He wants sex. Rule 1 DO NOT LET HIM TOUCH YOU AT ALL. NO HUGS, no fingers in your mouth, no touching your stomach.
It does not matter if he was aroused. You don’t’ want more than friends with him he wants sex (clearly... (read in full...)
Trust issues? Should I try and find out why, or just forget it?
Q. Apologies in advance for this, but equally thank you for reading. I have asked questions on here before and was refreshed by the advice and answers I received. I'm not entirely sure what my question is, or if it can be put into just one question...
A. 4 April 2013: OP, by all means work with a trained counselor to deal with your issues. there is no crime in this. It's hard to work with someone to recover memories but it may not need what you need to do... you may need to find out how to move past your ... (read in full...)
Is it a mistake to become friends with a girl you like instead of making a move on her?
Q. Just a quick question. If you like this girl and you suspect she likes you back, you don't make a move for romance and instead become friends. Can that take away any feelings she might have had for me and does it ruin any chance I'd ever have to get ...
A. 4 April 2013: At YOUR age 2 years older and in uni vs at high school (I think you guys call it college) is a big gap to surmount.
so in the case of 16 in high school vs 18 in college, then yes just friends is the best way to go.
in a few years when you a... (read in full...)
Truly, was I just his back up girl ? Or was it all my fault ?
Q. Hi ! I met a guy online and dated him for a month. I thought he was serious because at our first date he asked me if I was talking to other people on the website. When I said no he said him either. Also he was asking me a lot about my future ...
A. 4 April 2013: I would vote for 3 months and you know if you are serious or not about the person you met online.
I think OP that you do need to relax a bit, I think that talking to others on a site is different from being active on a site.
... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend is asking me to send him pictures of my private bits. Why does he need them?
Q. Hello. I am a female in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend lives in another country. We still haven't med in person..but have communicated by email, telephone, text message and video and video messaging that he's sent me. This has been going ...
A. 4 April 2013: Hello, LDRs suck but they have some rules…
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-my-long-distance-relationship-worth-it.html
In addition to the above…. Do not send him any pictures you do not want your mom or dad or religious leader to know a... (read in full...)
I've got a feeling there's a potential crush on me, but she doesn't say anything
Q. Hi. I have met this beautiful girl at an art club, and we've been talking for a few weeks. She's a few months older than me, but, I feel quite comfortable with talking to her. Today, she tells me she that I'm quite adorable. Then, when she asks if...
A. 4 April 2013: Are you asking because you want to ask her out... if so do it.
are you asking because you don't want her to crush on you and ruin the friendship... if so then tell her "i'm not interested in any romantic relationships at this time"... (read in full...)
Should I ask if he still has a girlfriend?
Q. Hello Everyone, Around the every end of January, I met this guy on the train. We automatically hit it off, spoke, laughed, etc.Not to sound cheesy but it was almost as if there was some kind of magnetic force between us. As we got deeper into the ...
A. 4 April 2013: With my vast years of experience (a lovely way of saying I’m old) and having met a guy on a train and gone after him, and having had several boyfriends and husbands over the years and having a degree in Psych and understanding the languages of love ... (read in full...)
My dad thinks my boyfriend has stolen from us and is going to report things to the police tomorrow! How will I deal with this if he is guilty?
Q. My parents divorced some months ago. The night my mom left, my father checked the house for things that were missing (she took appliances and some stuff) and through his gold (a couple family rings, etc), and it was there. The next day, my boy...
A. 4 April 2013: my former step daughter had a "friend" she went to the bathroom and he walked into my bedroom and scooped up a handful of jewelery I had on the dresser. she never knew it and because she had such lousy taste in friends i no longer allowed her ... (read in full...)
I know it's not my business but I am worried for my friend. What should I do? He's back with his cheating ex.
Q. Hey all, I have a really good friend, let's call him “X” (male), who I have known for years. When he recently got a new girlfriend, I was so happy for him, until I found out what this girl was like. She didn't like me from the beginning and to...
A. 4 April 2013: all you can do is be his friend and keep your nose out of his business.
EVEN if he asks you, do NOT bad mouth his current (or recent) x partner as they may get back together.
... (read in full...)
Is my ex just playing me? He wants to tell me all about HIS problems with his future wife, and insists on personally delivering the alimony. How should I handle this?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles, ive talked to you all in the past a few times, and im having a problem. my ex still insists on bringing me my alimony, not mail me a check, or money order. he claims its easier and cheaper. i dont complain about it becau...
A. 4 April 2013: Is he paying ALIMONY? or CHILD SUPPORT?
why in the world if you are working and supporting yourself are you getting alimony? if there are bills he has to pay from when you were together... have them transferred to his name.
yes he does... (read in full...)
I feel like I can't have any successful relationships because of the guys female friends?
Q. Dear cupid. I need some advice and opinions on something that may sound stupid, but it's honestly how I am feeling. I feel like I can't have any successful relationships because of the guys' female friends. Basically, almost every relationship I h...
A. 4 April 2013: I think the fact that it happens with EVERY boy you date says something either about you or the boys you pick.
To be honest, long term friends do have more power and say over a new girlfriend. NOT an old established GF but you are not there ye... (read in full...)
I thought we were so good together! Why wasn't I good enough for him?
Q. A month ago my boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere. We had been dating for six months. I know that isn't the longest amount of time, but since the very first day we met, we were inseperable. We connected on every level, mentally, emotionally, ...
A. 4 April 2013: His leaving you was not your fault.
YOU did nothing wrong. YOU are enough. It's just that you are not what he wants. IT'S NOT PERSONAL. I know that's hard to understand.
I suggest the book "A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills. It's in paperba... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and my husband is distant. Is this just a lull in the relationship?
Q. I've posted this problem before, and I'm not sure what to do. My husband and I are pregnant with our first child (6 months now), and I feel like we're growing apart. We both were very active together before pregnancy, and I still am to my abiliti...
A. 4 April 2013: You've talked to him about this and he says it will get better but he does nothing to forward this along.
you are not happy and I will tell you right now when the baby comes it's not going to be better in terms of your happiness.
I am th... (read in full...)
He's taking things slow, tooo slow!
Q. Hi, am 21 years old and I met a 40 year old man 2months ago, he told me that he was interested in me so we exchanged numbers. Since then we met only twice but he communicates with me everyday. We never have serious conversations, he always asks how ...
A. 4 April 2013: You met this older secretive man about two months ago. He said he was interested and you exchanged numbers. Since then you have met him twice (average about once a month) but he contacts you daily with just casual chat. You want to have a ... (read in full...)
Why would he cheat if he is happy with his girlfriend?
Q. Me and an old time friend have slept together more than once weve have known each other for 12 years but problem is he has a girlfriend! I really like him a lot why would he cheat if he is happy with his girlfriend? Does he actually have real ...
A. 4 April 2013: “Why would he cheat if he’s happy with his girlfriend?”
The easy answer is usually the right one.. BECAUSE HE CAN. And he can because YOU allow it.
I think the bigger question OP needs to be “why do I think so little of myself that I al... (read in full...)
My husband abuses me. I love this man. what advice can you give me please?
Q. Have a problem with my husband... We have 2 children boy and the girl. When he’s drunk he will call me nasty names and sometimes beat me. I even slept at hospital twice. He says bad things to our daughter and tell my daughter you are not...
A. 4 April 2013: If you want to stay and be abused by this man that's fine but you are putting your children at risk for both physical and mental harm.
You are teaching your daughter that living with a drunk abusive man is acceptable. IT IS NOT.
IF you do n... (read in full...)
I don’t want to rule him out but then also don’t want to be walked all over
Q. I met a guy on a dating site and he seemed really genuine and sweet. After a week of talking, despite not being 100% on his picture, I agreed to meet with him for a drink because I thought we had a lot in common. We met and had a really lovely ...
A. 4 April 2013: to SageOldGuy:
if he met her once and did not know her number by heart how would borrowing a phone from a friend help?
OP I like that you are giving him ONE chance. But please do not let it happen again because once is a mistake TWO is a ... (read in full...)
I don’t want to rule him out but then also don’t want to be walked all over
Q. I met a guy on a dating site and he seemed really genuine and sweet. After a week of talking, despite not being 100% on his picture, I agreed to meet with him for a drink because I thought we had a lot in common. We met and had a really lovely ...
A. 3 April 2013: I'd give him ONE MORE CHANCE.. it's very possible he lost his phone.. this is why I insist we have landlines and write numbers down.... (read in full...)
BF hot and cold in the space of two weeks because of one night- what should I do?
Q. My bf is hot and cold with me and now he wants time "think and get his head straight" I have been in a relationship with my bf for a year now. We are long distance but spent the first 4 months together. At christmas he dumped me saying the dista...
A. 3 April 2013: seeing your update..
he asked to talk next week... the proper response should have been sure...
and let it go... instead you already made a decision and told him what you think...
... (read in full...)
Is he obsessed with me?
Q. I dated my ex bf for 4 years I was about to break up with him when I found out I was pregnant so I decided to stay to make it work. Well after our son was a month old he cheated on me with a 16 year old mind you he is almost 22. So i ended it 6 ...
A. 3 April 2013: block him on facebook
contact an attorney to set up child maintenance payments that you are not involved with and also supervised visitation that the court is supervising that takes YOU out of his parenting question totally.
DO it in that ord... (read in full...)
Our sex life ended 18 months ago and there are no signs of improvement, should I leave him?
Q. hi, ive been seeing my bf for nearly 3 years. firstly, we are both very healthy and have no problems sexually with being able to perform or participate in sex so we don't need to see doctors. sorry but I needed to say that so that nobody sugg...
A. 3 April 2013: Dear OP,
I like to respond line by line so I don’t miss anything. I also have not read what the other folks have written.
I will assume that your comment about not needing to determine your man’s urological health is accurate and that he does... (read in full...)
Because of my loose vagina my boyfriend thinks I have cheated on him! What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend has been complaining that my vagina is now lose and accuses me of cheating and I have never cheated on him. I'm so confused and hurt cause this has affected our relationship so badly what do I do pls. Secondly we've been having issues o...
A. 3 April 2013: Honey what kind of a boyfriend is he if he
a. accuses you of cheating
b. finds fault in all you do
c. screams at you all the time
d. makes you feel bad
e. is inconsistent with his behavior.
I'll tell you what kind of boyfriend he s... (read in full...)
My parents are offensive to my guy. How can I bridge the gap in our expectations for the future?
Q. This is a bit long and I apologize but I have an issue. Anyway, I'm 21, ending my junior year of college, and I've been dating this amazing, intelligent, humorous man (also 21) for a year and two months. Even though I'm only 21, I feel like I wo...
A. 3 April 2013: nothing you can do to make them like him the way you want.
Time may help. and that's it.
My mom started dating my dad at age 16
At age 19 they wanted to get married. My mother's parents were upset and did not like my dad and they refused ... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty that I haven't told my wife about the emotional affair
Q. I have been married for four and a half years. We have a two-year old. We have much in common, but when my wife gets upset and high strung (she is a self-described "uptight" person), she shuts down emotionally. While we were engaged, she would ...
A. 3 April 2013: You having an emotional affair was your bad call and not your now wife's fault at all. Own your behavior.
1. if you have no contact with the former EA partner and no chance of running into her and her "ratting you out" I would suck it up a... (read in full...)
Why doesn't he text first, has he gotten too used to me starting conversations each time?
Q. Im 20, he's 21. We have been speaking for just over 3 months now. But only been dating for just over a month. We both have an iPhone and a Blackberry so we find it easier to just speak over Blackberry Messenger. (I don't like texting, and I d...
A. 3 April 2013: going a few days without contact won't kill you.
stop being the one to start the messages in the morning if it bothers you so much.
having a relationship via online and texting when you can spend time together seems a bit like hiding to me.... (read in full...)
A dating question: Can it work when one person has a career and the other what they consider 'an everyday job'?
Q. Hi I've been single for 16 months now. I've had a few dates, a few casual flings and I'm ready for a serious relationship. I met a guy online a few weeks ago. He's 8 years younger than me, intelligent, funny and we get on really well. In fact I g...
A. 3 April 2013: I think it can work if all parties are on the same plate and feel the same way
8 years younger is not a huge issue for me especially once the players are all past 25 which is the case here.
I make nearly twice what my younger husband make... (read in full...)
I have always been conscious of how my vagina looks, and now my boyfriend has insulted the way it looks! How do I overcome this?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly a year now, we've had sex, taken part in oral sex on both parts. But the other day we had just had penetrative sex, so I was just led on the bed naked my legs slightly apart on my front, dozing slightly. ...
A. 3 April 2013: Ok so he has no filter. It's not an insult... it was a statement of fact to him.
I think you are blowing this way out of proportion.
just like women come in all shapes sizes and colors so do our genitalia. And so do men.
it's part o... (read in full...)
Confused by all the mixed messages from this girl
Q. Hello Cupid I am perusing a girl since February. we went out few times and hanged out. Well, when we talk in person she is showing she is interested yet when I text her, she seems otherwise. In person, we have fun and I make her laugh an...
A. 3 April 2013: texting is no way to have a relationship or friendship.
IF YOU WANT TO PURSUE HER then DO IT. you are not doing it with texting or whatsup.
Be an adult, pick up the phone CALL HER and ask her out.
that will tell you where you stand with... (read in full...)
Huge crush on this guy, but I'm nervous that he doesn't feel the same. What should I do?
Q. Hey everybody. I need some help. I really like this guy, and I feel like we hit it off, but I'm afraid that he's not into me. I met this guy 2 months ago, I was doing a research paper, and he approached me and asked what I was doing. Right away, we...
A. 3 April 2013: My first thought was ADHD too! (having it makes me more sensitive to how it impacts on our social lives)
you seem to be very black and white in your thinking
this signals a bad memory (maybe maybe not)
this is a sign of nervousness (ma... (read in full...)
BF hot and cold in the space of two weeks because of one night- what should I do?
Q. My bf is hot and cold with me and now he wants time "think and get his head straight" I have been in a relationship with my bf for a year now. We are long distance but spent the first 4 months together. At christmas he dumped me saying the dista...
A. 3 April 2013: I’m going to be blunt here. It’s the beginning of the end. You guys were together for four short months and then went LDR. He broke up with you at Christmas time due to the distance (and that’s actually a reasonable reason for ending a ... (read in full...)
My relationship isn't going well and he has befriended a new girl?
Q. Hey everyone! Me and my boyfriend have been with each other for just a little over 2 years now. We have had a great relationship and really love each other a lot. However, we have been having some problems lately and on top of that he has befriended ...
A. 3 April 2013: Ok let’s start with this… NO WOMAN can STEAL a MAN unless he WANTS to be stolen.
The problem is with ‘clueless’ guys is they have no clue they are being hit on and when they finally realize it they are so quick to back away from the girl going af... (read in full...)
Girlfriend fantasizes about intimacy with girls!
Q. My girlfriend has recently been fantasizing about having sex with other girls. She has told me that she never has been with another woman or even likes the idea. Then all of a sudden she is having all these fantasies about being intimate with other ...
A. 3 April 2013: I think Tisha is right... if you are the one that posted about being called by her ex's name by her grandma and thinking of leaving because of that, I think Therapy may be your best bet.
If your GF feels safe enough to talk about her fantasie... (read in full...)
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